Donnie Jaye 01

Donnie Jaye 01

[The reception area of the Middleton Cog Wheel factory]

"Hi, I'm Donnie Jaye and I'm here to embarrass Robert Roberts by bringing his work lunch to him because he thinks it's okay to trash talk someone on social media and then sleep soundly at night, so, can you help me make that happen, hmm?"

"Oh, I control the loud speaker system here at the Cog Wheel factory and I could definitely help you make that happen, but first, we need to fill out the visitors sign-in sheet information, Donnie Jaye, so, I have your name and your trash talking revenge purpose for your visit today, so, um, next on the visitors sign-in sheet is your relationship status then, so?"

"Oh, single, um, single with a vision, that's my relationship status, so?"

"I see, okay then, that sounds great. So, next, ignoring your hair color, your make up shades and your favorite undies, I mean, it's right here on the sign-in info sheet, I mean, favorite color in general then, hmm?"

"Oh, ignoring the things that you just listed, I mean, clear, clear is my favorite color in general then, so?"

"Whew, alright then, are you willing to abide by all company safety policies, stay behind the yellow lines on the shop floor and then maybe bring me a Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly tomorrow night to flaunt your revenge in front of the other employees, huh?"

"Yes, yes and maybe, but you should know that Robert Roberts talks trash about me on social media because I'm just a tease, so? And I don't even know your name or what flavor Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly that you like or anything, so..."

[A set of swinging doors swing open]

"Excuse me, Donny? I mean, Donnie Jaye, what are you doing here at my work, huh?"

"Oh, there you are, Robert Roberts! I brought you a special lunch today and I'm just finishing up with the safety procedures of wandering around your shop!"

[There is no lunch meal bag from the Burnt Burger in Donni Jaye's sleeveless gloved hands????]

"OMFG, Bruce, can't you see how Donnie Jaye is dressed? What about that outfit says "Cog Wheel factory" safe to you, huh?"

"Aha, aha, aha, I mean, oh, Rob, you have a visitor, so?"

"And I'm officially signed in, Robert Roberts, so, where do we sit to have lunch together, hmm? Is there a center lunch break table somewhere so all of your co-workers can watch us eat together and smirk, hmm? Oh, wait, my bad, Robert Roberts [snatches the microphone from Bruce's desk], attention shoppers, I mean, Cog Wheel factory employees, I'm Donnie Jaye, single with a vision, a tease by choice, but playful, announcing that Tina's Tricky Taco food truck is just now setting up in the parking lot for your evening lunching pleasure and she should be open for business by now, thank you [screech]."

[Huh, the lunch horn blows! Which is more than can be said for the playful Donnie Jaye]

"SOB, Donnie Jaye! I can't believe you..."

[So, a safe building exit for the company fire drill is different when the factory workers are just hungry?]

"Line it up, gals and guys. My menu tonight is limited since this was a surprise job, but your bellies won't complain, so, line it up and oh, yeah, everyone should thank a Mr. Robert Roberts for this hot meal surprise! [Spies someone in the gathering crowd of factory workers] oh, well then, the Tomboy clamshell is first for a taco shell then! Step right up and show off that Tomboy hair style, babe!"

Well, Tricky Tina likes her Tomboy gals, so.

[Rob! Rob! Rob! Rob! Rob! Rob! And Rob's missy girlfriend! Rob! Rob! Rob!]

Oh, I stared down the guy who said that! As I leaned and kicked one leg up against the food truck.

"Hi, I mean, hi, I mean, hi because I mean, um, hi."

"Alright, I mean, hi back then, but after that, I mean, I'm apparently a waste of time, so?"

"So, I mean, after that then, I mean, Rob passed out, so, um, your, um, your, um, when are you turning 18 then, huh? And I mean, I mean, I mean, my time punch card says my name is Ernie, so, after that, I mean, when is your birthday, huh?"

Oh, that's just sneaky pickup line, right?"

"[Um, 18, 19, 20] oh, my third 18th is this Friday, so, update your pickup line for next time, okay? And Cog Wheel Factory people, I'm mad at Robert Roberts, but he's not the paper wrapper trash can!"

[Paper wrapper crumble, toss, bounce, paper wrapper crumble, toss, bounce, rinse and repeat]

"Well, am I second in line behind, Rob then, Donnie Jaye? Or even third in line behind, Bruce, huh?"

"(Whisper, whisper, my status vision is blurry right now, Ernie, whisper, whisper.) Tricky Tina, this guy says he's next in line for Taco's (whisper, sorry, Ernie, whisper), so?"

"Oh, a four Taco special then, coming up! You bring it and I sling it, step up to the window!"

Well, for now anyways, since for the first 7 seconds, that Ernie guy was nice.

