Dead and Horny Ch. 20

"What are you doing?" Tasia hissed.

"Adding grand theft auto to my attempted murder charges." When she turned up empty, she threw the man down the next flight of stairs, where he landed in a crumpled heap. By the time Tasia and Dana made it to the parking lot, they found White Hat gasping for air and trying to crawl between a pair of cars. Dana knelt by his side and rummaged through his pockets until she pulled out a set of car keys.

"Why?" wheezed White Hat, rolling onto his back with tears in his eyes.

"Why not?" Dana knelt down and took the man's hat, then put it on her own head. She flicked his nose, causing him to flinch. "You and your buddies should probably get to a hospital. Oh, and if I find out you mentioned me, my friend here, or your neighbor at the end of the hall, I will rip off your arm and shove it up your ass until you can count to five from your stomach." To illustrate her point, she seized him by the front of his tank top and lifted him off the ground. His eyes fluttered up in his head before he passed out.

"Holy shit, Dana." Tasia stepped forward to catch the man before his head hit the pavement. "That was brutal."

"You're right, it was." She held out the keys and pushed the button. Two rows back in the lot, a car chirped in response. "Maybe they can be the ones who keep a bat by the door for a bit, lose sleep over who might be knocking at their door."

And just like that, all the pieces snapped together; the baseball bat, the lack of sleep, the comments about Aileen's man strength. Tasia just shook her head in disgust as the two of them got in White Hat's car.

"I know you think you're helping, but all you did was cause more problems for her." Tasia looked up toward Aileen's apartment. "Maybe you've spooked them for a bit, but when they figure out we aren't coming back, it'll only get worse for her."

Dana adjusted the seat, then paused, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. Tasia waited in silence, curious what she would do.

"Fuck." With that declaration, Dana pulled out her phone and typed something in before sliding it into her pocket. Once finished, she pocketed the phone and started the car.

"What did you do?" asked Tasia.

"I can't change Aileen's circumstances, short of getting out of the car and killing those guys. And I don't even think that would help, to be honest. She's in a bad situation which is far outside of my skill set." Dana threw the car in reverse and backed out of the spot. "The world is often full of monsters that you can't fight, not without becoming one yourself."

"You literally almost killed those men." Tasia frowned. "I feel like that's a bit monstrous on its own."

"You're right, I did. And if I'm being truthful? If I was still human, I probably would have." They were out on the main road now, Dana weaving between cars. "Do you know what the real difference between monsters and humans is?"

Tasia opened her mouth to reply, but hesitated. As much as those men probably had it coming, the sheer violence of the act against normal people had startled her. There had always been a fine line between the world she had sworn to protect and the one she frequently battled, and it had officially been crossed.

"Tell me," she said, almost scared to hear the answer.

"Nothing." The zombie stared straight ahead, her eyes unblinking. "Humans just have different words for what things are so that they feel better about themselves. A person should always be defined by who they are when they think nobody is watching."

"I see." Tasia turned away, her eyes now on the other drivers. They were on a straight section of road, and Dana was driving aggressively. More than a couple cars honked when Dana cut them off, but she didn't react.

"For what it's worth," Dana added. "I like who you are when nobody is watching. I like that you were worried about Aileen and her situation. You're still here, helping me out. There were times you could have left, yet there you sit."

"You didn't have to help me, either," Tasia added. "It would have been wrong."

Dana smiled. "I want you to remember that. When things get tough."

"Remember what?"

"That you may be a werewolf, but you certainly aren't a monster." She turned to look at Tasia, then frowned. "Shit."

Tasia had no time to react as Dana slammed on the brakes, allowing a black SUV with open windows to surge ahead. An Order operative holding a gun leaned back inside as the SUV slowed, but Dana had already pulled onto a side street.

"They followed us." Tasia looked out the back of the car. "We lost the demon, but now the Order is here."

"Yeah, Eulalie thought that might be the case. She picked up some chatter that we were in the area, I assume they hacked a bunch of security feeds or whatever. I only saw the one car, so I'm guessing we're just unlucky and it's a random patrol."

"Patrols are rarely alone," Tasia stated as a spotlight appeared over their car. "And there's the fucking aerial support."

