Dee Dee's Dilemma

(Set in New Zealand)

Chapter 1

Dee Dee (her real first name) Ascot-Jones faces a big problem. Well, don't we all, several times a day in fact, especially if we handle a high-powered job or dysfunctional teenagers?

But no. Dee Dee's problem is a matter of the heart. And no, she's not afflicted by an under-performing valve or a faulty blood supply. She's infatuated with her gardener, Lady Chatterley style, which presents a problem because she's married to a ruthless guy bent on achieving social advantage who would likely thump the gardener to pulp if he ever found out what went on in the toolshed.

The big downside in allowing her heart to swing away from her husband, was that her friends may well go into their garden shed at noon and drink a glass of fine wine while being shafted by their gardener, and perhaps some of his helpers as well.

But marry a gardener as a replacement following divorce. Oh, no, that's just not done, at least in upper-crust English society!

Intelligent women, for whom social standing is paramount, don't seek social rejection.

Imagine how humiliating that scale of rejection would be on the children, the grandparents, long-time school friends and even the old school?

Then there are the neighbours, one's pre-eminence at church on Sundays where seating is on merit according to lineage, peerage, one's husband or wife patronage of the church, skill at playing bridge and keenness on certain breeds of dogs.

Under enormous psychological pressure, Dee Dee was showing signs of stress and under medical advice was advised enter a health clinic or to go far away to some part of the country where the biggest concern of the day was wondering what's for dinner.

Dee Dee used a private investigation agency to provide her with a list of patients currently domicile in the better class of health clinics, and it didn't make impressive reading.

It appeared scarcely anyone who was anyone was currently going through a personal crisis and was in residence at one of these esteemed establishments where the main focus appears to be to separate wealth from their famous guests.

Then Dee Dee remembered Kate in New Zealand, a Colonial girl who'd gone 11,500 miles to school where Dee Dee was a residential student.

It had fascinated Dee Dee that a girl would go such a long way to school and the two girls become very friendly indeed. It turned out that Dee Dee's mother, born and raised in London's posh area of Belgravia, had been a highly regarded equestrian eventer in her late teens and had captained an invitation female team playing polo against an all-male team of high social standing fellows at a charity fund-raising event attended by the Prince of Wales and three Dukes and five Duchesses and the females thrashed the half-drunk males, winning 9-1.

Dee Dee's mother had married a New Zealand international racing car driver she met at a bar in Soho and they went to live in New Zealand after Reggie developed bad gout with him promising their two infant daughters would be sent to England to be educated at their mother's old school.

Kate and Dee met again three years ago and the celebration of present and former girls who gathered to celebrate the 150th year since the founding of their school.

Dee Dee, one of the celebrity speakers at the Sesquicentennial Dinner described her best friend at school, Kate King as she was then, standing up in class and terrifying the teacher and most of the girls with her dissertation about the establishment and operation of an egalitarian society in her home country of New Zealand.

Some of the girls were appalled that servants were virtually non-existent in that country, and being told the unofficial national motto was "Jack's as good as his master" almost caused them to panic.

And so, ten days later, a small notice appeared in the social pages of London's most influential newspaper read by the gentry, oh and others, stating 'Lady Dee Dee Ascot-Jones leaves today for New Zealand where she will stay on a sheep station for six weeks with an old school chum, Kate King as she was then. The station - a term for a super-sized farm - runs 128,000 Merino-cross sheep [Note: 128,000 rather than 128 is the correct number of sheep].'

Dee Dee's husband, Sir Richard, wanted his wife to take at least a couple of servants and a chauffeur with her, but she refused, saying she wished to 'live like a native and find the inner-tranquillity of myself'.

After that rejection, Sir Richard's only concern was about her leaving him with more than sufficient money to run the estate as well as to finance his usual excesses; he was pleased to find Dee Dee had been a darling and taken care of everything.

* * *

A highly excited Kate Stewart met Dee Dee at Christchurch airport and they headed south for Sighing Hills Station, a property stretching from flat grasslands and then rising steeply into the foothills of the Southern Alps - almost 520,000 acres in all.

"But it can't be that large as that is almost as large at Nottinghamshire in England where my father born that covers 540,000 acres."

