Dissertation Offense/Defense

"What are we doing now other than me making a fool of myself...again?" Rachel gave a wan smile to show that she was being ironic. "If I'm not pissing my pants, I'm ranting or blubbering like an idiot. Between that and the shit between us for the past few years..."

"Right. So now it's time to clear things up."

Rachel became aware of her elevated heart beat and began anxiously worrying the moist Kleenex in her hand.

Ethan continued. "I'm not good at this sort of thing so I'm just going to say it. Things have changed. I've changed and. And. Shit, this is harder than it should be. You've become extremely important to me." Inside his head, Ethan groaned at how stupid that sounded. How could a 32-year old fumble so horribly? "Like you, I thought Sanjit was nuts when he told us we were going to work together. I'll bet he never cared a whit about the research we were going to do. I'll put $1000 against anyone who says that he didn't want us to get together. We've got our very own Indian yenta on our hands." Ethan moved over to the couch and placed his hand on the side of Rachel's face and his own thoughts from earlier came back to him. "You're the most stubborn, hard-headed, intelligent woman I've ever met but I need you in my life. I..."

Rachel didn't need to hear more, she needed to finally do what she'd been thinking about for months. She leaned forward and placed her lips on his. He smelled good, masculine. Their kiss wasn't chaste, but nor was it passionate. It was firm and full, an expression of both desire and acceptance by her. She pulled back and looked directly into his eyes. She noticed for the first time that he had the beginnings of laugh-lines at the corners. His hazel irises were flecked with darker blue and she smiled. "I wouldn't take that bet. If I know that wily old man, this was exactly what he'd planned."

Ethan kissed her again. "I think we've solved your hotel problem."

She smiled but old habits are hard to break. "Are you sure about this? I can split the cost or...." His implicit invitation made her stomach flutter.

"Rachel. Stop. Please let me help. I've been really selfish and ended up putting you in a horrible position." He kissed her again. "I've pushed for the conferences because...well, I wanted to spend more time with you and I was kidding myself that it was about the work."

Rachel's pride made a last, desperate stand. "I get it. I pushed for the time together too—that doesn't make you selfish. Or me for that matter."

"I meant what I said, no more talking around issues. I'm talking about the money. There's no way this has been easy for you and if I take an educated guess, our 'work' has just about bankrupted you." He could see her shoulders stiffen and her lower lip tucked under her upper teeth. "Rachel—look at me. It's time we speak plainly about all of this crap. I don't give a shit about the money. We're not in Victorian England where we hide the stuff we don't want to discuss."

Rachel turned her head. "That's easy for you to say."

"No. You're hearing me but not listening to what I'm saying. Almost five years ago I thought I was about to get married. I had a successful company, a fiancé and the sky was the limit. Then I find her fucking my best friend—who happened to be one of my partners—and then she got herself wound into the politics of an acquisition...and my life went to complete shit in a hurry. The oddest thing about it, I ended up with about ten million dollars to console myself. I didn't grow up with money, but suddenly I had it and yet..." Ethan was grappling for the right words. He never spoke about the situation with Selma if he could help it. His pride had taken a beating and even so many years later, he hated talking about it. "The thing is, the money was useless when it came to the fact that she'd shredded my heart. So now I find myself in a completely different situation and that same ridiculous stack of money owes me...karmic-ly speaking. So let me help, please."

No words came to mind to respond to Ethan's offer. Relief was at war with her pride but given her state of mind, they could both jump off a bridge. She kissed him again. This time, she opened her lips and the kiss deepened. He ended up on his knees next to the couch with her legs side-saddle to him so they could fully embrace. Rachel's mind reeled with the lows and highs of the past hour but her senses were completely consumed with his presence. In between a series of petite kisses, she said with false-severity, "We're missing the conference."

"Mmmm...that's a problem. Suppose anyone will notice we're gone?"

Rachel ran her hand through his hair as she'd wanted to for months. "I don't think I care."

Ethan disentangled himself from her and walked over to the night stand to grab the Do Not Disturb sign. He cracked the door long enough to put the notice in place to keep the hotel staff at bay and slid the security bolt into place. He extended a hand to Rachel when he got back to the bed.

