Decoding Desires Ch. 04

She purses her lips, choosing her words carefully. "Cody, Lee is... He's good for you, and he's very, very, very into you. Very into you. Did I mention how into you he is? Very with all capital letters into you."

"Not as of yet," I answer, all of this news to me.

"He's so totally into you," she informs me. "Like, yeah."

"He told you this?"

"Cody, you're almost all we talk about, and you've only known him for a week."

"You've only known him for two," I counter, not sure why it matters.

"Whatever. Don't fuck this up," she warns. "You're more than good enough for Lee, at least he thinks so. You don't believe me?" Perhaps she can see my doubt on my face. "Call him right now. He'll answer. No matter what he's doing, I promise you he'll answer."

"I'm not calling him," I say, putting my phone away. It's ringing again, but I silenced the ringer so it's just vibrating in my pocket. I know it's Shauna again, she really doesn't like to be hung up on, it was more her thing to do to others than have done to her.

"He will," Carrie insists. She takes an angry bite of her quiche and chews it slowly.

"I dunno. Maybe. He's visiting his dad today."

"You seeing him tonight?"

I swallow hard. I want to, but now I feel guilty, like even just talking about Jace has somehow made me a cheater, which is ridiculous, since we aren't actually dating. Or are we? I wish I knew. "Maybe."

"Don't do this," she snaps. "Don't shut down. See Lee tonight, forget about Jace."

"Yeah."

"I mean it, Cody. You want me to block Shauna's number, too? I honestly don't know why you still have it."

"She's my friend," I complain.

"She's Jace's friend," Carrie corrects, and I don't disagree, but I won't tell Carrie that.

"Anyway," I say into a terse silence between us. "How do Ollie and Owen like the new pool?"

She softens immediately, any talk about her eight year old twins is a surefire way to diffuse her anger. Unless she's mad at them, and then, well, there's not a thing you can do to cool her off. "They're fish, I swear to god. There's so much sunscreen in the pool that I swear they don't need to apply anymore, but they still burn, so we had to get them those long sleeve swim shirts." She's smiling now, a little distant.

I'm holding back a sigh of relief. "You should come over to swim and bring Lee, too!" she exclaims when I'm finally able to take a bite without my stomach rejecting it. Her words change that really fast.

"What?" I ask.

"It's been so hot, you should bring him over to the house and we can all go swimming. The pool's more than big enough, Graham made sure of that when we got it in-ground instead of one of the above ground ones. Ollie wants to be the next Michael Phelps."

I think it over. Lee already likes Carrie, so it would probably be fine, except for me being jealous of her everytime they talked. "Sure. I'll invite him," I say, thinking about what he might look like without clothes. I still haven't seen him undressed. Hell, I haven't even seen him without his shirt, and he's seen me au-natural a few times already. "When were you thinking?"

"Hmm... well, you're off tomorrow, and so is he. Or is that too soon?" She bites the corner of her lips. "Maybe next Saturday if you're off. Really any day we're all home is fine."

"Is Graham's mom still watching the boys over summer break?"

She nods. "Yeah, they've been doing fun little day trips. Rebecca may not like me all that much, but she loves her grandbabies."

"Cause Kitty isn't gonna ever settle down," I reply with a sideways smile.

Carrie snorts. "You can say that again. Don't get me wrong, I love Graham's sister to death, but that girl's gonna find out that life catches up with you."

I shrug. We both eat in silence for a few minutes until Carrie breaks it again. "Are you gonna call him?"

"Lee?"

She rolls her eyes. "Jace, idiot."

"No. Wasn't planning on it." It's the truth.

"You gonna call Shauna back?"

I shake my head. "Nope."

She appraises me. "I'm proud of you, Coco. I know it's hard, but see where this thing with Lee takes you." I nod, but don't say anything. There's nothing else to say.

We pay and leave. "I'll text you about swimming once I talk to Lee," I say as we head out into the July heat.

"I'll order food, it'll be super awesome," she says, already planning it.

"Don't get ahead of yourself. Let me ask him first, yea?"

She frowns. "Fine. Talk to you later, Coco."

"See ya, Carrie," I reply, then turn and walk towards my car. It's so hot inside that the vinyl seat burns my ass through my jeans. I blow the air, windows down, then drive home.

My phone rings and it's Shauna, so I ignore it. It rings again about thirty five seconds later, and I'm getting really frustrated with her so I'm gonna answer it and tell her.

Only it's Lee. "Hey," I say, my anger quickly grounded.

"Hey yourself. How're'ya now?"

"Better now," I reply, smiling like an idiot. "You?"

