Discarded and Forsaken - A Reality

"Can't be," I said, "she should be miles away with her aunt by now. I 'll tell you what, we'll ask grandad when we speak to him, maybe Mummy was a witness to something." I said, thinking on my feet. It settled their minds for the moment but the quizzical look didn't leave my eldest.

"We are good to go," I said as we returned to our seats. "Now, are you both full up?" Two nodding heads responded to me so I suggested we take a quick walk and then visit the shop for snacks and drinks to eat along the way. All relevance to the TV news seemed to be forgotten when we climbed back into the car armed with enough treats and sodas to make a dietitian weep. I figured that of all the bad things that could happen to my children right now, diet was the last thing to worry about. I had read some more of my messages and although some extremists amongst her friends thought I was exaggerating or that I should be ready to forgive and forget, on the whole the response was supportive. I decided that later on I would forward the critical messages to their respective partners to see what they thought of the attitude. One hundred miles later I changed my mind, they just weren't worth the effort, I'd moved on and they could ruin their own relationships without my help.

The kids dozed off a couple of times but I didn't want the journey to be a hell for them so I had chosen a few fun stopovers along the way, ordinarily it might have taken 3 days of non-stop driving but I asked myself, what was the hurry? We had put a lot of miles behind us and I was beginning to feel relaxed for the first time since the middle of Saturday. During the next call from home my Mum said, "Is there any reason why I shouldn't screen your calls and messages while you are on the road?" I couldn't think of one and about an hour later a guy phones to get my authority to forward calls and messages. I was only too pleased to give it. "Are you the husband connected with the situation on the TV news?" He asked tentatively. I was reluctant to say yes but then reasoned that Mum had used the situation to force the call company to get their butt's moving. It normally took forever just to get through to a human let alone get something done.

In the end it took us the best part of 5 days to make the trip, they were getting fractious quicker and quicker and I couldn't blame them, I felt much the same so we took a few diversions to explore and play. During one such stop by a river, we hired a boat and rowed for a while. It was a peaceful day when all we could hear were birds along the bankside. Out of nowhere came the comment from my youngest "I wish Mum was here, I miss her," and she began to cry. My heart was broken too as I swept first one, then both, into my arms. "She's not really gone to see an Aunt has she Dad?" my eldest stated indisputably.

What do you say when your child calls you out like that? I wasn't about to pile lie upon lie and so I had to come up with some version of the truth. "Mummy got involved with some bad famous men, she said she would be coming back to us but Mummy and Daddy aren't really going to be friends again." It was the best I could come up with and they clung to me like limpets frightened of the future. Of course there would be many more questions, many of which I didn't have an answer to. But for now my conscience felt a lot clearer. Whether they would ever see Sarah again I didn't know, her behaviour had not been that of the woman I had known so who knew what she might do.

*************************************************************************************

Several hundred miles away, Sunday Afternoon - Sarah

I was in a complete fug from a combination of intense sexual pleasure from last night and this morning, with the effects of enhancement drugs. The previous night had been one new experience after another and I had loved it all. I had long since lost any sense of control of my mind and body, I was too caught up in pleasure. By the afternoon we had stopped our play and were lounging around and the mind fug was slowly clearing, I was feeling sore in more than one place but wasn't ready to understand why. "Hey! Look at this, guys," said someone looking at a TV screen showing news broadcasts, "That looks just like this place." One or two of us wandered over but nobody had a clear enough mind to register that it was where we were.

A couple of hours later I could see the guys getting frisky again and my seducer was slowly stroking my body. I was looking forward to one more night of debauchery before I had to face reality again. People came and went, one couple tried to leave but found that the place was surrounded by paparazzi so came back. It was brushed aside as typical for them. They were famous, why wouldn't the press be always looking for stories, so we ignored them and slowly slid back into our non-reality.