"Well we know the size of our station," Kate smiled. "The children are ever so excited that you're coming to stay with us. That all think you are a Princess, daughter of the Queen. Little Toby intends to ask you if Richard rides a white horse and carries a sword, so please take care how you answer; six-year-olds are so impressionable."

"Your Ronald, how is he?"

"He's just dandy and is absolutely certain that I'm pulling his leg to embarrass him by saying he should just call you Dee Dee and not Lady Ascot-Jones.

"Oh, I must warn you that the women of the district are planning a soiree next weekend to demonstrate to you that we know how to keep up appearances. They are expecting you to wear a tiara."

"But I don't have one with me, in fact I don't even own one of the stupid things."

"Then just wear pearls as a head band, I can lend you mine."

"Thank you dear, but I do have pearls with me. It's simply not done to travel without one's pearls."

"Hip, hip," teased Kate, and they giggled almost uncontrollably.

While in England, Kate had gained a reputation for taking the mickey out of British aristocracy, and taught those she came in contact with that the Kiwi (New Zealand) expression for taking the micky was 'taking the piss'.

"Your older brother, Duncan, is he well?"

"Oh yes and still a confirmed bachelor though he runs with the loners."

"What's that?"

Kate explained that whenever Duncan came across a comely woman adrift from her man, he'd step in to ensure she got her fill.

"Her fill!" cried Dee Dee, turning pink." You haven't changed have you, you filthy-mouthed bitch."

They had another giggling fit.

"So, Duncan's not queer?"

The 4WD vehicle lurched towards the side of the road. Kate, gaining control, had turned white.

"Dee Dee, now listen carefully, very carefully.

"Men who farm these foothills here in the South Island call themselves Southern Men. They drink beer by the gallon, can eat their meat raw if necessary and fancy themselves as being very tough. Their moto is they are the backbone of the country."

"They'll take almost any shit thrown at them - excuse my French - but there are two no-noes. Never mistake them for an Aucklander, that's the name for citizens of our biggest city way up north, and never mistake them for being homosexual.

"Honest, Dee Dee, there's no telling what one would do if you labelled him a homosexual. It's inbred in them culturally to defend womanhood against any kind of threat including prevent any husband or lover from shirking his carnal duty by repeatedly claiming that she has a fearful head-ache."

"You can call a Southern Man a sheep shagger and perhaps get away with it, Dee Dee but call him a homo, and, well, let's not get into that.

"Holy fuck, Kate. I can see you are deadly serious. I appreciate being told."

Chapter 2

Almost four hours later, the 4WD crossed the last of five river fords and they drove up to the homestead. It was Saturday so the four children were home from boarding school and there was a happy hour for the family getting to know their visitor, mum's best friend in England.

Dee Dee was already in love with the greenness of the country and then the ruggedness she could see as they began nearing the alpine country. Farther and higher away she could see snow on the alps.

She boggled when they came to the first crossing of the river; there was no bridge, so they rumbled across the stony bottom. She noticed upright measuring boards on either side of the water indicating the current height of water of the flood-prone river.

They crossed the same windy river four more times before reaching Sighing Hills Station, that Kate had explained had got its name from an exploration party in the early 1880s camping at night had heard strong wind rushing between rocks on the hills above them, that they thought it sounded like women sighing. Eventually those hills became officially named the Sighing Hills.

Kate took Dee Dee to her room she'd occupy for as long as she wished, tentatively six weeks. The room was large with spectacular views down the valley and of the foothills. There was a big wooden propeller from an aero plane on the wall and hanging to the side of it were three trout fishing rods and on the opposite wall was a locked steel case with a window of toughened glass holding an arsenal of weapons which made Dee Dee think someone was preparing to start World War 3.

"This is your brother's room, isn't it?"

"I think so," Kate said sarcastically, looking at the weaponry, kites, model planes and magazines about aircraft, fishing, vehicles, sexy and unclothed women and mountaineering equipment.

"Does Duncan mind being asked to give it up for six weeks?"

"Not at all," lied Kate. "He loves me having guests disrupt his life."

Dee Dee caught the tone of that last remark, looked at Kate and half-smiling called her a lying bitch.

"Guilty," sighed Kate. "I gave you a huge build up, but that didn't make much difference. It's up to you to charm the pants...err...to demonstrate what a great personality you are."

