Disguises

"I did it because you're disgusting and I want you to let me go. I am not going home with you and you sure as hell are not going to be touching me tonight or any night for that matter."

"But you're wearing the anklet."

"What about it? You think a woman wearing an anklet gives you carte blanche to do what you will with her?"

"Man, you really have no idea what this place is or what that anklet means do you?"

"What are you talking about? What is this place? What does the anklet mean?"

"You really need to go talk to your man. He has a lot of explaining to do."

Heather made her way across the dance floor on her way to Andrew. She experienced a few butt grabs, but nothing too rough on her trip. Once she made her way back to Andrew she demanded an explanation.

"First finish your drink babe. Everything is fine."

"No, everything is NOT fine! Explain yourself!"

Andrew began his explanation.

"Remember last month we were talking about how much we love each other, and want to make things a little more interesting in bed"

"Yea, what about it? What does that have to do with this place? What does that have to do with this anklet?" Reaching down she unfastened the anklet and laid it on the table with a questioning look.

"Well, that anklet is a symbol for what is called a "Queen of Spades". What that means is that you are open to having sex with a black man. I thought that would be the something different we were looking for."

"Hold your horses. You thought that you would bring me here and share me with another man? And you thought I would be okay with that?"

"Well sure hun. You're the one who said you're really open minded. And besides, I would be there too. You wouldn't be alone, so it is perfectly safe."

Picking up the remnants of her third drink she threw it into his face.

"I am open minded, but only with one guy at a time. I cannot believe you thought I would be okay with this.

She grabbed her jacket and headed to the door. Andrew tried to grab her hand, but she jerked her hand away.

"Don't follow me Andrew, don't call me. We are through."

She headed out the door and hopped into a waiting cab. She gave them her address, and as the cab pulled away she turned and saw Andrew standing at the curb staring at her as she rode off.

June 26, 1982

Tina looked outside and saw a beautiful sunny sky. "This would be a good day to go shopping." she thought to herself. So after a quick shower, Tina said goodbye to her husband, who was engrossed in something on the television, and she headed downtown. Traffic was light, and she made the normally 30 minute trip in just under 20 minutes. Parking was at a premium though, so she parked in the parking structure and headed down the street to the indoor mall.

As Tina walked down the street, she had to walk by the homeless people panhandling. She did say a friendly hello to each of them as she walked by. She didn't have enough money to give a hand out to each of them, so shared an acknowledgement of them as a person instead. As she passed by them, she felt a bit of empathy for these poor souls, and a bit of hopelessness as well. Several of them were veterans, and were treated quite poorly upon their return from overseas. Not everyone appreciated their sacrifice, but she did. Her son had made the ultimate sacrifice, and she still missed him dearly. She would still see his face out of the corner of her eye, but was never fast enough to catch him when she turn in his direction. She began to wonder how long it will take before that feeling went away.

Tina spent several hours browsing through the mall. She wasn't there for anything in particular, but when she saw the Victoria Secret store had finally opened, she knew she had to get something special for her husband. Their anniversary was a short time away, and she wanted to make it a terrific day for him. As she was walking back to her car, and passed the homeless people, she again saw her son's face in the corner of her eye. She almost didn't look, as each and every time in the past only led to disappointment. This time was different though, when she did turn, the face did not disappear, it was staying put.

Tine felt faint. The young man sitting on the ground looked very similar to James. It was really hard to tell though. The man had long hair, a ratty beard and mustache, and seemed way too old to be her son. She paused for a moment, shook her head, and continued her walk back to the car. Just as she turned, the man looked up at her. His eyes were still blank and dead, but "Oh My God!", those were James' eyes! She spun back in his direction and almost collapsed.

"James, is that you?" the man did not reply. He almost seemed to have not heard her."

"James?" she again asked, this time timidly reaching out to him. The man suddenly seemed to realize she was talking to him. He seemed quite uncomfortable with Tina's encroachment.

"Sorry mam, no. My name is not James."