"Not terrible. Listen, I'm gonna be here for a while, the mold problem in the basement is worse than he told me about, so I've got two different basement companies coming out for quotes today, at three and five."

"If you want, you can tell me what they say and I can tell you if they're taking advantage of you, cost wise," I offer. One good thing working for a construction company, I knew how to spot project inflation. My company doesn't do it, I'd quit if they did, but I've worked for companies in the past who'd do shit like that, before I knew better.

"Really?"

"Yeah," I say, not sure what to add to it, so I leave it at that. "Just send me pics of the quotes. And the damage," I add as an afterthought. "I don't know a whole lot about mold, but I should be able to tell you if they're raking you over the coals or not."

"You're a lifesaver," Lee praises and I'm burning up, and not from the heat, my air conditioning has kicked on at this point.

"Um, it's nothing," I dismiss. "When do you think you'll be home?"

"Hmm," he says. "I dunno. Later that I want, but I need to make sure my dad is taken care of first, you know?"

"I do," I say, hiding my disappointment at potentially not seeing Lee tonight, but super pleased that he's such a good guy that he's taking care of his dad. It balances out, though I do feel lonely already. "Even if we don't see each other, you'll call me, right? Before bed?"

He laughs. "Why, Brat? Have you been bad?"

"I dunno, Sir," I reply, feeling playful and horny. "You'll have to call me later and find out."

Sir hums his approval. "You bet your ass I'll be calling. You'd better be on your best behavior today, Brat, or I'll... Hold on a sec, Dad. Just, don't, just a second, don't do that! Cody, I've gotta go herd cats before my Dad tries to climb up on the house again. Hold on, Dad!"

"No worries, I'll talk to you later."

"Thanks. Hey, Brat?"

"Sir?"

"Stretch yourself out for me a little, yeah? No coming. Just relax your ass a little?"

My face is on fire. "Yes, Sir."

"Good boy," he praises. His tone changes. "Miss you, Cody."

"Miss you, too, Lee."

We hang up and I'm feeling lonely and also high. I'm so distracted that I fail to notice the car parked in front of my house, or the guy at my front door, sitting on my stoop, until it's too late. He startles me so bad I almost climb back into my car, but I've already shut the door, so I just bump into it awkwardly.

"Cody!"

I swallow hard. "Hey, Jace," I say, my lunch threatening to revisit my mouth. "Why're you here?"

"I was worried when you stopped responding," he explained, brushing his impossibly blonde-white hair off his forehead. Somehow he always managed to look like a Norweigen model, thin and tall, pale hair and stormy blue eyes. So stupid handsome, and he knew it, and he used it.

He was trying to use it now, dressed in crisp khaki shorts and a blue and white vertical striped tank top that showed off all the hours he spent at the gym. If he was here, trying to win me back, I bet he wasn't wearing deodorant, either. The thought already had me drooling like a fucking pavlovian dog.

Just fuck this shit. "Jace, I can't do this."

"Do what, Cody?" he asks, standing up when he realizes I'm not coming over to him. Fuck, the sun hits his hair and he's sparkling like one of those stupid Twilight vampires. "Let's go inside, it's hot out."

"No. No, no, no. Nope. No. Jace, you're not welcome here." I'm trying to be strong, trying not to cave into him like I always do.

He knows me too well, he knows what to do to get me back in the palm of his hand. "Cody, baby, let's go inside. We'll just talk."

"Nope. You are not welcome."

"Baby, what'd I do? Let's go inside and talk it through."

"Do you mean this time, or overall? Cause I distinctly remember cheating and Chlamydia overall, but I'm sure I can think up a handful of specific instances." I have no idea where that came from. It felt good to say, but it stresses me out like mad.

He frowns and my chest hurts, but I realize it's not as bad as normal. If Lee looked at me like that, like I'd just stolen a kid's favorite toy and yeeted it to the horizon, I'd be devastated. Hell, Jace's angel-face devastated me more times than I'd like to admit, but today, it's not working as well as it usually does.

It's suddenly easier, now that I've realized that Jace doesn't have the power over me he used to have. "Jace, we're not, I'm not," I sigh, regrouping after the look of confusion and hurt on his face. "I've met someone else."

Jace looks shocked for a moment, then laughs. "So what?"

"So, I'm serious about him."

"You're serious about someone you've known about for, what, a week? Is that why you stopped talking to me?" Jace looks amused, but also mildly annoyed. "Cause you didn't have anyone but me when we talked last."

I shrug, floundering. Jace's confidence was overwhelming. "I guess."