"At least he knows I love you and that I'm not one to share my affections lightly. But for fuck sake, don't tell him you can fly and aircraft. He thinks only men are capable of being capable aviators."

"Men seem to be a bit of a problem in this country," Dee Dee said. "On the other hand, I only stopped over in the City of Auckland for one night and was proposition three times, each time in such charming fashion that I almost thought I was in Paris or Milan."

"Just take it steady, allow men down here to get to know you in their own time and pretend not to be a know-all. You may be surprised by the results."

Just on dusk, Dee Dee saw a figure on a horse coming up the valley, leading a packhorse and she counted seven dogs. She knew this would be Duncan as Kate had told her Ron had driven over to help a neighbour dag sheep, whatever that meant but she had the courage to make a guess, having heard it described about 20 years or so ago.

"That's to take the muck off their behinds and clear the perimeter of their butt hole, isn't it?"

"My, an English lady who knows the dirty end to farming?"

"Well, Kate, as you know we do have a few acres ourselves."

"Oh yes," grinned Kate. You are referring to the paddocks around your manor you see when you go flying."

On impulse Dee Dee jogged out to meet the weary shepherd who'd spend the day since 4:00 am shifting sheep.

Dee Dee was disappointed. Duncan showed no recognition as she approached. As the dogs began moving forward to her, he snarled "Get in behind," and they lined up behind his horse.

She stood in his way and he went to her left, but she side-stepped and he had to pull up the black gelding sharply.

Dee Dee reached up and caught the bridle, pulling the head down and stroking the side of the horse's head, telling it he was a handsome devil.

"You obviously know something about horses."

Kate, who'd four times competed unsuccessfully for a place in England's equestrian team, said: "A little."

"Hello, I'm Kate's friend Dee Dee. Sorry I've stolen your room, Duncan. I'll leave tomorrow if you wish and you can have it back."

"Hi, Dee Dee, cute name."

That was all Duncan said, but he dismounted and walked along with Kate chatting.

From the big kitchen window Kate looked out and saw them. She called to Ron who'd just walked in. Come and take a look at this, Dee Dee had has obviously flattered him."

Ron joined her, gave her a slap on the ass, then put an arm round her shoulder.

"Jesus, she'd charmed him off his horse already!"

"I told you guys she's got it all, but neither of you would listen to me, and you with your filthy mind asked if we were still practicing lesbians."

"Oh sweetheart, that slur must have come from your brother. You know I'd never associate you with such a foul thing like that."

Kate broke free, thumped him on the chest and told him to bring out some good wine.

"I think we're in for a merry evening tonight," she said. "Kate had a bed-thing to sleep on the aircraft and a good night's sleep in Auckland, so she'd not be too weary.

"Did you have to mention Auckland?" grumbled her husband.

Near the end of the evening Kate said casually, "Duncan, why don't you take Dee Dee over the lakes at first light; the forecast for tomorrow is brilliant."

"Suppose I could."

Duncan saw that Dee Dee looked pleased.

"Ever been in a small aircraft? There's no cabin service and no restrooms."

Dee Dee nodded.

"You've got to promise you won't get terrified when we cross the divides as it's real mountainous country."

"I'll be good."

"Right, I've give you a shake around 4:00."

"That sounds very exciting."

"What, me shaking you awake or flying over some of the world's best alpine scenery?"

"Being shaken awake of course," giggled Dee Dee, aware that both Kate and Ron were watching them gravely.

"I don't want you to leave."

"Understood," replied Dee Dee, as Duncan left the room calling, "Goodnight all."

Kate said goodnight to him then she was all over Dee Dee.

"You handled him magnificently, I knew you would. Already he's almost thinking you are one of us. Um, what was that about Duncan not wanting you to leave."

"I told him when we were walking in earlier tonight that I was sorry I'd taken his room but if he wanted it back, I'd leave in the morning."

"Taking Duncan head-on is not the way to go, Dee Dee," advised Ron.

"Leave it to the expert, Ron. She'll have the pants off you before you knew it, that is, if I let her."

Dee Dee put her arm around Kate and gave Ron a super sexy look.

"Jesus," he said, reaching for his glass of red wine and knocking it over.

Dee Dee decided not to wear her nightdress to bed, and went to sleep with the bedclothes down to waist level, thinking that was how Duncan would find her in the morning. But it cooled down during the night and she pulled up the duvet and snuggled under it.

