All Comments on 'DNA Results'

Incomplete ending. To many loose ends.

Could of been a good story started out OK but then went into fantasy land I think if it had been 3 pages shorter so all the rubbish could of been edited out I would of gone to 4 stars

That is not how it works. If the kids were born to him and was told they were his and his name would be on the birth certificate then they are legally his. The genetic father wouldn't suddenly get any custody or rights to them.

my only problem is, why would he give a flying fuck about what happened to his ex? SHe gets killed, he'll get the kids.

No conversation between husband and wife!

Poor stuff

It was good until it ended so abruptly. If you write a long story, it needs to be wrapped up with a decent epilogue.

What happened to Ellie? She had a one-way ticket, so did she never come back? Did she try to maintain contact with the kids who now hated her? I can understand why the betrayed husband didn't want to speak to her again, but from a reader's perspective, I want to know why she got married to Alan when she was clearly in love with John.

What happened to Alan post divorce? He loved Elaine and James, but they weren't his biological kids. At 40-years-old, Alan could still start a family with a younger woman.

I gave 4 stars for a well written story but I was slightly disappointed that the crux of the story was never addressed. This happens in a lot of LW stories where we never find out the why in why she did it. Why didn't she just marry her lover in the first place?

Also as in so many stories he had proof of her infidelity on day one. Why did he need all the intrigue?

Okay. I can't stand it when reader's aren't told WHY the cheating wife did so. I know the why doesn't matter to all. Only the what. But for many of us, especially in a lengthy story, the why matters a great deal. For example, if Ellie was with John in college. Why not marry him? Did she ever love Al? Was she in love with both? Did she intentionally have John's kids? I just feel like there are too many unanswered questions here. Explanations for cheating are not excuses for the immoral acts. Rather they provide more depth to the characters and story.

Story started fine, but the ending seemed too contrived.

It started off well written but quickly bogged down in unnecessary minutia.

There was no explanation for the long lasting affair or why Ellie didn’t simply marry John.

As well, why would anyone care if John had an affair? Why would his work care? It made no sense that you would ruin his life when it meant he couldn’t pay alimony or child support.

And stop writing about GPS trackers and hotel staff that talk about their guests: it won’t happen. Hotel staff are trained to to ignore questions like that and GPS doesn’t matter except that the courts take a very dim view about stalking…which is what you’re doing.

leave the James Bond spy bullshit to the experts. Going to jail will negatively impact your protagonist and honestly, it detracts from the story.

Lastly, stories which benefit the protagonist are boring. Every story on here has the hapless husband coming out smelling like a rose. The courts go his way, the private detective finds the hidden loot, the cheaters get fucked by the system…every story is the same.

Do something different.

The first part of the story was good, but the last part with the crime boss may as well have been about monsters and goblins since it wasn't any where near being realistic.

Like the curates egg, good in parts.

Decent story and fairly well written but after building to the finish it lacked an original ending. Maybe there are no more original endings but after 19 years of cheating almost daily, arranging her escape after having her sign over the house and then have it burn down seemed to be a cluster f*** rather than a sequence of realistic events. I still consider this a 4.25+ story.

kinda rushed the ending but a good story otherwise. thank you

Four days a week for nineteen years and neither spouse has a clue? If that were the case, neither spouse deserves much sympathy. And on top of the four days a week, Al and his wife have sex two to three times during the week and also on the weekends?

Of all of your stories, this is my favorite. Could have easily been a multi chapter one. Keep on keeping on

Was ok till the organized crime bit. Very forced. There was no ending.

This story wasn't thought out very thoroughly. It has more plot holes than a slice of Swiss cheese! The author glances over important aspects of the story, giving little or no details, then spends too much time on areas with no significance. This writer needs to ask a lot more questions: who, what, when, where, and why, then make sure they are answered.

I've only read one other story by this author, and that turned out to be ridiculous nonsense. Judging from the comments, I see this one is no different. I will not waste any more time on this story or this author. I will leave with one piece of advice, come back down to earth and write something that's believable.

