All Comments on 'Daydream Believer: Consequences'

by Chagrined

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  • 234 Comments (Page 2)
Schwanze1Schwanze1over 6 years ago
Got

worse as it went. On the plus side I learned a new word - propinquity.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

Pathetic.........

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Terrible is probably too harsh

But maybe not. Too many things wrong with this one.

She had an affair because she could? Because she got angry at Mac over 10 years ago over something that was not under his control? And did feel guilty or remorse?

That's because she doesn't love him and she is an extremely selfish person. You don't betray a marriage when you love your spouse, especially for such a long time. So the rationalization that she loves him is plain BS. She is just an extremely selfish bitch.

Then she gets mad Mac asks about other guys. Seriously? You admit to an extremely long affair, the strong possibility that your husband is not the father of your youngest child, you started the whole thing because you were mad at your husband, and then you get angry for him asking how many other guys there were? Shouldn't that be the trigger of another very long affair?

And we don't get the idea that Mac is a robot in the build, but he certainly has little emotion during the big talk. I get not getting a divorce for financial reasons, but he just found out that more than 10 years of his life was based on a lie, his wife is a selfish bitch that has no remorse, and his son probably isn't his son. There would be months of self doubt, anger, depression, etc before he could calmly discuss the situation.

He should never be able to trust her again. Over 10 years and she never felt it was wrong? How can you just blindly accept what she has to say from that point forward.

Too many people think you can love your spouse and still do the worst thing possible to them. That is completely wrong. She knew it was wrong which is why she kept it from him, but she did it deliberately anyway, and wouldn't have ever stopped until she got caught.

If Mac forgets to take out the trash does that only justify a one night stand?

I understand this is a story. I also know that there are many people who think they can love their spouse and still do this kind of shit. If you think this is acceptable, get the divorce first and then go have your "fun". Don't destroy the life of the person you claim to love.

notredame43notredame43over 6 years ago
not good

she did it for 10 years because she could. leave at the very least. probably change birth certificate too isn't his kid shouldn't share his name

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago

Wow....did you stop sucking that cock long enough to write that wimp ending?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago

crap story

LoejtcLoejtcalmost 7 years ago

Awful ending.

First lets define Jeanne: a 10+ year cheat with her husband's best friend who when caught replies to her husband "it was great sex", "I liked It", "Because I could" and most significantly "I don't want the divorce. But I won't stay and be abused either." This is from a wife who perpetrated the most vile abuse of her marriage and her husband for over a decade!! It seems to me that the author had the intent of depicting this person as an egocentric bitch who is ambivalent about the pain, humiliation, and betrayal that she has caused to both her husband "who she professes to love" and her lover whose second and apparently successful marriage she destroyed.

Her husband appears to have an overriding concern for his children and that is what drives his decision. I can accept that. What loving father would want to leave his children in the custody of such a woman? Rest assured that in a divorce she would get the kids, house and child support. He would be pained as a violent sociopath for the injuries he caused to her and her lover. He loses.

What's his leverage? Divorce for infidelity? Can he prove that the affair lasted 10 years? NO. All the kids are his. Even testimony from the lovers ex wife without evidence is useless. All Steve and Jeanne have to do is deny it and make him prove the allegation. Plus if he does divorce her guess who becomes her full time fuck buddy, good old Uncle Stevie.

So how about a post nuptial agreement to include:

The first priority is that they agree to provide their best efforts at being parents to the children until the youngest is 18. So in public they will continue to act as a loving couple. In private they retain separate bedrooms and marital relations are not required by either party.

Secondly, Mac is provided a 10 year term during which the marital fidelity requirement is waived so he has the opportunity to seek a second wife with the same privileges that her lover enjoyed. He will be allowed one weekend a month to seek this mate and his activities can not be questioned or investigated by his spouse. Any extra marital contacts must remain outside the home.

Whether Mac actually engages in outside sex is less important than that she thinks he is. Let her find out what infidelity really feels like. After all it's just sex!

Third, the marital income will be divided by wage earner. Each would have their own checking accounts, etc. A joint account to pay bills would be established and they would equally contribute to joint expenses e.g. mortgage, taxes, food, etc.

They would agree to give up any claim to each others retirement, SS, savings, other investments, etc.

Upon sale of the house any profit would be divided equally.

Educational expenses including college costs for all the kids would be divided equally.

Basically, Mac gets a equitable divorce property settlement and a ticket to extramarital sex if he wants it.

If I were Mac, after a limited time of no sex, I'd pretend we were reconciled and fuck her for about eight years. While you pretend to have loving sex, get her to admit the affair and secretly record it. When Zach leaves for college, sit down with each child present the recorded evidence, explain that the only reason you stayed with her to protect them and that now you going to dump her. Of course these recording couldn't be used in any legal proceedings but that is not the objective.

I realize it's a slow painful strategy but in the end Mac lulls her into believing she got away with her second husband affair then puts a stake thru her heart (assuming she has one). The evidence could also be used to expose her to friends and family.

StormKing33StormKing33almost 7 years ago
Bad Unrealistic Dry Wimpy Ending

He should have divorced her and had her pay him alimony since she makes more. The Wife is a sociopathic freak who can never be trusted. He also should have kids custody, otherwise he tells her bosses she was sleeping with client and committed adultery. Morals clause.

tazz317tazz317almost 7 years ago
THE SOMETHING THAT SHOWED UP

was wimping out and he is still a cuck. TK U MLJ LV NV no stars

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Even for fiction that was horrible

Jeanne divorced Mac, got full custody and Mac got to see the kids every other weekend. Except for Zachary. Steve filed assault and battery charges and in lieu of sending Mac to jail, he got visitation with Zachary and the restraining order removed since Mac no longer lived in their house. Mac paid alimony, child support and lost half his retirement. Mac was able to sue Steve for paying for Zachary's expenses to that point, but money was no problem for Steve. So Mac lost most everything, Jeanne found another man, not named Mac or Steve, to love her and moved on with her life and kids. Steve taught Zachary how to play baseball and he went to college on a full ride scholarship and never spoke to Mac again. The ending to a really lousy, poorly thought out story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Fucking pathetic

Just stop writing. We know you are a sissy coward so just stop adding more sewerage to this cesspool LW.

Rc68Rc68over 7 years ago
Garbage

Garbage ending to what was a good first chapter...... 2****

TMSPTGR3TMSPTGR3over 7 years ago
Agree With Anon

Gutless author for turning off the ratings. With such a stupid and unbelievable ending it deserves a 1* and he knew it. If you like to suck dicks and always have a reconciliation, try and have a plot that might plausibly offer it as an option. As it is, the most viable option you created was that of a double murder.

KRD19254KRD19254over 7 years ago
Points missed

The point missed is the damage to the kids, as most know are very perceptive, they now see a near loveless marriage (for financial continence) that lacks adult trust. Is that what the parents want to portray as 'normal' behavior? He will never trust her gain - the kids will see it - and pattern themselves after dad - more damaged people.

