Detachment Ch. 11-14

Author's Note:

Hello, dear readers! I sincerely hope you're enjoying the read so far. After sticking through all the mushy romance and plot development those last 10 chapters, you've finally made it to the steamy part of the book!

Before you read on, a quick trigger warning: The abuse between Kylie and her husband gets a little physical in chapter 12. If you're triggered by [mild] domestic violence, be aware that it's toward the end of chapter 12.

With that said, please enjoy part 3!

Chapter 11

Marcus

Wednesday

Incessant scattered thoughts make writing an impossible feat today, as it has been all week. It doesn't help that my notoriously overactive mind has made sleeping difficult too. Thinking about how things would play out if me and Kylie finally had a chance to be an us has been keeping me up. Then, when I finally fall asleep, a dream about her and Travis rekindling their marriage wakes me. That's why I woke up this morning at 4:15 a.m. Rather than lying in bed and staring at my ceiling for an hour again trying to fall back asleep, I got up and headed downstairs to the office to try to get some work done. In the last two hours, all I have to show is an intro paragraph for this "Tools for Authors" affiliate blog post and ten open tabs for all the research I compiled for it...

Part of me regrets what happened. Not that sunset kiss, but that moment we shared the Friday night before it happened. Realizing that she was feeling something for me again, admitting to myself that my feelings had resurfaced too—that made it all real again... Just like crossing the line that night on the yacht did...

And now, as I'm swiping through the pictures of us holding each other in front of the High Line sunset backdrop, I find myself regretting even orchestrating that whole bachelorette party for her in the first place...

If it wasn't for that night, we probably wouldn't be here right now...

To say that I didn't plan on using her challenge of devising an amazing day of celebration as a means to show her how well I knew her would be a lie. Foolishly making it a reality? That was without a doubt intended to be a selfish attempt at showing her just how much I cared, how much she meant to me...

She was right to finally call me out the other day about apologizing for what happened that night. That bachelorette party was my grand romantic gesture designed to hopefully coax out the feelings I suspected she had for me before it was too late. Making a move was never my intention though. She was the one about to get married. The move had to be hers to make. And when she actually expressed interest, I shut down from the guilt of wooing my best friend's girl. But then she demanded that I show her how I felt...

That was when everything changed for us...

I kissed her for the same reason that I made the gesture. Because after missing out on Cassie, I vowed to always go after what I wanted. That's how I ended up with Erin. Because I wanted something to fill a void, no matter how bad of an idea it was. And knowing my mom only had maybe months to live, I had just begun embodying the whole "life is too short" mentality. What I wanted more than anything then was Kylie. The fact that she was engaged and a week from marrying someone she didn't belong with didn't matter because, for all I knew, I could die in a car accident one day or get caught up in a mass shooting. The woman that I'd been vibing with like crazy for three years—the woman I was crazy about—wanted to cross that line as bad as I did, and that was enough for me to dissolve my restraint and obliterate my moral compass.

Going after what I want and living like there might not be a tomorrow is why I quit my job. That's why I risked it all to make my writing and my business work. That's why I did what I did our last day in New York... Well, that and also learning that Travis was treating her horribly. That spark that rekindled after just a few weeks of her working for me evolved into a lightning storm that set off a brushfire of old and new emotions. Then, seeing how catty she got with Senna, subtly flirting with me and working hard to steal away my attention the rest of the night, that moment that prefaced her drunkenly begging for me to kiss her—that was all the convincing I needed to make another move. But not while we were drunk or buzzed. This time, I wanted it to happen the right way. So, I planned out a romantic day and found us the best place in the city to watch a sunset so I could recreate that moment that I ruined Friday night...

It's my stomach growling for the third time in the last five minutes that convinces me to give up trying to plow through this writer's block so I can finally make breakfast. On the way to the kitchen, I set some music to play softly over the wireless speaker system. As I'm reaching for the bagels, my phone vibrates against the countertop behind me. Since there's only one person who'd text me this early, I rush over to check my cell. And it's her...

She's texting me to call off, is what I think as I unlock my phone. If that's what it says, things between us might be fucked again.

