All Comments on 'Diary of a CH Pt. 01'

Decent start. My problem is just one thing. What does CH mean?

CH = Cheating Heart?

Who knows? Good start, decent but annoying use of the cliffhanger... you now need to get the rest out quickly.

Green-something

That is my guess!

CH could be short of all those definitions or Court Hearing, because that will be the revenge and destruction R&D focus of the remaining story. which could be labeled "Burnt Toast".... Justice is only blind, not ignorant.

Mary Wins, Mary Wins, Mary Wins!!!!! as my old sports announcer Harry Carey would say it.

But I kept reading. Your intent and message was completely lost in the lack of punctuation, timing and spelling. I don't know who the person is that you thanked for editing, but they know less about it than you do. Go on the forum and find an established editor to work with. Do this before posting the next two parts please.

to what I expect to be a really good read.

Eager for part 2!

Conversation or conservation? Which one stops when someone enters ?

Icarus flew too close to the sun, not Ithaca.

The inmate crowd is in jail. Maybe they were the intimate crowd?

Jumping backwards and forwards in time leaves me confused about which paragraph happened when.

And what did Marsha Tillman have to do with anything?

Oh dear God! This was edited? I couldn't finish the first page, but then maybe if BlackRandl would stop hogging the editors on this site and using 5 for every one of her stories other writers might be in with a chance to find a half way decent editor.

Let's see if this one will be as good as the first story...Until now is going very well...3* for now

There are a few points that should be made clear to the anonymous posters harping on editing.

1) The author has to accept the edits of the editor. It's the author that changes the story as recommended or chooses not to. It's the author that submits the story, not the editor. The editor has NO control of the disposition of the story after they send their thoughts to the writer.

2) Todger has done a fantastic job for many writers, including myself.

3) Editors (as well as writers) on Lit are VOLUNTEERS. Not happy with anyone's efforts? Offer to lend a hand.

Her husband is a wimp sucker and a dumb shit. She fucked him over before and got away with it. Hell, the child he's so concerned about isn't even his! I mean, why should she have any regard or respect for this numb nut? He can't tell a slut even when she's living with him, sleeping right next to him, when she's not sleeping with somebody better.

We all have our roles. Some men are just place holders, bill payers, daddy nanny's, butlers and chauffeurs with very occasional privileges. And he brought this ALL on himself, because he was thinking with his dick and his heart instead of his head. I guarantee you this whore hasn't changed one bit in character or personality since the day her met her. In the valley of blind men, the one-eyed bitch is queen.

And say you need an editor who knows what the hell they're doing. But in all honesty, I could put up with the sub-par writing quality if the story being told was good enough to put up with it. But this one isn't. Just tired old cliches strung together to form a bog standard LW tale.

I foresee the wife's diary either filled with crap about how she loves her family but for some reason "can't" stop what she's doing, or filled with her complete and utter contempt for her clueless, domesticated househusband. Those are the only two ways these things ever go, even in the well-written ones.

But who knows, maybe the husband's "revenge" will have some kind of unique flair to it. But I don't have much interest in waiting around for something so poorly crafted.

I was starting to really fall into the story. Then said, that’s it? Argh! I did the very same thing though in my stories. Look forward to the rest!

🤘

I couldn't get into this at all. Ok, you had an editor, so how much did you play with it after getting it back. I can't imagine a decent editor letting it go like this. Use " " even for any public announcements, makes it easier to read; also don't use a comma before a conjunction word ie: , and. There's more semi colons in this story than I've seen in any other. How were the readers to know wifey & her boss were having an affair before you told us. Just too messy & aimless to be really good reading. 2 **

That's all that needs be said.

But you could use an editor. Looking forward to CH 2. Thanks for sharing.

I don't agree with the complaints. There's nothing seriously wrong with the story or the way it's written, and I am enjoying it.

Here's something to think about, Erringfoil: chytown is an inveterate reader and commentor here. I have only seen him give out **** ONCE before, in the thirteen years I've been visiting this site. Invariably, he gives three at best.