Also they never did tell Zack of is potential inherited medical conditions ?

And she gets a pass for +10yrs of betrayal - what a cuck.

TMSPTGR3TMSPTGR3over 7 years ago
Agree with Anon

Total piece of crap.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
What a crock of total BS

Well I see why you don't want ratings. A 10 year affair & he takes her back. He's a spineless wimp & she's a sociopathic slut. Sounds like a marriage made in heaven to me.

Seeker1107Seeker1107over 7 years ago
First time through and I can't call BS because someone did

Just forgive a ten year affair? IMHO I can't believe that the kids didn't know. They pick up on a lot more than we give them credit for. But the answer of "because I could", may be the first truthfull words out of her mouth! The level of disrespect is simply astounding here. I do wonder what she would say if he was to go out and have an affair for ten years and tell her it's only sex. Or even if he was to go out and just have a one night stand, what would be her response to that little tidbit.

99.999% of people cannot have a relationship that long without it affecting their marriage. The other 0.001% is an aberration like those guys who like to watch their wives with other guys. They may be cucks, but it's their lives and as abhorrent an idea it would be to me, it works for them and like everyone's own personal sexual choices or kinks, it's their lives to live as they please!

That having been stated, please do not think that that lifestyle would work for me. But again it's my personal choice! Just remember one tiny thing, he doesn't condone it, not in any way shape or form. He is just trying to firstly protect his kids, and after that try and save his marriage. Keeping the cricket bat however is not something I would do if I was planning to try and save the marriage!

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
I UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF KEEPING TOGETHER

In his mind staying together is for the kids, but actually he is in love with her! Making up sex would be off the chart. However humans We are a funny (not ha ha funny) race of animal ,this can be the spice in their sex lives? Some men over a period of time find the whole thing a turn on? Why fucked if I know! But one thing that will not cut and that is if to find any of the kids are not his! But I am an advocate for reconciliation for a once discretion not many! Love you all! GREG. OH 100 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE.

Tw0Cr0wsTw0Cr0wsabout 8 years ago
Blacksword404 03/05/16

re:

She wasn't even sorry.

Like most narcissists/sociopaths she didn't understand what was wrong with what she did.

Pretty much impossible to feel sorry about something when you can't conceive what is bad about it.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
well

I love a happy ending, especially if kids are involved.

BUT, a 10 year affair?

She loved her husband, really?

I dont think its a realistic story.

sbrooks103sbrooks103about 8 years ago
Thoughts

"Mac, I love you.” – No, you DON’T! Women who love their husbands don’t fuck ANY other man, let alone his best friend, and certainly don’t let him father her child! And I know she’s Catholic, but if she thought the bay even MIGHT be Steve’s she HAD to get an abortion! Well, I guess they're lucky he wasn't Steve's, but still!

“Not to mention what it cost Steve to have it done." – She’s worried about the cost to STEVE?

When did “Denise” become “Diane”?

Blacksword404Blacksword404about 8 years ago
She wasn't even sorry.

No reason to reconcile. She did it just because she could. Not due to any real issue. Cut her loose.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
Puzzled

I am a great lover of reconciliation but just don't get this. Where is his passion, his anger at her, where is the feeling of betrayal, where is the grieving for a lost marriage? Did she even apologise or seem remotely remorseful. It was like she had started playing golf 10 years ago with his best friend and found she really liked it but she still enjoyed playing with her husband to and he just responded by saying, well you really should have told me as it was embarrassing for me to see you playing with him.

So lack of passion by both parties for what was a despicable betrayal really spoiled the story for me. Deserves only 3* but well written with redeeming features, so 4*

tazz317tazz317over 8 years ago
KEEPING SCORE BY NOTCHES

should he keep his knife handy. TK U MLJ LV NV

EXursusRhereEXursusRhereover 8 years ago
Time to go back to selling cars...

I think BUUUUiiiiccck would be okay. Not saying the story was bad, just pukey.

brujaybrujayover 8 years ago
I don't understand.........

.......how any self respecting man would put up with this level of betrayal by his wife.

This story just left me scratching my head going, "Huh? What just happened?"

I was totally unsatisfied with this ending. Sorry.

But still I want to thank you for sharing your stories with us.

Brujay

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
One Word...

Bullshit!

EddboyEddboyover 8 years ago
i really think witnessing and hearing

how long they had been fucking for and how disrepectful they were by fucking in Macs bed would negate the love he had for her. As a christian i dont want to say i would never forgive her, but i cant see myself ever truly loving her or having a husband/ wife relationship ever again.

ErotFanErotFanover 8 years ago
The BTB crowd is in full swing (pun intended) on this one

Boy this story stirred un the angry BTB-eez.

You fleshed out characters true to themselves. Jeanne couldn't grow out of her imago as homecoming queen. Steve never grew up choosing to remain with "the boys of summer."

P.S. I loved the cricket bat with the notch. It showed he was neither a wimp nor a neanderthal.

TMSPTGR3TMSPTGR3over 8 years ago
Garbage

If you had ratings on it would be a 1*

hawkeye0007hawkeye0007almost 9 years ago
What?

This was a piece of candy ass cuck bullshit!

betrayedbylovebetrayedbylovealmost 9 years ago
Damn

I can't believe he stayed with her. And stuck his dick in her again? I would have vomited on her face if it was me.

Before I get really pissed, I have to remind myself this is only fiction.

What the fuck!!!

Pappy7Pappy7almost 9 years ago
Can't see staying married for the kids or for the finances.

First of all the counseling he was talking about for the kids would screw them up much worse than having divorced parents. Secondly I wouldn't want someone who clearly had no discernible grasp of the difference between right and wrong. Third thing is he should have been able to do well enough without the wife's income. I know that the legal system is terribly slanted towards the wife and the legal profession is significantly biased in favor of their own. So the husband would have been the loser in a straight up court battle, but like any other face off in court as long as yours is the only story being listened to you have a much better chance of coming out ahead.

Best case scenario, Mac comes in, sees them fucking. He takes the cricket bat and hits Steve just as hard as he possibly can in the back of the head smashing his head down onto Jean's head effectively crushing both of their skulls. He then tells the police that he came in, saw her getting fucked and then both of them started belittling him and he just snapped for a minute, might have a good lawyer and a sympathetic grand jury and gets no billed. Or gets sent to trial for involuntary manslaughter and gets a jury that is sympathetic. I mean, with only one story in play he has a good chance of getting probation for a much lighter sentence. In any case the kids are still messed up but at least aren't being raised by a sociopathic slut and growing up with her values.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
This marriage is toast. Something will happen that requires extraordinary love and commitment, . . .

and it won't be there. He will meet another woman, or she will finally get resentful that he can't "get over it." It's just a matter of time.

Danger09Danger09almost 9 years ago
Get the fuck out of here

Years of fucking his best friend and he doesn't divorce her?! Get real. No amount of counseling would help the abundance of betrayal...

