All Comments on 'Disposable Hero Ch. 01 Pt. 01'

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your 1st posting in Lit and look forward to reading the coming chapters. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Easily worth 5 stars.

Thanks for sharing.

I look forward to LOTS more and hope you publish lots

Great writing, if non erotic. Keep up the good work.

good stuff - keep it coming!!

A nice story. I have a good question, so I noticed how you wrote. Are you an European?

I will probably submit part two on Sunday this one was edited but my editor was deployed and can't help out with part two.

To answer your question ChineseSwede I am half European my mother is American.

English is not my first language and I do worry about my grammar, I want the reader to enjoy my story and find it fun/easy to read.

If anybody is wondering the first book is finished and I am working on book two as we speak. I am making this into a graphic novel and cannot be overtly sexual, that does not mean it can't be erotic.

Thanks for all the comments I never thought I would see my story on this sight let alone people enjoying it, that means a lot.

Looking forward to reading more!

You may want to consider toning down the military lingo and acronyms, because you don't do a very good job explaining them. This leaves the reader confused as to what's happening in the story. For instance, what's an Iowa? Are you referring to the Iowa class battleships or some other piece of military equipment? About half of the vehicles mentioned weren't described either. They were either mentioned by their effect on the battlefield or the fact theat they were destroyed.

Nicely written, really conveys the feel of the hero's situations.

I'm agree with Synapsis.

The military part makes the story confused for the way in which it has been exposed.

And being Retired USAF I have no problem with the acronyms, Blew by them without noticing.

Keep up the good work.

I hope we learn more about the when, and the who, as we go forward.

Written like a 3 year old would write. Simple clunky sentences that have so many extra words. One a conversation has started and the characters are named or deduced then you can leave out much of the he said and she said and left the conversation flow.

Your conversations have only a few words of actual story conversation and line after line of who is saying what and why. The dialog should do that for you. Then we can read it as if we are listening. This story is off sio I expect no response. I hope it’s complete at least.

I’m reserving scoring it till the end.then if I finish it and the story is complete the 5 stars all round. Incomplete then 1 star.

As good as this story may sound just give up here. Do yourself a favour. Even though some good bits do happen is a long slow road.

The story starts and then he’s captured after being made all powerful to save all existence. Then femdom girls beat him almost to death repeatedly in a cell for 4 chapters and nothing changes and it’s just pages of beatings and anal rape using objects and then making him fuck them and then wipping him to near death again. 4 chapters.

Oh that’s all because he saved one of their girls from a bad guy. Bad guy really, who’s the bad people here?

Anyway they know that a blood transfusion will give them his magic. They know this and stated this clearly. They are greedy thieving cunts but decide beating and raping him before using him as a gladiator is the way to go. Injured girl had no magic and 750ml of blood from him and she’s a superstar now! But kill him in a pit instead.

If you’ve read this far then the crux is that it’s not finished. It was unfinished about 6 years ago, then three years later a couple of chapters were added and it’s still not finished. Now a further 3 years on and nothing. It’s dead and should be buried.

Hey there, it's ya boi, Pedantic broham, here to say that tsunamis are not 300 foot tall waves that break, with the top rising and falling back on itself into a white foam that Ross on and crushes everything. They are 10 - 20 foot tall flash floods that come from the sea after something causes a major displacement of water in the sea floor. Footage of the 04 Indian ocean tsunami is found online quite easily, not to mention footage of the tsunami that hit fukushima back in '11. Have a nice day!

Simply awesome writing. You are favorite. 5 🌟