Do-over

I've been absent for a while submitting stories, due to the crashing of my computer. I have mixed emotions seeing that Lit has gone on without me. Part of me loves the fact that Lit can survive without me, part of me hates the fact Lit didn't shut down because of my absence. On a completely unrelated note, logging onto a site recommended by a stranger from the Philippines that thinks your Facebook profile is sexy... is a bad idea.

Since my issues are fixed and I am wanting to get a story out there, I finished the story that was easiest for me to complete.

I started writing this story when I was stuck for an idea about what to write about next, so I drew inspiration from many an author in that situation. So it's time to trot out the "amnesia" trope! I'm not a doctor, but I drink excessively, so I've had nights that have been a little fuzzy. I do think that makes me qualified to write a story like this.

For those who hate stories they feel are incomplete, this one you may want to take a pass on. As far as I'm concerned, this story is finished. Others will likely disagree.

*

I hate giving a back story, but I realize some of it is necessary to tell the story I want to tell. What I look like, what Stephanie looks like, that isn't important. Use your imagination to fill in those blanks with yourself and the love of your life. Stephanie and I found each other mutually attractive. What happened was not based on looks, or a "big dick," or a "tight snatch." It's a story about love.

I'm married to Stephanie. Others called her Stef but I never did. I found that name beautiful. She also called me Robert even though everybody else called me just plain Bob. Our pet names for each other were our formal names.

This part becomes important later. My hobby is astronomy. I like looking at the stars, as well as the planets in our solar system. I have an assortment of telescopes. Some people have a lot of guns, some people have a lot of vinyl records, I have every telescope I ever bought. I get the new ones just like anyone who likes the latest version of things gets the newest one.

If you'd have asked me a few months ago if anything was wrong in our marriage, I would have told you, "Fuck yeah." Something had seemed off recently. Stephanie and I had been married for three years. We were discussing the right time to have kids. We had a wondrous moment when we both decided it was time. For two months it was all we talked about. And then... she suddenly didn't want to talk about it.

Our sex life that had been frantic with the excitement of baby making, didn't go back to what it had been before, it became more of a ritual. It wasn't cold. It seemed to be mutually satisfying but the intensity wasn't there. Then three weeks ago the sex just stopped. I assumed it was because of female problems I could never understand, or the fact she was having second thoughts. Both of my theories were wrong.

I returned after work at my usual time. Nothing really tipped me off for what was to follow. There was no strange car in the driveway. There was a strange one parked on the street but I didn't realize that part until later. I walked in to see my wife and a man I'd never seen before on our couch. I would normally refer to it as "the couch," but what I saw is the reason I describe it differently.

They were sitting together holding hands. This was unusual. Stephanie usually let me know whenever someone was dropping in. I was hoping this was some distant relative I'd never met. "Hi honey, is someone joining us for dinner tonight?"

Stephanie said, "Robert, please take a seat. I've got something to tell you."

I took a seat in the chair across from the couch. This was weird, but I wasn't assuming it was the one thing it looked like. Not until Stephanie spoke again.

"Nigel and I have fallen in love."

Well. That removed all doubt. I was silent for a moment processing this. While I was doing that, she looked over at the strange man. She was looking at him in the way she used to look at me. He was looking at her the same way. There was no doubt she was telling the truth. I had just one question. So I asked it, "Who the fuck is Nigel?"

The person who I assumed was Nigel spoke. "I am. I know this is awkward for both of you. I'm just here to ease the pain of this disclosure. This is painful for her."

Obviously "easing the pain" meant only Stephanie's pain. My pain wasn't eased at all. So that didn't exactly help.

Stephanie spoke next.

"I met Nigel at work. I didn't mean for it to happen, it just happened."

I really thought I was calm when I said," How does something like this 'just happen?'"

Nigel asserted himself and said loudly, "Don't raise your voice to her! She is an angel."

Stephanie stared deeply into his eyes and said,"Thank you Pookie."

"I'm here for you always Pookiehontas."

Pookie? Pookiehontas?

I was stunned. It was like having a concussion. I used to play rugby so I use that word from experience. What I was feeling was the equivalent of a knee to the head. I was completely disoriented. My next words reflected that.