We were up at 7am the following morning, the guys had to report to the club and others were heading out to take up their lives. They were surprisingly active but their drugs had worn off through the night and they were used to long sessions of partying then getting back to a high octane training schedule.

I was standing at the front window, watching the paparazzi arriving and setting up in the road. This mansion was positioned well back but you could see the movement through the gate and above the hedge as the press set up platforms so as to place long range cameras on tripods to home in on us. Then another guy spoke up, "Hey you two I think you're all over the internet. There's a letter about someone called Sarah that mentions the Night Club and it's gone viral." I lazily wandered over still languid from the stimulation I had received, the guy moved the laptop over to us so that we could read it together.

As I read the letter my perspective of the world around me was being rearranged but I couldn't take it all in. All that registered outside of my random thoughts on the oncoming disaster was my guy saying, "I thought you said he would forgive you for anything, that he was a super nice guy who wouldn't hurt a fly." Then as we began to see and read more and more of the coverage, seeing comments by the club's owners and all kinds of opinions he said, "Are you stupid or what? They are crucifying me and my friends."

"How is that my fault?" I managed to put a few sensible words together. They ignored me.

Slowly I started to panic inside, the bubble I had been living in since Saturday night was popping but my head was in another reality. From what I read in that letter, I just about realised that I might need to stay longer until I could think clearly and work out what to do. "I think I need to stay with you." I said.

"You can think all you like," he replied, "but you're getting out of here when we leave, there's plenty more willing women where you came from."

'Think damn you, think,' I said to myself, surely there was a way around this but my mind was still foggy and in a state of self-satisfied euphoria. Picking on one item from the letter, I thought that maybe there was a chance that people didn't really know the truth of what went on here. I had an idea and turned on my phone to send my husband a message. I was met by a barrage of incoming messages including just about every relative and friend I had. I checked through once, then again but there was nothing from my husband. Had I really underestimated him that much, then I wondered if I had really thought about it properly at all. It was my friend who convinced me that all would be well, it went against my thinking, but gradually I was seduced with the idea and a certainty that it was a one off experience that I was entitled to, after years of giving up my life to be a good wife and mother. I would be the envy of women everywhere, my lovely giving husband would understand that, wouldn't he? Well my seducer hadn't turned out to be the gentleman he made out to be, he was ditching me, so it would serve him right if I told my husband I was being held against my will, he was sure to be my saviour and come galloping to my rescue as always.

I sent off my message to my husband and decided to check my messages while I waited for a reply. I prepared myself for a lot of envy but also some 'Good for you girl' types of messages. What I found was an unbelievable number of people calling me every name under the sun for the way I treated my husband. The words slut and whore proliferated in most messages, even from my mother who really laid into me. Amongst the messages I had been forwarded a copy of David's letter that I had earlier skimmed through in a blur of self-justification. His remarks about abandoning him and my children began to sink in but I still believed it was all exaggeration. He just wouldn't see anything so dark, he thought the sun shone out of my backside, for heaven's sake. I smiled to myself and my euphoria wrapped me up in a sense of certainty that all was well in my world.

At about 8.15 I was climbing into a car when there was a squeal of tyres at the front of the mansion. Several armed police officers spread out from their cars and drew weapons. An officer came across to me and asked my name, then said "Are you ok? You don't look as if you're being held against your will."

" I was just about to take her home," said my erstwhile blabbermouth lover." The officer looked extremely annoyed and ordered the other men to search the mansion and detain everyone there. "Now look what you've done," accused my former lover. We hung around for what felt like a lifetime before there was a shout from inside, "Sir, you will probably want to see this." Shortly after, officers began to come out carrying bags containing what they found. I assumed that they were drugs after the weekend I'd had. Soon after, the officers began reading everyone their rights and handcuffing, before pressing us into cars. For some reason I felt the whole thing was surreal, my friend had assured me that everything would be great.