"[Grumble awake] Donnie Jaye, just wait until you see the trash, um trash, um, talking that I post, um, later tonight, um, um, when did you get legs, huh, Donnie Jaye?"

"Oh, they just came in mail today, Robert Roberts and all of my long jeans, Capri jeans and tights were in the wash, so? Oh, excuse me for a moment, Robert Roberts, I mean, hey, hey there, Tomboy girl, can I get a quick photo to commemorate this moment for the factory bulletin board, please, hmm? Also, I can't hold this pose for much longer, so?"

[Photo snap, photo snap]

"Oh, thank you [sighs and releases sexy bent leg pose]. Um, bye, Robert Roberts! My work is done here, so?"

"OMG, will you stop with the full name, Donnie Jaye! Especially since you know darn well that not everybody is for everybody, so?"

Oh, you know, folks, you would think that statement would apply all the time, right? Like even when a certain someone is hustling you for sex just a few days before because it's not fair that someone can be for someone for just a half of an hour and then not anymore, I mean, I'm right about that, right?

"Come on, gals and guys, line it up and clean me out of Taco's tonight because a surprise lunch is the only legit half hour thing, ahem, unlike how somebody thinks, ahem, Mr. Robert Roberts, so, line it up before the half hour lunch break horn blows the other way and that's the only legit blowing too!"

"(Psst, I think you've rubbed it in enough now, Donnie Jaye, so, give me your contact info so I can forward the sexy legs photos that I took you and don't be afraid to trade back my contact info with your friend in the Tricky Taco truck.)"

Hah! See, there is someone for everyone. Even though the situation between Tricky Tina and Tomboy Trina is a totally different situation.

"Well, everybody, I guess my time and work is done here now, so, I hope you all enjoyed your surprise lunch and I hope you all tipped Tricky Tina properly and y'all might see me again in the near future on Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly lunch break night! Good night."

[Munch, crunch, munch, crunch, munch, crunch, munch, good surprise tacos, munch, crunch]

I mean, I think everyone heard me.

"Oh, I mean, um, I'll walk you to your vehicle since it's after dark and all, so, um, I insist and I'm Paul, so, where are you parked then, huh, Donnie Jaye?"

Well, when a guy sort of pushes you along as he is insisting, right?

[Staggering from being pushed and pulled is exactly the same as a safe escort after dark]

"Paul, you heard the part of my loud speaker speech where I admitted that I'm little more than a tease, right, Paul? I may dress the part and I certainly behave as the part, but I stop way short after that and I admit it. And that's my blue truck, parked weirdly near the fence."

"Oh, have you ever heard that breaking down the tease attitude is half of the fun, huh, Donnie Jaye?"

Oh, I mean, when you hang out on Tease Lane, I mean, you don't hear much of anything.

"And since you're going to thank me for such a safe escort to your oddly parked truck tonight with a quick and sneaky lip peck, I mean, that takes our first date issues of the way, Donnie Jaye, so?"

"Oh, I thought your name was Paul instead of Mr. Sure of Himself because there is absolutely no way in hell that we shall share any [smack, smooch, smooch, smack, peck, peck, smack, peck] quick lip smacking tonight, so, what's your next move then, hmm?"

"Oh, I'm glad that you asked that then, Donnie Jaye because my next move is a doozy because on Frosty Frozen night, I mean, we're going to leap frog any and all second date issues because you're going to bring me a Twirled Frosty Frozen Swirl instead of a Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly like the others will get and then you're going to figure out how to please me like third date style, so?"

"Hah! Well, the part about the tasty chilled beverage might be true since you asked for it with such lust in your eyes, but hah anyways because I don't think the cog wheels in your bushy hair head are meshing right now very well because hah, what makes you think I have any cogging clue on how to pleasure a boyfriend anyways, hmm? I mean, Paul, do you even understand at all that tease, T. E. A. S. E. stands for "terrible excuse at sexual experiences" and I'm so impressed that slogan just half way worked out for me that, that, that, um, well, I mean..."

"Root beer float Twirled Frosty Frozen Swirl, Donne Jaye, a root beer float Twirled Frosty Frozen Swirl."

Regular guys are just stupid.

I mean, for one, there were a lot more factory workers than I had thought and there is no way I could order and transport that many Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly tasty treats with certainty, plus, toss a root beer float Twirled Frosty Frozen Swirl on top of that and for two, I mean, I was merely days away from turning 20 as just a tease and sometimes T. E. A. S. E. stands for "tough excess ahead silly eager-head" until at least when I'm actually 20 anyways. I mean, four days, right?

[But ends up inside of the Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly Shop anyways, one day before turning 20]

"One stand offish tease Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly, one I might snuggle up tease Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly, one active hands tease Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly, one body bumping tease Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly, one quick lip smacking tease Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly, one sneaky lap dance tease Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly, one accidental twerking tease Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly, one dry humping tease Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly, one I can't believe that's what a French kiss is tease Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly, one that was close tease Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly and two nondescript Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly tasty treats for the lady factory workers and one shaved side head Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly for Tomboy Triana, so, will there be anything else, Donnie Jaye? Did I miss anything, hmm?"

