All Comments on 'Daydream Believer: Consequences'

i think Salamis expressed it best when he said " You set the bar so high in the deceit that I think you overstretched any reconciliation". the ability to forgive what she did is beyond my comprehension. i certainly don't think she ever really showed any remorse ( does getting upset over the twin bed declaration count?).

i did enjoy your story in spite of my above ramblings.very well written.

one thing you did which i agree with and i hope other writers will consider is not allowing comments until the story is done. it used to be enjoyable to read how others thought but it has turned into an opportunity to take a cheap shot at writers, chapter after chapter.

thanks for your effort,

don

How about this scenerio. The husband wails his wife's ass till she passes out from the pain. When she finally regains consiousness, she sees him sitting on the bed, singing,smiling, and just being generally happy. She says whyt are you so happy, you hurt me real bad. The husband simply answers, because I LIKED IT!!!

Others have remarked on the lack of consequences; that was one of the first thoughts that struck me. The story was technically well-written, but there was far too little to justify the reconciliation, except that the husband was a wimp. Staying together for the children sounds noble, and many do it, but it can be more traumatic for the children to have live every day with a couple with a damaged relationship than to have a clean break and then grow up in an environment (remarriage) where the relationship is loving.

Realistic? Perhaps, but only in the sense that in real life, shit happens and there ain't no justice. In fact, it is because of its realism and quality that I feel cheated by this story's ending.

If you credited HDK and Patricia51 for guidance...then the ending is what you would have expected. No matter how the wife character is presented, she always seems to "win"...whether she is bright or dumb, manipulative or sensitive, she appears to survive at the expense of "hubby's change" in outlook...with his castration of character development

With 50% of marriages ending divorce, why is it that these authors' have more reconciled marriages that go beyond the normal stats?

'nuff said

Andy

Powerful story and I give it high praise but with a major caveat. The ending.. (big surprise eh?).

I think you rushed it and ran out of steam. Its too neat and not thought out as many others have mentioned.

My main quibbles:

1. You still had some spelling/grammar issues. Nothing too major but seperated words, missing letters etc. occurred enough for me to really notice it. Some may be formatting, but others were just sloppy.

2. Steve's ex-wife's name changes from Denise to Diane or something between chapters 1/2 and chapter 3.

3. The Diane character while fitting for a lawyer (especially one working for the fed. gov. haha) is rather depressing. She knew but never told, not just because of the hurt it would cause but from your story, because she was bought off. That right there would have me discounting much of her advice. She risked Mac's health for her divorce money. She did divorce him because of the affair, ultimately, she knew it would never end unless it came out but she just saved herself and didnt bother to enlighten a so-called friend. I think her character was overall ok, but perhaps you should have explained her motives more. Perhaps the reader guessing is more fun..

4. The ending.. when Jeanne says "I love you. I love you with all my heart. I don't want the divorce. But I won't stay and be abused either", this is brillant. It speaks directly to how she feels aka bad but not that bad. It should be a wake up to Mac that the marriage is likely dead until she realizes the consequences and she won't until she's really punished. Sadly, I think you're quick ending blows the story. ( I can see it working out or not.. you just need to develop it more than you did)

-Hex

First, in an earlier comment I used the word chapters instead of paragraphs when describing how fast the husband went from angry to misty eyed and holding his wife. I must admit it is very humbling to realize that at the same time I am criticizing a talented writer, I can’t even write a cogent comment.

Secondly, after rereading the prologue I was struck by your question;

”What do you, the readers think? Should I end it as is or go out with a bang?”

Are you contemplating an alternate ending or a chapter 4?

Chagrined you're a great writer but I think you let us down with the final chapter. Just seems way too short with so many loose ends and questions hanging. I feel you lost the intensity and emotion you so skillfully created in the first two chapters. The "Consequences???" and ohio's feedback pretty much covers my feels also.

The first two chapters were excellent but the last chapter, the supposed consequences, left me asking what consequences??? The only consequences I see for Jeanne and Steve is they lost their "fuck buddy" of what ten years!! Jeanne shows zero remorse and even contempt for Mac. When Mac told her he burned the wedding pic she was mad because of how much Steve had paid for it. What the hell is that but contempt. Her ass would have been bouncing down the front steps. Mac has stuck himself with a wife he loves like people do a dog. I somewhat understand him staying with her for the kids but just barely. No way would I be planning on retiring to Spain with her(does she get to have another "fuck buddy" in Spain?). When the last kid turned 18 she history. The only good thing was Zachary was at least his kid.

