Dilated Depths: Luke's Journey

At the young age of 19, I found myself falling hard for Luke, a 26-year-old and a total charmer. I understood the challenges posed by our age difference, given that we were at different stages in life, but he had this undeniable maturity that matched mine.

Our dates were a charming mix of high-end dinners and simple sorority house meals, lavish movie nights contrasted with lively frat parties. We found balance between the calm of his apartment and the hustle and bustle of my sorority dorm room.

What attracted me to Luke was his limited romantic past, dotted by fleeting, non-intense relationships. My romantic history was quite sparse too, marked by short-lived high school flings, if you'd even count a six-month stint as serious. Oddly, despite our age gap, our dating experience seemed to parallel each other's.

Luke understood that I was still young and gave me the freedom to live my life without any restrictions. His trust in me was so absolute that he didn't let jealousy creep in even when I had to accompany dates to sorority and fraternity events while he was away.

But our trust was always mutual. We had this special ritual where I would call Luke before I left and then again when I got back. Our faith in each other was unwavering, and not a hint of jealousy ever marred our bond.

Ours was a relationship rooted in mutual respect and friendship, with an underlying spark of attraction.

Intimacy quickly became a familiar aspect of our relationship. Our undeniable attraction led us to share a bed the very day we met, which was a new experience for me. Our first encounter was cautious, with a condom for protection and a careful pull-out method.

However, we faced a minor issue - the condoms supplied by my sorority were from a brand notorious for being larger than the standard size, even the so-called 'regular' ones. As a result, these became our protection of choice after our initial experiences.

Luke noticed that they had a tendency to slide off, and eventually, I decided that we could forego the condoms altogether. I never expressed any criticisms. On our first night grappling with the oversized protection, I simply said, "It's okay. I trust you if you trust me. Let's just go for it."

There was no trace of regret or judgment in my voice, just a straightforward acknowledgment of the ill-fitting condoms.

With a reassuring smile, I told him I'd figure out a solution.

Several weeks into our whirlwind romance, I told Luke about a recent sorority meeting. Amid discussions on house rules, chores, and necessary supplies, I had boldly suggested a switch from the infamous condom brand. Unfortunately, the majority voted against my proposal.

I offered to bring it up again if he wanted, but Luke reassured me it was entirely my decision.

"Okay. Well, I'm on the pill and don't mind going without, but I'd like to use protection most times. How about we buy our own from the supermarket? Just so we have them," I suggested.

"Sounds like a plan. Ready to go now?" he asked.

So, we set off on a ten-minute car ride to the supermarket, our journey punctuated by music, laughter, and our usual playful banter.

When we arrived, Luke asked if I'd like to wait in the car or accompany him.

"I want a say in what's going inside of me." I winked and let out a giggle.

We headed straight for the pharmacy section, specifically the 'family planning' aisle. It was like a buffet of prophylactics, boasting a wide range of varieties - lambskin, lubricated, spermicidal, large, ribbed, with or without cock rings, and something called 'natural.'

I picked up a box of ribbed condoms, but Luke immediately vetoed it. I tried again with the 'naturals' from the same brand, to which he responded, "Nope, not those either."

"Too big?" I asked, catching the attention of a fellow shopper. Embarrassed, Luke mumbled a quiet "Yes."

Unable to hear him, I asked louder, forcing him to confirm at a normal volume. The nosy shopper's eyes widened, and she mouthed a silent "Wow" before picking up a box of my sorority's brand and exiting the aisle.

I asked, slightly irritated, "Then which ones?"

Luke guided me towards the bottom shelf, singling out a box of condoms tagged 'slimmer fit.'

"What does 'slimmer fit' mean?" I asked.

"They're designed to stay in place better than other styles."

"They're smaller, aren't they?" I questioned as another female shopper appeared on our aisle.

After acknowledging my correct guess, we had quite a conversation, with both me and the newcomer expressing surprise at the existence of this lesser-known variant of condoms. Their shared curiosity was a bit frustrating, but at least it ended with me agreeing to buy them.

However, it didn't stop there. I asked if we should buy the other box too. Our new 'friend' made a cheeky comment about the dust on the box indicating it had been sitting there untouched for a while.

"Oh, well. Let's leave 'em for the next guy that needs 'em," Luke responded, eager to end the conversation. But fate had other plans.