EddboyEddboyabout 9 years ago
wow

over 10 years and he doesnt divorce her

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
Thank you!

I enjoyed your story. It was well written, had a lot of emotion in it, was compelling and for the kids sake, it ended well.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
Just another standard wimp story.

Nothing to redeem it from the trash can.

AmbivalenceAmbivalenceabout 9 years ago
Interesting wording on her part...

She "didn't feel like such a whore"...

Note she didn't say she didn't FEEL like a whore... just that she didn't feel like SUCH a whore... so she still KIND OF felt like a whore - but was apparently ok with that.

And now he knows how long - if he trusts her on that - since whichever anniversary he missed - and should see if she wants to help him pick one of her friends who are "like family" that he should see about having a relationship for however many years it is...

How can she rightly be upset...? It would just be like him having two wives but not having to actually LIVE with one... and it wouldn't effect how he felt about HER...

We all know she'd instantly add the term "hypocritical" to her description of "cheating bitch"...

sdc97230sdc97230about 9 years ago
Practicality vs feelings

They have kids who would be harmed, and finances that probably won't support two households if they divorce. So they stay together in what he describes as a "business partnership" to raise their children, and in time it becomes a "business partnership with benefits." But the uncertainty with which they look toward the time when all the kids have grown and moved out is an indication that the love and trust he once had for her has never recovered and probably never will. Life is now an ongoing exercise in cost vs benefit calculation. Whether they will end up going to Spain together is anybody's guess.

MattblackUKMattblackUKabout 9 years ago
One of my favourite stories

on Literotica.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
Yuck, or perhaps, gross?

His wife fucks his best friend for over 10 years, is certain her lover is the father of their son and he keeps her around? Huh uh, I don't think so.

For those who believe he should take her back, what could a wife do to her husband that could be more devastating than what she did?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
Okay story, fairly well written

But after all those years of betrayal, how does he stay with her? How can he stand to look at her everyday knowing what she did to their marriage? Did he ever think to have the other kids DNA tested? And why hang the bat on the wall to remind him EVERY day what had happened? I still don't understand how the bat gives him any "promise" for the future? Did he ever do any jail time for his assault? Sorry, but your ending just left me shaking my head in wonder that any man could or would be that stupid.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
So true

I am like Mac. My wife also had an affair that lasted 10 years. And my son was 16 when I found out.; still on college. Moreover I had the mortgage to pay - and my income wasn't enough for everything. So we stayed together too.

And like Mac I never forget (hardly forgive).

The alternative for me was living in a box (house shortage in my country) and not to mention what the consequences were for my son. This is what responsible parents sometimes have to do.

One thing is for sure: the dog comparisation works - and I haven't fucked her since. I use my hand rather then to touch her ever again. When my retirement comes (or sooner -when possible)- I'm out. Live sucks!

bruce22bruce22over 9 years ago
This is a ten year old story!

It still gets comments! It was very good for attention getting, but the solution does not sound right to many of us. I was sure that he was going to force her to sue for divorce.

The weakest point for me was that he accepted sleeping in the same bed room and then after four months went back to the sleeping together. This guy really seems to have a weak memory. But I know a lot of people who do not remember why they were angry even though they continue furious.... Excellent work, frustrating characters..

xtchrxtchrover 9 years ago
I don;t think so!!!

Over a ten year affair with his supposedly best friend??? With friends like this, who needs enemies. But wait the sex was sooo goood that she couldn't stop. The cheaters even thought that the first son was his and kept it hidden from the husband. That must be true love (sarcasm). This guy has to dump both of them and move on.

There is no reason to stay together. The children would be better off without a cheating and deceitful mother. I hope he realizes that when he took her back, he gave her a dull knife and permission to cut his balls off-and she will. Great story but a sad, sad ending.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Ten Years Plus

So, she cheated, lied and betrayed both her husband, their children and her marriage vows for 10 years at least. That's an end game play, period. No forgiveness, reconciliation or love could possibly survive such abjectly immoral and conscious betrayal. The children are infinitely better off being away from and outside of the influence of such a horrid parent ( I use that term most loosely in Jeanne's case). I can certainly see why the author has disabled ratings for this putrid cuckold story. 1* only because -10 isn't available.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Divorce

Divorce,no more no less.staying together would be more harmfull than good.

Pretending to get along for the childrens sake all the while resenting each other doesn't work.

That's just treating the children like they are stupid.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago
Well done

A good story mostly well told, perhaps spoilt by the odd spelling & grammar mistakes.

Having dealt with a similar problem in my 1st marriages, I can understand where you' re coming from, but my ending was far different, although we did try you path.

As for all the idiotic comments from the btb group I often wonder how old they are & if they've even been in a meaningful & loving relationship in their lives. Life isn't a clearcut black & white scenario, it's jumbled & often very difficult so there are no standard rules for anyone to follow & each must find their own paths. A high 4 ****

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago
I gave this story serious thought

What would I have done, or do, if it were me, my wife and best friend. Looking at it realistically, I just may not have done anything much differently.

One, I would have sat down with both, and had my talk with my former friend. And I would punch him, though as a 250lb national class powerlifter, I'd have to be very careful not to kill him. But if I did, oh well. And I'd cut him loose, telling him to never let me see him or hear from him again, for if I did see him, I would do my best to kill him. And I really would.

Then I would have the talk with my wife. I'd lay it out very plain and forthright. One, separate rooms forever. Two, she is to never touch me. Ever. Three, she can stay as long as she wants, but if and when she left, she takes what she can carry, nothing more. Especially not the kids. The kids would stay with me. Four, no boyfriend. I would let her know she is being watched from time to time and if I find out she has a boyfriend, she's out so fast she will skid down the street. Five, she would tell the children she cheated and with whom, and for how long. She would have to answer each and every one of their questions, no matter how personal or graphic.

Finally six. Six would be me letting her know that she is going to die. Not right then, probably not even in the short term. But at some point, no matter if she stays or goes, she is going to die by my hand. It might be the night of one of the kids graduations, a marriage, a birthday or perhaps a grandchild being born. But at some point, she was going to meet her end and by my hand on what could be the happiest day of her life. Perhaps if she left me and found someone else, it may be on the day of her wedding, either right before or directly after.

Oh, and I would do the same with my former friend, he just wouldn't have the luxury of knowing it was coming until it was too late.

robinhodrobinhodabout 10 years ago
Good story

and lots of comment which at least indicates interest.

I just wish that writers who decide to use long words would look up their meanings.

Start with chimera, ambivalent, and purportedly.

ifeanyiifeanyiabout 10 years ago

A very stupid man! Divorce was his best option

Stupid story

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
nice try

This is how a gay man imagines a hetero man would respond. It is well written but has this one fatal flaw.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Good story, cannot see this ending or making it work

I screwed him because I can. End of marriage for me. Reconciliation impossible? How could he look or have sex knowing she sold herself out for a little pleasure and Mac pain should be to great to overcome.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Very Unreallistic?

