tagLetters & TranscriptsDear Aunt Flabby

Dear Aunt Flabby


This column is for all you deviants out there with sexual questions. I will try to answer all that I can, all you need do is to write and ask Aunt Flabby.

Dear Aunt Flabby:

My wife came home late last Friday night and unexpectedly announced she had been fucking our neighbor for two months. Not only that, she brought home a chastity cage so now my genitals are under lock and key, only to be released when she feels I have earned it. My question to you is not only am I not mad at her, I now feel more at peace than at any time in our marriage. So what does this mean?

Signed, Locked up and nowhere to go.

Dear Nowhere to go:

It sounds to me you are happy to be under your wife's control. Although you're not getting any, you should at least be happy you're wife is finally getting all she needs. I would think she would find something you will be useful for, such as cleaning her privates after her lover is finished with her. Good luck in your new duties.

Signed, Aunt Flabby.


Dear Aunt Flabby:

I came home from work the other evening to find my out of work husband, lying on the floor watching the ballgame while all his chores went undone. In a moment of frustration and rage, I kicked him as hard as I could in the nuts. I turned around and walked out of the house, leaving him screaming in pain. When I came home three hours later, I found all of my husband's chores finished and a contrite hubby down on one knee with an apology. Was I too rough on him or should I have done this sooner?

Signed, Wife of husband with sore nuts.

Dear Sore Nuts:

Well duh, it is oblivious you should have kicked in the nuts before he lost his job and then maybe he would still be working. We women have to face the fact that men are nothing but lazy beasts of burden and we need to keep a strong hand to keep them in line. Believe me they will thank you for it once they learn that women have the upper hand.

Signed, Aunt Flabby


Dear Aunt Flabby:

At my husband's insistence, I included another man in our love life. When hubby found out it was a beautiful black man from work, he tried to back out. My co-worker then beat my husband senseless and then he fucked me senseless in front of him. After seeing the equipment of my new ebony prince my husband's esteem is so low, he can no longer get it up. As for myself after finding what a real man feels like I could no longer allow my husband to use his puny equipment on me. My husband feels humiliated and wants me to stop going to my lover for personal satisfaction. Aunt Flabby do you think this is fair?

Signed, Married to a little man.

Dear Married:

The reason your husband feels insignificant is that he is insignificant. Tell your husband he can make up for his inequities by other means such as bringing home a bigger paycheck and better presents for you. A good idea would be to take him to Victoria's Secret where not only can he buy you expensive lingerie to appease your new lover; he can help you pick it out. Maybe you can tell him that after all he is, just a white man and just what can you expect from them. Oh, by the way enjoy your new lover and believe me they are worth it no matter how sore they make you.

Signed, Aunt Flabby


Dear Aunt Flabby:

Can you help me talk my wife into anal? I'm just dying to get my dick into that phat ass of hers. She constantly teases me with it and she will let me kiss it but she says she is too small back there for the real thing. Please help I can't think of anything else.

Signed, aching to get in her back door

Dear Back door:

I understand where you are coming from; nothing feels better than back door sex. Maybe the best way to get your wife to give up her anal passage is to let her take your back door. Get your wife a good-sized dildo and a harness and then assume the position and take it like a man. This will show your wife just how much you want that rear passage of hers and then maybe she will allow you the pleasure of that most personal of all sex acts. Just a warning once she realizes the rush she will get from taking you like the bitch you are, she will want to make that a regular part of your sexual repertoire.

Signed Aunt Flabby

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