In the end, Luke found himself purchasing both boxes while the ladies pondered the rarity of such condoms. At least, as I pointed out, we knew where to find them if needed.

A week later in my room, Luke was silent for a moment before he spoke up, "Kaili, people can be cruel when they don't understand something. As for missing out, well, I can't speak for anyone else's experience..."

I interrupted him before he could finish, "No, Luke. It's not about understanding something. It's not about cruelness either. I mean, yes, they were mean, and that wasn't fair. But the part that worries me is that I kind of agree with some of their sentiment, if not exactly what they said."

He turned to look at me, a flicker of confusion in his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Look," I sighed, "I like you. A lot. And our time together has been great. But when they were laughing, saying those things... I couldn't help but wonder if they were right. I don't know what it's like to be with a guy who doesn't have the condom slipping off problem. And now I find myself wondering if I'm missing out on something. I don't want to, but I can't help it. I feel like I need to know if there's a difference. I just... I just need some time to think about all this."

The silence that followed was thick and uncomfortable, but it was necessary. This wasn't an easy conversation, but it was one we had to have. For both of us.

Luke was silent after my outburst, and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. The tension in the car was almost unbearable. This wasn't how I planned this conversation to go, but the words had spilled out and there was no taking them back.

Finally, he let out a heavy sigh, "I understand, Kaili. It's okay to be curious, to have questions. I can't blame you for wondering. I would probably be asking myself the same thing if I were in your shoes."

His understanding felt like a gentle balm, but it didn't take away the uneasiness. He was being supportive, accommodating even. But was it fair to him? Was it fair to me?

"I think it's only fair that you get to explore that curiosity," he added, his voice steady. "You're young. This is the time for you to learn, to experience new things."

"But I don't want to lose you," I protested, "What if...what if..."

"What if you like it better with someone else?" he completed my sentence, a small, sad smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Then that's a risk I'm willing to take. Because I want what's best for you, Kaili. Even if that means it's not me."

His words stunned me. I could barely comprehend the selflessness, the love in his voice. It was so different from the selfishness I was displaying, but somehow, it also made me respect him more.

"I don't know what to say," I finally managed to whisper.

"You don't have to say anything, Kaili," he replied, turning the car into the driveway of our sorority house. "Just think about it. Take your time. Whatever decision you make, I'll be here."

And that's exactly what I planned to do. Because as much as I liked Luke, as much as I cared for him, I owed it to myself to explore, to learn, to experience. And knowing that he would support me no matter what...it only made me admire him more.

So there I was, a whole month post-Luke chat, when his text popped up. "Hey, just checking in. You've been on my mind."

Honestly, it was kinda bizarre not having him in my daily chats after a routine of constant texting, even multiple times a day. Missing those weekends when we were practically attached at the hip was an understatement.

So, yeah, his text was kind of a relief. I'd been missing him and curious about how he was doing. But our last conversation in the car, it left things hanging and it felt downright unfinished.

"Hey, I'm good. Been a minute, hasn't it? How've you been?"

I decided to play it cool and nonchalant in my text. I didn't want to spill that I'd been playing back our moments together on a loop. Not that I was obsessing or anything, but he popped up in my thoughts a lot, his memories always lurking around the corner.

"..."

"Ah, perfect," I muttered to myself, eyeing those dreaded typing dots. "He's cooking up some sort of novel response." My mind wandered - was he seeing someone else? Was he about to drop a bombshell? Those three dots were torturing me.

"It's been ages. Fancy catching up over dinner soon?"

I've always admired his texting style - clear, direct, no stupid emojis. Me, I'm all about the emojis. Anyway, I shot back, "Sounds good. When and where? I've got a thing tomorrow, but my schedule's open after that."

"Saturday?"

"Saturday works. Just give me a ring."

The relief that washed over me knowing I'd be seeing Luke soon was unreal. I could get pumped for the party tonight, the one tomorrow, and most importantly, my date with Luke on Saturday.

First part: From Kaili's perspective

"God, what have I done?" I murmured, awakening in the disarray of my room. "Luke's going to freak."

It was the witching hour on a Saturday morning, and the Friday night party was a distant memory. Clambering around in my bed, I drew a shaky breath, praying fervently I was alone. But Lady Luck had abandoned me. The chiseled hunk I'd partnered with in beer pong at the party was sprawled naked beside me. Panic surged through me. I quickly inspected us for signs of innocence, hoping we'd simply passed out in a drunken stupor. But the chilly air on my bare skin told a different story. A swift peak beneath the covers revealed the unadorned truth - we were both entirely nude.