"This is how we end up on the news," Dana grumbled as she floored the accelerator. Flashing lights appeared up ahead, but Dana had already turned down another side street, the tires screeching in protest. Tasia braced herself in the passenger seat, accidentally ripping off the handle above the door.

"Won't be on the news," Tasia shouted as they took another turn too fast. "Total media blackout."

Dana pulled her phone out and handed it to Tasia. "Call Eulalie. Put it on speaker."

Tasia looked in contacts and Eulalie was the only one there. She obeyed Dana's request, and the phone only rang once.

"Operator."

"We're coming in hot," Dana said. "Is everything ready?"

"Yes. The code for the front door is 8729. There's a closet in the master bedroom, you need to head there right away."

"Probably won't need the door code. How do we close it?"

"Close what?" asked Tasia.

"Just pull the bolts on the other side. Is it the Order?"

"Yep." Dana reached into the backseat and grabbed her backpack, which she handed to Tasia. "I need you to hold that for me."

"Why, what are we HOLY SHIT, DANA!" Tasia hid behind the backpack as Dana slammed on the brakes, then turned the car sharply up a long driveway. The car was going thirty when it slammed through the garage door, crashing into the opposite wall. The airbag smashed the backpack into Tasia's face, but it wasn't hard enough to do any real damage.

Scrambling to push her way free of the bag, Tasia felt it deflate and found herself looking at the edge of a knife. Dana had already stabbed her own bag and had done the same for Tasia. The hood of the car was crumpled up and the doors blocked by the wall they had crashed through, so Dana reclined the seat to go out the back window.

"Hurry!" She punched her way through the glass and held out a hand for Tasia. The werewolf used her own knife to cut the seat belt and threw Dana the pack before climbing over the back seat. Out in the driveway, two SUVs pulled up, and someone had already hopped out of one of them.

"Damn, your friends are pretty--" Dana never finished her statement. Instead, she shoved Tasia out of the way as shots were fired. The bullets blew holes in the zombie's chest, and she stumbled sideways.

"Dana!" Tasia grabbed the zombie's hand and pulled her toward the door into the house. She kicked her way through it, half dragging Dana behind her.

"Master bedroom," Dana whispered, then covered her mouth and coughed blood into it. She was fumbling with the bag, and had pulled out a pair of tampons.

"Where's the master bedroom?" Tasia was having trouble seeing in the darkened home. The headlights of the cars outside were bright enough that they disrupted her night vision.

"Hallway across from kitchen, I checked pictures earlier," Dana whispered, then shoved a tampon into one of her wounds. "Think they nicked my spine, my legs are numb."

"We need to get out of here," Tasia growled. "Maybe if we go out back..."

"MASTER BEDROOM CLOSET!" Dana's eyes were suddenly wild. "NOW!"

Confused and uncertain, all Tasia could do was obey. She found herself in a bedroom with a king-sized bed and a view of a swimming pool out back.

"They won't take prisoners," she said, moving to set Dana on the mattress.

"Into the closet, or I swear to god, I will bite everyone who touches me." Dana clung to Tasia's wrist. "Trust me!"

Tasia felt the breath leave her body as she stared at the paralyzed blonde in her arms. Hoping that she wasn't wrong, she slung Dana over one shoulder.

"Okay," she replied, then moved to the closet door. Already, her sharp ears heard a team entering through the garage, there were at least three of them. Tasia opened the closet to reveal a walk-in with a circular hole on the other side.

"Through the portal," Dana groaned.

"The hole? What is it?" Tasia stepped through the hole and felt mildly disoriented as they were suddenly on a concrete pad in a metal room. Turning around, she saw a thick metal plate had been attached to the wall, held in place by a pair of pins.

"Pull those out," Dana said. Tasia obeyed just as a pair of operatives shined flashlights into the closet. The metal plate slammed into place as bullets pinged off the other side.

"Where are we?" asked Tasia.

"No idea," Dana replied. "But we need to go through the other door."

"What other--" Tasia noticed that the corner of the room had a similar portal. A trio of large rats scrambled ahead of them through the opening as Tasia carried Dana across the threshold, that same dizzy feeling assailing her. They were now standing inside of a small wooden cabin.

"We're through," Dana said. "Go ahead and close it."

"Close what?" This time, she saw a lever built into the nearby wall. She pulled it down, and a similar plate fell into place. On the other side of the wall, she heard a faint beeping sound.