BS, great story, and sadly very realistic...except maybe the ending is too Pollyannaish.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
What a bad story

Bad plot. Very unrealistic. It was well written, though. Some proof reading is still required.

AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
god, what a piece of shit

wothless wimp husband, throw the bitch out; jesus she fucked around cause she could? damn slut no respect for wimp hubby or marriage, true bitch lawyer

AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
Not a good Story

No talent here.

studebakerhawkstudebakerhawkalmost 18 years ago
Excellent craftmanship; bogus ending!

I truely enjoy reading your stories but I just can't buy the ending in this one. The two people he loved and trusted most in the world, knowing him as deeply and as intimately as they do, decided to desecrate his marriage. Not just once, but repeatedly, year after year they made him a fool and the marriage a mockery. Despite knowing that discovery would devastate her husband, the wife continues to show her total lack of respect for him and for her marriage vows by selfishly indulging her own desires, even in their marriage bed. And why? "Just because I could."

I have found my own feelings about infidelity evolving the more I read this genre. My original black and white has gone seriously gray. I have seen enough of life to have a deep and abiding respect for the powers of forgiveness and with forgiveness comes the possibility of redemption. And with redemption comes hope; hope that things can get better. However, in this story, I can see no basis for forgiveness and no possibility of redemption. She shows no remorse for her actions and her "because I could" justification shows her only concern is herself. She has apparently never considered subordinating her own desires to anything, including the wedding vows she swore to with her most solemn oath in front of God and man, friend and family. She was so concerned about her husband that she cuckolded him several times a year, year after year after year. Every sordid interlude increased the probability of getting caught but she chose to allow this most intimate and cruel of betrayals to move into her home and her marriage bed. Even believing one of her children to have been sired by her adulterous lover, she continues to indulge herself.

THIS is exemplar of womanhood and maternal Values and decency that hubby is so convinced his children need. No, what these children need is therapy to help them understand that it's OK to feel conflicted about loving a mother that turned out to be such a broken soul, so heartless and so needy that any pain she caused her loved ones was inconsequential. This woman should only be allowed access to her children in supervised visits. These poor confused children would be much better served if they learned that there can be, and often are, serious consequences for doing things just because you could.

Hubby, for his part, also disappoints at the end. He has shown himself to be a man of action when action is warranted and a man of introsepection and contemplation when that is needed. This man has just learned that virtually nothing in his life is what he thought it was, the people he valued most had played him as a pathetic chump behind his back for years and the reader is supposed to believe that he let her back into the family she had so cruelly injured? More likely this guy would have gathered up what little remained of his life that still was good and true and set out to build his kids a 'cleaner, greener life in a softer sweeter land'.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
Wimp!

Wimp!

johnbuckinghamjohnbuckinghamabout 18 years ago
What forgiveness is all about

This is a great story. PLEASE WRITE MORE LIKE THIS ONE. Tha adverse comments belie the need for the readers to see trajedy compounded with vengeful hate and retribution rather than forgiveness and ultimate restitution. I LOVE ENDINGS THAT SHOW LOVE AS IT REALLY IS

johnbuckingham@att.net

ddpmanddpmanabout 18 years ago
Ugh Ending

I have read many of the comments crucifing you, which you deserve. I would have loved a section that the slut was in deep psycotherapy that maybe, just maybe, she will begin understand the devestating hurt that she inflected "just because she could". He should have moved her to the 'guest room' for a long time. The kids would soon learn ofrom the word on the street of what was happening

AnonymousAnonymousabout 18 years ago
Bullshit

Mac is a stupid shit and a cuck wimp. Jeanne is a cheating slut. And you and Steve are worthless assholes. You for not having the guts to write a proper ending thinking that fantasy world happy days apply to the real world. And any moron that read this shit knows why Steve is an asshole. The other guys ending makes a lot more sense than does yours.

I am NOT sorry that I posted this comment and I don't care if you or anyone else likes it.

Harryin VAHarryin VAabout 18 years ago
Chagrined PLEASE dont write anymore

God almighty this story was awful.... There were NO consequences at all

Its clear to all that this is just another God dam pointless reconcile with the whore wife story. Almost all the comments have been detailed and reasonable with no personal attacks at all..

so now you want to run away and cry.... MOMMY!!!

To be sure HDK comments "The wife felt badly, realized it was a serious mistake,... Chagrined gave us a good story with passion and consequences "

only proves that HDK is a 1st class MORON as well since the wife doesnt see what she did as a big deal and doesnt care if Hubby is hurt at all.

Fundamentally idiots like you dont see the difference between a 1 night stand where 1 or both persons might be drunk... And this sort of 10-12 years 3 times a week fucking and betrayal.

The wife's explanation ... her reaction to the wedding pictures and her statement SHE wont be abused are clear indications she has no idea what the problem is and reconciliation is not possible .

This story is as bad as THE CELT's conclusion to SUSPICION where the wife lies and screws around with old boyfriend from 20 years ago then leaves throwing away her entire marriage kids husband and life... marries him has a love child then when that marriage fails apart he comes back and the Hubby says ---LOVE YA !!!

The wife's statement I did it because I could is clearly your justification for writing this turd of a story...

AnonymousAnonymousabout 18 years ago
i'm a fan,but this hubby is the dumby i seen

13yrs of adultery and i love you she said.who buying this hard sell.beside what she say,respect for her husband in his bed.betrayal is a ugly thing in a marriage the trust the hubby had is gone.drop her on the corner with the other whores.he did rape her 13yrs,so she was willing and the hubby look like a fool trying to be clever.she did it because she could and will do it again.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
i'm a fan of yours,good luck

will miss your writings and off brand plots.there are few writers on this site that write with real common sense writing.enjoy writing and don't stop enjoying it, for you got talent.i wish i could say the same about a lot of writers on this site.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
does it get any worse?

Sorry to say...this is one of the worst endings to a good story.i really enjoyed the first part...and it went down hill after that....in the second part i could see where it was headed and hoped that you would turn it around. The last part sucked big time. Mac the Wimp..big time...he's so afraid of dividing the marital assets...woppee....so he stays with his whore wife? get real.....

The NavigatorThe Navigatorover 18 years ago
Interesting but ...

Great story line! Excellent writing skills, but suffered from lack of independent editing -- too many types and missing words in the trilogy.

Overall, outstanding...until the ending. It must be believeable, even sci-fi has a thread of believeability. The ending for this one just doesn't hold together. The wife is having an affair for 10 years, with his best friend, and she is doing it because she said she enjoyed it. For the purposes of the story, that is fine. I can believe a wife would say that. But she is totally selfish in her actions, disregarding consequences for her husband, children and her reputation. She even has, she thinks, her lover's child and seems to not have any remorse about it. This is not a woman who can then get back with her husband and continue with a normal married life. Eventually, she will want to run around again, because she enjoys it.

