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But here's the thing... that couple is probably a married/long term couple. They are regular partners. You just don't know that because you've never seen them before.
My wife will attest that, when it comes to condoms, there are two types of guys. The first type is reaching for a condom before she's even got her panties off: it is an automatic reaction for him in the environment of the Club to reach for a condom. She doesn't regard him as a saint for doing this, by the way, and he doesn't gain browny points.
But the second type of guy certainly loses points. His common request goes something like, "but I have a long-term partner, so we don't really need to use condoms, do we?"
Err... let's think about this, shall we? My wife (or indeed, anyone else) has just met Guy No. 2, and he expects her to take what he says on trust? And where the fuck are we, for pity's sake?! Oh yes, a Swinger Club where you, Guy No. 2, may well have had your cock, unprotected for all anyone knows, inside another person not thirty minutes before. Let alone what you might have been doing yesterday, or last week, or whenever/wherever you were able to convince someone else that bareback is the way. And no, it doesn't matter that you've had (or claim to have had) a vasectomy.
So, use condoms. Swallow your entitlement and stick that health-saving bit of latex on your manhood, and don't be a jerk.
Entitlement
And so, to summarize, with a lovely little segue from the end of the last point into my final sub-heading.
Swinger Clubs are, by and large, a whole kaboodle of fun. But there is, as always, a 'but'. The 'but' generally being the attitudes and actions of those single guys who believe that, once inside a Swinger Club, they are entitled to the sexual attentions of a woman, any woman.
This short piece was inspired by a Forum thread begun by someone who came across very much as if they felt entitled to sex because, hey, it's a Swinger Club and I'm horny and paid my hard-earned money to get in, damn it! Now, to be fair, the person who began that thread did modify their position once they had engaged with other posters, and they did admit that their initial position was unreasonably entitled. So, kudos, and they deserve only respect for questioning their initial position and coming to the conclusion that it was unjustified.
However, reading the beginning of that thread sadly chimed with some of the behaviour of single guys that I have witnessed with my own eyes. These are the Creepy Guys, and whilst they might sometimes get what they want, they often don't and they often bring the whole atmosphere down, down, down. However, there are other single guys in Swinger Clubs that I've met, and they've been the opposite: they've been pleasant, conversational and humorous, and who'd've thunk it, but they've had far more success than their counterparts who wander around with glaring eyes and their cock in their hands, unable to comprehend why they are failing.
At this point I must also hat doff a particular post by IsabellaEmily in the aforementioned thread. It summed up much of what I have noted here, only more succinctly, and perhaps more kindly. So, kudos there, too. IsabellaEmily, in particular, correctly noted that just because a woman is in a Swinger Club, she is not obliged to fuck any guy who happens to want her, and this point is the key to it all: just because you want her, it doesn't mean she wants you.
So, if you, as a single guy, are in a Swinger Club and feeling horny and you've seen someone you want to hook up with, please follow these simple suggestions:
1. Look as if you've made an effort.
2. Don't get drunk -- drunk people can be an annoyance, and are less likely to be able to perform.
3. Don't hang about with the other single guys in a little swarm, descending as a squadron whenever a couple look like they are about to have sex. In fact, try not to go to the Action Zone at all unless you are going with someone you already spoke to in the bar and who has agreed to a hook-up. Or simply to briefly check out the action in a non-creepy kind of way.
4. Do engage with people in the bar, saying, "Hello," and other similar social niceties rather than simply staring like a stalker. Smiling helps, too. And if someone doesn't seem that keen on you, accept their decision with good grace and move on.
5. If she is with a partner, as she almost certainly will be, don't pretend he doesn't exist.
6. Get positive consent.
7. If you do get lucky, don't whine about condoms: just use one.
8. And if nothing works, and you strike out, accept your failure with humour. Because you are not guaranteed anything, you are not owed anything, and sorry if your time and money feels wasted but that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.
And the don't? That should be obvious by now -- don't be the creepy stalker type guy who walks around expecting to get laid without needing to do anything as inconvenient as actually conversing with anyone, and getting clearly more frustrated as the evening wears on and he's getting nowhere. Basically, check your entitlement at the door.
Finally, if you really want to boost your chances in a Swinger Club, don't go on your own. I realise that isn't always possible, but if you can take a partner then you'll almost certainly hook up, even if it's 'only' with the person you came with!
- COMMENTS
Anonymous4 months agoHilarious essay! The meat beaters are always with us. Single guy in a swing club pretty much says loser. Save your money guys and just five finger it while watching some free porn. Cheaper for you and less annoying for everyone else.
Anonymous4 months agoSad that you have to state the obvious….but thank you for the PSA, it is clearly needed. This is all real, appropriate and basic advice to be used in regular clubs/ bars etc too. There are far too many “creepy guys” out there who make these spaces not feel safe. A swingers club is NOT a brothel, even if you have paid to get in
kenandabbey5 months agoGood Advice and, based on our experiences, pretty accurate. My wife and I have been to swinger clubs many times. Unfortunately, the creepy guy thing is real. The two clubs we frequent the most only allow "sponsored" single men, which means they have to be vouched for by an attending couple. This typically means they have intentions to play with the couple who invited them and cuts down on the creepy guys to a degree. But they are still there.
