Dead and Horny Ch. 20

Greetings, all! Annabelle Hawthorne here with the next chapter of "I have a zombie lesbian lying around, so will pair her up with a werewolf." The flavor is a little hairy, but it's got quite a bite!

(I'll see myself out)

For new readers, the proper starting point for this whole crazy mess is gonna be Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 01. Guy gets a blowjob in a tub, other stuff happens, and now we're in our sequel to a spin-off. It's complicated.

Returning readers, welcome back! Just a reminder that D&H Part 2 happens between books 5 and 6, so Mike's Christmas adventure has not yet occurred. I got a lot of emails about that last month. Also, thank you so much for coming around these parts to see what happens next! Lily pretends she doesn't care, but I can tell she loves the attention.

I will likely end this book around Ch. 24, so make sure you check my bio to see the release dates for this and HFHM. I also want to thank everyone once again for remembering to click those stars before taking off, it really does help me out more than you know. And for that weird guy who keeps telling me to stop thanking my readers, no. I don't think enough authors do it, to be honest, and it's the least I can do.

Speaking of morals, I think it's about time you all step into my church and take a seat, because we're about to have a good, old fashioned

Midnight Mass

Sitting in Aileen's apartment, Dana was doing her best not to zone out during the ritual. The witch was lighting candles in a specific order while whispering a very long incantation under her breath. It sounded like she was speaking Latin, and Dana made a mental note to add it to the languages she should try and learn in her spare time. Aileen held out a gloved hand for Tasia's wrist, and the werewolf laid her arm forward with the inside held up.

"This will probably sting," whispered Aileen as she picked up the knife. She slid it smoothly across Tasia's skin, then frowned when the thin cut left behind didn't even bleed. "Or not."

"Werewolf, remember?" Tasia smirked.

"I've only got so much time to do this before I have to start over," Aileen muttered as she pushed harder on the knife. With a far more serious effort, she managed to break the skin, causing blood to pool along the knife's edge. Turning the blade flat, the witch handed Tasia a small towel while she moved the blade over the silver bowl full of oil and water. Tasia took the rag and wiped her arm down, which had already healed.

The moment the blade touched the water, the liquid hissed and sent up tendrils of steam. Aileen frowned, then looked up at Tasia.

"You said it was just the one demon, right?" She frowned at the bowl as the liquid quickly evaporated.

"We were hunting one demon," Dana replied. "But I think we stumbled onto a nest of them."

"That shouldn't matter...I think." Aileen frowned as the liquid in the bowl vanished, leaving behind a dark black stain. "Well, shit."

"What's wrong?" Tasia looked at the stain and sniffed the air. It smelled like tar.

"When a demon uses blood to track you, it's not about your blood specifically. The process uses your lifeforce to create a snapshot of your soul." Aileen put the knife down and rubbed at her eyes as if nursing a headache. "Naturally, demons can use a soul link for lots of things, but tracking is the easiest."

"I'm familiar with the process." Tasia waved a hand in Aileen's direction, urging her to continue. "What's the problem?"

"Okay, right. Sorry." The witch leaned back in her chair. "You say this demon possessed somebody?"

"That's the assumption." Dana crossed her arms over her chest and looked up at the ceiling. "The demons we fought were all in human bodies. Meat suits. Best term for it."

"Hmm." Aileen picked up the bowl and looked inside. "So we have one of two problems. Either the two of you ran afoul of an incredibly powerful demon who really shouldn't be walking the earth, or several demons put tracking spells on you."

"You can't tell?" asked Tasia.

"Nope, and that's the weird part. The magic was working to remove the curse, but I ran out of materials." Aileen used the tip of the knife to scrape at the black sludge that had hardened inside the bowl. "Damn, this is gonna be hard to clean out."

"So, what now? Can you break the curse?"

Aileen shrugged. "I could, but I can't. The liquid in the bowl was distilled water along with a special blend of oils commonly used in sacraments and baptisms."

"Why not holy water?" asked Dana.

"Overrated. Might not be what you paid for. The water needs to be clean of impurities is all, the oil does all the work."

"Sounds more like chemistry than magic."

Aileen grinned. "Welcome to witchcraft 101. But back to my problem. Distilled water is easy enough, you can pop on down to the local grocery store. The oil is a different matter. It's a specialized blend of pure olive oil, myrrh, cinnamon, and calamus. I've got plenty of oil, but I'm afraid that what I have left of the other stuff is nowhere near enough." She slumped in her chair. "So I can't help you after all."