The story started off really well and then you lost it it just went stupid. I can live with the husband following the cheaters even though all that was needed was the DNA report for proof of adultery. The photos were a complete waste of time. Courts would not uphold any of John's rights to the children as he had no involvement in their upbringing therefore he would have been treated by the courts as just an anonymous sperm donor.

No idea why you made a simple cheating wife story so convoluted.

This advice is to you and all Literotica writers. Ellie, Ellaine, Shellie ( Ellie with a Sh), James and John. I'm desperately trying to understand your plot but I'm getting lost in the similar names. Every paragraph is like who is this. Put yourself in my shoes as I write a long story and the central characters are Mike, Mikey, Minnie, Max, and Maxine. You are not alone in doing this but it sucks to read.

The first half was good, but telling Johns’s wife and waiting until their divorce was final before suing John and divorcing his wife was a bitch move.

As for his own suits, he should have gone nuclear and not only gone after back child support against John for both kids but include changing their birth certificates to have John as the dad and make them change to John’s last name or their mother’s maiden name.

All information found by the PI should have turned over to courts to more money legally and get John sent to prison. He would still have been killed there.

Saving his ex’s life and fighting to keep her kids in life is what totally ruined it for me.

I am thankful for your creative set up as so many stories follow the same outline.

Cheating 4 times a week for 20 years and he didn't have a clue?

Liked the plot however it seemed to lose track about halfway through. The name commonality didn’t help. Gave you a 4. Thx

Not bad, but I'm so, so tired of stories where the husband hatches some deviously elaborate plan to expose his cheating wife. Besides holes in the plot so large you could drive a bus through'em, you have this guy supposedly enraged at, yet living with, his cheating wife for MONTHS after discovering her betrayal. That's just too stupid to comprehend.

Four days a week for 15 years??? Really? I guess the sex never got old for them, did it? It's nice they had jobs that allowed them to cut out for over 90 minutes at a time, four days a week.

Look, your writing isn't bad, but your plots are overly complicated and usually end with little result. Keep it simple and you won't create so many holes. More dialogue, less narration. Make it seem real.

Really good story. Thank you

Even for fiction, I thought it unlikely that she would so readily agree with him and believe the evidence before her. There would be huge doubts. Although, if she left with John, maybe it was he who convinced her?

Started as a 4 star…..wound up as a 2 star. Went completely off the rails at the point that Shellie’s divorce was concluded and your MC activated his plan.

You lost a star when you never had the MC and his Slut wife have any kind of ending confrontation to have her explain her 2 decades of deceit.

You lost another star with your STUPID plot device of John having swindled a local mobster and planning some sort of getaway to Australia….which itself was weird because EVERYTHING in your story reflected the action taking place in Oz 😎

2 **

I agree with some of the other comments. The story started well, but the end was needlessly complicated and abrupt. The “bad” guy can be despicable enough without tacking on an unconvincing (also hidden for decades) mob connection.

It would have been nice to know the why…

Also, the legal document is the birth certificate not the DNA test. It would be John’s burden to take the DNA and change the birth certificates to install any power of parental rights.

Well the mob will be coming after their cash c heaters, thats a dumb move, never incriminate yourself. And we could have heard more about the divorcee shelly? A buxom gal is she, or a lithe panther like fitness enthusiast?

Still early into page one … Within 20 or fewer paragraphs, the whole thing gets compromised. Even the BioDad’s name, along with plenty of highly suspicious clues!

Your best story so far, the cheated upon spouse got some pretty good revenge and some action of his own rather then focusing solely on the sexual antics of the cheating couple. One minor thing was John having the kids legally, if the not-dad was the one of the birth certificate that would I think in the eyes of the law John would not have any legal right to them, he'd have to sue for custody. Seems like in custody battles at times the law cares more for who is on the paper then DNA. Still great story, 5 stars.

Excellent

I hate cheaters. Especially long term cheating. The prick got what he deserved and the cunt left her home, her children and hercountry to live, now alone, friendless and penniless. Fuck her. Way to go!

