All Comments on 'Discovering Sarah Pt. 02'

Very good story. Great pacing ... a few typos of no consequence. Hope you have it you for a sequel.

Enjoyed reading that BUT, the past tense of drag is dragged not drug!

What the FUCK is "oaradice"?!?!

I couldn't even TYPE that abortion of a word without MY autocorrect changing it to "paradise".

1990 just called. They want their ability to spellcheck back. :-p

A few?

A very definite sign that although you wrote a great story you couldn't be bothered to spend any time at all on Proof Reading it!!

You do your story an enormous dis-service. I would have given 5* but because so many times I had to work out what it was you were intending to say - 3*!

Get an Editor!!

The story is amazing. Apart from the spelling and random words inserted in a few places, the story is top notch. Good pacing and nice character development. Will there be more? Will Jo meet Dianne?

A good story! My only negative comment, I kept waiting for Timmie to fall in the well, and Lassie was not on the scene.

Please continue this story, starting with an all out threesome with them and even with them confessing to all the sex that happened. maybe even have Sarah move in with JoJo and Tim to continue the fun.

I too was waiting for Lassie....lol

Seriously, this was a hot story impeded by...laziness?

One person proofing it would have caught many of the errors. Perhaps if you're writing a one page 'story' with a twelve inch dick and 56zzz tits, spelling, grammar, and vocabulary don't matter. This is not that type of story.

For crying out loud! This is an AMATEUR writing site. A lot of the authors here have not written anything since Freshman English in college or even since high school. Remembering the rules is a chore! As a careful writer who has far more unpublished stories than published ones, I can tell you that reading your own stuff, especially just after it has come out of your head and into the computer is HARD. What is in your head is not what is on the page and you just can't see it! So be nicer to these first (or second) timers. They are new to the game and need to learn the ropes.

I noticed that the "grammar police" here are either anonymous posters who, by virtue of not having a Lit ID, have NOT posted any stories. Ditto for the two Lit members who commented. No story submissions. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!"

Very hot erotic story, loved it so much! I hope you will continue the narrative to see how the sisters handle everything! Well done!

It prevents nonsensical sentences such as: My hand found Sarah's found already slick her pussy.

Accept this as a learning opportunity. Look up the meaning of: were, we’re, they’re, there, to, too, two, site, sight.

Cheers and thanks for sharing.

This is one the best stories I have ever read on this site. I've been on this site for many years!

Such a beautifully told tale of tropical passion, steadily building. I'll be itchy-wet thinking about it for weeks. Please, please keep on writing, whether a continuation of this one (I hope), or a completely different story. Finally, THANKS for sharing your fertile imagination.

How do you play this game? How many dice are required?

Very good writing and an excellent pace building up to the climax, so to speak. I would have preferred less group action and more one-on-one intimacy, but I guess it was about discovering Sarah. Anyway, you write a very good story and I certainly hope you continue to submit work. This is what real erotic writing should be like.

Oh come on, please? It’s been too long waiting for the next chapter of this wonderfully erotic tale. Please, pretty please?

You tell a great story. Just a bit of editing would make these two chapters among my all-time favorites on Literotica. Please keep up the good work. And thank you for sharing! Mike

Best story I have read on here!!! I will be back to look for more from you!!! Please keep them coming!!!

Looks like Sarah is in a perfect position to be his fall back lover. Yeah, Jo is all remorseful and sorry, that she's not getting more strange cock. This marriage is headed for the rocks unless there is a drastic change in course.

I love the build up and the change in Sarah. The week has done wonders for her in so many ways!!

Yes, you need an editor. Here is an example where you can improve. When opening a quote, always begin the sentence with a capital letter.

With a sly smile, she added "I get that were family and were not into each other. But, I caught you looking at me that way too, That was kinda hot too. I haven't felt sexy for a long time and your kind of an ego boost. Nick would have made an ass of himself staring at the other women all day while ridiculing me the whole time. You have been so cool to be with all day. So don't feel bad about getting hard."

Here is how it should read...

With a sly smile she added, "I get that we're family and we're not into each other. But, I caught you looking at me that way, too, That was kinda hot, too. I haven't felt sexy for a long time and you're kind of an ego boost. Nick would have made an ass of himself staring at the other women all day while ridiculing me the whole time. You have been so cool to be with all day. So don't feel bad about getting hard."

Here is another paragraph with better use of commas...

Then the roof fell on my head. She added, "For what it's worth, if you were not married to my sister, this weekend might be very different." She gave me a thoughtful look, "But if this is all getting too weird for you, just say so and we can tone it down."

I love this story and I am looking forward to reading the rest of the story..

I just read stories by two authors that left in a half-angry funk. This wonderful story has me feeling good again. Thanks.

What impressed me was that the author so capably depicted the 2 Sarahs. Reminded me of the contrasting "before" and "after" pictures that ads have. The "before" Sarah was withdrawn, insecure, almost hostile, incongenial, unapproachable and seemingly impossible to help. The "after" Sarah -- well, it was like night turned to day. Unlike some authors who make these changes with jarring suddenness, Sarah's awakening was a gradual lessening of the night, more of the dawn, until a more-realistic gradual brightening to full, sunny daylight. Masterful.

I've read Literotica for years. I've started stories, a little ways into page one, realized the author was telling the story with narration where dialog should have been, and abandoned the story. Eros_Diem properly used narration to set the stage, then skillfully used dialog to tell the story. Again, masterful.

It's a rare story that gets one favorite per thousand views. This one is almost there. It would probably exceed that if not for the language (editor) problems. Such problems normally do not bother me -- after all, I'm reading amateur stories for free.

In short, I am very impressed with this story and author, and wish we had 100 submissions from him instead of 3.

5 stars

Paul in Oklahoma

Just read parts 1 & 2. Your story telling remains outstanding, and your editing was improved. It still needs work; you omitted words several times. Something that will aid you in that area is read your story out loud. Doing that your mind won't insert words which are not present.

I look forward to your future efforts.

This is a very good story and I look forward to seeing what you have in mind for the future.

I can't wait to see what comes next with Tim, Jo, and Sarah!