Decoding Desires Ch. 04

He holds me tight and I relax into him, my giggles now gone. I hum in pleasure before I can stop myself, it feels so good to be in Lee's arms. "How you feeling?" he asks, his lips tickling my ear. He begins spreading soft little kisses on the nape of my neck. It's amazing.

"Real good," I whisper. "Thanks."

"Thank you," he replies between kisses.

I'm feeling open, perhaps that's why my mouth is translating my thoughts before I realize I'm saying them. "I've always wanted, um, with my nipples." It's not even a coherent sentence, but I don't know how to fix it.

"You liked that?" Lee asks, his hug growing just a shade tighter as he tensed.

"I've, um. I wanted to, but, like, didn't want boyfriends to think I'm girly or anything."

"Nipples are nipples," Lee says, like it's the most simple thing in the world. "Did you like it?"

I nod, then lean my head to the side as he kisses around my neck, heading towards my throat. "I've always wanted to try."

"To try having your nipples played with?"

I nod again, face burning, and I'm glad he's behind me. Being in his arms makes it easy to open up, too easy, but even then it feels right. "Yeah. I, um, sometimes if I'm not playing with my ass, when I'm, you know."

"It's not as good when you do it yourself," Lee agrees to the unspoken part of my comment. He relaxes enough to move his hands, brushing his fingers over my sensitive nubs. I hiss and tense, but also lean into it because I'm a little slut. Lee's lips press against my neck and he does it again.

"Fuck, Lee. I'm, it's, just fuck."

He chuckles and I can feel it vibrate in my back like the hum of a high tension line. He squeezes me tight and we sit there for a few perfect moments until he pulls away. "Gonna go change my shirt," he tells me as he stands up. "Wait here, okay?"

I nod, pulling my shirt down. I hiss again as the fabric rubs my tender nipples and his smile grows wide. "That's so hot," he says, biting his lower lip in a way that makes me want to offer myself to him right now. He hurries down the hall, leaving me alone on his couch for the second time today.

I realize I can smell his cum, or at least our cum, just a hint of it, but it's there. We got some on my shirt. I think about it for a second, then look to see if there's any white stains, but I don't see anything so I figure it'll just be my little distracting secret. He's back quickly, this time dressed in a navy blue polo that clings to him in just the right ways.

"You should be a model," I say, words leaking from my brain directly off my tongue. "You're really handsome."

He chuckles. "I'm not so sure about modeling."

I laugh, but I'm nervous. "I bet all the ladies at your work swoon when you help them. They buy all the glasses." And of course I make myself instantly jealous. "I would."

He smiles. "Maybe. Do you wear glasses?"

I shake my head. "No, no need."

"When's the last time you saw an optometrist?"

I shrug, getting up from the couch. "Few years. But, I don't have any problem seeing."

"You should get them checked. Your eyes, I mean. Not saying you've got bad vision, it's just good to get a check up every two years or so. And, I think you'd look good in glasses."

"Eh," I dismiss. I hate going to the doctor. It makes me feel like I'm wasting everyone's time, or taking time other people need more than I do. "Maybe. What should we do? Today, I mean." There. Topic changed.

He purses his lips in thought. "I wish it wasn't quite so hot, it'd be really nice to go hiking in a park someplace. We could go shopping, there'd be air conditioning."

I think about it for a second, then shake my head. "I don't really need anything right now."

"Oh. Okay. Me either. Um..." He trails off with a frown. "I wanted to plan today out, but I also didn't want to be super imposing, so I didn't, and I should have."

"Hey, really, it's not a big deal. I should've thought about it, too. Why don't we watch a movie or something, then we can go for a hike when it's closer to sunset and maybe cooled off a bit?"

He smiles. "That sounds wonderful. Should I make popcorn?"

He picks out a movie, and he's super excited, which makes me really nervous because he obviously loves this movie and if I don't I might disappoint him. I'm trying to prepare myself to pretend to like it when I realize how stupid I'm being, so I don't, and now I'm working out how to tell him nicely I don't like it.

He comes in with a bag of microwave popcorn that he's put in a bowl, the bag is all puffed up, but it's not open yet. He looks at me shyly, then hands me the bowl.

"It's tradition in my family to, um, be the one to open the bag. Like, me and Stevie would always fight for the right to be the one to get to open it," he says. "It's a reward."

He has my full attention. "Reward?" I ask, feeling nervous over pretty much nothing.

He flushes. "Um, I didn't mean it that way," he says, then bites the corner of his lip on the inside. Is he nervous, because he doesn't have any reason to be nervous. "I just thought I'd offer."