Five Stars

It was a long story and the writing mechanics failures were irritating.

Your paragraphs are too long. break them up into no more than five sentences. And don't make the sentences too long.

Dialogue needs to be separated into its own paragraph for each person. It is easier to read and comprehend.

The DNA discovery was interesting, but after that, the story was typical and dragged. Once again, the man was a saint and the wife and evil whore. Same old stuff...

First half….good. Second half….meh. It seems that there is a stereotype of British and New Zealand males who are really soft and almost effeminate. Weird, cause all the Brits I served with were made of much sterner stuff. The cheater would have been beaten severely in addition to the financial ruin.

Decent, but you need an editor to help you work on the stories to make them better.

Good story but way to long.

It was good but the ending was rushed.

I felt something was missing.

OK, the end came alittle suddenly I think. A little more tension related to John and Ellie's disappearances would flesh it out a little. In this genre the ending is always harder to write than the beggining

The author clearly put a lot of time and effort into this story. It has many creative elements. It lacks, however, a comprehensible rationale. Why did Ellie and John follow this path? Why did they not simply marry each other after leaving college? How could they be such sociopaths and yet behave so normally in every other aspect of their lives? How do could Alan resist demanding some type of explanation from Ellie for her two decades of betrayal?

Another LW story that focuses almost entirely on the betrayal and the process and methods of discovery, and in this case, revenge. Only one Small part missing, the people, the humanity, the lack of normal human instincts and decency. You do realize that the Ellie and John characters are complete Sociopaths? No normal human can be that cruel, deceitful, deceptive, and yet act completely innocent and loyal and loving. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is science fiction or fantasy for a reason. So while the details of the discovery and revenge are kind of neat, the lack of human interest and explanation leaves the overall story empty and pointless.

Why did Ellie and John stay apart if they really loved each other that deeply and for that long? John and Ellie had great jobs, John had lots of money, neither John nor Ellie gave a fuck about their spouses, what was the point of denying their love and their lives of being together? Why the fuck did Ellie not marry John to begin with?

We know the author has no interest in the human elements of this story. He wouldn't even let Ellie finish a sentence in explanation. What the fuck? The human element is the only thing that makes these stories interesting. The fucking, the GPS, the secret bank accounts, the hotel rendezvous? Same ol' same ol', every story is almost a cookie cutter duplicate. The unique part of this plot is the long duration and evident love and romance between the cheaters. Why the fuck did Ellie even cry when she was confronted with her betrayal. Going to the same hotel Every Day of the week, for years, and she thought they'd never be caught? Preposterous. That's why your story has not scored higher, it makes no sense. Sociopaths are only hidden from people who are dense, timid, or don't want to know the truth. There is a reason they tend to be recluses, withdrawn, almost invisible, until their criminal or perverse behavior comes to light. Ellie and John are too unbelievable. It ruins the entire story.

But thanks for the effort.

The legal stuff was totally screwed up. A man who has cared for a child for 14 years and stood in the position of a parent to the child does have the right to apply for custody. There was no reason for him to get less than 50% of the matrimonial assets.

I liked that he didn't reconcile and appeared in position to live happily, but wasn't crazy about the plot.

Not much truth,they are legally his kids if his name is on the birth certificates. The whole divorce set up was science friction. The kid hacking the computer was improbable. The bank giving her access was BS. You need to be on the signing sheet authorized. No password are used for a vault. Please get these-facts straight .

Some Questions for the story:

1. Why didn't Ellie simply marry John, and instead married Alan?

2. They just met together for 1.5 hours, 4 times a week for 20 years? So, they just met up for sex, but outside of that didn't have any relationship?

3. Obviously, John had a car too as Alan came and went with it when he was living with Ellie. Why couldn't they go fuck at the motel using John's car when Ellie's car was disabled?

4. Why does John purchase an apartment when he was planning to move to Australia in a couple of weeks?

5. After all that Ellie seems to feel for John, when she is told about the passports and that John will be killed, doesn't she warn him to run like she did?