The man then stood up and walked away. Tina just watched him walk away in shock. She was so sure. She thought there was a chance that her son had returned to them. The man's denial hit her hard. Hurrying back to her car she had to pause a few moments once she got inside. She was nearly hysterical and driving in this condition would certainly be asking for trouble. Finally she was in control of her emotions enough to drive. She realized once she got home, that she did not remember any of the drive home, she had spent the entire time thinking about that young man and those eyes. She had to tell Tom.

She walked in the front door, dropped her bag just inside, and called out to her husband.

"Tom?"

"Yes dear?"

"The weirdest thing happened to me downtown today."

June 27, 1982

Heather woke with a major hangover. Her mouth felt like she had eaten her shirt. She dragged herself into the bathroom. Splashing her face with cold water, and taking a long pull from the tap, and popping some aspirin, she felt more human. She stripped off her clothes, and jumped into the shower without even waiting for the water to warm up. The chilling water sent a shock through her system and definitely woke her up. As the water warmed up, she luxuriating in the hot water and took her time washing her body. As she reached her vagina, her clitoris was very sensitive.

"Andrew is such a dick.", she thought out loud. She had gone to that club with him with certain expectations. She had worn her shortest skirt, a very revealing blouse, and heels to accentuate her assets as it were. Hell those were her CFM pumps. She was expecting a little night time nookie, and instead took a one way trip to singles town. She did not regret her decision to dump his ass, but it did leave her frustrated and very horny. She reach down and slid her first and second finger to either side of her itching clit.

Rubbing her fingers up and down on either side gave great stimulation. While she wouldn't cum like this, it certainly got her juices flowing. Occasionally she would push her fingers deep into her pussy. It felt so good, and she reached her other hand up to start pinching and pulling on her nipples. "Oh God." she said, as the sensations started building inside. She pinched her engorged clit between her fingers and start to pull on it, just like when she would jack off her boyfriend. The fire started burning and she felt the crest of the wave coming upon her quickly.

"Uhnn, oof, uhg." she said, as the wave crashed upon her. Just as quickly as it came, the feelings left. She had achieved orgasm, but not a particular satisfying one. If anything, it left her more wanting than before she had cum. "Fucking asshole." she said, as she got out of the shower. Drying herself off, she wrapped the towel around herself and walked back into her room to get dressed. She had no major plans for the day, though she was meeting her best friend Melanie and her son Tyler at the park for a picnic. Melanie had told Heather a couple days ago, that Tyler had been asking for his "Auntie Heather".

She had agreed to meet them at the park at 2pm, and glancing at the clock she realized it was already 1:30pm. "Shit!" she exclaimed and she threw on her clothes and ran out the door. It was a 15 minute drive to the park, she'd just make it just on time, providing the traffic cooperated. She jumped into the truck, remembering her car wasn't working only after she had tried to turn it over. She should be back by 4pm and that would give her enough time to get her vehicle towed to the repair center. Luckily, the owner of the repair center was a high school friend, and he would cut her a break on the cost of the repairs.

When Heather returned from the park, she heard her mother talking to another woman in the living room. The woman's voice seemed to be a little stressed.

"I'm telling you, it was him!" the woman exclaimed.

"Now Tina. I know you miss him a lot, but this fixation you have about seeing James wherever you turn is getting a bit out of hand."

"Oh no, you're sounding just like my husband. He said he was worried for my mental wellbeing and wants me to call my therapist first thing on Monday. I'm not crazy though. I know I saw him."

"So you're telling me you were just going shopping downtown and happened to stumble across a man who looks just like James sitting amongst the homeless people? I mean you told me the man only vaguely resembles your son."

"James?" Heather thought to herself. "There's no way that could be."

"It was his eyes. Sure he looked scruffy, unkempt, and dirty, but it was him. I would recognize those eyes anywhere. I'm telling you, his eyes were full of pain and suffering, barely any sign of life within them, but they were his!"

"Okay, but you said when you tried to talk to him, he said he wasn't James and walked away."