A couple things that you pointed out rings so true. First, communication is key. We have had that guy who stood by and watched us, uninvited, with his cock in his hand. I guess he thought she would be so impressed she couldn't refuse. Well she did, and in fact, we asked him to leave which made him upset and put a damper on our night.
The only time my wife ever considered or said yes to a single guy at a club was when they engaged us in conversation. They were confident but not arrogant. They started with light conversation with compliments paid to her. It was very important to her, and me, that he address me right away and includes me in the conversation up to the point of her saying yes. We each hold veto power so if I don't buy in, it doesn't happen. Single guys should always work on the assumption of veto power because more often than not, it is the case with most couples. And finally, he waits until she initiates anything beyond conversation. Pushy doesn't work. He can be, and should be flirty, but she initiates the action. She has played with several single guys we have met at the club and they all followed this recipe.
Making an effort can not be overstated. All the ladies will take great care to look their best. Most of the men will also. But it seems the ones that don't, are always the single guy that must just expect getting lucky is part of the price of admission. It's not. She will notice the effort or lack there of and will be a factor in her decision.
We have only had one issue with a guy complaining about the use of a condom. In the middle of fucking her, he asked if he could take his condom off because it ruins the sensation. It ruined her experience. She felt bad because she had to say no to him. Then she couldn't enjoy the rest of the experience. What was great up until that point, ended poorly. While most swingers understand the expectation of condoms, many single guys don't get it. It's only happened to us this once but we have heard the stories from so many others.
You certainly point out some of the negative aspects of certain peoples behavior in swinger clubs. And I shared a few examples we have encountered. But by and large, We have had mostly positive experiences in the clubs. We have had some amazing nights that most people would never believe are real. We have also met some great people who have become close friends. Thanks for sharing.
AchtungNight5 months agoI may have been the originator of that board thread you mentioned, so I’ll say a few things. One, thx for the good advice. Two, I don’t know if I’m ever going to use it. The club I visited and condemned had only urinals in the men’s room, a cover charge for single men that was more than double the couples or single women charge, and a lackluster atmosphere to put it mildly. The first night I went it was almost empty. The second, there was a “Real Hotwives” event going on but the guy in line before me got kicked out over a three year old ban he’d apparently forgotten about and once I was admitted, it was clear the social climate was not welcoming. In fact, some incident in the on premises sex area I didn’t see had a woman stumbling out in stilettos on her husband’s arm looking very disturbed a few hours in. I asked them if they needed help, then had to assure them I was sincere and not a creep, to use your words. Add in the many posters of upcoming events related to a grotesque sleaze Santa beckoning people to sit on his lap and similar activities plus clientele and staff that barely acknowledged me as anything but a random face… I honestly felt more exploited than comfortable in that place. Not a great first experience with the real life swinger scene. One person online told me single men are a dime a dozen to swinger clubs and networks. I don’t know if that’s always true, but in this particular club… it felt that way. Not a great experience for a several years divorced guy suffering from depression, let alone your average lonely single man. Finding a female friend to go to a swinger’s club with you is kind of a challenge for any guy- and frankly a bit of a catch 22. Thankfully there are more welcoming adult places out there and I think I will seek them instead. No offense, but I am not a creep and I should not have to work overly hard to prove it. Probably best to avoid places that suffer from a plague of such people. I don’t want to be mistaken for what I’m not. If you need proof of my claims… well, I believe you can tell a lot about a writer from their stories and I have a few on Lit. Feel free to read them in depth. I hope you will not judge them by the covers alone. I pay attention to emotions and character development as much as physical situations. I try to keep the sex I depict consensual and enjoyable for the involved characters, and creeps- male or female- get appropriate karma. My ex wife always told me she understood why I wrote my erotic stories and was okay with it, even when I mentioned a character with a similar name to her years after our divorce. She thought the stories were quality writing, even if she wouldn’t critique them at length. We were together nearly eight years before the split, which happened due to other factors than my online adult activities. I am also trusted as a friend, sympathetic ear, efficient co-worker, family member, and childcare provider by multiple other women I know. I have lived on three continents, worked several years in law enforcement, and still have the appropriate ethics despite finding factory work more comfortable in the long run. I have aided many people in roadside mishaps, medical emergencies, and other volatile situations. I have saved multiple lives, including my epileptic mother’s and that of a random woman who drank too much in the Austin TX downtown club district New Years Day 2009 and could barely stand- her friend and I walked her through the crowds to an ambulance. I was a literal random Good Samaritan in that situation. I declined all rewards other than thanks. I know how to behave properly around women and once they get to know me… I hope they would support me over the opposite. If you are the type of cynic who believes any guy who says they’re nice really isn’t, you might still not believe me… but I can’t help you if that’s the case. I might be okay with the fantasy of swinging, but the reality… I don’t want to be part of it as much as I once did. I’ll keep hoping my life will change and look for love in other areas. To all the good swingers out there… best of luck dealing with guys worse than me. -AN.