"What if I wanted a reward?" I whisper, too ashamed to look at him properly. What was wrong with me?

He doesn't say anything at first, then he drops to his knees in front of me. "Brat?" he asks.

I'm stunned, I mean, what exactly is going on? Lee constantly throws me off guard, but in the best way possible. "Um? Sir?"

"Did you get spanked today?"

I'm studying the bowl with the popcorn bag in my lap. It's name brand, not the cheap stuff. It smells wonderful, movie theatre butter. "Yes," I whisper.

"Why?" he asks, his Sir voice in full control of my entire existence.

"Cause I was bad," I whisper, my throat tight. "Sir." I add, I'd almost forgotten.

"Hmm, you were, weren't you?" I nod. "And you were punished for it." I nod again. "And you took your punishment like a good boy?" I nod, more vigorously.

He pauses for a few seconds, but I can't look at him. I'm squirming on his couch, ashamed and under scrutiny and thinking about the spanking is reminding me of how hot it was. Of how I want to be bad again, but also how afraid I am of Lee's 'wall of pain'. "Hey, look at me, please?" he asks, sounding a little less confident.

I look up at him. "Sir?"

"Not Sir. Cody, tell me you're okay, please?"

I look at him, confused. "I'm okay, Lee."

"You just, I always go too far. Like, I'm thinking in my head, okay, I'm only going to do this one thing, cause I don't want to freak you out, and then you're just so amazing that I push and push. You act like you like it, and it encourages me to keep going. I need to know, Cody. Cause, you say you're new to the sub stuff, then you push, like, every button I have."

"Lee," I say, not nervous at all like I was when Sir was asking me questions. Now I'm nervous in ten different ways, because I want Lee to like me so much he can't breathe when I'm not around, and yeah, I've got Lee-itis bad.

"All of this, like, this week, it's been really exciting. Fun, like, um." It's harder to say, especially when I'm not acting as Lee's Brat. It's weird, but there's a very strong, clear line in my head that divides me from who I am when we're doing the sexy stuff.

He's waiting for me to continue. Giving me a chance to be honest with him, so I am. "Lee, shit." It's still not easy. I run a hand through my hair and it must be sticking up, but I realize it's probably all messed up from... I put that thought to the back of my mind, but I'm sure my face is still red. It's something I've always hated, how easily I blush. It's a redhead thing, I guess.

"Sorry, sorry," Lee suddenly dismisses, standing up. He wipes nothing off his pants and turns away from me, picking up the remote and fidgeting with it.

"Lee, I, ah, I'm really glad I met you. Like, I was worried, cause you know, my sister's a bit of a free spirit, so when she told me how she met you, and then you were gonna meet up again I was worried, right? But, like," I sigh. His back is still to me. "This shit we're doing, the stuff you're doing with me? I never knew being with someone else could feel like this. It's not, I'm not just doing it for you, if you think that's what this is. I mean, I'm doing it cause I wanna, um, so, ah, don't be sorry."

He turns back to me, and I can see he's pretty messed up over this, but I can't figure out why. He sits down next to me, so close to me he's half sitting on my lap, but he scoots over quickly so that our legs are firmly touching next to each other.

"In my house, growing up, opening the popcorn bag before a movie was like a prize," he says softly, not looking at me. "I want you to open the bag, Brat, because you were such a good boy today."

"Thank you, Sir," I whisper. I pick up the bag, still warm, and grab opposite corners and gently pull it apart, savoring my reward. The popcorn bag pulls apart nicely until the end, and then it rips down the side of the bag and I'm embarrassed, but Lee tips the bag and spills the popcorn into the bowl with a chuckle. Once it's empty he takes it and throws it on a clear spot on the table, then wraps an arm around my shoulder, taking a handful of popcorn with the other.

"Good job," he whispers in my ear, and it's good that I already came twice today. I still shiver and he chuckles, then shoves some popcorn in his mouth. I take a bite and it's possibly the best popcorn I've ever eaten, just because I'm here at his house and just... Lee.

He hits play and the movie starts out like one of those Saturday movie specials on local TV that came on when I was a kid, the one with the two announcers, I can't remember their names. Big something and Little something. Anyway, it's obviously low budget and they're trying to raise money or something, then they play the movie and it's a movie called 'Big Breasted Women go to the Beach and Take Their Tops Off,' and there are a bunch of naked from the top up women playing sand volleyball.