Heather began to think to herself again. "Who could she be talking about?" While Heather was not on a first name basis with the vagrants, she did know each of the ones who camped in front of her office. There wasn't any new people, and certainly none of the people looked like James. Of course, she barely acknowledged their existence. Is it possible she didn't recognize him because she wasn't looking for him? Or maybe he was with a different group?

"I know I sound crazy but I am certainly not. I need to contact Father Thomas. It has been years since I've spoken to him, but if anyone could find out for me it is him. In the mean time I will be going back downtown as often as possible to try to find that man again and speak to him. Maybe he's just forgotten?"

With that the lady stood up from the couch and left through the front door. Heather's mom just watch her go with pity showing across her face. Heather walked in to the living room and spoke to her mom.

"Was that Tina Anderson?" she asked.

"Yes dear." her mother replied.

"What was that she was talking about? I heard her mention James?"

"Yes, sad isn't it. For years now she has been seeing his face wherever she went. Now she is certain she found him in that group of homeless people who hang out around your office."

This brought Tina up short. Is it possible? Could she have had the love of her life within reach all this time and failed to grasp it? "Now I am sounding just as crazy as Mrs. Anderson." She mused. "Better not let mom know about these thoughts or she'll have me committed."

"Yes mom, that is sad."

Heather stood up and walked back to her room. Her mother failed to see the look of hope Heather carried with her. Heather tried to not rush back to her room, instead keeping a sedate pace so as not to raise alarm with her mother. She started to formulate a plan to check out Tina's supposition. She dug into the back of her underwear drawer and pulled out the Polaroid she had hidden. It was a picture of her and James sitting together on the porch at the Anderson's. In the wide margin directly under the photo was a message. It read: "I promise. ~James." "Okay James, I plan on holding you to your promise." Heather said out loud.

Heather called the repair center and organized a tow for her car. The mechanic told her he would get back to her Monday or Tuesday with the estimate. Heather spent the rest of the day reminiscing of that last few days she spent with James before he went off to war. While several years older than her, he always made time to include Heather in most everything he did. Being the only children in the neighborhood, they were close. The only time James did not include her was when he went on a date, which wasn't very often.

He would often relate to her what happened on his date. Nothing serious ever came out of his dating, and he even took her on a date once. Well, not really a date. The 4th of July before he left, their parents had gone to a party. James was babysitting her, but he didn't make it feel that way. He had some snacks and sodas, and they sat together on the porch watching the fireworks show from the back yard. He made her feel special. That was the day she asked him to marry him, which led to the photo she kept in her drawer. "I let you leave me once. If there is any chance you might be near, I'm not going to let it happen again." She slipped the photo into her purse.

John looked up at the woman staring down at him.

"James, is that you?" she asked.

He didn't respond.

"James?" she asked again. This time she moved closer and seemed to be reaching out to him.

This action made him extremely uncomfortable. "Sorry mam, no. My name is not James." With that he had the overwhelming feeling to run, and that's what he did. He got up and walked away. The funny thing is he felt a connection to this lady, similar to the one he feels for the woman who works in the office. The other problem he had with the encounter is that he wasn't able to answer the woman's question honestly. Not unwilling, unable.

November 30, 1978

After spending a week in the infirmary, a man came to see the rescued soldier. He sat down to speak with the man.

"Hello sir, my name is Robert Jones. I am a clerk here at the base. I understand you cannot remember your name?"

"Yes sir. I spent so much time in that camp, those demons stripped my life away. I cannot remember anything that happened before my time in that hell hole."

"Oh dear. You remember nothing at all?

"I have flashes of stuff, time from my childhood. Nothing concrete though. Why do you ask?"

"Well sir, to be honest, we cannot identify you. You had no tags, and your finger prints don't seem to be on file, anywhere. Thanks to shoddy work by the clerks back home, this is not entirely uncommon. Sadly, this is the first time where we don't have any information to identify you with. I am going to get Dr. Pendrgrast to see you. He is the shrink here on base. Maybe he can help retrieve your memories."

"So what does that mean for me?"

"Nothing yet. Let's see how the visits with Dr. Pendegrast go. "

The man just shrugged as the clerk walked away.

