Dead End Job Gets Interesting Ch. 01

It was a cold sunny day and the clocks were striking thirteen as Jordan jogged breathlessly along the street. He could feel the phone in his ruffled white shirt pocket buzzing like the smug, annoying little fuck it was, the alarm he set being left unanswered. He already knew he was late to work, and did not feel the need to have that fact rubbed in. He could already feel the air in the office clogging up with the miasma of amusement mixed with awkwardness with a generous dollop of condescension dripping off that his colleagues would have - like the mental equivalent of putting a cake in the oven and then ignoring it for ten minutes too long.

Almost going past the back entrance to his work, Jordan snapped out of his morbid reverie and paused a moment to catch his breath. Quickly running a comb through his thick, wavy brown locks, he straightened his lopsided tie and pulled his pants up, the old leather belt groaning as it was forced back into place under his portly belly.

Almost hitting his head on the top of the door, Jordan ducked his head and wove between the two others trying to slip in. Whose fantastic idea was it to have the fucking hobbits measuring the height of the doors in Wellington, anyways? He'd only been back in the New Zealand capital for a month, and he was already missing America.

He took a moment to share a wry glance and a quick grin with the other two, as they embraced a solemn moment of camaraderie, three fallen men, defeated by time and their inability to manage it. The moment quickly ended, as Jordan strode to the quartet of elevators, drawing upon the probably-faster-but-fuck-stairs training he had been perfecting for most of his adult life.

The elevators, of course, took the longest thirty seconds of his life to crawl down to him, as he jogged impatiently on the spot like a 12 year old told he isn't allowed to go to the bathroom until the bell goes. The elevator area smelled vaguely of citrus, undoubtedly some cleaner's attempt to change it up. He could appreciate that. Gotta make the best of a bad situation, right? Jordan shook his head - he could hardly imagine anything worse than cleaning up after an entire building of entitled fucking bureaucrats like him.

The bell finally tolled as the door ground open excruciatingly slowly in front of him. He half dived into the metal box of death, and impatiently jabbed a button until a faded "three" lit up with a dull blue glow.

Gripping the swipe card around his neck like a holy talisman, Jordan zipped out of the elevator and swiped through the two security doors to his floor. The scratched black lettering on the wall read Level 3, Operations Support and Improvement.

Making the decision to rush to his desk to verify that he was only a couple of minutes late, Jordan zig-zagged through the various teams on the floor, occasionally absently nodding or waving to colleagues he knew.

His target in sight, Jordan halted his speedy entrance and adopted a casual stroll the remainder of the way - the goal of seeming like he wasn't worried about being late already half defeated by the redness lining his cheeks and the slight puffing of his complaining lungs.

He checked his phone. 8:04. DAMMIT. That means...

Of the six computer stations, two were already occupied by the early starters in his team. Kayla, the bouncy young 22 year old, fresh out of law school, poked her head up from the middle of the pod as Jordan collapsed in his chair, the groan of the overworked chair a sure sign of his arrival.

As usual, Kayla was impeccably dressed, her bright green eyes accentuated slightly with a slight tinge of golden eye shadow. She had gone with a fusion of modern and ancient clothes today, with a white Victorian shirt, patterns of white lace placing coy emphasis around her slim hips, hinting at the buried treasure of an impressively proportioned chest. He knew that this meant she was also wearing the blue "toy" skirt (her words), a long, azure number that came down to her calves, but with a long slit down one side that revealed a hint of shapely, tanned thighs, and the tantalizing hint of what he thought was a Dragon tattoo, winding its way up her thigh toward her stomach.

"Oh, thanks for getting me that file, Jordan. I'm snowed up to my tits over here!" she sang in the exaggeratedly casual sounding "kiwi" drawl.

The sense of palpable appreciation radiating from Jordan's face was clearly not lost on her, as she smiled a conspiratorial smile and winked as her face disappeared back down behind her computer screen, her shoulder-length golden-brown locks swaying behind her.

He heard a voice like the sound of hard leather hitting a loosely gravelly pavement behind him.

"Morning Jordan. Is that krampkeper file ready for review yet?"

Jordan rolled his eyes. "Yes, Graham, it's drafted and ready for proofing, but you said you wanted it peer reviewed first, remember?"

The fossil of a team manager grunted, the frown lines on his forehead reluctantly receding, allowing the bushy white eyebrows time to return to their rightful position.

No reaction to Jordan's lateness meant that the ploy worked. He rejoiced inside. He'd have to buy Kayla a coffee later.