Sometime later I was booked for possession and wasting police time then I was visited by a doctor. After he had checked me out, I heard him report to an officer that in his opinion I was suffering from an overdose of some form of addictive, inhibiting drug like Rohypnol. He took blood samples and recommended that I be taken to hospital immediately and seen by a psychologist before further questioning.

I lost track of time but I found myself in a hospital room with an intravenous drip attached to my arm. I lay there slowly coming back to life as the staff bustled around, but I was definitely not their favourite patient. I could now cut through the fog and recognise the meaning of the messages and the letter. The words haunted me, going around and around in my conscientiousness. I was the town's most famous slut and husband abuser, I closed my eyes and tried to will myself into oblivion, I couldn't face reality.

*************************************************************************************

Even further away Wednesday.

My Dad rang me from the hospital. "Seems like once they had her she was drugged and used, then was going to be dumped when the police turned up. The police doctor tested her, sent off for tests and recommended that she be hospitalised and seen by a psychologist. The tests showed she had been overdosed, possibly without her consent in the first instance, since then she has been tested for STD's. The Psychologist is due later this afternoon before the police question her. I've talked to her parents and they agree that she needs extended therapy but we'll wait on the Psychologist's report. The others have been detained on various drug charges and the police want your agreement to press for charges against them for using drugs on your wife.

I readily agreed as long as my involvement didn't require my presence too soon.

Dad continued. "The Club owners are jumping mad over the effect this is having on the club image, as you may know drugs are a serious business in sport right now."

I didn't know but said I was glad to hear it. That news made my day.

"That's about it for now," he continued. "I haven't done anything at your house since the news started rolling in. When she gets out, she is going to need somewhere to stay and her Mother is surprisingly refusing to have her. I think Son it wouldn't look good if we refused her access to her own home but I've told her you plan to rent it out. At the moment she isn't responding to anything, just lays there with a blank expression like she is not hearing but I am pretty sure she is, occasionally something said kicks her off. I mentioned the children and she burst into tears.

"Let me think on it Dad, I'll go with your recommendations but if she moves in, it could mess up plans to settle elsewhere."

"I understand, your Mum and I have ideas but they are longer term. I am pushing ahead with retirement plans and as soon as you have done your research we'll get together one way or another. I'll talk to you again when there is news."

********************************************************************************

Two weeks later

"How is it going Son?"

"Good, I think. I am satisfied that I can get a job here. House prices vary a bit between coast and inland but I think I could rent something until she makes up her mind what she's doing."

"Great to hear, so you'll be coming back soon to tidy up your affairs?"

"Yes, I spoke to my boss, he seems pleased to release me with a good reference. I think he's tired of customers calling asking for me, not good for his oversized ego I reckon."

We laughed at that.

"Anyway, I've put a deposit on a condo that will be available to rent next month. It's for an initial 6 months with an option to renew which should give us time to get everything in place if we are going to buy; hopefully."

"Sounds good, Your Mum and I plan to return with you and start a house hunt and we can take it from there. You will leave your car there of course?"

"For sure, I couldn't face another trip like that with 2 active children."

"Well the latest on Sarah is that she has started seeing a counsellor and she will see a judge for wasting police time, but I reckon she will get off on probation despite her bad reputation. She is in the house now and we see her as often as we can, she always asks how you and the children are but doesn't press for anything more. Your Mum and I tell her as much as we can but it isn't much. She looks and acts like a broken human being Son, I know you don't want to hear it but it's best to be forewarned."

"You're right, it's like a kick in the guts but I appreciate you keeping me in the loop. I am steeling myself for my return. Do you know what room she is sleeping in?"

He heard his Dad calling to his Mum. "Mum thinks she is sleeping in the spare room, at least she didn't find anything in the main bedroom when she was looking for something or other for you."

I breathed a sigh of relief, which would make it easier for me to move in for a short time if necessary but I hoped not, I was hoping Mum would insist we stay with her, the kids feelings would be paramount. I said, "It looks like we are good to go, I will book flights for the weekend, could you arrange for me to be collected? What does Mum say about where we should stay?"