I look over at Lee and he smiles at me, a smile that tells me to just keep watching, so I do. The movie soon turns into a 'so terrible it's funny' movie about a mad scientist making tomatoes that can turn into people depending on what kind of music they hear. It's obviously making fun of horror movies, but it's also making fun of the 80's, and of itself, and I can't help it, I'm a sucker for self-aware movies.

I catch Lee glancing my way a few times, checking to see if I like it, and I do. I was worried I'd hate it and now I feel dumb for feeling that way. He sits close enough that we are touching the whole time, and honestly I don't know if I've ever had this much physical contact with a person in one day.

I freaking love it. We get dinner, we talk, we go for a hike and hold hands the whole time, the day is amazing. Perfect. Totally makes up for yesterday with freaking Jon-no-h. I hang out with Lee until it gets late, then I hang out a little longer. We don't do any other sexy-time adventures, but to be honest, I felt amazingly content the whole time. Like, I was glad we got the sexual tension part over with, I mean, I'm not complaining at all about the double fun-times we had earlier, but it was nice to just be with Lee.

Eventually I leave, although a goodbye kiss did turn into a bit of a makeout session at his door. Damn, Lee can kiss so well it makes my knees go soft every time. I'm feeling amazing as I'm driving home, but also I immediately miss Lee and it's a weird joyful melancholy.

It's Friday and I'm lonely, missing Lee even though it's been less than fifteen hours since I've seen him. I got some laundry done, and now I'm sitting at what Carrie considers 'our table' at the tea shop she likes. She's late, but that's nothing new. I order her a pot of tea and myself a French press of coffee, and the waitress, who we are on a first name basis with, we eat here that often, brings me a scone for 'while I wait for Carrie to finish making her co-workers cry.' Sandy the Waitress's words, not mine.

But, knowing Carrie, she does make her co-workers cry, but not intentionally. She works hard and smiles the whole time, and I'm guessing it's hard for people to not hate and also envy someone like that. She shows up seconds after Sandy leaves her pot of tea.

"Coco, you're so sweet. But, where's mine?" She's looking at my half-eaten scone with a frown. She puts her purse on the chair next to her and sits, fidgeting until she's comfortable.

I shrug. "Sandy likes me better," I reply with a wink. It's true, Carrie told me once she asked if I was single, before she knew I didn't play for that team. To be honest, I think that endeared me to her even more, because before she knew I was gay I didn't get free 'while I'm waiting' scones.

She scowls, which disappears the second she pours her tea, breathing in the aroma. "Mmm." I smile as she brings the delicate teacup to her lips and blows across it, then takes the tiniest sip. "Sorry I'm late," she says when she puts her cup back in the saucer. Sandy comes by before she can say anything else and we order, we don't even look at the menu. Sandy knows our order, too, but she asks every time anyway.

Carrie clears her throat after Sandy walks away, then leans across the table. "Sooooooo," she drawls expectantly.

"So what?" I deflect. I know what she wants from me, but I'm not going to make it easy.

"So how was yesterday!" she whisper-yells. "You're killing me Coco! You spent the whole day with him, didn't you?"

I bite my lip shyly, taking my time, drawing it out. "Hmm?"

"Coco!"

I chuckle. "I did. I mean, most of it. Like, I didn't show up at the crack of dawn, if that's what you were thinking."

The look on her face tells me that she had considered I'd be there that early. Or maybe she's just teasing me. I can't tell, not when we're talking about Lee. "But you were there until the crack of dawn?"

I shake my head. "A man doesn't kiss and tell, sweet sister," I say, knowing she'll jump to conclusions, but also knowing it'll annoy her.

She takes the bait. "You did? How is he, in bed I mean. He's pretty dreamy."

I bite my lip again, he's totally dreamy, he's in every one of my dreams. "I didn't spend the night," I correct. "We aren't, um, I don't know how he is in bed yet," I say, leaning closer to whisper the last part. I may be openly gay, but I know better than to talk about it like it's nothing in mixed company.

"A whole week, and you haven't boned yet?" Carrie asks, too loudly for my liking.

I shush her. "Lee's different," I reply. "I..."

She's feeling pretty good about herself, I can tell from how she's smiling. "And you thought he was a Rando stalker," she reminds me. It stings a little, but with Carrie you never know the kind of freaks she attracts.

"You got lucky," I tease. She frowns, then sips her tea again. "No, really, he's great. I mean, we're taking it slow." Kinda. She doesn't need to know all the finer details.