The clatter of typing and mouse clicks was soon shattered by the hustle of the one person he knew he could rely on to be later than him - Lorelai. Jordan's eyes flicked to his screen. 8:22. Wow. Not quite the lorelai record, but a pretty good effort.

Soft blue eyes agape like they had just seen the end of days, and that end was now, because of the sheer inconvenience caused to her team by her tardiness, a frantic, gorgeous creature filled Jordan's vision for a moment. A thin grey blouse cut low enough to tiptoe the line between barely appropriate and lascivious, showing off the most perfect DD breasts Jordan had seen, combined with a freshly pressed pair of blue jeans that hugged her buxom waist and half-moon shaped booty.

Strawberry blonde hair untied, full lips coated with perfectly applied poison purple lipstick, Lorelai swept past Jordan to swoop onto the seat next to him.

"I'm so bus I'm late the sorry was delayed!" she cried, not noticing the word salad as multiple sentences came out where there could be only one.

Panicked eyes cutting back and forth between him, Kayla and quite clearly avoiding papa gram (the nickname that Kayla had worked oh so hard to make stick to Graham that one day, thus cementing The Law Of Kayla in the office), Lorelai was so fucking cute. But, at times like this, he had learned that it was better to ignore the word salad and move to reassure her.

"Hi, Lorelai. Yeah, these buses are shit. Stupid bus driver's strike; how dare those pricks and their desire for equal pay get in our way!" Jordan offered.

Clearly about to continue her panicked tirade, the words nonetheless caused lorelai's eyes to flash with anger. She was not difficult to read, as she wore her heart on her sleeve most of the time, and he knew full well the reaction his words would receive.

As she opened her mouth, a snippy reply on her lips, she saw the ironic smirk spreading across his face, and rolled her eyes at him, his barely suppressed mirth winning her over.

"Yeah, those workers that dare want enough money to feed their kids each week, how dare they?" she said, poking her tongue out at him.

The conversation earned a titter of amusement from across the pod, as Kayla tried to hide her amusement - and the fact that she was eavesdropping - and failed as usual.

Pretending not to hear, Jordan reluctantly tore his attention from lorelai. With a final scan around the pod, a quick glance enough to notice the evils that fossil gram was giving her, he popped in his phone earbuds, letting the smooth doof-doof of the vocal trance zone him out as he found the next file to work on.

At damn near the exact stroke of 9am, like clockwork, Jordan barely registered as the final member of the team drifted in. The latest starter, Bonny was by far the quietest and most reserved member of OSI.

"Oh! Bunny! I love your hair! Where did you get it done?" Jordan removed one bud as he glanced over. His turn to eavesdrop. Here we go.

Kayla was standing up, her elbows on the desk, as she looked the shy girl up and down, approval evident on her face.

Bonny (hereafter forever known as "Bunny" per the Law of Kayla) looked down, a demure smile on her face.

"Thanks Kayla, I did it myself over the weekend..." Bunny replied, her quiet voice a stark contrast to Kayla's enthusiasm.

Her normally dark brown hair, which normally hung from her hair in lazy ringlets, was shock pink today. She was wearing the typical Bunny mode of dress, with a cute white woollen sweater, neat dress jeans and red striped sneakers. Not exactly appropriate footwear for a government department, but nobody really seemed to mind.

"Nice! How was your weekend?" Kayla pressed. Bunny looked up, as her smile faded for a moment, her dark brown eyes unreadable.

"It was okay. I went to the beach on Saturday..." she replied, her voice trailing off.

"Ooh, wow! That explains the super cute bikini you were sporting on your Instagram!" Kayla gushed, unperturbed.

A wave of colour rose to Bunny's cheeks as she looked around to see if anyone else had reacted or heard.

Jordan shook his head to himself. With smarts like that, Kayla could be a private detective. She was way too good at getting information from people. That, or she'd end up getting fired for stalking, he thought, a half-smile creasing his face.

Kayla, meanwhile, smiling cheekily as Bunny helplessly blushed at the sudden appearance of the personal information, finally gave the poor girl a break.

Jordan couldn't help but sneak glances at the exchange. He felt bad for bunny, but she just looked so innocent and helplessly cute when she blushed. And it was obvious that Kayla enjoyed tying Bunny in knots. That girl was so blatantly bisexual that it hurt sometimes, he thought, as he replaced his earbud and let himself float away with the music.

Before he knew it, it was 11:40. He flicked open his email and sent a message to Kayla.

