Denial #2: Still Horny?

Author's note: This chapter can be read as a stand-alone or part of a series. It's told from the point of view of Nate as he thinks over the events of last night when his girlfriend, Cora, told him she was into orgasm denial. There is some musing and talking at the top of the chapter; if you want to skip straight to the sex, go to the second half of the chapter, or to chapters 3 and 4 in the series.

***

The morning after my girlfriend revealed to me, after much coaxing on my part, her secret desires, I woke up before her and sat alone on the balcony, remembering our conversation. Cora had told me some strange things, and I had a feeling that I didn't quite understand them yet, but it was plain to see that they were very important to her, and so I tried.

Sipping my morning coffee, I went over everything I had learned the night before. Cora had told me that she wanted me to talk dirty to her more. From this I had guessed correctly that she liked to be made to beg during sex, and she had clearly enjoyed being pushed to say things she was uncomfortable saying. That much I could understand. It had been easy to find the right words when I didn't have time to second-guess my intuition, and watching her squirm in reaction had been pretty fun.

Then she'd told me that she somehow got off on being embarrassed about her sexuality. This gave me something to chew on. I'd gone to Catholic school, and being made to feel bad for my sex drive was something I resented deeply. I had struggled for years to overthrow the restrictive view of sex I'd been raised with, and was happy to be finally -- for the most part -- free of it. Why Cora would want to bring that back into our relationship was beyond me, and in fact made me uncomfortable. It seemed to call into question the sex positive attitude I had always loved about her.

On the other hand, last night hadn't exactly felt negative in any way -- quite the opposite. On second thought, perhaps this was just like enjoying BDSM: After all, just because I liked to tie her up and use her sometimes didn't mean I supported sexism, or any form of violence. It was just play. Apparently Cora had found a way to have fun with the restrictive rules I'd been forced to live with as a kid, and when I thought about it like that, the idea sort of pleased me. What better way to defy nun Alberta and her ilk than to get off on their warnings about getting off? I briefly imagined a young Cora in Catholic school, getting wet every time she was lectured on chastity, and grinned. Yeah, I could get on board with that.

Which left the other thing, the one she'd admitted last and yet seemed to care about the most. It was also the part I found the most perplexing.

When her body had clearly been ready, Cora had asked me -- no, begged me -- not to let her come. I could have understood if this was just about making the sex last longer; surely that was something most people did. But she hadn't wanted to come at all, preferring to go to sleep unsatisfied. Apparently she enjoyed the frustration -- and that just blew my mind. I'd had my share of dry spells as an adult, not to mention the multiple times I'd tried to quit masturbating as a teenager because I was ashamed of the habit, and the agonizing four months when I'd been dating Veronica Rye in high school and we'd fooled around passionately but never gone beyond second base because obviously that had to wait until marriage. Blue balls aplenty had ensued, and never had that been the slightest bit enjoyable.

Maybe female biology was different, though. Contemplating this, I went to the kitchen and logged onto my laptop.

When Cora stepped into the kitchen an hour and a half later, her hair still a tangled mess, I was several websites more educated, and more confused than before. I closed my laptop when she came in, somehow not wanting her to see what I'd been reading, and rose to kiss her good morning.

Maybe I was imagining things, but I could have sworn that she felt different than usual. The way she kissed me back, the way she pressed her body against mine, the look she gave me.

But she didn't make any overt reference to last night, and neither did I. I pretended to read the newspaper while she made herself breakfast, sneaking glances at her when she wasn't looking. It was like I was seeing her with new eyes that morning, that made her look somehow more beautiful, more precious, and more mysterious. This little woman in my kitchen continued to surprise me, and I felt immense affection for her, and wonder that she happened to be my girlfriend.

I made up my mind then, while she was eating her cereal, that I would do whatever I could to fulfil her wish. It was, really, an honor that she had told me. In fact, I suspected that she had been trying to do so for months, but hadn't found the courage despite how much she clearly wanted it, and that thought made me somehow even more committed to making her happy. So what if it seemed a little strange.

