Diplomacy: A Princess's Guide Pt. 04

"Okay."

All of a sudden I felt extremely stupid, even trying to tell Aedan of all people what happened. What I felt.

"Enya, look at me," he grabbed my chin and forced my eyes to meet his. "What is wrong?"

Fuck, his eyes were gorgeous. This man was gorgeous.

I shook my head and looked away.

"Do you feel that there is something... between you and him? He did save your life, after all," he said carefully. "Do you have feelings for him?"

"Yes? No? Aedan I don't know for fucks sake and I should be sure, shouldn't I?" I blurted out and he was silent, staring at me in a strange way.

Then his lips curled into a warm smile, making him appear suddenly warmer and much friendlier. I looked down, blushing furiously, ashamed at my outburst.

"I mean... he's a good person. He risked his life for me and I want to repay him somehow, but if I'm being honest... I don't think that... I mean he... We both pulled away from each other somehow and I don't know why. And maybe I should start working on it, but I am a Princess and he is... and I can't just... we shouldn't even think about that... and I would be just... and he...," I rambled and sighed.

"Enya..."

"But now is not the right time for all this, he is hurt and he just... and there is so much going on and I'm sorry, it's just...," I babbled some more.

"Enya..."

"It's just... when he kissed my forehead, there was this feeling and it just..."

"Enya."

"Oh my gods, this is a mess, isn't it? I mean I could just... and there is this feeling, whenever he..." He clamped his hand over my mouth.

"Enya, I need you to stop, take a deep breath and listen to me. There is nothing, you need to prove to him. You don't owe him anything. I will tell you this: don't give in, it will make your decision harder. Asher is a strong and passionate man, he has been through a lot and he is loyal and caring. If he really wanted you, he wouldn't back off after what happened to him to get to you."

I nodded and his hand fell away, my lips tingling, where his palm had covered them, when I spoke again.

"I should have fallen head over heels for him after he got here. And the first few days I was. And don't get me wrong, I still really want to... Uhm... get physical with him. But I think that is all and I... it just doesn't feel right. And I feel so guilty for not loving him," I mumbled, dropping my gaze.

He was silent for a few moments, before he took my hands in his, gently caressing my fingers, while he kept his gaze fixed on our intertwined hands.

"You should never feel guilty for the way you feel. And if you say, you have the feeling he is... backing off as well? Have you tried talking to him?"

I looked into his eyes, noticing the slight crease of his brow.

"I wanted to earlier, but he excused himself and went to bed. But there is... more," I said quietly.

"More? What do you mean?" he asked and I exhaled through my nose, before I looked into his eyes.

"Have you talked to Kassandra recently? Have you seen the way they look at each other? Or am I imagining things?" I asked, a hint of jealousy laced in my voice, while I stared into his eyes.

He frowned in confusion at my words but he didn't reply. Instead he averted his eyes, releasing a sigh as his brows knit together in thought. Then realization dawned on him, as if all the pieces of this enormous puzzle he had been trying to solve came together, and he shook his head.

"I know that she had seen him quite a few times in the infirmary. She had been the first to treat his wounds and well... I saw how she looked at him earlier, but I didn't think too much about it," he answered.

I sighed and rubbed my temple, trying to massage away the dull throbbing behind my forehead.

"You should talk to him, Enya. He is a good man, he will understand," he said softly.

I met his gaze again and studied his handsome face intently. He was so damn attractive; it was hard to keep my focus when he gave me his full attention. When he was focused, those piercing eyes, as well as his strong features gave him a serious and almost intimidating appearance.

"Yeah, I should," I muttered.

He got up and gave me a comforting smile.

"Get some rest, ok?" he said with a smile, and I nodded, returning the smile, before he left the room.

***

Everytime I tried to look for Asher in the following three days, he wasn't available. Was he trying to avoid me? Had I done something? Did he even want to talk to me anymore?

Finally, I met him alone. I was sitting in the garden, reading a book, when he walked up to me.

"Asher!"

He was smiling, when he sat down beside me, before he cleared his throat and his expression turned serious.

"Can we talk?" he asked. I sat up and closed the book in my lap, before placing it on the table beside me.

"Yeah, actually, I've wanted to talk to you as well," I said and smiled warmly. "You go first."