6. How does Ellie believe Alan so quickly about John stealing from the mob and signing her house and her life over to him? I mean would you believe the ex-husband who hates you, wants your assets and your kids?

7. Over 20 plus years Ellie's lust for John doesn't waiver? They still want to fuck 4 times a week, every week for two decades? In twenty years she doesn't feel more for Alan? She is able to live a double life for twenty years pretending to love Alan enough that he didn't see any problems? How does she make sure the children were John's? Again, why the whole ruse to start with?

Lots of plot holes, and LW cliches. There was potential on page one, and went downhill on page two the way John's coworkers and boss reacted to his being served. Talk about LW cliche wet dream.

3 stars

The story was pure and simple FANTASY plus it lacked credibility and should have been about 3 pages.

I really liked the start of all of your stories. But it seems like you get bored writing half way through and want to finish it off quickly. I'm not biased towards BTB or RAAC, I'm here to read good stories. Good story needs emotions as well as two sides of the story. This feels like you are painting a picture to justify what ever you are going to do to them. Even if I can believe adults behaving like this, I can't believe children can act as robots switching emotions in a heart beat.

I normally don't write comments for many. Especially when the story is a cut and dry one sided emotion less one. But I can see that you can touch our hearts and write good stories. It's shown especially in the first page or so of every story of you.

So this is an appeal to put your ability to do justice to your stories. Because I would love to read a such story from you.

WAY TO ELABORATE! Really? This was so far out it just fell apart. All you needed was an intervention by the World Bank and a ship full of Martians to finish it off. The cheating wife was ok, his response was doubtful. As someone said, to picture him living there in the house for months as though nothing was going on? Then, of course, the inevitable P.I. (Why bother at that point, and on whose dime? He is a teacher, not a financier) and Mob has to get involved in a way to create a BTB situation of monstrous proportion. No, it just got to be a cartoon. Two pages too long and a waste at the end. Maybe 3 could be a 2

Enjoyed your story. Had to recheck names a couple of times myself, but not a big deal. Surprised at the number unsatisfied readers. Maybe they should give up this free site and get their stories from Barnes and Noble if they need a greater reality. Good work, keep it up.

It was OK but for a few misses...

How did the Teacher loose custody so fast as he was the birth certificate father?

How much did the Teacher win from John for child care compensation?

20yrs and the Techer never felt a screeched out cunt or hickies/bites or....?

The hospital cleaning room video never got back to the hospital but went to everyone else?

The Courts/Child Welfare denied James inputs?

At 16, James could sue for emancipation - why didn't he?

Where and how did Shellie's hot love for the Teacher form?

A copied ledger(s) were never secretly sent to the IRS to push Lamont's hand?

/

3.6*, Hooyah but no salutes....

Went downhill fast when you added the crime wrinkle to the story.

Very different story from the usual and I like it. The end however could be more detailed and elaborate.

It was a different story compared to the usual cuck stories here in LW, but then it had the UK spin on things. I still didn't understand how Ellie was able to cheat for 20 years, but then she must have needed 2 men to keep herself happy. You have to feel sorry for Alan, being cucked for 20 years and 2 children though. I guess things in England are different than here in the states.

Hear, hear! what RGRSHAN wrote. You lost me with the gangland connection: it seems like an unnecessary stretch too far. Something more mundane and closer to home might well heighten the tension. Up til then I really like the storyline and I think you handled it well. Looking forward to your next effort.

LWlurker

"We always had sex whenever we had the chance,"

This contrary to what was previously claimed in the story.

I don't mind that a story is unrealistic, and this one surely is. What I do mind is when a story breaks its inner logic, which this is a glaring example of,

Alternate realities are fine. Just stick with the imaginary facts that makes the fantasy congruent.

Alright story. Not great, not horrible. Real world score: 3/5. Literotica score: 4/5.

Thank you for your effort, author! Next time, please stick to your imaginary facts.

Fuck the mom and bio dad....get a life insurance policy so when mom turns up as a headless whoresman he'll get paid

Very good story for two thirds of the way, but it fell off at the end. There was no real BTB, as the cheating wife lost nothing. Even John James got off easy from his cheating. The end was just a rushed end with little resolution.

