All Comments on 'Do it! Ch. 01'

...don't be afraid of editors. I love your stuff, as I always do, but there were tons of errors in this that kept pulling me out of the story. A couple of examples:

Possessive apostrophes: Throughout, you added apostrophes where they were not needed, and sometimes changed the meaning of the sentence, e.g.

"These I realized, had to be the one's" - These, I realized had to be the ones

the two Attending's, (Attending's-with-the-apostrophe...more than one place where it shoudn't be), instead should be Attendings.

"sounds coming from both Bella as well as Deidra,"

"Both" and "as well as" are redundant. The way it's written sounds like she's thinking of three people. Should either be "sounds coming from both Bella and Deidra" or "sounds coming from Bella, as well as Deidra"

There were more, but hopefully that's enough to point you in the right direction.

Anyway, I like your stories, I always do, and please don't be embarrassed about finding an editor if necessary.

J.

Oo, as in "Oo I didn't see that coming". I guess if a guy has a long enough dick that he can suck himself off, its probably generally agreed/assumed by men that he should not resist the temptation. It supposedly is a gift. I could definitely have gone without that visual. However I feel that this is the beginning of a great story, and probably won't have scenes like that throughout all chapters. Hopefully? We'll see....

Good start