This is not a woman I would want to teach my children moral values. So, inspite of the engaging story, the ending is not believeable. As the husband is described up to this point, he is smart, intelligent, level headed, so I can not see him taking the wife back, to teach their children the values of life, and to eventually have another affair behind his back.

The author creates these characters, but must explain or justify their flaws. We under stand the wife's flaw: she gets a thrill out of a hidden affair. The husband's flaw that allows her back in the family circle, to eventually do further damage, has not been explain.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
this whore,slut and tramp of a wife

she had more balls than the hubby.she fuck on the mariage bed and did it because she could.she fuck steve for ten years and oh she love her hubby which was name mac.once a whore always a whore,who is going to be the next steve.look dumby tens year fucking someone else are you that crazy.she had no remorse and was till talking shit to the drama queen of a hubby.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
A minor comment

Hi -

Sorry you won't be writing here anymore.

I liked the story. I'm a helpless romantic and like happy endings. Given her lack of understanding on why what she did was wrong, it just doesn't scan in this case, though.

I've read several stories where the couple stayed together "for the kids." I'm not sure a situation like this is really better for them.

Anyway, a minor point: It's not "screwed, booed and tatooed" it's "screwed, blued and tatooed".

Blued means "very drunk. From term for 'badly cheated.'"

Regards

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
SUCKED,PLAIN AND SIMPLE

The bitch cuckolded him for ten fucking years and might have even gotten pregnant from her lover and he still forgives her. This guy has to be fucking brain dead. This one was one of the worst betrayals there can be. Not only did the wife cheat on him, but his so called best friend betrayed him as well by fucking his wife. Fuck that. I would have killed them both, although i am not fucking brain dead that it would take me ten years. Believe me, i will know if my wife cheats on me before she finishes her first fuck with her lover. Just some trade secrets that i know of. I will throw the bitch out of my house and divorce her so fast that she will think that it was all a nightmare.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
Bemused and maybe even confused

Chagrined:

I don't quite know how to handlle the story. His anger seems to instantly disappear in part three to be replaced by disappointment and resignation. On her part in the same chapter she goes from an "it was just sex with a fuck buddy so live with it," attitude to being the everloving-true-blue wife. Overall it was a great story but part three is troubling. Anyway, Thank You for the story. Ronnie W.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
A little mellow

I hope the ending was as exciting as the first two chapters, it mellowed on the end, the reader is surely on Mac's side, but the outcome was very subtle except for the punch, maybe a little tougher for the wife will be as strong as the first two chapters. thanks.

neilp61112neilp61112over 18 years ago
Whew!

I just finished reading all of the comments to this story. They make interesting reading although not as interesting as the story.

As I read the story, I was under the impression that it was finished with "Consequences." If I was to comment on the story as it ended with "Consequences" I would have said much the same as everyone else. I was not surprised that he took her back and, being a romantic at heart, was glad to see the story end that way. I just didn't understand Mac's reasoning very well. That's a simple comment about the text.

If I had know that you were thinking of another chapter written in the future, I would have withheld that comment knowing that you weren't done writing. I really dislike reading the rants about half written stories and don't want to join the crowd. So consider it unsaid. If you every reach the point that you can't avoid coming back. Please do. I would love to read more of your work, particularly about these characters.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
Nice start

Just finished reading "Daydream Believer". Well done!

The style of narration is very good and it holds interest. You drew the readers into the tale, and perhaps, even had them making wishes on how the story might end.

The story could use a proofreading as some words were mispelled. but these were sparse enough in number as to not ruin the overall reading.

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I will eagerly look forward to reading some others of your postings.

charleybearcharleybearover 18 years ago
Clarification

Chagrined, once again I like your writing just not your last ending. One of your "Anonymous" commentators made reference to me in his comment and I would like to respond.

Yes, I recently edited out comments from my story submissions. I will tell you though that I only edited out comments where there was no indication of who commented. All anonymous comments both good or bad were deleted.

I like the comments but have been frustrated by the whole anonymous thing. So it is my intent to continue to do that.

Sending it anonymous and signing your name at the bottom works for me.

Good luck to you in EU with whatever writing you do.

Charleybear

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
On Zach

so my "prediction" about the author making Zach the husband's turned out to be true --- to be more honest, I didn't predict it, I said it's within the author's right to do that,,,

i mean, what else could a creative author do?, to pay back a character he created to be such a stupid but loveable (Okay, so Steinbeck made George die in OF MICE AND MEN!) character?:

make sure the fucking cheating wife is WRONG one small time about something as big as INTENDING for her stupid husband to raise another man's child! (that is, her ass-thinking thought's wrong and the child was/is actually the dumb but loving husband's, not that ball player's, as both shitheads were thinking and dreaming about)

but this is a woman who said, honestly: I cheat because I could get away with it. wrong, as it turned out; but it is not the "wrongness" of it (in whatever sense) that would stop her; it is that she THINKS she could or would get away it, that makes her decides, right?

this kind of thinking doesn't have to stop now, doesn't it? I mean, is there any FUNDAMENTAL criterium that would prevent her from thinking the same kind of thought: THIS TIME I will MAKE ABSOLUTELY sure the loving and forgiving hubby of mine don't know; but I will fuck around; this other man's just too sexy to resist! Nothing!

ChagrinedChagrinedover 18 years agoAuthor
Clarification to those who wrote to me:

Especially to LadyC, :-)

To All those Gentle Souls:

Re-read the post. Did I say I was going to quit writing? No. I said it was "this was it. Last story. :-) Moving to EU and won't have time nor inclination. :-)"

Nowhere did I way I was giving up on writing. I should have been more explicit: this was my last story for LE. The stories I enjoy and feel called upon to write do not fit in with the genres at LE. So I have other, admittedly more lucrative venues I will pursue. Plus, I will be leaving DC ;-( and moving to France by this summer. :-) I need a total change. A lot of changes coming.

I didn't say "no" to writing, just adieu to LE. I won't be missed long as I don't really fit here anyway. :-) No plea for sympathy just a fact.

So for those who chastised me, I understand but LE is a certain network that I just don't fit in with any longer. "Erotica" just isn't in me to write. (I agonised ove rthe few sex scenes I did write! lol) I may come in and rip those out there who think they can write as the spirit moves me. Or, I may not! :-)

As too the last story itself, there is a final lesson which happens five years later. I understand your discomfort and anger but , hey, I write for me with a clear objective and point I want to make, especially in a series format. Many of you wanted to have a testosterone attack however which put me off my feed. I wanted to show that "once a cheater, always a cheater". To do that, I kind of HAD to have them reconcile, didn't I? Wouldn't have worked otherwise. :-)

Pity for me as well. I was working on the last installment of the Heart series which I may try to finish and shoot in one last time.

Au Revoir! Ciao, bellas!

