by SEVERUSMAX
Although I enjoyed this story I found the dialogue sometimes confusing. That is very easy when more than two people are involved.
I think the story could be improved slightly by reducing the characters to Dennis, April, Lorraine and Sarah. That might tighten the action and make the conversations easier to follow.
The story is good: it could be better with some cutting and editing.
Og
This was good. You had me laughing, smiling and even gave me a tingle....nice work!!
~Honey