"Darn it, not good. I need to rectify this. My room can't smell like cheap Axe mixed with sex," I muttered.

"Hey. Wake up," I nudged him, my voice shaky. Groggily, he leaned in, pressing a bold, hungry kiss onto my lips, an electrifying 3 a.m. wake-up call.

"Nope, not now. You need to go," I instructed him.

"Huh?" he mumbled. Let's call him David. "What's the matter?" he asked, his voice laced with confusion and lust.

"You need to leave. My boyfriend's coming over later, and I can't let him walk into this...this..." I trailed off, gesturing at the room.

"Walk into our little love nest, babe?" David asked, a smug grin plastered on his face, clearly not taking my urgency seriously.

"Seriously, get out. Now."

"Alright, alright. I'm leaving."

David sat up, stretching his muscles and delivering a quick pat to his thighs, announcing, "Guess it's time for me to head home."

I watched him rise, his muscles rippling under his tanned skin. He was a stunner, his body sculpted like Adonis, smooth and firm. The view from behind was equally arresting. His butt was a masterpiece.

"Hey," he spun around, "Where are my shorts?"

As he twisted, his manhood swayed with a slight delay, semi-aroused from our recent tryst. It was far from the largest I'd seen, but still impressive. Definitely larger than Luke, even at half-mast. "Damn, Kaili, you do know how to pick them," I smirked to myself.

"Let's find your shorts," I replied, standing too abruptly. A sudden pain ripped through my lower body, the aftermath of our wild rendezvous.

"Ouch," I winced.

"What's up?" David asked.

"Nothing. I'm just... really sore."

"Oh, right," David chuckled, "Occupational hazard. Sorry about that. You seemed pretty into me going all in."

"It's not even dawn, dude. And I'm pretty sure I didn't ask for anything rough."

"Actually, you did. Have a look."

He turned to show me his back, adorned with red scratches.

"Oh, no. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. It was wild. And hey, you kept saying, 'You're so much bigger' than some dude... Couldn't catch the name, Lou or Duke?"

"Luke."

Great. Now he knew. But did Luke still count as my boyfriend after this debacle?

I reached down, a wave of fear washing over me. There it was. The unmistakable residue of an illicit tryst. All I could do was hope against hope that Luke wasn't feeling frisky tonight because he'd be in for a rude awakening. The carnal evidence was far from appealing.

Desperate for some shut-eye, I managed a couple of hours before the morning sun forced me awake. Around 11, I shuffled to breakfast with Sam and another dorm-mate, Jackie.

The chatter was casual until Jackie detonated a verbal bomb. "Oh my god, you guys! You won't believe what I overheard last night."

"Moans from the neighboring room?" Sam quipped.

"Someone screaming another girl's name?" I added.

"Snorts, sighs, followed by chainsaw snores?" Sam chuckled.

"No, you guys. But yeah, there were some of those too. I was at Delta Chi, when I overheard this chick dishing about a supermarket trip. Sounds mundane, right? But apparently, it was anything but."

A knot tightened in my stomach, my anxiety sky-rocketing.

"So, she was there picking up some random stuff and condoms. Because apparently, everyone's using them these days."

Jackie's attitude towards protection seemed laid-back. Interesting.

"And as she's about to snag a box, she hears this girl and her boyfriend debating on which ones to buy. They were squabbling about choosing regular condoms or, wait for it, 'snugger fit' ones! I didn't even know such things existed. But apparently, they do. The guy was quite older, she said. Almost looked like the girl's dad."

I was mortified. My intimate conversation with Luke had morphed into a campus anecdote. I didn't want to own it, but I couldn't help but interject.

"Well. I mean. It's not necessarily about age."

Age? Seriously, Kaili?

"Uh," Jackie stuttered, "that's not helping your case." She erupted into her signature fit of giggles.

"Yeah. I mean," Sam added, "it could be a health thing? Or, and bear with me, maybe..."

Jackie interrupted, roaring, "Dude's got a small dick!"

"Right," Sam conceded, her tone deflated.

"No, not small," I blurted out.

Seriously, Kaili? Keep it together.

"Oho? Have some juicy insights you'd like to share, Kaili?" Sam jested.

"No. I'm just saying that just because someone prefers a snugger fit doesn't mean they're small."