Shawn

DeadWouldDeadWouldover 18 years ago
Goodbye Charlie

I've looked at all the comments on this story, and it is virtually unanimous that chapter 3 was a dud - truth!, or at least popular opinion, and that's what authors live or die by.

Not one comment I saw was in any way a personal attack on the author, but on his sloppy work in this instance.

He has shown himself quite capable of dishing out criticism to other authors about their stories, but the poor petal can't stand a bit of heat when it comes his way.

If that's the sort of person he is, good riddance & GOODBYE CHARLIE.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
Sorry and all that but...

... this place is so constipated with stories that take forever to get up that I don't think any other authors will be clawing at any other's ankles begging them not to leave. You write well and I give kudos to any writer who leaves all comments up, regardless of how inane and idiotic the frigging anon is. The problem here is that people continue to take these stories too close to heart. They are stories, and some of them come from the dark recessess of our minds and involve things we would never even consider in real life. Others involve choices we would not really make but get presented in a literary way for all to consider.

Just a word to all the vicious anons who are so spineless they won't even make up a name to post under... you are reaping what you sow. More and more writers are choosing to not allow comments, or edit those that are posted so that readers get this pollyanna view that "everybody loves me you should too" and leave only the glowing comments.

Nobody says you have to love everything here, or not critique in a intelligent manner. THAT is appreciated by most of us. It's when you make it personal that really hurts, and if the time I take on a story is any barometer of the effort others put in, there comes a time when it doesn't seem worth it. Peace to you Chagrined.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
I guess I am not suprised

For many and various reasons I did not think this ending worked very well with the other stories of the series. They have all been mentioned by other commenters so . . .

What I am not surprised about is Chagrin saying he is leaving. Considering the "Abuse" (his word not mine) he received was the same "Abuse" he heaped on others for writing a story that differed from his view of the world or reality. . .I am not suprised he is taking his toys and going home or where ever!

You will be missed for both your stoies and your commentary!

Good luck and have fun JimDinMN

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
Why are you upset?

Chagrined, I would hope that you continue to write, be it for Literotica, or some other site. Your tales are always thought provoking and fun to read. I’m sorry you took offense with the comments here. You did open yourself up for criticism of the story so to be offended is somewhat disingenuous.

You have options and remedies on this site. You could not allow any comments on your stories. You could disallow voting, or the most dreadful, you could edit the comments and only allow those that you like to remain published with your story. I dislike the last option. It’s dishonest to me, but a number of authors such as charleybear, Goldeniangel, and Sarahhh have taken that position. So if you want to create your own ‘public’ spin on a story you have that ability too.

You are a good writer…so write.

K.K.K.K.over 18 years ago
Don't Give Up Now

I for one do not want to have Chagrined leave this site. One possible solution for Chagrined would be to not allow public comments on his stories. It is obvious that this story didn't satisfy everyone. No story ever will. Chagrined is a talented writer and I think shoud have been shown a little more respect for this story. He took a gamble with his ending and stuck by it. While I might not agree with the husband's choices in this story I respect that the author has the right to take his story in any direction he choses.

I look forward to Chagrined's next offering and hope that I find it here on Lit.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
COME BACK CHAGRINED.... COME BACK.!!!

the readers yelled, as his horse led him over the horizon.

COME BACK CHAGRINED....COME BACK...[apologies to SHANE]

DoctorWyldcardDoctorWyldcardover 18 years ago
Don't Leave!

Write more to get revenge on the smucks who dissed this one!!!

>:)

Now I liked the foundation of this story, and I hope you can get over the bastards and write part 4.

The idea that he would stay JUST for the kids was cool and realistic. A Mistake but realistic.

How he handeled them was classic and well thought out.

I think MOST people's problem was how fast things 'got to normal' after this LONG affair.

You know us, we are a park of vengful fucks. We don;t mind them getting back together IF we can see that the wrong-doer has CLEARLY seen the error of their ways and feels pain and anguish over their actions.

I personally think your 'Put to the Test' is one of the best liek that. Yes the 'hero' a long time ago was a cheat and 'dirt' but he is a better man now. He's suffered the hell HE made.

and his new wife gets to be the recipiant of his new found faithfulness.

Classic

Now lets see if I can dive into some other people's comments for fun now shall we?

ok first capecodmercury :

Diane is a stuck up mercinary little bitch. 'Oh EVERYONE knows though I had to find out through my talking the sleep husband, oh she's been cheating for years but LOVES you, by the way did I mention how much money they gave me to shut up? And a new check will be coming soon when you stay with her cause I am working hard for it Girlfriend'

if you can;t tell I really don;t like that character.

As for the time alone with steve, I hate to say it but the loving husband could be set off by the 'oh I wanted some time alone so i sent them over' excuse AND we ar not told that they met up EVERY time that he was out of town, maybe jsut some of the times. Unless I am compleately wrong here then you have permition to flog me.

As for the reaction to the convo, yeah strange, I put it down to shell shocked, but personally I would have loved an explosion on her or a later one where he takes her to town for her actions.

As for Zack, maybe in 3 she is trying to hope that she was wrong that steve was the father? to save her marrage.

But I agree with you that Zack shoudl have been Steve's, IMO to make the story more interesting. And remember folk I'm the romantic here.

But I actually LOVED the MS part. Shocked the hell out of the wife with it and it works!

As for many others, I think she is now trapped ina loveless marrage of her own making, Cha is a master of the 'hell of our own making' and placed her there. He has said that he had planned, and maybe if we can encourage him he will still do, a chapter 4. Then we can see her new life/hell. wanting the love she lost back and never being able to.

Now I loved this tale. I think what got everyone wound up was the 10 years it went on and how cold others were...hell the ex best friend had the most dispare over it! If it had been jsut a few years maybe the hate woudl be less....opps sorry I forgot where we were.

ah well I WILL await your next story Chagrined and you WILL write one! You are too good not to.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
I'm stunned by the comments and reaction

I went back and read every comment. There was not a single, "You suck." There was not a single personal attack. There was a lot of displeasure with various aspects of the story and many of them had detailed explanations of the reasons behind the comments. I don't recall ever seeing a more apt use of comments in a story on this site. There were a lot of comments about how much people enjoyed the first two postings though most thought the third did not fit with them.

This section is labeled "comments", not "anabashed praise", though there was much of that. So I'm stunned that the author is so appalled that the readers did not agree with his artistic vision, even though they told him why and backed it up with logical arguments, that he will no longer post here. The comments exactly addressed the writing and the story. What more could you possibly hope for? Those of us who write would be delighted to hear about our work without descriptions of what kind of vile person we must be to post such stuff.

NeedYouNeedYouover 18 years ago
Once you get settled perhaps you could begin

Writing again. I mean all those asses will now be beating my and only me up. W/O you I'll be a piece of meat for the hungry rats. Please don't let those "A" piss you off so much that you stop writing. That way they win!!!!!

capecodmercurycapecodmercuryover 18 years ago
mixed bag

Chagrined. I really enjoyed the first chapter of this story, but I have to say that I had some real problems with the second and third chapters. My problems are not with the fact that you had them reconcile, I prefer reconciliation stories. My problem is with some of the methods you used to get them there.