Chagrined I love your writing and thank you for your efforts but this one must have gone over my head.

Wow. Talk about cold. But then look at what she says then: ‘You missed our anniversary. He came on to me and I took him up on it. I liked it. I was like having two husbands but better. It was just sex. You never missed it. I enjoyed the break from our sex life every few months. I didn’t feel like I was really cheating on you.’ She liked it.

This woman is simply amoral. She cannot differentiate between right and wrong. She says she realizes it was ‘wrong’ but those are only words. She enjoyed the sex and the affair and would be continuing it today if she had not been caught. She is sorry that she got caught. She is sorry that she will have to suffer consequences for her actions. She might even be sorry that Mac’s feelings were hurt. But she is NOT sorry that she had the affair with Steve all those years. She liked it.

Her definition of love and marriage are totally at odds with Mac’s. I find it inconceivable that he keeps her in his house and in his bed. That he wants her to impart her (non)moral values to his children. For 10+ years of infidelity she suffers almost no consequences. She has no remorse for the affair. She liked it.

Great story. Lousy finish.

Chagrined,

You are clearly a skilled writer. I really enjoyed the first two parts. One of the reasons I enjoyed them was the complexity of the situation you left your characters at the end of chapter two.

I agree that perhaps anger was warrented in Mac's case but I can see where emptiness, despair, and an analytical approach could happen. But, I like the others cannot see reconcilliation until the W gets it.

I truely think that this ending required at least two parts. One the confrontation you described and the other his W coming to truely understand what she had done. I think that Steve's W's comments should have been addressed (her name did change between part one and two by the way). She felt he was foolish, naive, blind, and stupid and it is hard to believe that his W did not think of him in those terms as well. In fact her comments to him while in the hospital indicate a woman with little respect for him or his feelings. As suggested by her choice of response "I love you." Not a very compelling arguement but suggestive that she thinks so little of him that batting her baby blues at him won't make everything alright.

I think an appropriate challenge for your skills would be to address her evolution in thinking about marriage and her H. That is where the complexity of this whole story really resides right? It is in her thinking, rationalization, and final resolution of her thinking that the true complexity and challenge lies. He loves his W. He treasures his W. He has been hurt, but his line of thinking is clear toward reconcilliation IF she can come to understand what she clearly does not.

Just some thoughts. I do enjoy your stories and I hope you continue to publish them here.

Not erotic, but nevertheless good. Could have been very real.

The wife suffered zero consequences. The title is false. The ending is, to be polite, inadequate and inappropriate. After your "Unbreak" series, I had high hopes that, for once, an author wouldn't wimp out. A cheater, husband or wife, should be punished so that they will remember and regret the error of their ways the rest of their lives.

By definition, at least in this scenario, punishment is physical in nature. That is the only thing that will even the score and provide for long-lasting memories to the cheater.

Unfortunately, we have become a world of "civilized" (feminized) wimps where the law punishes the person who was wronged when he takes revenge and rewards the person who did wrong. The law regards stealing a used car out of your driveway as important but your wife's sexual organs as unimportant even though you have paid far more in dollars for your wife than you did for any car. And, yes, the husband's sexual organs are owned by the wife. Apparently, as long as she agrees, anybody can use your wife's sexual organs with impunity as far as the law is concerned, regardless of your ownership stake.

The divorce settlement is the same whether the wife or the husband cheats. The wife wins either way.

Please give us a real (satisfying) ending where the wife suffers big-time and he laughs while watching it. At least make us feel better that, indeed, there truly were "Daydream Believer - Consequences".

Phil

10 years of betrayal, "because she could." The possible chance of a child not being his, and he stays? WTF? Man, now I know this is fantasyland, but you have got to be kidding me. There is no chance he would have kept her in real life.

Oh well, hopefully your next story will not stretch the imagination too much.

I write as another author of stories about men who discover their wives have cheated on them.