"I think I owe you a coffee for getting me off the hook with papa gram this morning. Free at 12? I hunger."

A few seconds later the return email popped up. It just said "You sure do ;) Emperor cafe at 12:15? Just gotta finish this letter lol xD"

Man, 22 year olds and their damn emojis.

Jordan smiled despite himself and raised one hand above his monitor with a thumbs up. This was met a moment later as a pair of tiny pink nail-polished finger guns appeared above Kayla's, cementing the meeting.

At the appointed time, Jordan rose from his chair, his chair creaking politely at him, telling him to fuck off and never return. Guh, he was only 33. He really needed to get back on the exercise bandwagon.

Sauntering over to Kayla's desk, he offered his arm, and tipped his invisible top hat.

"Milady? Your carriage has arrived."

A pair of green eyes looked at him, first in surprise, then with barely contained mirth.

"Why thank you, Milord" she replied with her best attempt at demure submissiveness, eyes twinkling in amusement, as she rose and took the offered arm. Intertwining her arm with his, the two walked a few steps toward the exit, their differing sizes making their gait uneven, like a pair of Siamese twins that learned how to walk on a pirate ship.

Jordan felt the sensation of Kayla's young, firm breasts pressing against his arm as they walked. The thin cotton of Kayla's shirt gave no barrier as they half-walked half-rolled to the cafe.

"Soy mocha, two sugars, extra marshmallows?" Jordan guessed, as he politely disentangled himself. Kayla raised an eyebrow suspiciously at him.

"What are you, the coffee whisperer?" she muttered, and nodded. Jordan declined to mention that he heard her giving her order to bunny the previous day, and smiled mysteriously.

New Zealanders were weird. The cafe was almost deserted, as most of the bureaucrats didn't eat lunch till 1pm. Stark difference to while he was in the states, where everyone got half an hour at the stroke of 12 and stampeded to all available cafes to satisfy their caffeine cravings. But here, people could take their breaks at almost anytime, as long as they still got all of their work done for the day.

Jordan was about to order his standard lunch order, when, out of nowhere, a blur of movement and a streak of blonde was all he saw before something slammed into him, knocking him back a few steps. The scent of eucalyptus and honey wafted into his nostrils as he looked down to see a pale, blue-eyed beauty hugging him like a tiny bear preparing to devour its prey.

His assailant smiled a wide smile, and rubbed her face affectionately into his chest.

"Omg Jaws! What are you doing here?!?!" she asked, breathlessly, her California accent, use of this nickname (and perky c-cup breasts haphazardly poking his stomach) leaving no doubt who it was.

Jordan gaped in amazement for a moment.

"Sarah? What are you doing here?!" he echoed helplessly.

The slim blonde girl disengaged her stranglehold and straightened up, proudly puffing out her chest. She was wearing the plain black tee shirt and faded black jeans of Emperor Cafe. That (combined with the apron around her slim waistline) telegraphed exactly why she was here.

"I got the job here! I Interviewed Friday, remember? They asked me to start today!" she gushed, clapping her hands in self-righteous applause.

A small cough reminded Jordan of someone.

"Who is this lovely creature, Jaws?" Kayla asked, as she looked Sarah up and down. Jordan sighed. The Law Of Kayla strikes again.

"Ahem, er, yes. Kayla, this is my best friend Sarah. Sarah, this is my workmate and fellow mischief-maker Kayla -" Jordan affected the most pompous English royalty accent he could "-and you may now shake hands."

The two girls looked at each other for a moment before grinning. At the same time, they both drew back their fists and playfully punched Jordan, taking an arm each.

"Ow! Stop that! I deserved that!" Jordan jerked away from them, trying to sound offended, but his wide grin was palpable.

"Sarah, you're making our coffee and servicing our table today, right?"

"I'd be most happy to, Kayla, if Sir here agrees?" Sarah remarked, a slight blush colouring her face.

Jordan raised an eyebrow at her for a moment before screwing his face up into the ugliest face he could muster.

"Do I haaaaave to?" he said, plaintively making "help me" gestures to one of the other baristas, who proceeded to do an excellent imitation of him not existing.

"- YES!" both of his tormentors said firmly, before looking at each other in surprise and dissolving into a gaggle of giggles.

"Fiiiiiine, but that coffee best have cats drawn in it!" he replied, winking at Sarah. She winked back and zoomed off to create coffee cats.

"So, Jaws, how do you know that gorgeous young thing? I wouldn't have thought that she would be in your normal pool of friends...?" Kayla asked, a hint of curiosity and jealousy in her voice.