"We need to get outside," Dana said. "Before the bomb explodes."

"Holy shit, Dana." Tasia ran through the front door of the cabin. She now stood outside in the middle of a bog or swamp. There was a loud bang behind her, and the cabin shuddered.

"We should be good now." Dana sighed. "Go ahead and put me down, I need a minute."

"Where the fuck are we?" Tasia stared at the surrounding vegetation, then ran toward the outside of the structure. They were in the middle of nowhere.

"Someone's old swamp hut." Dana chuckled. "In Alabama."

"How are we in Alabama? We were just in someone's house, what the fuck?" Tasia put her hands on her head, then slid her fingers through thick locks of hair. "Why are we in Alabama?"

"Because that's where Lily is. At an old church, about an hour's walk from here." Dana pulled a flashlight from her bag.

"Why is she at a church?"

The zombie smirked, then grimaced. She pulled one of the tampons out and then reached into the wound with her fingers to pull out a bullet. Dana washed it in her mouth before spitting it out into her hand and studying it.

"Just what I thought. Silver." She flicked the bullet into the bushes. "I don't think the Order is interested in capturing you."

Tasia moved to sit by Dana's side, the weight of the world suddenly upon her. Knowing there was a kill order on her head had suddenly put an insurmountable gulf in her life. She had been hoping she could go see her father and convince him to stick up for her. However, if she was being honest, she wasn't sure how he would react at the sight of her. The feelings all came at once, and she bit her lip as she forced all of those emotions into a deep, dark corner of her mind. She would have time to process her feelings later. For now, she had a job and she intended to get it done.

"What are you doing?" asked Dana as Tasia picked up the backpack and put it on.

"We could sit around and wait for your legs to work again, but that'll take extra time." She crouched down in front of Dana and slid her arms beneath the blonde's legs. "You look like a girl who could use a lift."

Dana chuckled, then leaned into Tasia's chest as the werewolf lifted.

"My hero."

"There. How does that look?" Lily summoned hellfire into her hands to burn off some of the dried blood that had gotten under her fingernails. Along the back wall of her cage, she had curled the two bodies up in an attempt to make them less conspicuous.

"I don't think feng shui has any information about corpses." Mike moved around the cage and studied the bodies from a few different angles. "But it's still better than your previous idea."

Lily nodded. She had originally considered shoving the dead men back through the bars, but it would have required a lot of dismembering to do so. Ever since Timotei's comments about decoration, it had occurred to her that the whole thing was a setup. But for what, she wasn't sure.

However, in the last hour, she had heard movement beyond the curtains. People were chatting, their voices low. Deacon had company over, and she already had a feeling that her behavior would just play directly into the man's hands.

Scowling, she paced her cell waiting for the inevitable unveiling. Based on what she heard, there were at least a hundred people on the other side of the curtain. She tried calling out a few times, but it failed to elicit any sort of reaction. Eventually, she was startled when a speaker just outside the curtain came to life.

"Greetings, friends!" It was Deacon, and he was answered with the sound of applause and shouts of support. "I want to take a moment to thank you all so very much for accepting this very special, once in a lifetime presentation."

"Oh, brother." Lily sighed and sat on the ground. She looked over at the corpses and frowned. "At least you two are dead and don't have to listen to the panhandling preacher out there."

Being dead, they didn't respond.

"Now I do believe all of you have been to at least one of my shows, so you're familiar with how we always begin. It's time to reach out to the big man himself. If everyone could bow their head."

The succubus rolled her eyes dramatically. "Now I get to listen to this shit again. What are the odds I can use the dead men to pull a Weekend at Bernie's?"

Over in the corner, something moved. Lily stood and watched as a small creature emerged from the shadows, sniffing hesitantly at the air. It was a rat, and a rather large one at that. It had something strapped to its belly, and it shot across the floor and into Lily's cage.

"What do you have for me, Ratatouille?" Lily knelt down and smirked. At first glance, the rat looked like a little suicide bomber. It had a vest with a cellphone tucked into a big pocket on the front. She pulled the phone free and opened the contacts to a picture of a rat in a crown.

The rat took off, vanishing into the darkness. Lily held the phone to her ear and clicked send.

"Operator." Eulalie's voice was quiet with a hint of uncertainty.