"You can't get more?" Tasia made a face.

"Unless your Order friends have some on hand, nope. The fact that you're here means they probably don't. I could try and get some through Ogna, but I think we're all aware of how well that will go."

"We've got money for it." Dana had already pulled out her phone. "I bet I can track it down."

"The commercial sale of calamus is banned in the US." Aileen let out an awkward laugh. "Now you know why I have all these plants! One of the first rules of witchcraft is to learn how to grow what you need, because otherwise you'll spend half your time tracking stuff down."

Dana looked at Tasia, who suddenly looked defeated. The zombie stood and placed a reassuring hand on the knight's shoulder.

"Do you need anything else for the spell?" asked Dana.

Aileen made a face. "No, but I mean it when I say you can't just find calamus. So if you're planning to drive all around town looking to get some, it'll just be a waste of time." She laughed again, a deep throated chuckle that was a little unnerving. "But hey, if you're willing to pop on up to Canada, you can get some fresh from the source!"

"Let's just say I know a guy." Dana tapped her phone for emphasis.

"By all means. I've got nothing better to do." Aileen stared at the silver bowl with contempt. "Scratch that. I need to scrape that shit out before it sets."

"I'll be right back." Dana moved toward the front door and was about to open it when Tasia called out.

"If you're going outside, maybe you can bring back some snacks?" The werewolf patted her belly when Dana looked back at her. "I'm hungry again."

Dana nodded, then stepped outside. She dialed up Eulalie and waited several long moments before her friend finally answered. There was a loud rustling sound followed by Eulalie muttering curse words.

"You okay?" Dana asked.

"Must have dozed off." Eulalie yawned into the phone, which ended with the sound of her teeth clacking together forcibly. "Spilled my damn snacks."

"Have you slept at all?" Dana stood in the hallway, overlooking the parking lot. Two doors down, a man in overalls wearing a white ballcap gave her a funny look as he unlocked the door to his apartment. Dana turned around so she wouldn't have to look at him.

"Ha! I'll sleep when I'm dead!" This declaration was followed by a groan. "Which might be happening right now."

Dana pursed her lips in concern. "How is staying up going to help us out?"

"Don't want to..." Another yawn came through the phone. "Miss anything. You guys ditch that tracer yet?"

Dana shook her head, then remembered she was on a phone call. "Not yet. Need you to acquire some stuff for us. Apparently it isn't easy to come by." She turned around and saw that the man in the hat was now leaning against his door, clearly listening in on her conversation. She lowered the phone and glared at him. "Can I help you with something?"

The man smirked, then opened up the door to his apartment and wandered inside. Once the door was shut, Dana held the phone up to her ear.

"Sorry. I'm going to text you a list of things that we need. Once we have them, it sounds like our new friend can help." Dana walked down the hallway toward the stairs to retrieve food from the car. "Speaking of friends, any word on Lily?"

"Oh. Right. She's being moved. It's all been highway travel so far. It looks like they're headed west." Eulalie's keyboard clacked in the background. "I won't be able to do much until she stops. Once she does, I'll give you a call."

"So we might be here for a bit."

"Yep." Eulalie sighed. "Fuck, it hurts to blink."

"After you get us our supplies, you need to take a nap, something. Have Sofia watch the computer for you."

Eulalie chuckled. "Yeah, she probably wouldn't be too happy to learn that we've gone rogue on this. Mike would already be burning down houses to get there."

Dana was almost to the car now, and she stopped once her hand was on the door. "Maybe we should get him involved then."

"No." The playfulness in Eulalie's voice fled. "Technically, Lily isn't in any real danger. You're already running around with an Order fugitive. We absolutely can't do anything to put him or the house on their radar."

"I don't disagree with you, but wouldn't it make more sense to have extra help?"

"Like who? Yuki? That's pretty much the only person we could send who might not get tracked, and there's no way she wouldn't get Mike involved."

"Twenty-four hours." Dana opened up the car door. "That's how much longer I'm willing to wait before I ask someone for help."

Eulalie hissed into the phone, followed by a sigh. "That's more than fair," she conceded. "I'm too tired to argue."

"Take a nap." Dana went to hang up, but Eulalie started yelling into the headset. "You have something else?"