Rachel paused. For a split second she felt a panic-y flutter that things were moving way too fast, but then it occurred to her that would have been true for her at 18. This wasn't a casual fling, this wasn't a sudden decision. This wasn't girl meets boy. She knew exactly what she wanted from a partner, from a lover, and Ethan had occupied her thoughts for the past few months. Their relationship had changed and the past depth of her dislike for him seemed to now generate an opposite momentum for her respect and...and...love. A calm settled on her that was born of a comfort with this man. There was no pretense; she'd never wanted to be closer to anyone. There'd been other boyfriends, but they fit a time and place in her life and were easily left behind. Ethan was in a different category altogether.

The room was lit by full daylight. And while she would ordinarily have preferred a darker setting, somehow the late-fall sunlight was fitting. The time for equivocation was past, she would be completely open to him. She approached him and began working on his button-down shirt, pulled it free of his pants and discarded it on the floor. He had on a black undershirt and she ran her hands over the soft cotton. His chest was muscled but not bulky and she felt his nipple stiffen under her palm. They kissed again. His tongue flicked across her lips and she reveled in the intensity of the exchange. She grasped the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it up and over his head. Once his chest was exposed she planted open-mouthed kisses across one collar bone to the next. She brought her mouth back to his and began to pull at the base of her own shirt. His hands replaced hers so she could raise her arms and be relieved of the clothing. As soon as she could, she reached back, unclasped her bra, added it to the pile building on the floor and sought his lips again with hers.

The warmth of Ethan's hand on the side of her rib cage was luxurious. She leaned into the ongoing kiss and felt her breasts meet his chest. Both of his hands moved up her back and he pulled her into him even tighter. The kiss took on a rhythm of its own. At times, deeply passionate and then becoming lightly playful. Neither wanted to break away from it. The disrobing had been momentarily stalled in favor of relishing the novelty of kissing each other.

When they finally broke the kiss Ethan said, "I could get used to that."

Rachel giggled. "We might have to practice a lot but I think we've started out okay." She gave an audible sigh of contentment because Ethan had brought one of his hands around and cupped her breast. His touch was intoxicating.

Ethan placed his lips on her forehead. "Do we need to get some protection before we get ourselves too far gone?"

She kissed his chin. "No. Pill."

He nodded and gently pushed her toward the bed so she would lie back and let him get to the ties on the side of her skirt. He took a moment to drink in the image of her exposed upper body. Her stomach was stretched taught and her slight chest presented a pleasing, gentle rise from her ribcage due to her position. Her areolas were somewhat darker than he'd experience before and their contrast to the pale, untanned skin of her breasts made him want to get his lips on them. The evidence of her crying had diminished and now her eyes spoke clearly of her state of arousal. He tore his eyes away from her long enough to figure out the overlapping strands that were holding her skirt in place. When it was loose, she raised her hips enough for him to pull it away. Ethan kissed the tops of her thighs and ran his hands over her hips and along the sides of her legs. Sweatshirt-grey cotton panties were stretched over her hip bones and he hooked his fingers into the gaps. Rachel lifted again so he could remove her last piece of clothing. When he'd completed his task, Ethan stood and took a moment to look. Just look and savor the figure in front of him. Athletic legs, a nut-brown tangle of hair, the soft skin of her tummy raising and falling with her relaxed breathing all combined to create a potent cocktail for his level of arousal.

"Are you going to join me?" Rachel had propped her elbows under her and was eager for him to shed his pants. She watched him undo his belt and let his khaki's drop to the floor before stepping out of his underwear as well. He was not fully erect, but she could tell that sight of her had lengthened him in a pleasing way. Her eyes were drawn from the width of his shoulders down to the converging diagonal lines of muscle in his lower abdomen and then again to his cock.

A wry grin spread on Ethan's face. "I think there's something you should know before we go any further."

"Oh, really?"

"Ethan's not really my name." He climbed onto the bed and lay alongside of her with his leg over hers.

"I think we're taking this 'open and honest' thing a step too far." They were kissing lightly between comments. She could feel that he was steadily getting harder due to contact with her leg.

He said, "I wouldn't want you to accuse me of hiding anything."