"So I'm guessing you know where I am." Lily crouched down in the middle of her cage, her eyes on the perimeter. She was ignoring the prayer in the background, but was certain Eulalie could hear it.

"A church in the middle of nowhere, Alabama."

"How?"

"You're still carrying that tracker I gave you to attach to the demon. Is it still with you? The demon, I mean."

Lily snorted. "Yeah. About that." She gave Eulalie a quick rundown on Legion and was surprised when the Arachne didn't have more questions about it. She also told her about the vampyr, his killer offspring, and pretty much anything else she could before someone figured out she had a phone.

Once finished, she asked the question that was on her mind. "Where is Dana? Is she okay?"

"Nearby, actually. She's on her way to bail you out."

"No." Lily shook her head. "I don't care how badass she is, there's no way she's getting past that crowd out there."

"She'll have help. Any chance you could snap a few pics of the area? We might be able to portal in directly to your location."

"Yeah." Lily used the phone to take a few pictures, then sent them along. "Thanks for coming for me," she added. "The trick with the rat was a good one."

"Reggie had to help me with it," Eulalie replied. "He sent along some soldier rats to assist, the woods around you aren't very kind to small critters." A burst of static came through the phone, causing Lily to wince. "What the hell was that?"

"Who are you talking to?" Legion's voice, pure and unfiltered, came through the speaker. It was the demon's true voice, not spoken through the filter of a human host. "Have you forgotten that I was once a creature of light? That phone is like a shining beacon right now."

"At best, you were a hemorrhoid on your daddy's ass." Lily turned the phone off and absorbed it into her body. So much for a friendly voice. Beyond the curtain, the prayer had ended and Deacon was speaking once again.

"Now I know many of you are going to have so many questions about the things I'm going to share, and I feel the best way to start is to tell you the God-given truth. The Devil walks among us."

Someone shouted "Oh yeah!" but otherwise the crowd remained quiet.

"And when I say that the Devil walks among us, I don't just mean figuratively. I've seen him, and met his ilk. Lies spring from his lips as if he were breathing them, and he has told me that he wants the souls of good people, the best people if he can get them. For while every soul is precious, nothing pleases him more than to snatch away a soul destined for God's eternal kingdom."

Someone else cheered. A pair of Legions appeared backstage, watching her intently. They were right to suspect she was up to something, she just hadn't figured out what that something was.

"Now let me tell you that the war against Satan can only be fought by the chosen few who know God's love, who are ready to receive it. Those of you who have come here tonight have demonstrated that you are willing to give it all for your post in Heaven. You are His chosen, and I am asking you for your help."

"Amen!" This pronouncement was followed by a few more. Lily looked at the Legion closest to her.

"Audience plant, I assume?"

Legion chuckled. "Hardly. These people are so thirsty for salvation, they would drink poison to attain it."

"Is that what we're doing? I could use a bit more peace and quiet."

"But before you pledge yourself, I need to expel all doubt from your mind. It is time to share with you a secret that I have only shown a handful of others. Once you see it, there's no going back from the truth. Are you ready?"

This was followed by clapping, and shouts of hallelujah.

"You know, it's usually the hellspawn we show them." Legion smirked, moving closer to the cage. "We lock her in here, get her nice and hungry."

"What, and people think she's a demon?"

Legion shrugged. "We usually toss in a dog or something. You've seen her, she's a messy eater. Watching a child her size scale the bars while clutching a mastiff in her teeth is quite the sight."

"You people are sick."

"Hardly. They're the ones who are sick." Legion gestured toward the curtain. "So eager to get a peek behind the curtain, if you will. Why save your soul for Heaven when you can give it away today?"

"That's not how it works," Lily muttered.

"Untrue. That's exactly how it works, and you'll get to see it." Legion grinned. "Each person who gives themselves to me only makes me stronger. Strong enough, in fact, that even our surprise visitor will be hesitant to try anything."

"What visitor?" Lily locked away the fear of Dana's discovery.

"The one who left a werewolf in our care. He is a man who does not like being disappointed." Legion stared at the curtain. "Such a being scares even me."

"What is he?" she asked, now curious.

Both Legion meatsuits shook their heads.

"I don't know," the demon responded. "Perhaps that is what bothers me. He is not a creation of my Father's, that is for sure."