She woke to a shoulder shake, realized where she was and sat up to greet Duncan but he was already going out the door. She giggled, thinking what a pathetic unsuccessful teaser she was.

Dressing quickly, she went to the kitchen where she found a steaming mug of tea and two hot-buttered crumpets. Crumpets were not on her diet but he'd gone to the trouble and so she began eating them.

"Take your time," said Duncan. "I'm heading over to the shed on a farm bike to do the pre-flight preparation. Here are the keys to Ron's one-tonner, that's the small white truck. The shed's a quarter mile straight down the valley. It's the only shed you'll see, so if you see others sheds, you'll know you are lost.

"Don't you mean hangar?"

"I mean shed," Duncan sighed. "You look nice and sexy dressed like that but go get warm gear as if you are dressing for skiing. I don't like the heater on when flying as it can make you drowsy. Wear gloves and a hat. If you don't have the right gear wake, Kate and ask her to help. She won't moan providing you take her a cuppa."

Then he was gone.

Dressed warmly, realizing it was the sensible thing to do as being layered she could easily strip down to suit the temperature, Dee Dee almost skipped out to the vehicle. Then she panicked.

She'd never heard of a make of vehicle called a Holden and what if she couldn't start it; the progress she'd made to establish friendly relations with Duncan would be over. Damn.

Anyway, what was she doing standing here in hugely expensive Italian sunglasses and a stupid wool hat that looked as unfashionable as the backside of a sheep? She liked things happening in a predictable, orderly fashion.

After four attempts she got one of the keys on the ring into the ignition and turned it on. As the motor roared, two back and white dogs appeared from nowhere and jumped on tray behind her.

Christ, where did they come from? She got out and tossed one off and just looked at the other and it slunk over the side.

Breathing heavily, largely from not knowing what the hell she was doing, Dee Dee slammed the vehicle into gear and hit the gas pedal. The vehicle roared like a bull and the force of the acceleration almost pushed her back into the seat and she went down the metal track sending metal flying behind the tires while weaving from side to side until she lifted her foot.

Christ, by the sound of it this vehicle had a V8 motor, this little thing. Why the fuck hadn't Duncan warned her? She was almost in tears and she eased back the speed. Then looking back she almost burst into hysterical laughter; both dogs were back on the tray.

Wisely, Dee Dee followed the tracks of vehicles visible on the grass. Nervously wondering if she'd overshot the shed, saw a derelict building and as she came closer to it could see the tail of an aircraft. Thank you, thank you God, she said, looking up to the blue sky ahead of her.

"Good, you found us. Any problems?"

"Nope," she said casually. "Only these two hitchhikers in the back."

"Oh, they'll stay there and sleep until they hearing us return or hear another vehicle up at the homestead. They are used to doing this."

Dee Dee was aware he'd said 'You found us.' Where was this other person, or did he simply mean him, the aircraft and the shed?

"Please back the truck up near the tail. I'll call out when to stop. I taxi in but have to tow it out."

Chapter 3

When Duncan and Dee Dee were in the aircraft flying, he pointed out the boundaries of the station. They then flew south to view some lakes.

"They're incredible, mind boggling, in fact," she shouted. "The 172's configuration is great for scenic viewing. Little wonder they are such a popular aircraft."

Duncan looked a little surprised at that.

Dee Dee identified it as an older model and obviously used as a farm workhorse. The reference earlier to 'We' was not to a human, but to Duncan's retired farm dog Mac, who adored flying. He was in the back behind them, panting.

"You'd get a 1000lb payload, I guess?"

"We keep down to around 850," said Duncan, now looking very suspicious.

They returned more or less following the inland highway flanking the foothills, giving Dee Dee a wide variety of farming to view, ranging from mixed cropping to deer farms, drawing the response from her that it was not all that unlike slices of rural England, apart from the lack of grand old trees.

Coming in to land Duncan buzzed the farmhouse but it appeared to be deserted. They taxied right into the 'hangar', a converted near-derelict hayshed. The two dogs on the tray of the one-tonner didn't moved until Duncan switched off the engine.

Well-trained dogs, thought Dee Dee.

Patting the dogs at they came up to him, joined by the veteran Mac, Duncan said, "Well trained dogs, eh?"