I once again kept my emotions suppressed and said in a conversational tone, "Maybe there is a way we could work this out. I've read stories about women who can be in love with two people at once. There's this romantic story where a woman was in love with two men. We should read that together before any rash decisions are made."

Nigel jumped off the couch. "Quit yelling at her! Stop torturing this wonderful woman."

Stephanie grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the couch. "Thank you for defending me my knight." Then she kissed him. A small peck on the lips that would have previously meant nothing.

Then she looked at me with a mixture of compassion and sadness. "I can't love two men. That's not for me. I can only give my heart to one person at a time. I fell out of love with you as I fell into love with Nigel."

"Can't we talk about this? We could go into counseling."

Nigel was clutching her hand when she responded, "It would just drag out the pain. Robert, my heart knows what it wants. I still have love for you and I always will. I just don't love you the same way any more. A clean break will be the easiest for both of us."

"But we were planning on having kids just a few months ago. I don't understand."

Stephanie looked at me with all the compassion in the world. "That's why I have to do this. I want children to be conceived in love."

Nigel spoke again, "They'll be our love babies."

"Oh Pookie," she replied. Then they gave each other an Eskimo kiss. I really didn't think they could have done something more nauseating if they had tried.

I was about to speak when Stephanie looked over at me and spoke first. "Robert, I know this is hard and thank you for being so supportive during what I know was a painful moment for you. I'll be back later to pick up my things and I really hope we can talk as friends."

I was still wondering how my calm demeanor somehow was interpreted as "supportive," while they both got up and left. I certainly wasn't supporting any of this. I guess they had said what they had come to say and I was an afterthought. Nigel got into his car and she got into hers. It was the practical thing to do of course, since she needed to take her car. Still, I don't think I could have handled seeing them leave in the same car together.

I'd always considered myself blessed with a very good memory. That night it felt more like a curse. I was replaying everything Stephanie had said to me over the last six months.

I'd never heard of Nigel. I had no idea who he was. She had fallen in love with someone else and had an affair and I never had the slightest clue. How had I missed it?

There certainly had been the signs I mentioned earlier that something wasn't right. Now I could put those things in a context. She'd fallen out of love with me, that explained the changing sex. She'd cut me off completely the last three weeks. I concluded that was around the time she and Nigel had consummated their mutual desire. She had said she could have only one love at a time. That was when she likely gave her heart and body to him.

I was still trying to process everything when I got the call from the hospital. Stephanie had been in another car accident. Yes, another. Stephanie always had a lead foot. A year ago she'd rear-ended someone on her way back from work when traffic had come to a sudden stop. She was physically fine. She was emotionally shaken up. She'd lost consciousness when the airbag deployed. She wasn't even hospitalized for that one.

This one was more serious. She was taken to the hospital because she was unconscious when she was discovered by the EMTs. I was told she'd run a red light at full speed, then swerved to avoid an oncoming car. She'd wound up driving into the side of a Jack In the Box. That information had come from Nigel apparently. He certainly didn't phone me and disclose that. I got that information from the staff.

I was still processing everything when Nigel approached me. Yeah, he was there too. He'd gotten there before me but I hadn't seen him until then. He didn't express mutual grief or offer what would have been an unwelcome hug. He didn't say anything like "Hey," or "Let's talk." He just went to what was on his mind.

"Bob, I can't see her since I'm not family. You know she was leaving you for me, so I'd appreciate it if you let me in. You have to approve it. I'm technically not family but I am her family."

Technically? Given that approach, I gave my response. It was easy. "No."

"If I was you, I'd let her go. I'd be looking to move on. Let me comfort her."

"No."

"Are you really going to be an asshole at a time like this?"

"Yes."

With that, I turned my back on him and walked toward Stephanie's room. He was definitely right, I was being an asshole. I didn't feel bad about it at all, not even a little bit. I barely had had time to deal with the hurt when Stephanie announced she was leaving. I hadn't even had time to get to the "anger" stage. After seeing Nigel and listening to him, grief was turning to anger now. I couldn't very well lash out at my wife after she'd been in an accident. So being an asshole toward Nigel would do nicely for the moment.