More kisses. "That's a good idea because I can be a real bitch."

He giggled. "Mmm...no comment, madam."

"So are you going to tell me who the hell you really are before this gets serious?"

Ethan lowered his head to her breast and engulfed her nipple in his mouth. Rachel involuntarily took in a sharp breath. Around her nipple he said, "I think we've passed the line of serious, don't you?"

She mutely nodded her agreement, not that he could see it as he was paying close attention to both breasts. With his free hand, he ran it up her leg and then pushed his fingers gently through her pubic hair. She opened her legs and his middle finger pressed down the full length of her slit which opened easily given her level of excitement. He applied sufficient pressure for his finger to spread her enough to get fully coated and easily glide back up and over her hooded clit. Then he repeated the process. With each pass of his finger, her breaths reduced until they issued in staccato bursts.

Rachel shifted her hips and made room for her hand to wrap around the base of Ethan's cock. She loved the contrast of the incredibly soft skin over such firmness. Her thumb rotated around the head and she began a slow forward and back rotation of her hand as if she were revving a motorcycle's throttle. Like Ethan, she was able to judge the success of her hand through the changes in his breathing.

While she was curious about exploring his body with her hands and mouth, the months of increasing tension, the emotional toll of the morning and the abrupt disclosure of their feelings for each other had all combined into a fierce need for him to be inside of her. Rachel rolled toward him and changed their position so her upper leg was over his. She used her free hand to guide his cock along her well-lubricated pussy lips. He took the cue and began slow thrusts that pushed him into her folds but not fully inside of her. They both relished the slick friction and at the apex of each thrust could feel that the head was slightly penetrating her. Their kissing had resumed and was now almost frantic. She would draw his tongue into her mouth and suck on it hard with each near-breach by him. When Rachel couldn't take it any longer, she lay back again and pulled his hips so he would shift his position. Instinctively she brought her knees up and spread herself. Ethan paused. He was braced above her and the tip of his cock was just barely pressed into the softness of her opening. The hotel room's air cooled the rest of the moistened skin and accentuated the warmth emanating from Rachel's core. The moment was purely electric. Each held the others gaze and she had her hands locked onto his shoulders. Ethan barely rocked his hips forward and he could feel her spread around him. He dipped into her and then pulled back. The rim of her opening would snug around the rounded edge of his crown and then he would retreat again. The desire-driven tension for him to be completely in her built for both of them until she reached with her hand to pull on his lower back. Ethan brought his hips forward and down in a single, sustained motion until he was pressed into her mons. It was an explosion of sensory input that seemed to overtake his whole mid-section. Ethan was aware that Rachel had laid her calves against his ass and was attempting to pull him into her further while almost lifting her whole back off the bed by hanging from his shoulders.

Rachel continued the pressure on Ethan's backside with her legs and enjoyed the sensation of his resisting her when lifting out for the next thrust. Each time he reached the nadir of his penetration, she relished the gratifying sense of fullness. At the apex of his pattern, he'd be almost completely out of her and then inexorably reenter without pause between either motion. With each successive stroke, she could feel the ridge around the base of the head just barely leave the tight rim of her vagina and then he would press home. She had her forehead pressed against his shoulder and could feel the strain in his body from his exquisite exertions.

Neither of them felt a need to either be acrobatic nor inventive. There was a perfection to the simplicity of the act. Emotional release served as the amplification of physical sensations. Time seemed to suspend when he would leave her body and then reanimate when he would test her depth. She began rhythmically contracting all of the muscles in her pussy when she felt the impact of his balls against her perineum and ass. She would resist his cock's departure and then crave its return.

Ethan reveled in the contraction of Rachel's pussy. She was holding onto him and would match her grip with his own contraction of muscles that would force more pressure into his cock, slightly expanding the head each time. He had his face buried in her hair and shifted himself so he could balance on one stiff arm and hand. With the other, he reached around her leg and pulled the cheek of her ass so she would open wider for him. He increased his tempo and welcomed the guttural profanity mixed with expressive moans that his efforts elicited from Rachel.