"She thinks you and the kids should come to us to start off and then you go to see Sarah leaving them with us. Any thoughts yet on how you plan to handle things?"

"Yes, It depends on how she is. I don't want to keep her from the children any longer than necessary but it all depends on her mental state. I'd prefer she was signed off by someone before I risk it, the last thing I want is her running off again because there isn't a relationship between her and I. I have to know that the kids come first for her."

"Dad tutted with understanding of a problem, having seen Sarah he had no great hopes for her sanity she seemed to have withdrawn into herself. "Would you like me to try and set up a meeting with her psychologist if possible before you see Sarah?"

"Could you? That would be ideal, as soon as possible after I arrive. Now I have prepared myself for seeing her. I want to get it done as soon as possible.

*************************************************************************************

The Psychologist told me that Sarah was in deep depression, her guilt had overcome her and she couldn't get away from it without fully accepting what she had done. She had no regrets about her experience until she was forced to recognise what she had done to her family and that led her into endless self-punishment for her selfishness. Mentally, she is hiding from what she has done because to face it is too painful to live with.

The Doctor asked what my intentions were and I told how I wanted the children in her life but I had no interest in anything more than what it would take. I also advised that I intended to move away as soon as possible and was worried that Sarah would abandon them at any similar opportunity, especially as there would be no future familiarity. "There will be no sex in my future home unless I become romantically involved. Sarah would be free to meet people but only outside our home." The Doc looked concerned by that before saying, "I suppose that's better than nothing but I feel that it could be fraught with difficulties."

"Well Doc, I will be guided by you, I won't let her upset the kids just because she can't keep her legs closed for some Fancy-Nancy Predator. I know she had a fantastic time with that guy and his friends compared to being with me and if it weren't for the kids I wouldn't ever have anything to do with her. Now I have to make a new life with or without a new partner but the children come first until they're older."

"I appreciate what you say and the efforts you are making. I followed your situation and admire the way you threw yourself into protecting your family, against all odds. Don't knock yourself so badly, I doubt whether you would resort to drugs as they did."

I went from the Doctors office, to tidy up outstanding matters at the police station. I left there knowing far more than I really wanted to and headed directly to my former home. I felt angry at some of the things I was told and it was not the mood I would have wished for on arrival. Knocking on the door it took so long for her to answer that I almost walked away. Then a voice shouted, "what do you want? I'm busy."

"To talk to you," I replied without inflection.

There were scuffling sounds and I thought footfall up and down the stairs. The door opened "I wasn't expecting you, I am a mess," she said, then, "why didn't you use your key?"

Not able to think of anything to say that couldn't be interpreted as negative I let the question pass and said, "how are you?"

She said, "ohh you know."

I looked around, she had always prided herself in her housekeeping but this was barely tidy.

"Coffee?" She asked.

"Please." I responded positively.

We sat facing each other across the breakfast bar, the silence became uncomfortable. "Do you have questions to ask?" She started.

"No, I've seen your Psychologist and know you have your problems. I don't want to keep you from the children any longer than necessary but I'm needing some assurances that you aren't going to abandon them again."

"But I didn't, it was just the weekend."

I looked at her sceptically. "You can't tell me that in your drug induced state you wouldn't have carried on partying as long as your body could bear and even then I have my doubts. I don't want to go into all the things you did, many of which had never occurred between us and that's just the one on one. From what I understand the drugs removed all inhibitions and morals so that you were little more than a sex toy, an unpaid prostitute, except prostitutes probably have more self-respect. The problem is not even that, you chose to get into it willingly and without any thought for your family. After so many years of slavery in the home you wanted, taking care of the children you wanted, you probably thought you were entitled, or maybe that's what your slut of a friend convinced you to believe. I hear her relationship is headed for the rocks already, so she must be an expert."