I needed answers and I hoped I'd get them. Until I did, "Pookie" was not getting anywhere near her. The fact that he felt pain was a bit of a balm to me at that moment. I was intercepted by Doctor Beller. He looked the part of the wise and experienced doctor. His gray hair gave me comfort that he was a fountain of knowledge.

He told me my wife likely had amnesia, from what he was able to tell. Otherwise, she was physically fine just like the last traffic accident. Mentally though, this one was different. Outside of soap operas, I had no idea what that really meant. What I learned from television, was I should whack her on the head again to bring her memories back. I soon learned that soap operas shouldn't be treated as medically accurate.

Doctor Beller was very doctor-like in dumbing it down for me. "She has retrograde amnesia."

"I didn't know there were different types."

"There's also a version called anterograde amnesia. People who have that can't make new memories. Have you ever seen a movie called 50 First Dates?"

"I have. It's actually a criminally underrated Adam Sandler movie."

"All Adam Sandler movies are underrated."

"We'll have to agree to disagree on that." No point in pissing him off, he was her doctor after all. "So if she doesn't have that kind, what kind does my wife have?"

"She has the kind more people have some familiarity with. She can't remember anything after a certain point. She will still make new memories."

"Is it permanent?"

"It rarely is. Usually memories do return. It's extremely rare that they never do."

"How long does it take for them to return?"

"It varies. It could happen this week. It could take a year. It could take longer."

"So at any moment she could just suddenly remember everything?"

"That's a possibility. It could also happen that she begins to remember certain things but not everything. She gradually remembers more and more things."

"So what you're saying is, you really have no idea what's going to happen."

"That's what I'm saying. Also, you should give 'The Waterboy' another chance. Adam Sandler is a comedic genius."

"I will." Apparently anybody can become a doctor these days. So much for putting faith in gray hair.

I was let in to see my wife. She was awake and alert, as well as confused. "Robert! What happened? The doctors tell me only I was in an accident."

I grabbed her outstretched hand and she gave mine a squeeze. I squeezed back, "What's the last thing you remember?"

"I was coming home from the office. The car in front of me had stopped but I didn't hit the brakes in time."

Her memories seemed to go back to the accident a year ago before this. This was pre-Nigel, from what I'd gathered. It was also interesting to me that her memories returned to the other accident. Had she suffered some serious injury then as well that the doctors hadn't detected? Or was this a coincidence? These were thoughts to discuss with the doctors another time. Or not. Right now I was in the moment.

"Stephanie, you got into another accident the day you left me."

"I left you? Why would I ever do that?"

"You told me you were in love with Nigel."

"Nigel? Who the fuck is Nigel?"

"He's someone you know from work."

"I don't know anybody from work named Nigel."

That was interesting. Either Nigel was new there or she had lied to me about how they met. "Look, I don't want to agitate you, we can talk about this another time."

"You can't just drop a bomb like that and not talk about it!"

My first thought was, "That's exactly what you did to me you harlot!" There was no point in saying that or walking out to spite her for something that she didn't remember. I took the high road. Barely. I told her the story the same way I'd heard it from her. She interrupted several times and came close to accusing me of lying.

She couldn't seem to wrap her head around anything I was saying. Once again, that's exactly how I'd felt when she and Nigel declared their mutual love to me earlier that day. She was filled with questions I couldn't answer, like "Were you cheating on me?"

"No Stephanie, I never have and never would."

"Did you beat me or something?"

"Same answer as last time."

"Then why would I do this without any reason?"

I kissed her hand. "Stephanie, just recover. We have time to talk about this. I'm glad you're okay."

Stephanie was kept in the hospital for a few days while the doctors ran tests. I was there every day after work. So was Nigel. Every time I walked in he would say something like, "Bob, can we talk?"

"No."

"Bob, you know that-"

"No."

Stephanie eventually was cleared to come back home. Both of us were briefed about what to expect. Stephanie was fine both mentally and physically. Her memories were likely to come back, possibly slowly, possibly all at once. I'd heard it before. She'd heard it before. At this point Stephanie just wanted to go home. I wanted that too.