The first two chapters of your story were terrific--I found them amazingly powerful and emotional. Jeanne's betrayal of her husband was so complete: it lasted so long, it involved a child (we thought), it was with his best friend. It was just devastating.

And I know first-hand the problem facing a writer in trying to resolve such stories: if you keep the couple together, you get angry comments; if you break them up, you get angry comments. If the husband goes crazy in his revenge, people complain; if he doesn't, they complain.

But, having said all that, and with respect for how great the first part of the story is--I share the views of Salamis and many of the anonymous commenters. Jeanne's betrayal of Mac was so complete and so devastating that the reconciliation you have sketched out (and you didn't really develop it very much) is just not plausible.

Others have also mentioned that Jeanne doesn't "get it"--she still has no idea of what her betrayal of her husband means to him. The absence of her addressing that makes your conclusion even less acceptable.

It may be an impossible bind for an author. We all (or most of us) like happy endings, but (as some commentors said to me about "House of Card") the wife's betrayal in this case makes that very unlikely.

At the very least, if you were going to have them stay together, I think the reader needs to hear more: what goes on in counseling, how Jeanne comes to understand the magnitude of her betrayal, the pain involved for both parties in struggling towards reconciliation. The epilog you wrote just wasn't sufficient.

Above all, though, thanks for this story and for all your work. We look forward to more!

ohio

I didn't like it. After having an affair that lasts for years, becoming pregnant and all but certain the child is her Lover's, she still continues with the affair? She is worse than another author's "Dee" character. Absolutely no remorse for the affair, totally amoral and then she has the nerve to say "I love you. I love you with all my heart. I don't want the divorce. But I won't stay and be abused either"? She abused him for over a decade!!! Just another wimp husband who sold out for money. No pride and no self esteem. No likeable characters in this story at all.

10 years of cheating and she still really doesn't get it? No man I know or ever knew would just swallow that. Most would either walk away (to keep from hurting her) Or tear her head off and shit down her neck. Telling him the sex with Steve was good would have been the last straw. I say in real life she gets a foot up her ass until she spits out teeth. You blew the ending.

The problem I had with this story is that the husband's anger barely comes through. He's analytical and detached throughout. I know of no one, no one at all who has been through this kind of mess in his or her marriage without extreme anger. Frankly, I know many couples who have stayed together after affairs but none when the affair lasted so long or when there's even a doubt about paternity. This husband merely wonders for a few momemts about his youngest son, when the reality is that he would be obsessed with that and with the awful possibility that his wife believed she had carried another man's child through pregnancy with all of its intimacies and then sat and watched him raise that child.

And why? All because she "loves" her husband and not the man she fucks on the side? It's not a matter of revenge. It's a matter of human psychology.

The problem I had with this story is that the husband's anger barely comes through. He's analytical and detached throughout. I know of no one, no one at all who has been through this kind of mess in his or her marriage without extreme anger. Frankly, I know many couples who have stayed together after affairs but none when the affair lasted so long or when there's even a doubt about paternity. This husband merely wonders for a few momemts about his youngest son, when the reality is that he would be obsessed with that and with the awful possibility that his wife believed she had carried another man's child through pregnancy with all of its intimacies and then sat and watched him raise that child.

And why? All because she "loves" her husband and not the man she fucks on the side? It's not a matter of revenge. It's a matter of human psychology.

It was a ten year affair with no remorse. Sorry don't think this is an appropriate finish. Try again.

You are an incredibly good writer. I always look for your name when I sign on. Several times over this last week I reread chapter two to keep my memories fresh fro the appearance of chapter three. Unfortunately, I am left without the explanations I was seeking.

I can't understand why he would want to get over the infidelity. She had a decade of lies and deceit and (in her mind) a love child all because she could. I would be curious to read how they rebuilt anything resembling a family life. (That's a hint.) I think a lot of comments point to the core questions: Did she ever really figure out why it was wrong and how deep the damage? How does he ever change the story in his head enough to trust her?

I despise this “we need to do it for the kids” rationale. Are the kids so stupid they won’t see the changes? How can anyone expect to raise healthy and happy children in such an uncertain environment? Maybe it would be better to just call it quits so the offspring can see the consequences of their actions.