Having seen how insecure she was about this new kink, I knew that Cora would never make the first move in this situation, rather waiting for me to show interest. So, I put away my paper and stepped behind her, putting my arms around her where she sat. I ran my fingers lovingly through her messy hair, down the nape of her neck, and under the neckline of her t-shirt. She purred and leaned into my touch. Underneath the fabric, my hands wandered over her bare shoulders and came forward to caress her braless breasts.

Her nipples, always a good indicator of how frisky she was feeling, hardened under the first passing touch.

"So", I said softly. "Still horny?"

Cora tipped her head back a bit to rest against my sternum. "Yeah."

Encouraged, I trailed my hands further over her body -- over her arms, her shoulders, her face, her breasts, her stomach, her breasts again. She arched her back just a little, pushing the deliciously soft mounds into my hands. Her legs, usually crossed when she sat at a table, now rested side by side and a little apart, allowing me to eventually reach down and rub between them over her clothes. This drew a sigh from Cora, who spread her legs a little wider. Exploiting this new access, I drew my fingernails up her inner thighs, ending again in a slow, firm rub over her crotch. I knew without checking that if I were to push my hand into her pants, I would find her pussy wet and wanting. Inside my own pants, my dick perked up in interest.

"I'd like to take you right back to bed and fuck you," I told her truthfully. "But I'm afraid we'd be late."

She looked up in evident confusion, and only after a few seconds her memory returned. "Oh crap! I'd forgotten all about that!" There was such a clear ring of disappointment in her voice that I grinned at her, although I could also think of plenty of things I'd rather do right now than attend our friend's birthday party. To be honest, I had also forgotten that over my internet research.

"It's going to have to wait until we get back," I said. "But you might actually enjoy that, won't you?"

She blushed very prettily at that, which I took as a yes. I hadn't been sure about this, actually. Online I had found everything from people saying they liked to be edged for a couple of minutes to people saying they liked to forego climax for weeks on end. Cora hadn't yet given me any indication of where she fell on this spectrum, but apparently a day out with friends was well within her limits. It might be harder for me, actually, to be out with a horny Cora, given how turned on I was already becoming just from touching her over her clothes and seeing how willing she was.

"How long exactly are you planning to keep this up?" I asked her, helpfully thumbing her nipples that poked insistently through her shirt.

"I don't know," She replied sheepishly. "I've never done this with somebody else."

"But you've done it before?"

"Yeah." She glanced up at me. "I've tried to see how long I could go."

"And?"

She was quiet for a moment, perhaps afraid that her answer would freak me out. To be honest, I was a little afraid of the same. Finally she said, "I've gone about a week. But we totally don't have to do that!"

A week. What the fuck. I'd gone a week without masturbating too, many times, but not for fun. During those times, the goal had been to think about sex as little as possible, not at all if it could be helped, because that was the only way to make not wanking bearable. (Of course, eventually, this plan had always misfired and I'd ended up with my dick in a sock again.) Somehow I had a sense that that was not how Cora had spent her week.

I felt a little overwhelmed, but also curious. When I looked down at Cora's face, although it was upside down, I could see that she was anxious, trying to decipher my silence. I bowed down to kiss her, and gave her an upside-down smile when I pulled away again.

"You're going to have a lot of explaining to do," I told her. "I'm not gonna lie, this is totally new to me and I don't really understand it, but I want to try it with you if it makes you this horny."

Her smile widened and she shook off my arms to get up. She looked so happy and relieved and excited and shy all at once; it made her very pretty. "You're awesome," She told me and hugged me tightly. "I'd love to explain later. And I know I'll enjoy this birthday party," She added with a wink.

That wink was such a clear warning that I jerked off very quickly and quietly in the bathroom before we left, not wanting to take any chances.

***

It turned out that this had been a good idea. Whenever I looked at Cora that afternoon, and whenever we touched in an outwardly casual way, I wondered how she was feeling on the inside, and was reminded of the night before. It became almost a guilty pleasure, looking at her and feeling oddly proud that I knew her secret, and that I had such a kinky girlfriend in the first place. She kept throwing me mischievous smiles and glances, and touched me often, clearly wanting me to take part in the fun she was obviously having. One of our friends commented on how sickeningly happy we seemed together, and we laughed knowingly along with everyone.