"Yeah. There's an APB out for your car. Since you've got time, you should move it somewhere else. The Order is tracking it and knows you're in Georgia."

"Will do." Dana ended the call and texted Eulalie the list of ingredients for the ritual oil. Once she finished, she reached into the car and grabbed all of their leftovers. When she returned to Aileen's apartment, she was relieved to see that white hat man's door was still closed.

She let herself in and set the food down on the counter. Tasia came strolling into the kitchen, sniffing the air. She was followed closely by Aileen, whose eyes immediately wandered to the leftovers.

"Can I stick these in the fridge?" Dana's hand was already on the handle of an old white refrigerator. "I apparently need to ditch our car."

"Yeah, go ahead." Aileen made a face, but didn't say anything else. When Dana opened the fridge to put stuff away, she was surprised to see that it only contained a loaf of bread, some mustard, and a half empty bottle of diet Cola.

They all stared at that empty space for several seconds before Tasia turned to the witch. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Yesterday." Aileen's shoulders slumped.

"Are you sick?"

The witch shook her head. "It was either food or rent."

Tasia grabbed a small stack of leftovers from Dana and walked to the dining room. She hooked her free arm around Aileen's shoulders and shepherded the witch back to the table. The werewolf sat down and opened up the styrofoam boxes to reveal the uneaten meals.

"You're eating with me." Tasia made a show of pulling out a chair for both of them.

"I can't eat this," Aileen protested, but Dana had already procured a pair of forks and had brought them to the table.

"Why not?" Tasia's voice softened.

Aileen's eyes teared up, but she didn't answer. Instead, she picked up a fork and started in on some pancakes. The witch ate slowly, as if afraid that she might become sick. Tasia looked up at Dana with a fierce light in her eyes, but said nothing. When Aileen noticed that nobody else was eating, she made an odd sound in her throat.

"Um...aren't you going to eat?" She looked at Dana.

"I ate recently. Unlike some people, I don't burn ten thousand calories a day." She turned to Tasia, who was now eating some leftover sausage. "My contact is getting us what we need to finish breaking the curse. I need to pop out and ditch the car, so you'll have to wait here. It sounds like we're being tracked by more technological means."

Tasia paused mid-bite, then nodded. "Sounds like a plan, as long as it's okay with Aileen." She turned toward the witch. "Are you okay if we stay for a bit?"

The witch nodded. "I don't mind."

"I'll see myself out." Dana walked out the front door and went to the car. After pulling up a map to find somewhere convenient to ditch it, she got a text from Eulalie saying that it would be a couple of hours before they got their supplies. Satisfied, she drove the car a few miles down the road to a retention pond that was off the main road. She managed to get the Kia up to forty miles per hour before sailing it through the air where it landed in the pond with a splash. The airbags deployed, but she stabbed them with her knife before pushing open the door to let herself out.

Even if the Order found the car, it would take them a long time to find anything of use inside. Dana climbed the embankment and surveyed the area to see if anyone came running. When nobody did, she broke into a light jog back toward the apartment. She had forgotten to factor in the humidity and was still fairly wet when she returned to the apartment complex. Before she could knock on the door, Tasia opened it and held a finger to her lips.

"Everything okay?" asked Dana.

"Yeah, come in." She stepped back and allowed Dana to enter, then closed and locked the door. "Aileen is sleeping."

"Okay. Do you think she'd mind if I used her dryer?" Dana started to pull her shirt off, then paused. "Does she even have a dryer?"

"A small one by the bathroom. Here." Tasia led Dana down the hall and took a left. To the right was a closed door, which Dana assumed was the bedroom. Once the two of them were by the dryer, Dana stripped off her clothes and threw them inside the machine. Tasia grabbed a towel from the bathroom and gave it to Dana, which she wrapped around her torso. The two of them walked out into the living room and sat on the couch.

Dana put her hands behind her head and leaned back, putting her feet up on the table. "Ditched the Kia in a pond," she said. "That should buy us some time."

"How are we getting back to Florida?"

"Arrangements are being made. Sounds like Deacon is shipping out and took Lily with him. We have to wait until they stop moving before we can make our next move."

"How are you all tracking her?" Tasia sniffed the air, then frowned at a nearby plant. "Ugh. Wolfsbane."

"That one of your weaknesses?"