Kylie: Morning, Marcus! I will be coming to work today. Is it alright if I come early though?

The relief makes me smile. Then noticing the time makes me scowl. It's not even seven yet... I want to ask if she's okay, but I figure I'll just wait until she arrives to find out what's wrong.

Me: Morning! And of course you can!"

Kylie: "Great! I'm already out so I'll grab us some coffee then head on over. Want something for breakfast?

I stare at the bagel. Dope! And yes please. Surprise me.

***

The familiar rumble of her engine alerts me to her arrival. Normally, it takes her about thirty minutes to get here, but since it's 7:15 a.m.—barely twenty minutes since she said she was coming over—that means she must've been pretty close when she texted me.

I hurry over to the front door and open it before she even has the chance to ring. "Hey, Kylie," I say, taking the coffee holder and the heavy Styrofoam food container from her.

"Hi," she almost sings.

"Um, this smells delicious!" I set it on the counter.

"Home fries, scrambled eggs, bacon, and sausages from that As Good As It Gets place," she says, hanging her coat on the rack.

"Excellent choice! Thanks!"

"You're welcome!"

"I see now why you only got one order. Their portions are friggin' huge!"

"Mm-hm!"

I grab two plates from the cabinet while she retrieves some silverware. "So... You doing alright? You were out of the house pretty early today. And you're never out before 7:30..."

She shrugs. "I'm okay, I guess... I just needed to get out of the house..."

I scoop out some food for her. "You and Travis have a fight or something?"

"Nope... Not yet, at least... We haven't really talked since I've been back..."

"That's got to be pretty tense and awkward..."

"Oh, it is... I didn't see him at all Monday night. Fell asleep before he got home. Purposefully, I might add... Then, Tuesday, he was out of the house before I woke up. This was after sending me a text that just said going to the gym. And when he got home after work, he came in with an attitude and was all short with me when I tried talking to him. So I went numb and basically just shut down again. I didn't feel like being ignored and being made uncomfortable this morning so... here I am..."

"I'm sorry..." I say, rubbing her arm. "You think it's because of staying an extra night?"

She shakes her head while pushing scrambled eggs around the plate with her fork. "Don't be sorry. I was this close to suggesting staying another day myself since Travis wasn't coming back till Monday morning anyway," she says, holding her pointer finger and thumb a hair apart. "He's probably just being an asshole because I was distant with him before I left for New York on top of that."

I sigh. "It sucks you have to live like that..."

"Tell me about it..." She says, her glazed over, unblinking eyes staring at her food. "The longer I take to confront him, the longer things will be like this..."

I sip my coffee. "When do you think that's going to happen?"

"No clue... It'll probably be better to wait until the weekend when he's not all stressed out from work..."

"Good call..." I lean into her. "Well, if you want to avoid all that tension until you're ready to have that talk, you're welcome to come here as early as you want the rest of the week."

She rests her head on my shoulder. "Thank you, Marcus. I'll probably take you up on that."

"Please do. And on those days you come by early, you don't have to start working as soon as you get here. My room is yours if you wanna nap."

She smiles. "You know what? I might take a nap after breakfast. I'm exhausted..." She shovels some hash browns into her mouth. "And while we're on the topic of you offering me your room, mind if I also take a shower? I snuck out without bathing today..."

"Gross...' I say, scrunching up my face to play at being disgusted.

"Hey!" she says, bumping into me. A slap to my arm follows.

I smirk. "Kidding! Of course you can! Anytime, you know that."

She laughs. "That's what I thought you'd say..."

"I don't need you to do too much today, so feel free to nap as long as you want to."

Her hand slips into mine. "You're such a sweetheart, Marcus. Thanks for always being so good to me."

***

It's business as usual after Kylie comes down from her nap. During my writing breaks, there's no less goofing around or chatting between us than usual, which is a relief because I've been worrying a lot over these last forty-eight hours that our friendship and working relationship would be compromised. Like last time...

After coming to our senses that night on the yacht, I apologized for my actions. "That was mistake..." I said. "After all that Erin shit, I'm vulnerable... I'm buzzed... I should've known better. I shouldn't be confusing you like this a week before your wedding..."