You do a great job of holding the readers attention from start to finish. Unfortunately the ending in the form of reconciliation seemed to be preordained from the beginning. I don’t personally have any problem with them staying together. What I find annoying is behavior and that is inconsistent with all we have been told previously about the characters. Look at it this way:

After finding out that his wife had been having a ten year affair; after seeing them having sex; after learning that his son might not be his; after being arrested; and after hearing that everyone else knew about the affair; after a heated confrontation and the dismissal of a best friend; after telling his wife “Stay then. Or go”; after all that it only takes a few chapters to get to the point where he is misty eyed and holding her. How did this characters anger and righteous indignation melt away so quickly?

Don’t get me wrong, I love happy endings. It’s just that this one came about too easily and too quickly.

I did enjoy the story though.

It simply means, "I would do whatever I can get away with."

In plain English: "I can never be trusted."

I guess Mac has to review the phone book and provide a reason for each name why she cannot cheat with, and he has to be convincing. Otherwise, she would think she could and would do it.

I second Kanga's question: Why is there always a braindead principal character in this kind of stories? Surely some people with a few brain cells do cheat. Why not write about those?

Cannot anyone spot the excessive stupidity in saying Steve was like a second husband even better, but his relationship was different? If different, it is superior not inferior.

I think some sacrifices should be made for the kids, but something like this is overboard. The mother is mentally retarded. She cannot serve as a mother.

Some of the Issues seemed to have been compressed a little too much and some questions left unnswered.

Did they eventually tell the Kids? And What?

What was the nature of the resumed sex without trust?

Did She (Jeanne) ever come to realise the full import that her cheating had wrought? Did she ever go back to or contact Steve?

I would have liked the storyline to have followed a DNA confirmation that the Kid was Steve's child and the consequences of that twist. I would also have liked to see the impact on the relationship dynamic if he had lasted longer and included the condition that he be allowed to "seek some companionship" outside the home. Then she would have had to adjust impact of changed circumstances and a new relationship. Good, consistent logical but no final elan. I wanted more and it had so much more potential

Kurious Kiwi

i don't think she was punished enough.... and i don't think she realizes yet what yhe true problem is with what she done...i think we need another chapter to show the results more of the consequences maybe to steve... and maybe to see what she went through to even attempt to get back to a relationship let alone one in which i would trust her again....how did she build that trust again in the 4 year period... to many unanswered questions as to how they arrived atstill being together 4 years later...i think one thing they really should have done was move and remove the memories of living where so many bad memories are ..still a good story but not up to your usual standards ...good read just clear up the loose ends

Mac says: Why, Jeanne? No psychobabble, no justifications, just a simple why? Why do it and why with Steve?" She sat for a moment, thinking, and looked up. "Because I could," she simply replied.I took him up on it.The sex was great."

Mac then went on and on to boredom in giving her and the readers his own psychobabble and justifications for the marriage to continue.

He should have just asked himself the same question without psychobabble and justification...and not tell her.

But he harangues the reader to no end...and the cricket symbol...dum..plain and dum...

I would have simply said to her that we stay together till the kids are gone or longer ...we will live as we had the last 15 years....and since this started because I missed our anniversary 12 years ago..the only condition, I ask is that we do not...and I mean do not acknowledge nor celebrate our anniversary..just as a reminder to you as to what your actions did to our marriage....are you comfortable with that? If not, lets cut our losses now. And of course she accepts..the SIMPLE INVISIBLE CONDITION...that's better than a dumb fucking cricket bat..that was really stupid.

Epilog:

I would not know where my life would lead me, but I would have my family, a fuckmate, family holidays, laughter in the marriage etc etc but she would not have my heart. I would enjoy other women and not turn away any future outside advances and enjoyments...but I would not embarrass her or the children..I would use upmost discretion etc to maintain the semblance of a stable marriage while being the best father I could be. On our anniversary date, she would have to accept that I would not be home as I was not 12 years ago...and if she found out that on that particular day I was enjoying female companionship and asked me why. I would simply reply, "because I could".

'nuff said

Andy

It certainly isn't a happy ending. It sounds like a prison sentence.