It was a fun afternoon, all in all, but when we came home I was happy to be alone with Cora again, able to shove her against the door and kiss her the way I had longed to, my knee squeezing in between her legs. She responded eagerly, wrapping her arms around me and pulling at my hair as she kissed me back, and for a while we stood there in our own apartment fooling around like teenagers at a party.

"I take it you had fun, then?" I asked her finally, withdrawing a little with a smile.

"Oh yes," She grinned, and tried to draw me back in. "You were amazing."

Me? What had I done to deserve that compliment? Nothing, as far as I was aware.

Cora must have seen my confusion, because she explained, "I kind of assumed you'd forget about my ... situation ... and just act normal the whole time, and leave me to be naughty all by myself."

That was pretty much what I had intended to do. To hear that I hadn't been acting 'normal' was a little concerning. "Do you think anybody noticed?"

"No," She reassured me. "I don't mean it like that. Just -- the way you looked at me and touched me sometimes, you know? I liked that. Made me feel not so weird. But I'm sure that only I could tell there was anything ... off. You heard them, they just thought we were a happy couple in the honeymoon phase." She winked happily.

"How wrong they are," I laughed, and kissed her again.

Cora made no attempt to hide that she would have liked to jump right in bed with me, but I reminded her that she had promised to explain more. Bubbly and happy as she was right now, I thought she would have an easier time telling me things that might be quite awkward to explain, and so I thought the moment suitable for the talk that was clearly in order.

So, we sat outside on our balcony with two beers and I prodded her to tell me more about her kink. At first I didn't ask many direct questions, still not wanting to give away that I had done some reading on my own, but as the conversation meandered on, and Cora made such an effort to soldier the awkwardness, I too jumped over my own shadow and asked her whatever was on my mind.

In this way, she confirmed my suspicion that when she engaged in what she called orgasm denial, she did the opposite thing from what I had done as a teen -- instead of suppressing sexual thoughts to limit the frustration, she teased herself on purpose to intensify it. I was very relieved when she told me that she didn't expect me to go without orgasms too, although she hurried to add that if I ever felt curious, she'd be more than thrilled to deny me. (I refused that offer very easily. If that day would ever come, it was definitely far away.) In fact, she said that it would turn her on especially to know that I could come when she wasn't allowed to. I laughed -- after today, I thought that would be rather an easy wish to fulfil.

When I asked her to explain why she liked to be frustrated so much, she got flustered and seemed at an honest loss for words. The best she could do was say that she just liked being horny, and she liked feeling naughty, and if she was horny for a long time then she felt extra naughty and so it became a spiral. I understood at the very least that it was definitely a sub thing, although she said that she was sure she could still top me for periods of time while she was on denial -- a game within a game, so to speak.

The more she talked, the more it seemed actually quite reasonable to me, and I became more comfortable about the whole thing. The conversation began to turn to the practical side of it all -- how long we should deny her, how safety communication would work, what might be challenging. She said she could definitely work and stuff even when she was totally out of it, and even seemed to find the concept of being horny at work sort of hot. But she admitted that it might not be the best idea, since her work now involved actual responsibility, unlike the student jobs she'd had when she was first experimenting with denying her own orgasms. Therefore we agreed to start small, and keep it to weekend days. Cora even said that it didn't have to be that much, necessarily; simply hearing me say she wasn't allowed to come already did things for her, and would probably do so even if the 'denial' realistically only lasted half an hour.

I could see that Cora was getting seriously worked up, and I couldn't blame her -- all this talk of fucking was turning me on as well. So, when there no longer seemed to be anything urgent to discuss, I picked her up and carried her to our bedroom, which she took with a lot less giggling and a lot more kissing my neck than usual.

I laid Cora on the bed and undressed her, loving how pliant she was and how readily she responded to every touch. When I pulled down her panties, I could actually smell her arousal, and a look at her soaked panties confirmed that impression. I looked up at her with a grin as I ran the tip of my index finger through the full length of her wet slit. When I reached Cora's clit and her hips twitched in response, a sudden idea came to my mind.