"It's not like we didn't do anything that was on my mind for quite some time... I've been second guessing getting married a lot lately. I've... been thinking about you... Maybe tonight was the missing piece I needed to come to a decision—"

"Kylie, come on... It's natural to have cold feet and even to do something extreme before tying the knot, but five years is a lot to throw away after a moment of weakness..."

She buried her face in her palms. "Maybe you're right. But you do something to me, Marcus..."

"You do something to me too, Kylie... But... I'm not going to try to convince you to call off the wedding or anything... I don't want to confuse you anymore."

"I'm already confused. And news flash, I've been confused for weeks..." Sighing, she rubbed her face.

"We're not going to be able to function normally around each other at work these next three days, are we?"

She twisted her mouth to the side. "I don't know... How can we? How can we after this? After knowing that we feel something for each other..."

A long bout of silence followed.

I sighed. "If you think we need to take some time apart, just say the word."

She pondered it for a while. "Some time apart might be good... Just so long as some time apart won't turn into forever—so long as it doesn't ruin our friendship... Promise me that?"

"I promise. We'll be friends forever, no matter how much time passes."

Not talking like we used to the week leading up to the wedding, suffering through watching her marry the wrong guy, watching her slow dance with him, one week of avoiding her after the return from their weeklong honeymoon, barely hanging out with them afterward—that's how long it took me to get over it. Then my mom passed away, and I stopped feeling altogether. When Kylie and Travis came to be at my side at the funeral and to bring me food in the days after, our friendship returned to normal. Following that devastating loss, that hookup was the furthest thing from my mind. Until I made the mistake of hiring her during the roughest patch of her relationship with Tavis. Then it only took three days for me to stir up all those old feelings...

Since I started working over two hours early today, I call it quits at 2:30 to get started on dinner. Halfway through my veggie cutting prep, Kylie brings her laptop out and finishes up drafting some emails and social media posts at the counter to keep my company. As I'm Julienne cutting the carrots, I glance up to steal a look at her only to catch her staring at me while nervously biting her fingernail. She shyly glances back to the screen, still nibbling at her finger.

My phone vibrates as I'm scooping the carrots into the bowl with the peas. It vibrates again right after. Then again.

"So..." Kylie drags, fingers typing away at the keyboard. "Have you been talking to Senna?"

Scowling, I look over my shoulder at her. "Yup. As you requested," I groan, turning the heat on under the wok. "We've been texting back and forth since Monday evening." I coat the pan in peanut oil.

"Oh. Good for you!"

"You're not jealous, are you?"

"I don't have the right to be jealous..."

"If it makes you feel any better, we've just been talking about writing..."

"I wasn't worried..."

"Mm-hm..."

"You ask her out yet?"

"I have not."

She extends the phone to me. "Unlock it."

"Why?"

"Just unlock it for me, please..."

"I don't feel like washing my hands again. 5-7-1-2."

Smirking, she cocks a brow then types my passcode in. When it actually unlocks my Galaxy, she looks up at me all surprised. "You trust me that much?"

"I do." I dump the veggies in the wok and they sizzle.

Her thumbs rapidly tap away at the screen. When she's done, she sets it down. "I told her that you wanted to hang out."

"Kylie..." I say sternly. "Why?"

"Because you said you would and you didn't yet."

"But I'm not ready. My mind is... elsewhere." I glance at her.

The phone vibrates then she reads the message. "Well, she's ready..."

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Kylie? Why are you doing this to me?" I watch as she texts: 'Dope! When are you free?' It's funny, that's probably exactly what I would've said.

After hitting send, she sets the phone down and slides it to my side of the counter. "I'm doing this for you..."

"What, are you hoping that you and Travis are gonna work things out or something?"

She brushes her curls back over her shoulder as she averts her gaze.

"Do you want things to work out?" I can't hide the nervousness in my voice.

She does this half-smile, half-pout. "I don't know what's going to happen. But, on the off chance that my life doesn't blow up, I want to know you'll have a chance at happiness."

I lay my hand on hers. "There's only one set of events that leads to me having a chance at happiness..."