He sighed and played with a blade of grass, while he seemed to find the courage to talk.

"It is hard to believe that you have some sort of power," he said with a low voice, while I took in a sharp breath.

I lifted my right wrist and showed him the mark. The moon had a slightly different shape now, the same as the moon itself.

"I know it's hard. Sometimes I can't quite believe it myself," I told him and turned around, looking into his eyes.

"Your eyes," he whispered and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Yeah, they changed, too," I admitted and he swallowed, before he averted his gaze.

"So much has changed, huh?" he said and leaned back, looking up at the sky.

"Yeah, a lot. And it still feels like it hasn't even started. Everything is changing, and people are getting ready for it," I muttered, playing with the hem of my sleeve, while I looked at my arm.

A moment of silence lingered between us, the breeze playing with our hair, the soft rustling of the leaves the only sound audible, when I turned to face him again.

"Am I the only one thinking we have been drifting apart over the last few weeks?" I asked carefully, a wave of apprehension washing through me and making the tips of my fingers tingle nervously.

"You are not the only one. It's the strangest thing. And I don't know how to make it better, because I feel like we are both pushing back... for... different reasons," he admitted, and I turned toward him, resting my arm on the back of the bench.

I couldn't help the warmth rushing to my face at his words, as well as a small sense of guilt for what I was feeling toward Aedan. A shiver crept down my spine as the thought of him stirred butterflies in my tummy.

"Asher, have I done something to make you uncomfortable? Is there something wrong with me?" I asked him and his eyes snapped over to me.

"No! Nothing is wrong with you, Enya. You are... amazing. You have no idea how amazing you are, do you?" he asked, cupping my cheek softly.

"And still you haven't tried to flirt with me. And neither have I for that matter. It was... confusing at first, I have to admit," I added, trying to put my thoughts into words, hoping that he could explain my conflicting emotions, which had become stronger after my talk with Aedan.

"Yeah, and now the same. It feels wrong and... strange. Like there is something missing. And that is the thing: it has never felt like this. Like when I saw you the first time, everything was so... simple.

Everything fell into place. Like destiny or something. Then we were together and it was... perfect. And now...," he stopped and swallowed, looking up at the sky, before he closed his eyes and let his head drop back.

"Yeah... It's like destiny is trying to tell us, we are not made for each other. It's the stupidest thing, but the truth," I told him.

"You feel it too, right? That this... is not meant to be, is it?"

I nodded quietly and my heart broke a little at the finality of it all.

"So what do we do, Asher? Just stop whatever we are doing now and wait for things to work themselves out, like they always do?" I asked, hoping for him to have an answer, when I felt tears burn my eyes.

A tear trickled down the side of my nose, as I blinked, keeping another one from falling.

He turned toward me with a small sigh, and carefully dried away a tear with a thumb and tilted my chin.

"How did everything go so wrong?" he asked and I raised my shoulders in a half-shrug.

"It just did," I responded softly, allowing his tender touch as it was a goodbye for whatever relationship we had developed.

The sun was getting low, and a chill ran down my spine, sending goosebumps all over my arms and legs.

His eyes searched mine, before he spoke next.

"I care about you more than I have cared for any woman in my life. But maybe this isn't meant to be, and... well, we can't do much about it. Whatever this is... we are both feeling it. It's real, so maybe the right thing is to stop.

Because otherwise, we'll be stuck in this endless circle, torturing ourselves with something we can't control. Do you think that is true?" he asked and I blinked away the tears, my heart cracking and breaking.

"I don't want you to feel bad for getting wounded, looking for me and then just...," I started, but he interrupted me immediately.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, Enya! I would do it all over again. Even if it leads to us... parting ways romantically. Don't let your guilt or whatever keep us together if that makes us unhappy."

His eyes were fixed on mine and I knew, in this moment, he was right.

"But we will stay friends, right? After everything?" I asked carefully and he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"Of course. No matter what happens, you are the best friend I have ever had," Asher said with his hands on my shoulders. A feeling of peace enveloped me as a sad smile crept across my face, before I wiped a tear from my cheek.

"You'll always be my hero," I smiled at him.

***

I avoided everyone for a few days, but after that I got restless and had to think about the people of Ester.

After I had breakfast in my room, I put on my leather pants and tank top and walked over to the library, but Aedan wasn't there.