"Baby, I don't care if you have another boy," he dismisses. "Long as you come back to me." It was that right there, he was so sure I'd come crawling back, begging to suck his dick. If I'm begging to suck any dick, it's Lee's.

I must be smiling thinking about sucking Lee's spectacular piece, because he takes it as a sign that he's getting his way. He approaches me and I'm distracted and don't move fast enough. Jace pins me to the way-too-hot-for-this-shit car, pressing his body against mine.

"Hmm, what's got you all riled up?" he asks, running his hand over my package. I'm still half hard from talking to Lee and thinking about that dick, and about playing with my ass for him, but Jace thinks it's for him.

"Not you," I whisper, panicking so hard I'm locked in place, unable to move.

Jace's hand turns my head towards him and he's still touching my dick. Before my primitive brain can process it, Jace kisses me, a big sloppy smooch on the lips. "Come on, Cody," he whispers in his bedroom voice. "Let's go inside and talk."

He's not wearing deodorant. I fucking love the smell of a dude, and he's smelling so sweaty and manly that I'm feeling weak. A random part of my brain is wondering what Lee smells like, my mouth is watering for Lee's scent. I want to lick him, Lee, not Jace. Jace brings me back by licking my neck up to my ear.

"Come on, Cody. It's too hot out. Let's go inside." He pushes his groin into mine and I can feel his dick. It's not as big as Lee's.

I know I'm slow, but I suddenly realize he just came here for a quick fuck, and a week ago I'd have already been ass up head down for him. Now it just pisses me off. I finally find the ability to move my body again just as Jace is coming in for another kiss. I push him off me, but he's got the leverage so it's pretty ineffective. He kisses me again, but it slides down my cheek as I struggle to get away.

It feels super gross, Jace's spit on my cheek. "Come on, baby," he whispers, pressing his whole body against me into my car. My heart is pounding and all I can think about is how disappointed Lee is gonna be, and adrenaline takes over. I knee him in the balls and he gasps, then drops to his knees.

"Fuck you, Jace," I manage to growl, practically running to my front door. "I'm not your fucktoy."

"Goddamnit, Cody," he groans, knees planted in my overgrown grass, hands holding his bruised jewels. "What the fuck."

"I told you I met someone," I snap, unlocking my door as quickly as I can. I need to escape, but there's no guarantee that he'll even leave once I lock myself inside. "I'm done, we're done, Jace."

"Oh, baby," he moans, standing back up, though I can see he's still aching from his staggered steps. "We're not done. You're mine."

"Bullshit." The lock is being picky, or maybe it's just my hands shaking too hard, but it finally opens and I almost fall into the door. "Fuck you, Jace. I'm done being your plaything."

Jace is pissed, and the look on his face used to scare me, but now it doesn't. "You'll be back. You always come back."

"Not this time," I say, feeling confident in that, hoping my confidence isn't misplaced. I slam the door just as Jace yells my name, then lock it and run to the back door, which I make sure is locked, too.

Jace is pounding on my door, yelling my name, yelling for me to answer, but I don't. It quickly degrades into profanities which should not be repeated, mean and hurtful things. It works. I'm feeling worse and worse, and I'm almost ready to open the door just to get him to stop saying them, but then he stops yelling.

"I know you can hear me," Jace says like we are talking face to face, no more yelling. "I know you're right there on the other side of the door, little faglet. Fuck your new guy. He'll leave you, you'll see. I give it three weeks, tops, before you're begging to ride my fuckstick again like the cute little faglet pussy you are. You'll come crawling back to me, and I'll forgive you, but not before forcing you to watch me fuck whatever girl I find, then making you suck her love juices off my dick before I forgive you."

Jace had never been this mean to me, but I'd also never cut him off like this time, either, not even after he'd given me Chlamydia. It's hard to breathe, I know I'm having a panic attack. Jace pounds on the door three more times, bam-bam-bam, then stomps down my front steps hard enough that I can hear it. His car roars to life, he has a banana yellow Mustang because of course he does. I remember how I used to feel, riding in it, and I feel bad for my clueless self in the past.

I feel bad for myself now, too, but for different reasons. His words are too close to home for my liking. They bring to light all of my insecurities with Lee, all of the things I want to know but can't ask. Most of all, though, I'm feeling terrible because Jace is probably right. I'm already emotionally too deep with Lee, so if things go south, I don't know if I could resist falling back into Jace's bed.

I'm making myself sick just thinking about it, feeling less and less like I deserve someone as amazing as Lee. I wish I was better, but at what I can't say, I guess just in general.

Jace revs his car a few times before peeling out as obnoxiously as he can. My back is to the door and I slide down it, feeling like glass that is spider-webbed, but not yet shattered.