A hush fell over us. Sam and Jackie exchanged intrigued glances. And then, they burst into laughter.

"Kaili. We were just messing around. But if there's something you want to dish," Sam encouraged.

I played along, my nervous laughter not quite reaching my eyes. "I'm just saying. But, as you could probably tell from last night, no snug fit needed with that guy."

"Right. Apparently, Jeff's packing some serious heat," Sam nodded. "Or at least, much larger than..."

I could see where this was headed. Sam was piecing it all together.

"Luke? Kaili. Were you the girl at the supermarket?" she probed.

"What?" Jackie looked bewildered.

"What? No! Absolutely not. I was just defending..."

"But it's all adding up. You mentioned something about 'bigger than Luke' last night."

My face flushed, the color draining from it. The story wasn't just a rumor anymore. It had faces, names... identities.

Knowing that I had moaned Jeff's name instead of a fictitious David didn't exactly offer me any solace. But considering the tumultuous nature of my day, it hardly made a difference.

The minute I could, I darted back to the privacy of my room, craving solitude. I busied myself cleaning up, tossing dirty clothes into the hamper, organizing my desk - anything to evade the impending ordeal. Luke was due in an hour, and I had procrastinated on my shower. Just one more blunder to add to today's laundry list.

The shower was surprisingly calming. Our dorms weren't renowned for their plumbing, so having adequate water pressure and hot water at the same time felt like a treat.

I chose to prolong the moment, savoring the peace while it lasted. I had a good hour before Luke's arrival.

My hair has always been a source of pride for me. It's a luscious, dark brown hue that feels as soft as silk. When I let it flow freely, it tumbles down to my lower back. There's something incredibly soothing about the sensation of water cascading through it, contouring the curve of my back, slipping down between my buttocks, and streaming along my thighs to my feet.

For the first time that day, I felt genuinely tranquil. I allowed myself to bask in the warmth, lost in the rhythm of water droplets hitting the shower floor. As I reached down to pick up my shampoo, I felt it. A sticky trickle sliding down my right thigh, disappearing down the drain. Reality sucker-punched me. I hadn't used a condom with Jeff last night, and he had certainly not withdrawn.

I reached down to investigate further. As suspected, there was more. Tentatively, I inserted my index, middle, and ring fingers, hoping to rid myself of any remnants. I was taken aback by the sheer volume. Luke had never... well, been so prolific. Not once.

Luke. My god.

I hurriedly concluded my shower and patted myself dry. Back in my room, anxiety had me pacing, the wait for Luke's arrival unbearable.

Then he was here. My phone vibrated. "Hey hey, I'm downstairs," he texted.

"On my way," I responded.

Here we go. Time to face the music.

I walked down the stairs to the lobby, acutely aware of Luke's gaze on me. His eyes brightened like a child's on Christmas morning, finally getting to open that much-anticipated gift.

"Hey, handsome!" I greeted him, perhaps with a bit too much enthusiasm.

"Hey, gorgeous!" He returned the greeting with matching excitement.

"Let's go upstairs," I ushered him, "I'm just wrapping up, and then we can head out for lunch."

"Perfect," he agreed.

Once inside my room, an uneasy silence blanketed us. I was at a loss for words. How do you talk to a guy you've ignored for a month? Especially when you've potentially cheated on him, regardless of whether he viewed us as an exclusive couple. Could he sense something was off? This was excruciating.

"So, catch me up on what you've been doing," I attempted to break the ice.

"Bits and pieces," he responded cryptically, "Hey, why don't you finish up your makeup and come sit with me?"

In my distress, I had completely forgotten about my half-done makeup. My heart plummeted, "This is it," I mused, "the dreaded confrontation."

I moved sluggishly to the bed and settled next to him, suddenly feeling coy.

Silently, he leaned in and kissed me.

"Why the sudden smooch?" I asked, caught off guard.

He responded by leaning in and kissing me again, just as tenderly. I didn't pull away. One more passionate kiss and a look that screamed, "We're making out now."

Despite my initial reluctance, I found myself reciprocating. Despite everything, Luke was the best man I'd ever been with. For a fleeting moment, I wanted to let go, to erase the memories of last night's transgression.

We kept it PG, limiting our interaction to kisses for a good ten minutes. And then, his hands started wandering, beginning to lift my t-shirt over my head. Again, I didn't protest.