Discarded and Forsaken - A Reality

She was crying now, turned away from me, unable to meet my eyes. I hadn't intended to punish her verbally; it had just been building up for so long and the police information rubbed the scab off my wound. I regretted that I couldn't comfort her as I had done in the past, I just couldn't. With effort, I calmed myself and tried to offer some hope. "Look, I want you to get better, to hear from someone that I can trust you with the care of the children above all else. Please don't say you didn't because you went voluntarily with a stranger and ended up in the hospital where they had to pump drugs into you to counteract a drug overdose. That is not putting thoughts of your children first."

"But you were there, my devoted and reliable husband who would always love me no matter what."

"And who put that idea in your head? Did I ever tell you that you could do anything you liked? Did I ever give you reason to think you could commit adultery?"

She just looked surprised, as if this was all new to her.

"WELL?" He raised his voice. "In case your mind is no longer able to think of anything other than what your friend told you, the answer is NO!" He finished his rant almost shouting and banged the table to emphasise. Then his voice became quiet, almost a whisper, a different yet more threatening sound, "You had a marriage contract with me and you broke it, tore it into tiny pieces irrevocably, nothing will ever be the same again."

She had never heard him so angry with her and though it was half expected it still came as a shock, then the tone had become frightening.

I decided to let it lie while I recovered my equanimity, gathered my thoughts and took a mouthful of coffee.

"So what are your hopes for the future?" I asked quietly.

The question surprised her and she had to think for a moment. "I want my family back, to be with you and my children, it doesn't matter where. I have nothing here anymore."

It was what I expected, she wanted to sweep the issue under the carpet. I wished I could, I wished it could be that easy.

"Well maybe you can tell me why that should be, after all, you didn't bother to ask before you went off and gave up on our relationship."

I had created another impasse I knew and it got us nowhere, she was still in a state of self-deception. I tried to calm myself again. "Look, I don't want to keep you apart from the kids, whatever you have done they don't understand and they need you. Take what time you need to get better, I'm not going to hide but I am not staying here to be further humiliated."

She couldn't help herself, "but you weren't.." he stopped her before she set him off again.

"You are so brain dead and self-deluded you have lost touch with reality. You humiliated and embarrassed me in the worst ways possible. I would say you were evil. Do you think I feel safe leaving my kids with someone like that? Until you can recognise and accept just how evil you were to your family I won't let you anywhere near me or my family."

I sighed, knowing that I was getting nowhere, then finally said, "What happened to you Sarah, how did you transform from a loving caring person to a self-centred slut?"

Silence prevailed, an uncomfortable silence a million times different from the silences they had enjoyed over coffee through the years. I wanted to leave but something stopped me and we stayed that way for a long time, both afraid to say goodbye each for a different reason. She came around the bar top and stood beside me. "Thank you for coming to see me," she said in a girlish voice and she reached out and shook my hand. "Can I come to see you when I'm better? I am going to be better, you know."

"Yes, your Psychologist will tell you when you're ready." It was all I could think of to say.

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Months later.

Mum and Dad had bought a house with an addition that altogether was large enough to house all of us yet maintain family independence, so I gave up our rental and moved us across. Dad and I had found a boat that needed a lot of care and attention and our spare time was taken up with fixing it up, whilst Mum was having a second life caring for the children. I thought it took years off her and added a glow to her face but more likely Dad was spending more time 'caring for her' now that he was semi-retired. He was moving into retirement by steps, having promised his colleagues a period of part time availability to give his replacement a chance to settle in. As Managing Director he had big boots to fill.

I was sanding the bow to prepare for painting, on a quiet Sunday afternoon when a voice said, "Need any help Sailor?" I looked around slightly startled, we didn't get visitors apart from Mum or the little ones. An apparition stood before me, she wore white capri pants and a loose yellow t-shirt. She looked as fresh as a daisy and as good as I could remember for a very long time. I picked up another piece of sandpaper and said, "You can have that side," indicating to my right.

"Have you seen the children yet?" I asked after a suitable period to gather my thoughts.

"No, not yet, I want your permission first."

I stopped and looked across, she stopped too and was holding a sheet of paper towards me. It was a letter to me, from the Psychologist, telling me about her progress. Maybe it was enough, maybe it wasn't, but my heart broke almost nightly when they asked when Mummy was coming to see them. I nodded in the direction of the house and she grinned infectiously then kissed me on the cheek before running to the house like an excited schoolgirl. It would never be the same again but a good life for my children was enough for me, at least for the foreseeable future.

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The end.

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