"Hmm. Well, I'd tell you, but then she'd have to kill you..." Jordan smirked, enjoying the pout that coloured Kayla's features.

"No, but you should actually tell me though, because you know I'll find out..." she replied, a smug grin unable to fully replace the curiosity in her sparkling eyes.

Jordan's memory flashed back to how she made bunny blush that morning.

He sighed. "Well, the truth is, I met her at a board game convention in 2010."

Kayla raised one eyebrow, in the universal gesture of "NOPE TRY AGAIN".

Jordan held up his hands in surrender. "I'm serious! She came with her boyfriend at the time, but he ditched her to go play a card game with his friends. Nerd boys, right?" Jordan rolled his eyes theatrically.

"She was just sitting in a corner, craning her head to get a better view at all of the games being played, but nerds being nerds, none of the nerd boys had the balls to even talk to her - everyone was ignoring her, it was like she was invisible.

She looked lonely, and I had gotten out of my "girls are the mysterious yet deadly enemy of nerd-dom" phase a year or so beforehand, so i came up and offered to teach her how to play. Then-" he smiled wryly, "I made the mistake of mentioning dungeons and dragons, and I haven't been able to rid myself of her since."

Sarah picked this time to walk up to the table, skilfully balancing an omelette on one arm and two coffees (with exquisitely crafted steamed milk cats, of course) on the other. Her azure eyes widened as she heard the end of the conversation.

"What? Jaws, she plays D&D? Are you serious? Omg keep her, she's perfect!"

Jordan grimaced and gestured plaintively at the unashamedly excited face Sarah was making. "See what I mean?"

It was Kayla's turn to hold up her hands in surprised surrender.

"You're serious? You're a nerd girl?" She looked Sarah up and down.

At the time, Sarah was definitely an anomaly in Jordan's world. An 18 year old bombshell with slim, tanned legs, blonde hair that spilled out in a golden waterfall almost to her waist, and perfectly proportioned breasts to boot? And one who was totally obsessed with dungeons and dragons, a game he'd been dungeon-mastering for the last five years for?

Yeah, definitely an anomaly. Or so he had thought. Turns out that there are actually a huge number of nerd girls that exist. They just get put off by the exceedingly stuffy (and awkward) gatekeeping of nerdboy culture. But that was a story for another time.

Jordan shook his head. "Nah, sorry Sarah. She asked me how I met you, and didn't believe me at first."

Sarah's smile faded. The 27 year old crossed her arms.

"Did she ask what a girl like me is doing knowing a guy like you?" she asked softly.

"Whoa, easy there, tiger. She didn't mean anything by it. I just don't think she was prepared for the knowledge that you were a huge dork under that exterior of yours..." he hastily clarified.

Sarah paused for a moment, and then the smile returned. "Oh, well, that's okay! We all wear costumes to hide who we truly are, don't we, Kayla?" she said brightly, putting a comforting hand on Kayla's shoulder and squeezing. She leaned over the Kayla, her lips only a few inches from her ear.

"Just as long as the person viewing those costumes doesn't judge a person by them!" the blonde girl intimated, her voice barely more than a whisper. Jordan had to take a sip of his mocha to avoid laughing.

"Sarah, stop bullying my colleague, she's had enough for now, don't you think?" Sarah turned, eyes wide, face a mask of innocence.

"Would I do that?" she asked, staring at him, as he fought unsuccessfully to hide a smile.

"We still on for Friday, Jaws?" she reminded him.

"Depends how good you are between now and then, Sarah. Now go serve your other customers!"

Sarah sauntered off, a satisfied look on her face. Kayla, meanwhile, watched her go, eyes evaluative, as she bit her lip thoughtfully.

Jordan leaned over to her, a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Sometimes you're the Kayla, and sometimes...you're the bunny, I guess..." he whispered beautifically.

Kayla jabbed him in the arm with her fork. She looked offended for a moment, and then, seeing Jordan's face, thought better of it and laughed, her face red.

They ate in silence for a short while, him his omelette and her tucking into a veggie burger, before she finally spoke again.

"You're like actually really close with that girl, huh," Kayla said, twirling a fry around on her fork in front of her in Sarah's general direction.

"Was it that obvious?" Jordan asked.

"Well, yeah. I mean, she had no time for my shit like the moment that I questioned why it was that you have a girl like that in your inner circle." She paused, considering her next words. "Can I ask you a personal question, Jordan?"