I find it implausible that he would want to have sex with her. Or even stay around her. And he never asked the question of what happens if she finds someone else she likes. 10 years, or more, of infidelity and he shrugs it off, more or less?? I was amazed that he took her in his arms. Bafflement. And, what type of a sex life did they have? A loving sex life or just hard sex?? With her attitude I'm surprised she wasn't laughing about it.

You hooked me with chapter one and made we want more after chapter two. Then in chapter three, you forced me to revaluate some of my fundamental beliefs; yet still you did not change my position. This was a very well written story with an unbelievable outcome.

Jeanne has been carrying on an affair for 10 years. She has quite possibly had a child by her lover, and when asked about why she did it, she says she ‘liked’ it. She mentions that her lover was like a second husband.

This is not about retribution, this is about common sense. The woman cannot be trusted…period. Eldon, by taking her back, legitimized her relationship with Steve. The problems I have with the outcome all stem from the longevity of the affair. Even the word trust is too weak to use in this context. This was not an affair; it was a relationship, on par with a marriage.

You set the bar so high in the deceit that I think you overstretched any reconciliation. Eldon looks like a fool in the process. It would have been more interesting to have Steve move in and create a 3-party marriage, a type of philandry contract. While that might seem implausible…it is less implausible then the outcome to this story. I disagree with Eldon’s actions in not divorcing his wife.

However, the story was still well written.

I am a product of a broken home. An even though I was thrity years old at the time it still shook the foundations that I used to build all of my relationships on. I think that Chargrined's stories are as close to real life as it gets while being fiction. No one, that has had a spouse cheat on them, ever recovers their ability to trust completely. This does make the resulting relationship or breakup dark. I read another author explain it this way: A marriage is like a piece of rare china and cheating is just like breaking this china, you can glue all of the pieces back together but the cracks still show. An it is never as strong again.

I also think that many marriages are just still together because of outside reasons other than love:ie. children, money, age, etc. These marriages are just two people making the best of what they have left to work with. Even when the couples split their following relationships seldom flurish.

Chragrined keep the good stories coming. I think that this story is best left as-is.

I USUALLY LIKE YOUR STORIES, BUT THIS ONE REALLY SUCKED. I MEAN THE WIFE CHEATED FOR AROUND 10 YEARS AND THE HUSBAND STAYED WITH HER. EVEN WORSE, FOR TEN YEARS SHE THAUGHT THAT HER YOUNGEST BELONGED TO ANOTHER MAN AND DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT EITHER. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. THIS IS ONE REAL COLD BITCH. IF I WERE THIS HUSBAND I WOULD HAVE PROBABLY TORTURED THEM AND THAN WOULD HAVE KILLED THEM. I DO KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE TAKEN MY REVENGE IN SOME WAY,SHAPE OR FORM. STORY WAS WELL WRITTEN, BUT THE ENDING SUCKED.

Outstanding! I was impressed with the husbands willingness to sacrifice his future happiness for his kids. Yes I know its done all the time in real life, but seldom in erotica. I was stunned at the wifes' reactions to the husbands pain and anger. It was like she was out of touch with reality, or loaded up on prozac maybe. Anyway, I scored this a 5. While I can't say I would have done the same as the husband, I can't deny your ability to write an excellent story. Congrats.

Tim C.

I like that the husbands react in a somewhat normal manner (this one didnt really) but they are all too depressing. You can write about consequences without making the guy lose most of his life. You can have betrayal and infifelity without it destroying a guy and making his entire existance a lie.

Thanks for writing but please lighten up on the next story. Dont have they guy kill himself, or the go insane, or reveal that the wife has been living a lie for their entire marriage, etc. Its just kicking a guy when hes down from my pov and doesnt add to the emotional impact of the story.

Mac is a better man than I. Keep writing great stories. I have enjoyed them all.

and I enjoyed following it.

Great idea not allowing comments until the end.

I'm not certain I understand his reasoning for staying. And you didn't actually mention whether Steve signed the papers before he got thumped again, but later that was eventually cleared up.

Unfortunately, like most other authors of cheating stories, you had to have a wife so stupid she is an insult to women in general.

Why won't someone try for a story where the cheating wife is not brain dead?

never felt in this one that she ever understood what she had done wrong. she seemed to understand that he thought it was wrong, but no big deal to her. still a good story and as usual, i enjoyed. keep up the good work.