Dr. Pendegrast did wonders for the man. With his help, he was able to come to terms with the anguish he suffered at the hands of the Vietcong. However, he was not successful with the memory retrieval. And while he was able to handle the mental issues, it did not make the pain go away. The Doctor said it probably never will, the memories will haunt him until something better replaces them. With a referral to a colleague in the states, "John Doe" as the clerk labelled him, was shipped off to the states.

John would spend the next year travelling the country, trying to find home. He never did. Plenty of visits to the therapists at the VA hospital failed to accomplish anything regarding his memories. Then one day on the bus from Texas to Florida, he heard the bus driver announce: "Red Bluff, Mississippi, next stop." For the first time, John felt that pull at his heart. He knew he had come home.

With the veteran's benefits check he was receiving, he found himself an apartment just off the downtown district. The benefits weren't much, but in this town it was plenty. He wasn't playing at being homeless, which is why he never pandered for a handout. He hung out with the homeless people because they provided companionship he otherwise lacked. This particular group was selected because he saw that beautiful office worker one day, and he felt that pull again. Something about her made him happy whenever he saw her. However fleeting that happiness was, it kept him going.

Then yesterday, she almost ran him over. She yelled out some awfully mean things to him. This was very unbecoming of her. She didn't seem to be that type of person. For the first time he was not made happy by her appearance, but rather sad. He still felt the pull, but her outburst caused him to just lower his head and walk away. Later that day, as she walked by him again, the happiness had returned, until he heard her mutter about him being an idiot. The weariness overtook him again. Why? She wasn't this person. "Well she could just be having a bad day." She did appear to be a bit frazzled, and she had been running late. Probably got chewed out by her boss, Mr. Morris. He had tried to run the homeless off once, so John knew how mean he could be.

On her way back to the office, John saw her and a smirk appeared across his face. Her hands were so full there was no way she would be able to open the door. He decided to watch the fun. When she had asked that jerk who worked in her office to open the door for her, he heard the exchange. When she declined is date proposal, he had just walked off, John felt bad for her. "Why do I have to be such a boy scout?" he asked himself as he stood up. Scooting to the door quickly, he opened it for her and let her in. "Thanks" she said quietly. He barely heard her as she walked in the office, but this was the first time though she had ever spoken to him, and the happiness return ten times over. He let the door go quickly and went back to his spot before the moment became awkward.

He'd been watching her for more than 2 years now, and "Thanks" was the first thing she ever said to him. He'd take it.

July 15, 1982

Two weeks had gone by, and Heather was not able to identify James amongst the group. Several times she had seen Tina talking to the group, only to walk away a little more discouraged each time. Then one day, she saw Tina sitting on the sidewalk talking to the young man she had almost ran over. She realized he had been missing from the group recently.

John looked up as he felt a presence approach him. It was that lady who called her James. She didn't say a word, just sat down next to him and offered him a coffee and bagel she had brought with her. He accepted her offer, and they both sat in silence enjoying the faire. John kept looking the lady's direction, and she watched him unabashedly, never taking her eyes off him. She seemed to be taking great comfort in his company. Finally, John broke the silence.

"Hello ma'am. My name is John. What can I do for you?"

The woman appeared to be considering his words before she responded. "Hello John. My name is Tina Anderson, and I have been waiting a long time for this day."

"A long time? We only just met 2 week ago."

"No John, we met a lifetime ago. I know you may not believe me, or you may choose to deny me, but you are my son, James. Your eyes, they are unforgettable."

"Sorry ma'am, no. My name is not James, and I am not your son."

With that, John got up and walked away. It would be several more weeks before John would once again join this group. He missed the friends he had developed, the blonde office worker, and though he hated to admit it, the crazy lady too. He wanted her to talk to him again, and at the same time didn't. No sooner had John sat down, than a repeat performance occurred. The lady walked up to him, didn't say a word, and shared with him coffee and a bagel, just like last time. This time there was no speaking at all. They sat in silence until John got up, said thank you, and walked off. He heard the woman say, "You're welcome.", in reply.