She can tell I'm withholding on her, but my phone rings, way too loud for the restaurant. I feel like a heel and fish it out, then silence it immediately, but it still draws twin angry glares from two old women who were also regulars. Carrie called them Ada and Irene, and I have no idea if that's their real names or if she made them up.

Either way, they didn't like me much, and it really felt like my phone was just the excuse they needed to show their mutual disapproval. I look down at the screen, and Carrie looks, too.

She frowns, then shakes her head no. "Don't answer it," she hisses.

"She's my friend," I defend.

"She only calls you when-" she starts, but I answer it and put it to my head, one finger up to Carrie. Carrie's lips purse and she takes another sip of her tea, then puts the cup down harder than she intended, spilling some of the pale green liquid on her fingers and down into the saucer.

"Hey Shauna," I say, trying to avoid the daggers Carrie is staring at me. Sandy the waitress saves me by bringing the food then, which distracts Carrie at least a little. "What's up?"

"Hey yourself, stranger," Shauna replies. "It's been ages." She emphasizes the word ages so it sounds like a-giz. "Where've you been holed up?"

"I dunno, been busy with work and that," I hedge. For some reason I don't want to tell her about Lee.

"Mmm-hmm... Too busy for your friends, huh?"

"Um, this's the first time we've talked in a while, and last I knew, you were busy for the unforeseeable future?"

I can practically hear her eyes rolling. Carrie motions for me to put it on speaker. I shake my head no, then she kicks me hard enough I know I'm going to bruise, so I put it on speaker, running a finger over my lips for her to keep quiet.

"Oh, that's done now, been done for ages," she says as if it's common knowledge. "Fell through."

"How does an accelerated master's program fall through?" Carrie rolls her eyes at me, tipping her head back in exasperation. She never really liked Shauna, not even when we were all in high school together.

"Oh, I failed physics. Nevermind that," Shauna dismisses. I can see her waving the words away in my mind's eye. "Jace said he hasn't been able to catch you for more than a week now. You should call him, he's worried about you."

"Why would Jace be worried about me?" I ask, my stomach flipping over. This was why Carrie never liked Shauna, cause she's Jace's best friend. "We aren't a thing anymore."

"He said you were set up to get back together or something-"

"Absolutely not," I cut in. "No, that was not a thing that was, or is, ever going to happen. Jace and I are not-"

"Shut up, Cody," Shauna snaps. Carrie is dying, she wants to say something so bad, but she knows that I will take this theatre off speakerphone if she does, so she stays quiet. "You're such a liar. And, he cares about you, so of course he'd be worried."

"If he cared about me, Shauna, he wouldn't have cheated on me, like, every chance he got."

"He needs you, Cody. You're his rock."

"Bullshit," Carrie hisses, and I pull the phone away and cut off the speaker faster than she can stop me. "It's fucking bullshit, Cody."

I nod to her, putting my finger up for her to be quiet again. "I am not his rock. I'm his... I don't even know what I am, a plaything? A convenient outlet? Either way, I'm done, Shauna. I'm done being used by him. I've moved on."

"Like hell you've moved on," she snaps. Carrie is doing her best impersonation of a porcupine across from me. "You guys are, like, meant for each other. You need to talk to him, Cody. He can't get a hold of you, and he really is worried."

"Worried he'll lose his toy. And, yeah. Can't get a hold of me cause I blocked his number." Carrie looks smug.

"He can't get ahold of you and he's worried because you two were talking again and then you suddenly stopped answering texts and ignoring his calls."

"Shauna, please tell him I'm fine, but I need some space."

"No, Cody, you tell him. You owe him that much."

Carrie can still hear her. "You don't owe him shit," she hisses.

I sigh. "I don't think I do, Shauna. Sorry your master's thing didn't work out, but I'm kinda busy right now, so I'm gonna let you go."

"No, wait, Cody-" she says as I hang up. My stomach is doing flips and I don't think I can eat, even though I was hungry before. I feel weirdly guilty, but I'm not sure why.

Carrie doesn't say anything, but she's hot. Her whole face is beet red, the redhead curse. We both sit there for a moment, the mood sour.

Carrie lets it go, but I know it's temporary. "Lee's pretty great, isn't he?"

Ah, that's where the guilt is coming from. "Yeah, he is. I... I don't think I'm good enough for him, Carrie. Like, maybe..."

It's been sitting in my chest since I met him, and now that I've said it out loud I know how true it is. He's amazing, and here I am, caught red handed from trying to get a pity fuck from my literally infectious ex-boyfriend barely over a week ago.