So we nodded and agreed and signed forms without reading them, just to get the fuck out of there. As we were nodding and signing, Doctor Beller mentioned she could go to work, but her lack of memory could make it difficult. He suggested she might want to take a different job in a similar field.

I simply said, "Thank you Doctor Beller for all you've done. We want to go home now." Five minutes later, we did just that.

We slept comfortably in each other's arms that night. I didn't want to let go of her, it was like having a piece ripped out of me that had suddenly been restored. I never wanted to lose it again. I slept more soundly since this whole thing started. When I awakened we were still intertwined.

While I did breathe easier when I had my beloved safe and secure under our roof once again, it doesn't mean I was completely at ease. From what doctor Beller had said, this situation could change at any time. I wasn't sure how big a window I had to come up with a permanent solution, but I had a second chance here and had no intention of just wasting it by doing nothing while the clock ran out.

There were deep philosophical issues to consider of course. Things like, if Stephanie could fall out of love with me so quickly once, did I really want her back? Things like, should I look a gift horse in the mouth? I've never really been into philosophy. So I ignored those thoughts and concentrated on the task in front of me. I needed Nigel out of the picture before I could figure out anything else. That problem was difficult enough.

Stephanie wouldn't consider leaving her job. She loved her job. She was also good at it. She'd called her boss and explained the situation with her memory. Her boss was sympathetic and welcomed her back. She told her she'd make it work. I was supportive of her returning, however....

I still knew nothing about Nigel. A lot of affairs start at work. From the little I knew, so had this one. This was definitely going to be an issue if he really was someone she worked with. If Nigel was a co-worker she'd run into him again. If he was, there was the possibility he'd worm his way into her heart again.

She did go back to work despite my reservations. It seemed she had been honest with me about how they met. Nigel was indeed a co-worker. Stephanie told me she got a nice "Welcome back" reception. Everyone seemed to want to do everything they could do to assist her, they had all been informed of her memory loss. Only one person had made her feel uncomfortable. Nigel.

His way of welcoming her back was different. He kept wanting to talk to her alone and kept breaking physical boundaries she was not comfortable with from a co-worker, much less a stranger. She had gotten plenty of hugs but Nigel was the only one that sniffed her hair. Stephanie told me she drew boundaries very quickly. He didn't seem to have gotten the memo. He kept wanting to hold her hand or put his arm around her. All this did was piss Stephanie off.

The company where she worked didn't have any kind of non-fraternization policy for co-workers. Fortunately for me it did have a strict sexual harassment policy. I realize I did say, "Fortunately for me." I still wasn't ready to think, "Fortunately for us." Not yet.

Nigel got summoned into a meeting by Human Resources and was given the usual company lecture about the policy and told he needed to cease and desist. He also got reprimanded by his supervisor and told he needed to cease and desist. Nigel neither ceased nor desisted. The first thing he did after his dressing down was to confront Stephanie in full view of a lot of witnesses. Instead of talking, he grabbed her and started kissing her. I assumed he'd been expecting muscle memory or something to result in her kissing him back, rather than the slap that followed and the kick to the groin.

Nigel was fired for cause.

That didn't end him trying to see her. He showed up in the parking lot at work. He showed up if she left to go to lunch. It got so bad she got a restraining order against him. This did a lot to alleviate my concern that the affair might be rekindled. It's hard to have sex from 500 feet away.

I did enjoy seeing my wife's paramour suffer. I also enjoyed resuming the relationship with my wife I thought we'd always had. Stephanie was back for the moment, but I knew that could change if her memories returned. Even if they didn't, would something in her nature cause her to suddenly feel the same way about another man?

One night, I was looking at the stars on the balcony with one of my older telescopes. I did that from time to time because I liked thinking of myself as Galileo and wanting to see if I could see what he saw. I could not have drawn the conclusions that he'd drawn but I wanted to be able to. When I got frustrated I pointed the telescope at the neighborhood, as I have often done. Damned if I didn't see Nigel in the bushes.