First off, I think that the conversation with Diane has some real plot related problems. There are some comments in that conversation that do not match the rest of the story, including the whole medical issue which I will address separately.

The first problem is with her comment that everyone knew about the affair except Mac and her description of the affair. Throughout the story you go to great lengths to show how careful they are not to let the story get back to Mac, but she is telling Mac that he is a fool and that everyone knows about it? Has Mac been wearing horns for 10 years or more and not one of his so called friends has mentioned it to him? Its a much more likely scenario that no one knew except for her and the only reason she knew was because Steve talked in his sleep. This would fit the story better.

The second problem is Diane's reaction to the affair. 3-4 times a year, her husband is going off for the night to fuck some other woman and she just lets him go? She only learns about it because of the potential that Zack was Steve's? She is ok with the fact that Steve is obsessed with another woman? Once again, this doesn't seem to be realistic. Unless she and Steve had an open marriage (which doesn't seem to be the case), I can't imagine a wife not being very bothered by this set of events.

A third problem is the kids. You seem to suggest that Steve was coming over and spending the night with Jeanne 3-4 times a year. There is no way that this could have been hidden from the children for the length of time this affair went on and it is not explained in any way.

It's not a question of the kids thinking something is wrong. They would just be telling their father about their lives when he is gone. Wouln't he get suspicious if he finds out that Steve is sleeping at his house when he is out of town?

Further, if he is staying over and sleeping in Jeanne's bed, at some point they would have been caught. Its not an uncommon event for a child to walk into their parents room in the middle of the night because of a nightmare, being sick a storm or whatever. Over ten years, the chances of this not happening are pretty small. Wouldn't they tell Dad that Uncle Steve was sleeping in Mommy's bed?

Even if Jeanne had the children spend the night at the grandparents whenever Steve came over, that would have created a new set of questions. You portray Mac as a loving and active father. The children would have naturally told him about their trips to Grandma's house. Don't you think he might have gotten suspicious if Jeanne repeatedy sent the kids away for the night whenever he went out of town?

Finally, Mac's reaction to this whole conversation seems strange. Diane tells him that she knew of the affair all along (including long before Zack), that her marriage ended because of it and that Steve bought her silence with a large settlement. And all Mac does is take marriage advice from her?

By staying silent on the affair, she has taken sides. Personally, I think she betrayed Mac as well by hiding the affair from him. If I had been Mac, I would have been pretty disgusted and mad at her. But he never even gets mad at her for not telling him. It seems pretty mercenary of her.

As a suggestion, I would think that the conversation would have served the story better if you had changed the circumstances of the affair so that they only got together during the day when the kids were not around. Also, I think that her knowledge of the affair should also be tweaked. This might help explain his lack of reaction and anger at her.

Another issue that I have with the story is Zack. In parts one and two, both Steve and Jeanne are dead sure that Zack is Steve's son. Even Diane mentions this. You even make a point of having Steve wanting to claim paternity. Yet, in the third part, Jeanne is saying that she does not know who the father is. This is not consistent. If Jean had doubts, then why were they not raised before?

Also, can you please explain how they could consider his being the possible father a "fluke"? Did a condom break or something? If she loves Mac so much, why is she having unprotectd sex with someone else while in her fertile period?

Also, why were they so sure that the baby is Steve's? It couldn't just be because of the coloring? There seems to be a whole story missing here. Why is there no questioning on Mac's part as to how she could possibly have a son by Steve as a fluke? I would have assumed that he would want to know this pretty bad. I think I would have expected him to get answers on this when he asks Jeanne why.

Another aspect of this is the fact that you ended up having Mac as the biological father. Personally, I think that this weakened the story. The comments Mac made on the difference between being a sperm donor and being a father are some of the best parts of the story. Having his end up as the biological father struck me as being the easy way out.

Another issue with Zack is Mac's comments in part three about his suspecting that Zack is Steve's dirty little secret. Where did this come from? It doesn't match the rest of the story.

My final issue with this story is you creation of this whole "MS" medical issue in the third part. This came totally out of the blue and it seems that you added it to add strength to Mac's comments on why it was important to let Zack know (and make Steve look like a scumbag).

I would suggest that you either need to revise the earlier parts to mention this or delete that argument in part three. This struck me as being the old hackneyed plot device where the hero resolves the situation by using something that has not been addressed before. Besides, I don't think you needed to use it. The argument about medical reasons for letting a son know who his father is was plenty strong enough without the need for a phantom disease.

Anyway, overall, I enjoyed the story. I just think that it could have used some more plotting.

saw_man1saw_man1over 18 years ago
re: You don't understand...

That’s too bad, I will be sorry to see you go. That does not change the fact that the story is flawed; not the reconciliation, but the speed in which it happens. In 1,113 words he goes from telling her she can leave if she wants to while at the same time the parentage of one of his children is still in question - to holding her and weeping. That was much too quickly for so great a betrayal. You spent 2 ¾ chapters setting up this confrontation and then it’s seemingly over in a flash. It is this and not the reconciliation in and of itself that in my eyes is the fatal flaw in this story

I realize that this is fiction and I dislike talking about these characters as if they are real. The fact that we do often see them that way is a testament to your writing skills.

I do apologize if I have had a hand in your decision to leave this site. You will be missed.

Good luck.

ChagrinedChagrinedover 18 years agoAuthor
You don't understand...

This was it. Last story. :-) Moving to EU and won't have time nor inclination. :-) So there it was: no re-writes, no sequels, Nada. For those who liked it, fine. For those psychopathic John Wayne wannabe's who see the world in Black/White and never really had to make a hard decision: TFB. Dial 1-800-BOO-WAHH! :-) Read Ohio's stuff.

Sometimes (actually MOST times) the bad guys win.

Cheers,

How does one outta here? lol!

ed1ed1over 18 years ago
Excellent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Excellent Story! I love your writting and look forward to your next Submission.

charleybearcharleybearover 18 years ago
He made the wrong choice.

He should have dumped the wife and kept the friend.

Ohio and a bunch of others said what I would say, she paid no consequenses for years of deceit. It went on too long and she had no regret whatsoever. I did it "because I could." Yikes!!! You all know I lean to the opposite side but in this one I am not alone as is evidenced by all of the comments.

I loved your Unbreak My Heart series. It was perfect. Where is that author in this one? Who knows, but I sure wish he was the one who finished this story.

Chagrined, I do like your work a lot but this one left me feeling awful. Keep writing, I look forward to your next.

Charleybear

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
You are a very talented author- so rewrite ch 3!