Instead, I found Kassandra and Aedan talking in one of the alcoves, while the smell of tea and freshly baked bread tickled my nose.

I cleared my throat, and they both looked up, their conversation immediately ceasing.

"Where were you?" Aedan asked and I shrugged.

"I needed some space."

"I've noticed that," Aedan said, concern filling his eyes.

"I want to go to the dam," I said quietly and looked at the stone ground below my boots.

"Are you sure?" Aedan asked and I nodded slowly, before meeting their gaze again.

"Yes, I am. We have to do something."

Aedan cocked his head, watching me intently.

"Kass, can you ask Carr to prepare the tents and the horses? Then please prepare the rations, we will all be riding to the dam," he said, as he looked over to her.

"Aye, Aedan," she answered and left, while Aedan turned back to me and looked at me, his expression hard to read.

"You're sure about this?"

"I am, I really am. I need a purpose, I need to do... anything right now," I told him and bit on the inside of my cheeks, hoping he wouldn't question it.

Aedan looked up and held my gaze.

"It could be dangerous," he replied. The word 'dangerous' made him clench his jaw and lean forward slightly.

"I know, but we have to try," I tried to be convincing.

Aedan kept looking at me and suddenly I saw some emotions flash across his eyes and the worry in his gaze vanished and his posture relaxed slightly.

"Alright. I'll inform my mother," he said finally.

***

I had followed him to the throne room but waited outside until he came outside and we walked to the stables.

"Where's Kass?" Aedan asked and I looked around.

"I don't know."

"I'll get her, go pack some clothes."

"Alright."

I walked back to my room, calling for Cecilia to help me pack for 4 days.

"Cecilia, can you pack some clothes for me?" I asked and she nodded.

"Of course, Princess."

"Thanks, and you can call me Enya, there is no need for formalities," I said with a big smile and her face lit up immediately.

"Alright... Enya. what should I pack for you?"

"Just some shirts and pants, and some underwear, a jacket or a cloak, whatever is most comfortable for traveling."

While she went through my closet and packed some items, I looked around the room to make sure I didn't forget anything.

A few minutes later she handed me the packed bag.

"Thank you, Cecilia!"

***

We met in the stables 15 minutes later, but Kassandra and Carr were nowhere to be seen, yet.

Aedan walked over to me, his beautiful eyes boring into mine.

"Are you okay?" he asked carefully, his voice low enough to not be heard by the servants nearby.

"I am," I said quietly and he studied my face. There was no doubt in my mind that he didn't believe me. I just hoped he wouldn't push the subject.

He took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Tell me, if you need anything."

I nodded before the doors to the stables opened and Carr appeared, leading a white stallion and a black mare, followed by Kassandra, who was riding a gray mare, with white streaks in her mane, which reminded me of lightning.

Carr handed me the reigns of the white stallion and I looked at him with a mixture of surprise and shock.

"I may ride alone?" I asked him, while I took the reins. I looked up at the beautiful stallion and let my hand brush over his huge neck. The muscles underneath his soft fur rippled beneath the touch and I was excited to be able to ride him.

"Yes, I don't think you will be running away," Aedan said and took the reins of the black mare.

"The stallion's name is Dareon and the mare's name is Leona," Carr said and smiled. "Dareon is crazy in love with Leona, so we usually have to take both of them."

Carr went back into the stables and came out with a brown stallion.

"Are you ready?" Aedan asked and I nodded, while I swung my leg over Dareon's back and took the reins. The saddle was surprisingly comfortable, since I had so much space all to myself!

"Let's go."

***

We traveled for the rest of the day and made camp by a small creek, near a forest, while the sunset colors began fading on the horizon.

While Carr and Kassandra unpacked some blankets, I searched for some wood for a fire.

I hadn't talked much on the ride here and I was glad that nobody was pushing me.

After we ate something, we made two shifts to watch.

Aedan and Kassandra took first watch, while Carr and I took second. We didn't talk much, as we didn't want to disturb the others.

"How long do you all know each other?" I asked him and he looked over to them.

"Since we were 6, we have been training together."

"It seems like a close friendship."

"It is, even if we have fought a lot, especially in the beginning," he smiled and I chuckled.