I bade her close her eyes and dug out the small bottle of stimulating gel we kept in our nightstand. Once rubbed into the delicate skin of my penis or her clit, the gel created a warming sensation and left the skin especially sensitive to touch. Sometimes we used this to give a little extra spice to manual sex, but Cora's revelations made me think of another use for the product.

Returning to Cora on the bed, I squeezed a few drops of the gel onto my finger, which I then proceeded to rub gently onto her clitoris. I knew that the gel would only start making its presence known after a few moments, though she was sighing and squirming already under my touch. Only when I pulled my hand away did she seem to realize anything unusual; she opened her eyes and gave me a wide-eyed look. I only replied with a grin, and a kiss, before amicably telling her to kneel next to the bed and suck my dick.

I sat on the edge of the bed, with Cora settling in between my legs. My erection was eagerly tenting my boxers, straining towards her face as she nuzzled it briefly through the fabric. Then she pulled off my underwear -- looking criminally eager -- and lowered her soft, warm, wet mouth to my cock.

Fuck, that feeling never ceased to amaze me. Blowjobs had never been in short supply in our relationship; Cora had a thing for them, which I supported happily and often. But still, having a woman's lips wrapped around my cock felt special to me - especially dirty, and especially good. Perhaps my Christian upbringing again.

I let the pleasure take over as Cora swirled her tongue around the head of my penis, then drew it into her mouth for a few shallow bobs of her head before letting it pop out again and repeating the process. With closed eyes I told her how good she was making me feel. It seemed the most natural thing to do, and only when she hummed contentedly around my cock I remembered that she had actually asked me to talk dirty to her. Well, if it was this easy, I could definitely do that for her.

When I'd had enough of her teasing, I wound my hand into her hair and urged her head further down onto my cock. She took the hint and started taking it deeper into her throat, sucking on it each time she came up. Guiding her gently with my hand on the back of her head, I asked her, "What about you? Is your pussy hot and needy from the gel?" She hadn't completed her nod when I added, "Or is that just from sucking my cock? I know how horny that makes you."

The look she gave me at that was absolutely picture-worthy, a mix of petulant indignation and intense arousal. She was acting a part, I knew, but it was plain to see that she was more serious than pretending. I made an internal note that pointing out her obvious love of blowjobs was definitely a good button to push. I'd always had a feeling that Cora was somewhat proud of this inclination, which she seemed to think gave her bonus 'good girlfriend' points. But it seemed that pride had a flip side of embarrassment, probably over being so exceptionally slutty or something.

I was beginning to get the hang of this side of her, I noted smugly to myself.

Come to think of it, this was a good moment to bring in her other kink, if only in a small way.

"Well, enjoy it," I said. "I'm not going to let you come at least until after I'm done. And that might take a while. There are a lot of ways I want to fuck you tonight." I wasn't lying about that; the long afternoon out with a sexually frustrated Cora had given me lots of ideas for what to do later. I just wasn't sure how far we would get when she was already getting me so worked up with her mouth.

When I reminded her that she was not to come for a while yet, I felt her fingers dig into my hips and heard her muffled moan in response. Apparently it was true what she'd told me earlier -- just knowing she was denied orgasm was already half the fun for her, regardless of the actual timespan in question.

She had one hand around the base of my cock, holding it steady while she moved slowly up and down on it. Occasionally she raised her gaze to mine, which was locked firmly onto her. Damn, I fucking loved it when she looked at me like that. I could literally see her devotion, and her desire, in her eyes, stoking my lust -- and a little bit my ego, too.

Too soon, I knew I needed to make her stop or the night would end right there, contrary to my intentions. So, the next time she withdrew for a moment to wipe her mouth and look up at me, I took a loose hold of my penis, shielding it from her.

"Well done," I said, bending down to kiss her. Cora rose on her knees to meet me halfway in a wet, greedy kiss. I took the opportunity to play with her breasts a bit, and she moaned into the kiss and arched her body into my hands wantonly.