Chagrinded- you style & material are greatly appreciated. As the other authors have told you, the comments can get pretty rude but rise above that level. I read your motives and understand the logic. Take the positive items to heart and think about rewriting chapter 3 if you are so compelled. Rewrite it with the passion & emotion that you are so talented in bringing out in a story or offer other authors the opportunity to rewrite the ending in their style. For example, Ohio's lastest story, "Letter A" is a winner due to the fact, the "punishment fits the crime". Good luck and we always look forward to your work.

Kanga40Kanga40over 18 years ago
No apolgies here either

I'm cutting back in again after my earlier comment.

Your last post and HDK's post jerked me out of my apathy.

I fully agree with you both about the 'reasons' thing - I've been on about it for years now - to little avail mind you!

One of the great things about the english language is each individual's ability to put their own interpretation on the written word.

HDK and I are poles apart with our interpretation of this story. I scored it 75% way back at comment 3 or 4.

I basically liked the story, but it definitely died at the end, hence the 25% deduction.

I can see nothing in this story to support HDK's statement:

"The wife felt badly, realized it was a serious mistake," Where, precisely was that part?

He also tells us: "Chagrined gave us a good story with passion and consequences." Maybe someone could list the consequences for those of us who do not see them.

I called the wife 'brain dead' and still believe it to be an accurate description of the woman Chagrined showed us. Despite HDK's assertions to the contrary she showed no remorse at all, showed no indication that she had any clue whatever it was she did that distressed her husband so much, and she never once said she was sorry for her affair with Steve. Sorry for hurting Mac, she may have said, but she had, to hark back to Chagrined's reference to Christian values, she had not one skerrick of contrition in her for screwing his supposed best mate for ten+ years.

And, if, as Chagrined tells us 'no reason was offered, what does this line from the story mean? "the only reason I can come up with is: I liked it." Was that her reason or not?

Nor did I see too many 'kick her out' or 'let her stay ot any cost' posts.

I am a great believer in 'consequences'. All our actions have consequences, those consequences may be good, bad or indifferent, but there are always consequences. The wife in this story was shown with none. Not even a prohibition on screwing Steve again - as dead wood pointed out below.

I don't think people necessarily should be punished or should suffer, but they bloody well should have to endure the consequences of their actions.

This chapter was badly named because there were no consequences for Jeanne, the main one who should have been presented with some.

As for the 'defence', if that's what it was, that this story was "was a set up for a sequel", then why not be up front and tell us it will be incomplete because there is more to follow?

The story TGI Chronicles at least is labeled as part 1, so we realise there will be more than one part and that some seeming loose ends may well be links to the future episodes.

ChagrinedChagrinedover 18 years agoAuthor
Thx HDk but I need no apologies made

I wrote the story as I did for 3 reasons:

1. because as HDK pointed out: there are NO, I repeart NO reasons for a spouse to cheat. Yep, that right. There are rationales, excuses, apologies, but not one acceptable REASON. EVER. Period. So for once, none was offered. You didn't liek that. OK fine.

2. I wanted to explore that there maybe reasons why "kicking the bitch" out isn't always the most logical thing to do. Notr is just accepting it either. Maybe that is why we live in a nations which exhault our "Christian" founding but has a divorce rate of more than 50% and has an astounding amount of children growing up in poverty and single parent homes. My man character decided that it was literally "cheaper to keep her". You didn't like that.

3: it was a set up for a sequel which showed once a cheater, always a cheater. But my interest in that direction has waned.

So, you won't be reading any more contributions from me on this site. There are others where I get a better reading and less abuse.

Regards

DeadWouldDeadWouldover 18 years ago
Consequences? My fat arse!

What consequences? Steve had to stay 100 yards away from Mac and his house? No proviso about getting back between Jeanne's legs? Big consequence that one.

No proviso to Jeanne about never seeing Steve again? C'mon now!

The only one who suffered anything in this story was Mac.

This story is a classic case of an author going overboard in the initial stages if he wants an eventual reconciliation. It is just not possible to salvage a relationship from where Chagrined took this one. It seems everyone but Chagrined knew it. I only kept reading to see how Jeanne got on without Mac!

How did this happen? An editor who did more than a spell check would surely have pointed out the obvious flaws in this plot? Maybe he was told and disregarded the advice. Well if that happened now he knows how stupid that idea was.

If it didn't happen he knows where that editor now belongs.

Also, if I remember that far back, didn't this same author tell us he would never write again on a previous occasion when he didn't like the criticism of his efforts?

Not a well thought out response at all, I would have thought.

Heed the criticism, especially when it is virtually unanimous, and do better next time.

If you say you're going to give us "consequences", then have at least one consequence in the chapter.

Have someone read the story, someone who will tell you when the plot is flawed and heed their advice. No good giving it to someone who will swoon over it and stroke your ego. You end up with a story like this one. Really good for two chapters, then off to hell in a handbasket in chapter 3.

Otherwise live with the fruits of your labours.

HarddaysknightHarddaysknightover 18 years ago
Readers always hope to hear a "good reason"

for a cheating spouse, but the truth is; there are none. Our hero had to decide what he wanted from his marriage and his life. He decided to keep her, if she could remain faithful and to rid himself of his friend. He had no children by his friend! The wife felt badly, realized it was a serious mistake, but wasn't going to be abused forever for it, and told him so. That seems reasonable. Chagrined gave us a good story with passion and consequences. There was even some violence, which should please many. The fact that he was not willing to have the husband give up on the wife, does not make him a wimp author. The hero was strong and certainly a man of action. You must understand that there will be no reason for cheating that readers can find acceptable. It isn't acceptable, but we all have to accept things that are not very acceptable from time to time. Love and marriage are complex and that is why we enjoy this category so much. Good job Chagrined, and keep the damn stories coming!

EffectEffectover 18 years ago
I was wondering the same as a few others.

The title of this chapte is consequences. There were none for the wife. The only thing the friend lost was being able to have sex with the wife. Not like that hurt him either, not like he lost a friendship anyway since what friend will do what he did anyway. Where are the consequences?

Maybe you could go back and redo the chapter call it version 2 or something similar. Make it ending B. I mean it was well writen but really what happen?

ChagrinedChagrinedover 18 years agoAuthor
You know you are all right!

This was piece of crap and even I am damned sorry I wrote it! Won't happen again! :-)

Regards,

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
NO, NO, NO

Where is the equity??? There are NOconsequences for the wife. The best your shit-eating wimp husband can come up with is that her lover "can't come to this house again" Oh Boo-hoo, how bad for the wife. How about he fucks at least 200 women and makes his evil pig wife watch while he does them. That would be equity.. Please warn me next time that your story is about wimp husband shit eating and I won't have to wade through no balls- psychological claptrap doesn't want to lose any money in a divorce Ladies Home journal fantasy ending'

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Vet, former Airborne, LEO and all around sweetheart of a guy. Not fond of Cucks, cuck stories, idiots or people who don't habla. I prefer stories that have a degree of introspection to them as straight "pound" stories leave me limp. When I critique it is because I actually wa...

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