What happened to lover boy? Did wifee get out of USA! Good story though.

AAAA++++

So, even after John was publicly served with divorce papers, he and Ellie kept on with their affair. Al waited until after that divorce was completely final before he said anything at all to Ellie about her cheating and she was shocked that he knew? . . . And people think that the story only got weird when the gangster element was introduced.

Good story, kind of predictable, but still a good story. I gave it a five

No enough revenge for me.

Good story but the ending was disjointed and rushed.... it could've been a 5...

Perfect example of why no one should take these stories as a blue print for action.

Now this was a much better story than your others. Well done!!

Well written with minimal errors, a good plot that got better as the story progressed.

Your ending was a little rushed but what the hell, the ride got exciting for a few moments.

One thing though, stop being nice to the cheating wife. You along with a lot of other authors here are always telling the kids to be nice to their mother, she hurt the husband and really not them.

Not true!!!!

When cheater is caught everyone in the family is crushed not just hubby.

The kids are not stupid they get the picture quickly of who did what to who and who is responsible. Do not tell them what to think about their mother and tell them she loves you.

She doesn’t!!!!

Do not reward in your stories the cheating wife or husband with the unchallenged love of the cheated kids.

In reality it never works like that. The kids hate the person who shattered the family with a passion. That hate rarely goes away with time. They remember the divorce and it’s trauma forever.

They never forgive who caused it. Research it yourself, family law is full of cases.

Anyway, enjoyed this particular story of yours, it was superior to your others

Scores 5/5

good story gave it a 4 need to finish the ending. maybe chapter two??

It really bothers me when I read what an author says about kids in Elaine and James position. Their dad for almost 20 years is not their biological father. These authors then say that these kids are unset at their cheating mother and their biological father for producing them! These children don’t realize that THEY personally would not be alive if their mother didn’t cheat! There would be two other children in their places. These kids should be thanking their mother for cheating on their “dad”.

Another really good story from a fresh, newer (to me) author! Thanks for your contribution, hope to continue to see more of your stories

I liked it.

It skipped some usual cliches in such stories.

Like too much background and having "the talk".

This story had a good, sensible plot

and was a joy to read.

Top ratings from me.

Good light BTB. Too bad he didn't let the slut visit a Mexican whorehouse!!!

Lord but I do enjoy learning Australian English. Until the end of the story I thought is was taking place somewhere in Australia only to learn that is was somewhere in California. I liked the way their real Dad took care of his kids and his cheating wife and the disappearance of the asshole was fine with this reader.

Genes don't create love; that takes a lifetime.

What James did to Ellie was pure karma, the way he did it was great. Getting his revenge on John was also great. Well written and what a great storyline. Well done 5+++stars

Such elaborate bullshit at the end....loser husband didnot really get much revenge on the whore wife and John....a loser for being cuckolded for 19years

This story, I believe, highlights the condition of this site. For the most part, it's well written and contains the kind of raw emotional outrage of a man betrayed. I agree that there was no valid reason he didn't have the cheating whore killed as well. She was going to be out of her kids lives forever anyway. But the final few chapters show just how difficult it is to write pure emotional need for vengeance and exacting it. So much easier for most writers on this site to just say, "I loved sucking those other guys cum put of the love of my life". Limp wristed fzggot is easy to write. Not so much fun for a man to read. Faggots might like hearing about sucking so.e alphas duck but it does nothing for one within free testosterone in their system.

If it had been My First ex wife .. I hope She would enjoy her time in the whorehouse in Mexico . Yes we did not have a happy divorce

@Anonymous

"If it had been My First ex wife"....

more than one ex-wife...hmm makes me wonder

Personally I always hate stories where the father is not the biological father of the kids and still goes out on a limb for them. I think the rational and emotionally understandable reaction to such a discovery would bode quite differently.

Pulling a disappearing act with all the money and leaving the wife with an extra mortgage would have been a much better choice here and could cut down on 3 of 5 useless pages.