"No. Stinks like ass is all."

"I see. Lily still has the tracking device we were going to put on the demon."

"Something high-tech, I suppose?"

Dana snorted. "Nope. Just a modified Airtag."

"Why reinvent the wheel, right?" Tasia sighed, staring up at the ceiling. "Where do I go from here? Everything with the Order is a royal mess right now. I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to make contact with them without essentially turning myself in to become a lab experiment."

"Do you have someone you trust? Maybe go to them first."

Tasia sighed. "I do, but he's in another country. He's pretty high up in the Order and I assume he would vouch for me. But even so, it would probably be some kind of solitary confinement and study for a while. Damn."

Dana frowned, then stared at her feet. A part of her wondered if she should extend an invitation to the werewolf, but it really wasn't hers to make. Sure, they had a common enemy for now, but then what? Other than rescuing Lily, she wasn't even entirely certain what her own plans were. The whole point of this mission had been to identify the demon for Eulalie and maybe capture it. If they gave up now, it wasn't like they could just drop in again on the Oracle.

"So what do you think is going on with our hostess?" Tasia's voice dropped as she changed topics. "When I said we'd be here for a bit, she asked if she could take a nap. Said that I made her feel safe."

Dana thought back to the man with the white hat she had seen in the hall. She had definitely gotten a strange vibe off of him, but he seemed more like a general douche than anything else.

"I don't know." She crossed her legs and reclined on the couch, the towel coming unfolded and falling open to reveal her breasts. Tasia ogled her for a moment, but the act wasn't meant to be sexual, so she let it go. "But I don't think it's a danger to us."

"Few things would be." Tasia smirked, then stared out the window. When it was clear the conversation was over, she picked up the remote and found something on TV to watch. Dana continued to sit mostly naked on the couch, her thoughts on their witchy host.

Eventually, her clothes were dry, and she changed back into them. Tasia was watching a sappy rom-com, leaning forward in interest as the main characters were about to kiss for the first time. Dana thought the movie was boring, but wasn't about to ruin Tasia's good time. In just a few hours, they were probably going to be on the move again.

When Dana's phone buzzed, she looked at the text message from Eulalie and got off the couch.

"Everything okay?" Tasia asked.

"Our supplies are here." Dana walked to the front door and opened it. White hat had his front door open and was sitting in a cheap lawn chair with a beer in one hand as he stared down at the parking lot. He almost seemed disappointed to see Dana, but quickly looked away.

A high pitched buzzing sound filled the air, and a trio of drones descended from above, each one carrying a package. These were the modified drones Dana had been working on at home, each one capable of carrying a small load. They landed in front of Aileen's door, and Dana removed their burdens before they flew off.

White Hat's attention was piqued, but Dana ignored his calls as she turned and walked inside the apartment and shut the door. Aileen staggered down the hallway with deep pillow lines on her face.

"Who was that?" she asked. "Is everything okay?"

Dana held up the boxes. "Witchy delivery service." She set the boxes down and opened them. Inside each was a generous amount of the ingredients Aileen would need, sealed in baggies. She picked up the calamus and tossed it to the witch. "Will that be enough?"

"How?" Aileen stared at the jar of calamus in awe, then looked at Dana. "Did you rob another witch?"

"Friends in high places." Dana's phone buzzed again, and she looked at the screen.

Going to take a nap. Will call when Lily stops moving.

This was followed by a series of sleepy face emojis, and an egg for some reason.

"Sounds like we may still be here awhile." Dana looked at Aileen. "Are you okay if we stay a bit longer?"

"If you're gonna feed me, stock me up on supplies for a year, and let me get a nap, you can move in for all I care." Aileen smiled, but there was still sadness in her eyes. "Neighborhood isn't that great, though."

Dana and Tasia exchanged a look.

"If there's a problem we can help you with--" Tasia started.

"No." Aileen cut Tasia off, her cheeks turning pink. "I don't even want to talk about it, not if you want me to get anything done today. C'mon, let's see if we can't remove that spell. And maybe eat some more pancakes?"

Tasia sighed, then looked to Dana for support. But Dana knew better. If Aileen didn't want them in her business, that was her choice to make. So she sat at the table and kicked her feet up on the chair across from her instead.

"Eat whatever you want," Dana said. "We'll be out of your hair later tonight and won't be taking it with us."