As her cheeks redden and a shy smile plays across her lips, she quickly looks down to hide behind her curtain of wavy hair. Then, when my phone vibrates, she snatches it and types in the code that I now regret giving her. Still smiling, she thumbs a few words before turning the screen to me to show me the text she just sent. "You've got a date tomorrow night at seven..."

Chapter 12

Kylie

Saturday

The apartment is toasty but, for some reason, I feel so cold. No matter how warm it is in here, the palpable loneliness I feel being at home makes the air frigid. And it shouldn't feel lonely, because my husband is in the kitchen making himself breakfast at this very moment. Making himself breakfast, not making us breakfast.

On Wednesday, I came home still bitter about Travis stonewalling and avoiding me earlier in the week, so I went to bed before he got home. Like I did Monday. Except on Monday, what I omitted in my recap to Marcus was that I woke up when Travis crawled into bed that night and I apologized for not being with him last weekend. I did so because I was too guilty about what I did while I was gone to sleep beside him.

"Mm-hm..." was all I got.

So, I kissed him out of guilt. He didn't kiss me back. I fondled his manhood out of guilt. But he didn't touch me back. I stroked his erection out of guilt until he eventually sat up. Then he pulled down my pajama bottoms, rolled me onto my belly, and rammed me from behind. Being dominated like that was hot right up until it became evident how cold and how distant he was while clapping my cheeks. And when he was all done hate-fucking me, he rolled over without a word and went to sleep...

That's why it hurt so much when he came home all pissy and acted like I didn't exist on Tuesday. That's why I shut down even more than before.

Anyways, Thursday, Travis was scheduled to work late, so I stayed at my boss's house until Marcus got home at nine so I could hear all about that date with Senna I stupidly forced him to go on... Friday, Travis went out with the second shift crew and didn't barge into the house until 1:30 a.m., which he hasn't done in a while. That night, he fell asleep on the couch watching one of his shows at an inconsiderately high volume.

Saturday morning is usually my time to do some cleaning and laundry but, instead, I get dressed while he's occupied cooking an omelet, then I make a beeline for the coat rack.

"I'm going to run some errands, Trav." My voice comes out all flat, like I'm in a dystopian movie where showing emotion is an illegal act. "Text me if you need anything?"

"Mm-hm..." is what he hums.

Asshole... Emotional detachment requires your feelings to be disconnected while coping with and avoiding drama, conflict, and anxiety. Emotions are shut off, not your communications. I've tried talking but Travis barely wastes his breath on me. "Mm-hm... Yup... Nope... I'm busy..." and grunts are all I've gotten this week... Not speaking to me like a human being is a whole different form of childish cruelty my heart can't bear...

As soon as I climb behind the wheel of my car, I slam the door, cross my arms on top of the steering wheel, rest my forehead against them, then I just break down, sobbing like I'm trying to get an Oscar for best dramatic performance.

This has been my routine since Wednesday morning...

The tears stop, but I'm still trembling by the time I go to fish the cellphone out of my purse. I open up my conversation with Marcus and start typing, noting the snot on my sleeve...

Me: Good morning, bestie! I had to get out of the house so I'm going to run some errands. I could really use some company...

Tears drip onto the screen as I contemplate sending it, and the moisture causes several extra letters and spaces to be typed. Then it occurs to me that he'll be busy in a few hours, anyway... At the end of his dinner date Thursday, Senna asked him to go to some book and music store that's also a bar for lunch today. The perfect date for two writers... If I remember correctly, I believe they're supposed to see that one indie artist he's always listening to perform at a bar downtown...

Thinking about them working out makes my stomach upset. Why did I think forcing him to go after her was a good idea?

After wiping the screen dry with my sleeve, I delete the entire message. It's probably best that I take this day to myself to get my thoughts in order before finally confronting Travis. I need to think about what I want. And if Marcus is here, all I'll end up wanting is him.

Today, my thoughts need to be focused on Travis. I need to compile a mental list of all the things he does that hurt me. Maybe I'll even jot down some bullet points on that Evernote app Marcus has me using for work. I need to weigh the good and bad to finally decide if I want to argue for making this work or asking for a separation like my gut is telling me to...