All Comments on 'Disguises'

A very good story. I know of many similar cases (well, read in the US press), in my youth. That war was a mental destruction of many people, and too many veterans were left to their fate upon returning home, as if their sacrifice had been in vain, and all because of a useless and bloody war (I do not want to offend anyone, for Which I will not comment more on what I think about wars), which left more pain and no benefit to anyone, except the armament manufacturers.

As for the author's initial comment, do not even think about leaving this story here, you must continue it!

You have started something that deserves to be continued, giving the characters a sense of their lives, it is not enough to leave an open end, this story has a future (although I am not an American, I feel united to this story, perhaps because of my friendship With some ex-combatants of that time already distant).

5 * for you.

I apologize for my English (yet and forever), isn't my native language.

All too true. For a first story you have (both) done well. Marvellous work with the interaction between each of the people in your story. A good story that made me just keep on reading it. It’s a good start and I look forward to reading more of your stories.

I gave it 4 stars only because it was hard to follow the jumps in time. But I would like to see where their relationship goes now that he's getting some of his memory back.

Boy, does this story need a good editor! The time jumps, the repitition, the discontinuities all make it a candidate for improvement. Yet the basic story has worthwhile qualities and could be brought to a level to make it worth reading. A continuation or preferable a rewrite or major editing could upgrade this from a forced 3* to something higher. Try to find someone to help you because your ideas and characters are good.

Yes, some extra editing would be good; the timeline does move all over the place, but that was part of your narrative and I managed to work it out easily. Just some more obvious delineation between different POVs and timelines would help readers get it in their head and make it a much better read.

The story was particularly poignant between Tina and John/James; it was incredibly touching. I didn't really get much of a sense of Heather, other than I wasn't that keen on her character and then she just seemed to transgress to age 14 again as soon as she knocked on the Anderson's door. I would love to get more about her in the next chapter :)

on page 3, the part heather comes over, you wrote it three times from each perspective.

you did it a couple of more times where we loose track what is going on and by whom.

best advise? stop doing that.

no need to write a scene and then repeat and again...

I stopped at the above, no way I'm starting an unfinished story when the author has basically said they won't continue if not too many like it. It is YOUR story, write it or don't write but don't start something and say I might/might not continue depending on the comments. No score since I didn't read it.

I gave it a 3, but it could easily become a 5. Great story idea and good pace. There could be more character development. For example, the only thing I really know about Heather is that she is a bit stuck up, tight for money and has a big ass. What's her personality? The story does need editing for grammar and the repetition needs to be eliminated. It's okay to jump back in time to bring in an event that shaped the current event. However, when you retell the same event three times with the same information from three viewpoints, its just redundant and annoying. Keep working on the story. It has great potential.

You wrote a fascinating and touching story. It had a disjointed structure because the story to a degree dictated it. There are no doubt some technical issues that could be improved but I'm not the guy who can tell you what they are.

The simple fact is that this is an interesting story that pulled me in and made me want to read more. That is the aim of every writer.

I agree with most of the earlier comments, however, I would like you to continue this story as a Romance and I think it has great potential and I liked it very much. Good job and please continue.

Do continue, this is a good story. As you do you need be careful and frugal with telling a story from multiple perspectives.

Overall a good story. My only complaint would be the short section replaying one scene from each characters viewpoint. It was not needed and blemished an otherwise damn fine story. I still gave it five stars as the one blemish did not detract from the good story line and characters.

If you do decide to write more I think you will now know who to avoid. I would be interested in reading how you would deal with informing the Army and their reaction to having John Doe identified.

From the army this story really touched me. Tell us more

What made it a 3 star story was making Heather a slut then acting like a pre-teen when she decided to confront James. THAT does not render it well to a Romance, a love story. She has no particular morals just one guy at a time to fuck her senseless. Sure no threesomes, but a slut anyway. Sluts eventually cheat. So what's next a "Loving Wives" story of revenge? It would fit the picture you have painted. How can you rescue this story now??? sampkyang@yah...co.

Most of the comments noted a few technical difficulties, but almost every one of them asked for you to continue it. I don't know if you even come back to this site anymore, but if you do, please don't stop now. I don't think the girl is a slut, just someone who lost her first love and isn't coping very well.