Really enjoyed the story. Looking forward to the rest 5

This was a good, but short, start. Lots of potential but let's see your creativity and ideas. You do write like an English major, well written.

Tiny Tim

I enjoyed the story and didn’t have any problems with the story due to editing. Had me on the edge so waiting for more. What is the revenge to be and how has he now protected his 3 year old daughter who may be 4 now?

He is Marsha Tillman. That was the pen name he used. Remember no one knew who it was? He is going to announce that and I bet it will be part of the revenge on his wifey.

so she is a whore get rid of her she will only cause you heart ache time to throw her to the curb

I must be a poor reader, so please help me: what is a "CH" and what is "TGL?"

The author's lack of familiarity with the English language can be posited as two possibilities: 1) he is young and still unfamiliar with the subtleties of the language. 2) English is his second language and he isn't from New York.

Icarus was the fabled flier who neared the sun - not Ithaca (a city in New York).

"Sensual" is what you perceive something to be. "Sensitivity" is what you would eventually find in a pair of breasts...

Time to rethink the future writing career.

Smokepole

Not quite sure what the previous anon was moaning about, the english was fine. Nothing outrageous stood out.

I enjoyed the story so far 4*

I forgot to mention the lack of quotation marks around the dialogue. That's a killer and you've had it mentioned to you before. I'm surprised it survived an edit.

These cases of wives falling for their bosses leaves me worried. My wife had an important position in several organizations. As she has passed on I have no desire to much around to find evidence!

TGL = 'The Golden Lady', the story that he and his buddies wrote that became a movie. I think it was only mentioned once... easy to miss.

It does seem odd that he was one of the writers of a successful movie script yet her job prospects were deemed much better. Yes, first time he did it and as one of four, but you'd think some money and opportunity would accrue from that success.

CH = Cuckhold Husband ? Seems like that fits the story and this site. Seems pretty obvious given that the story is on Literotica in Loving Wives.

Good start. Looking forward to finding where you take it.

Was this translated from another language by some who uses English as a second language?

This was a difficult read, mostly because of the language and grammar. The fact that it ended on a cliffhanger (is Part 2 the end, or another cliffhanger? If the latter, I'm done) doesn't help matters at all

Did you not read the intro - it stated, quite specifically, that this was a 3 part story?

At least do an author a service, and READ what is written - and not what you think is there - just skimming the rest.

A good start

Writing in the third person with no dialog is tiring at best and sometimes extremely annoying. I hope this gets better.

That’s what he gets for marrying a woman who goes out partying with other men when she’s in a committed relationship

I refuse to feel sorry for morons

A woman hit by her husband is an abuse victim

A woman who stays with the husband hitting her is a volunteer

This guy volunteered to shack up with a cheat, he volunteered to be a cuck

he deserves his pain

missing quotation marks on the FIRST line...

he married her anyway...

MORON

I will await tremendous wrath and punishment

The idiot got what he deserved for taking her back the first time!

Well written story.

Still good a second time.

Standard opening.

The MC is a moron.. he caught her kissing another man and took her back?.. he didn't verify nothing happened. He just took her word for it.. now he's shocked it turned out he married a whore?😭😭😭😭😭.. the MC should've weighed the pros and the cons of getting back with her...was the she worth the risk? Cause once you're married with children it's even harder to just cut your losses and walk away.. he was just dating her at the time, nothing was binding them.. he married her and had a child with her.. he knew he couldn't trust her.. he should've cut his losses and moved on... instead he took her back and now he's screwed 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣... that's his fault... when someone show you who they are, believe them.. she clearly showed him she had no problem lying to him, no problem kissing other men... why did he marry her anyway? why is he shocked and appalled now? It's his fault for not verifying what she was telling him when he caught her the first time🤷🏽‍♀️...now they're married with a child and she's banging her boss😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

You write extremely well! Your clarity of expression in the development of your chracters and plot is smooth, engaging and easily pulled me along. Thus far not a single trope.👍