My gaze wandered over to where Aedan and Kassandra were sleeping peacefully, her head resting on his shoulder, both had their hands folded in their laps.

"They are a good team," he observed and I tore my gaze away.

"They are, yes."

***

The next morning we continued our journey to the dam, which took us 4 hours to reach.

I could see it from pretty far away, it was huge! Aedan had been right, there was no way we could disassemble it by ourselves.

I looked over to him, but he didn't react, he seemed... distracted.

I cleared my throat and nudged his leg with my foot. "Aedan?"

He jerked and looked up. "I'm sorry, what?"

"What's wrong?" I asked and he looked over to the dam, his brows furrowed, before he sighed.

"Nothing, just a bad feeling."

"What is it?"

"I don't know, maybe nothing, but the closer we get, the more uneasy I feel." he rubbed his neck and clenched his jaw.

"Okay," I swallowed, knowing that he could feel danger very well. But I couldn't see anything.

"Just be careful, okay Enya?" his voice was low and sounded slightly alarmed.

"Yeah, I will."

***

We rode further and reached the dam within half an hour, when I pulled back the reins to stop Dareon. His ears lay flat on his head, and his head turned towards me. His nostrils flared and I leaned down, putting a soothing hand on his neck. "It's okay."

The whole area was surrounded by a forest, which looked... dead. The trees had a sickly look, their branches hanging limply and the leaves were withering and dry, as if the water in the dam had poisoned the whole area.

I slid off Dareon and landed on the ground, taking a deep breath.

The air felt strange and dry, as if the water in the dam had poisoned the whole area, as well.

I walked over to Carr and Kassandra and put a hand on each of their shoulders, before I whispered, "Be careful, please."

"We will," they answered and I looked over to Aedan, who had slid off Leona and walked over to the dam.

"Aedan, are you sure that is a good idea?" Kassandra asked and he sighed, before he looked over to her.

"I don't know, but we have to find out," he answered and placed his hand on the ladder.

I stepped forward and grabbed his arm. "Aedan, I have a bad feeling, too. This seems... wrong."

He turned around and looked at me, before he reached out and took my hand, a shiver running down my spine. "I know, but we have to check."

He let go of my hand and climbed the ladder up the dam, before I followed him.

There was no way in hell I would let him walk up there on his own. He was here because I asked him to.

The surface of the dam was rough, and when I grabbed between two steps of the ladder, the rocks felt odd to my fingers. The wind felt cold and damp. This was all sorts of wrong, all of this. I forced the foreboding feeling in my stomach into the background. There would be time for that later, but we still needed to investigate the area first.

When we reached the top, Aedan bent down and scooped up some mud, rubbing it between his fingers, before he looked at me. "It's fresh." How did mud get up here, when there was no earth on this dam?

My heart started pounding in my chest, my fingers feeling cold and numb.

I looked around before I knelt down and picked up a flower. I held it up to the sun, letting the sunlight shine on the delicate petals, and watched as they wilted and dried up. I let it fall back down and stood up, the sinking feeling in my stomach growing.

"It's worse, then I thought," Aedan said quietly and walked over to the edge, his gaze fixated on the forest.

"What is it?"

"It looks dead, like the whole area has been poisoned by the water from the dam."

He stepped closer to the edge and put his hand on the rough surface of the dam, as if he was trying to hold on.

"Aedan...," I whispered. I looked at the forest, a feeling of dread washing over me, while I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to warm myself. The wind was getting stronger, the sky turned an ominous shade of gray, the birds quieting down. My instincts told me this was going to end in a terrible storm. We were in big trouble.

"It feels... wrong," I said quietly, stepping closer to Aedan.

He turned around, his eyes fixed on me and the sky. "Yes, it does. We should get out of here."

He stepped towards me, wrapping his arms around me, shielding me from the cold wind. Then the rain started to fall.

"We have to go down, now!" I said as Selena's mark started to pulse on my wrist.

"Now, Aedan!" I said louder, a shiver running down my spine, when Aedan took my hand and led me to the ladder, before we slid down, the rain becoming heavier and the wind getting stronger, the sky darkening even more. Seconds later a lightning hit the place on the dam, where we had been standing before.

"What the...," Kassandra said and I turned around to look at the forest, the trees were bending in the wind, while the wind howled and the rain hammered down, soaking us.