"Oh, shit! Mmmm. Ethan." Rachel released her grip on his shoulder and let herself flop back onto the bed. Her hair spread around her and she placed her hands on either side of his face. His eyes were closed and she unabashedly studied him. The imperfections of any face, the slight asymmetries wore well on him. He had a shallow dimple in his chin that she rubbed lightly with her thumb. He had a small scar on his left cheek almost at the hairline that she wanted to kiss. His eyes opened and he smiled at her. She said, "No, don't stop...please."

"I'm not going to last if..."

"Go."

Ethan encouraged Rachel to lift her hips so he could stuff a pillow under the small of her back. That changed the angle of his penetration and Rachel sighed with the increased intensity of the sensation.

He restarted with long, delayed strokes. Extended release, faster descent until their hips met—over and over. Consistently he picked up the pace, the slapping of his body against hers making a distinctive sound that encouraged more energy from both of them. The moment finally arrived where he felt the familiar tightening in his pelvis and his body climbed that delightfully peculiar summit.

Though he knew she was on the pill, it didn't feel right to come inside of her given that less was understood about their changed relationship than was clear. When he pulled out of her, she knew he was about to peak and grabbed for him between their bodies. She closed her hand around the base of the shaft and jerked him off. She felt the warm stream land on her hip and stomach. She would have loved for him to have finished inside of her, but she understood that the boundaries were still unclear.

Ethan dropped to his elbows and embraced Rachel. He was shocked to see that she had tears running down onto the bedspread. "You okay?"

"Yes. Just overwhelmed a little, I guess."

He gave her a soft kiss. "Yeah, me too. This is going to take some getting used to."

Rachel grinned. "Un huh." She ran her hand over the satisfying curve of his rear. His back was sweaty and she could feel a slight tremor in his muscles. "You're shaking."

"I know. That was really intense." Ethan needed to relieve the pressure on his arms. He rolled off of her and caught his breath for a few seconds. He was conscious of the mess he'd made on Rachel and reached for the box of tissues on the bed stand. Sex, when done well, requires clean up. "I think I need to get you mopped up a bit." He yanked a few tissues out and reached over to remove the pearlescent trails and pools from Rachel's body.

Rachel hadn't had an orgasm during the sex, though she'd been extremely close. In fact, she felt as if she was in suspension just prior to climbing to a release. Her emotional state was such that she didn't think it'd be possible to peak but when Ethan dabbed at her with a Kleenex and applied pressure to her hooded clit, her body gave an unexpected spasm and she gasped. It was a small orgasm, a rolling shock of pleasure that caused her core muscles to contract involuntarily and left her gasping for air.

Ethan drew his hand back, "Whoa. You okay?"

"Holy shit...that was something. Things are just...just kinda sensitive right now."

Ethan began to move the tissue back toward her again. She lifted her leg and said, "No...no more, mister. I think that was as much as I can handle for now." She tugged at the pillow that was under her and tossed it aside. Ethan tossed the dirty tissues on the floor and scooched up against Rachel. They spooned for many minutes in complete silence.

Rachel's head was awash in the implications of what had just happened. One of Ethan's arms was under her head and the other was wrapped around her torso. His hand was comfortably covering a breast. She could feel his heart beating in his chest. It occurred to her that he'd said something curious during the impassioned build up to the sex. She nudged him with her elbow. "Hey, you've been holding out on me."

She could almost hear his eyebrows raise in his voice. Ethan said, "Yeah? In what way?"

She prompted him. ""Ethan's not your real name Mr. Mysterious all of a sudden." She loved feeling him laugh behind her.

"It's my real name...but it's my middle name. Sanford. My first name is Sanford. Always hated it."

Rachel was quiet for a moment. "Sanford Ethan Roberts." She laid her hand on top of his. "A good author's name."

"That's what my Mom said. Sanford is also good for getting your ass kicked on the playground. And before you ask...no, I will not answer to 'Sandy.'"

"Okay. Ethan it remains." She shivered a little and Ethan pulled the rest of the bedcover over them. There were so many things to say and problems that needed to be dealt with, but for the time being, Rachel simply focused on the protection of his arms and the warmth of his body. The world outside ground through its day, but the two of them watched dust float across beams of sunlight and listened to the muffled sounds of traffic. Inevitably they both drifted into a delicious mid-afternoon nap.