Why have Ellie place the house in a trust for James and Elaine? He knew it would be damaged. Once burned, there probably wasn’t much equity, easy to walk away from. Putting it in the kids’ names left a trail that a crime boss would follow, to recover some portion of his losses. Punishing those kids would be the same, to him, as putting their mother in a Mexican whorehouse.

That said, Al said numerous times that Ellie cheated for 19 years. Counting pregnancy with Elaine puts it past 20 years. Plus, he knew it began earlier.

I was the Bio Dad for 16 years until My daughter stabbed Me in the back in Court ..Now I could not care less what happens to her . She lived with her Mother and her Mothers lover for about 5 years . The funniest part was her expecting Me to pay for her marriage . And She was going to have him walk her down the aisle . I made sure I was out of Cali that weekend .. The funniest part was her and her mother `got mad at Me

A ridiculous storyline and even more ridiculous comments to it.

your writing style is better suited to comic books. this is terrible; I started skimming at page 3, couldn't bear it.

Completely unrealistic!!

Well? Anonymous's, I thought it was a pretty good story and probably a lot better story than any one of you Anonymous's ass hole could ever write! 5 BIG HUGE STARS! And, fuck all you fuck tard Anonymous Ass Wipes!

Might have been nice to get a line or two as to what befell Ellie in Australia.

Started quite well, but fell apart very quickly. All the photo albums except one were dusty? And that one contained all the evidence of the affair and was there for anyone to look at?

Well RanDog I am not anonymous and I agree with them. It as the makings of a good story but it had more holes than a sieve. The end was so rushed, that was enough to spoil it On it own.

Loved it right up to the incredibly rushed ending. Did you have a hot date to get too?

Juvenile nonsense.

Yeah that was fun. Enjoyed it.

IT CERTAINLY WASN'T BORING! IT WAS JUST TOO BAD THE BITCH DIDN'T BURN UP IN THE HOUSE FIRE.

FIVE STARS FOR YOUR WORK...CHEERS!

Gave it 4 stars. The missing part of the story, is WHY wifey carried on a relationship with John, and had his kids. Also, WHY would wifey sign over the kids and their house, on what her ex- husband had to say, without even talking to John? Story needed to be more plausible.

E sling is much to short & abrupt.

I must be a little thick, I just don't get the whole story. Can someone send me an explanation of why they didn't marry and live together in the beginning , why marry Al. qeteshhunt@gmail.com

Very good story. Thank you

The reason why, as I inferred it, is that while Ellie was infatuated with John, he only wanted her as a side ho and as a means to cuckold another man.

Couldn't tell if this story was supposed to be taking place in the US of UK. If UK, where were the plane tickets to get to LA for the flight to Australia? If US, phone numbers here are quite different from the UK number he gave the kids. I always try and figure out where a story is taking place, as it makes it easier for my simple, male brain to understand.

I'm the US, the name on the birth certificate generally rules. No way does John step into the father role to the exclusion of the Dad.

I was enjoying this story, until, you did the crazy outrageous revenge ending. I get the need for revenge, but, this was so over the top that, for me, it lowered the enjoyment of the story. It made the MC so unsympathetic. A really disappointing ending, to what started as good story.

-

Pasqual

Reasonably good story, but it kinda limped at the end... probably needed a little more follow-through on what happened to both cheaters, and where they each ended up., as well as the three kids snd the other victim of the affair.

Still got 4 stars... maybe you or someone else will FTDS !?

One star

He has no biological children.!!

She deliberately cheated and had two kids by John.

Great role model for kids!!!

Forward papers etc to FBI and let them handle .

Have good forensic accountants etc.

Break down after knowing for months what a wimp.

Okay, first you talk about a school system that exists in England, then you talk about one-way tickets from LA to Sidney. The only Solicitors in the US go door to door selling cleaning products! This is a great story line, but you need to do a rewrite it! Then have someone proof it for you. The comments will definitely change for the better. You have a good story here, so make some sense of it, and sell it for movie rights. Keep writing.

XYZ