"Belinda, shut it! Um, is the box top carrier filled with bendy straws, hmm?"

[Raises a hand full of bendy straws and drops the mic in the box top]

"I like my men like this, Donnie Jaye!"

[Bend, bend, bend, ooh, that's a bendy straw banana!]

"But you might like your boyfriend like this, Donnie Jaye!"

[Straighten, straighten, straighten, boing, that's an arrow!]

"Belinda, drop it and then shut it!

[That's a very wobbly carrying job for someone who hasn't given a job yet]

"[Ooh, I got an active hands flavor (slurp, slurp) Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly.]"

"[Hah, I got an accidental twerk flavor (slurp, slurp) Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly.]"

"[Suckers, I got a lap dance flavor (slurp, slurp) Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly.]"

"[Wonder what flavor Paul got (Slurp, slurp), right guys?]

Well ha, ha, Belinda from the Frosty Frozen Twirled Swirly Shop is funny like a coffee barista, ha, ha.

"[Slurp, slurp] I'm seeing your Taco Truck friend this weekend, Donnie Jaye, so [slurp, slurp], do you want me to use my bendy straw to show you the shape of our date to..."

"Trina! I know what a toothbrush is shaped like, sheesh. Anyways, I mean, some certain person must have called off sick today or something, so, I mean, once again, my work here is done and I'm just going to make my way back to my still oddly and weirdly parked truck, so, I mean, bye, um, I guess, so?"

"[Slurp, slurp] or, or, or, maybe a certain somebody thought you would bitch out and not show up and maybe a certain person is upstairs in the Men's room [slurp, slurp], so?"

"Upstairs? You mean up those steel steps with just a hand rail, Trina. They're steel steps!"

"[Slurp, slurp] oh, management was going to install carpeting on the steps in our oily, greasy and slimly Cog Wheel factory [slurp, slurp], but then they didn't so we could have a bigger company picnic [slurp, slurp], so, tee he, soft step upstairs and you know, tee he, don't announce yourself as you slip quietly into the Men's room, tee he and, and, and "fap, argh, fap, ooh, fap, ugh, fap, argh, ahh" is just man talk for hey there, hey [slurp, slurp], tee he, so?"

Hah! Like I was going to fall for that trick! I mean about transferring budget funds from the building improvements budget to the company picnic budget. I mean, who would do that when there was oil and grease and grime everywhere inside of the factory, hmm?

[Soft stepping high tops, soft step, soft step, soft step, dun, dun, dun, there it is, the Men's room door!]

Well, that was a disappointment because Trina was lying because when I listened in with my ear close to the closed door, I mean, I heard something totally different.

"[Fap, fap, fap, argh, argh, fap, fap, fap, ooh, ooh, fap, fap, fap, ugh, ugh, fap, fap, fap,argh, argh, fap, fap, fap, grease this up, Donnie Jaye, fap, fap, fap and I'll slime it up, fap, fap, fap, argh, argh, fap, fap, fap, ooh, ooh, fap, fap, fap, un-filter that selfie, fap, fap, fap, ugh, ugh, fap, fap, fap and get ready for carpet burns on your booty, fap, fap, fap, argh, argh, fap, fap, fap, but swallow my factory oil first, fap, fap, fap, OMG, OMG, hey there, hey, hey there, hey, OMG, hey there, hey, argh, argh, argh, ah, ahh, ooh, ahh, ooh, milk it, ahh, oh.]"

Oh, I wasn't going inside of that room! Not at all!

[Knock, knock] knock, knock, in here, I mean, I mean, hello, knock, knock, a special delivery for a root beer float Twirled Frosty Frozen Swirl, knock, knock, so?????"

[Sounds like a mad scramble, flush, toilet paper unroll, unroll, unroll, flush, wipe, milk, wipe, milk, flush, mad scramble, zip, zip, zip, tuck, tuck, tuck, stall door slams and slams back, flush, fiddle, fiddle, flush, stall door gets head banging revenge, bam, flush, ouch, straighten, straighten, flush, wash and wipe hands, wash and wipe hands, wad up paper towels and toss, does this guy clean like this at home?]

"I mean, I mean, I mean, it's melting! Knock, knock!"

"[Acts surprised when he opens the door] oh, oh, you startled (wheeze) me, um, it's Donnie Jaye, right, tee he, I mean (wheeze), I mean, well, sometimes we take 20 winks in the stalls (wheeze) and I mean, I mean, well, that's what we do (wheeze) sometimes, so, don't tell management or (wheeze) they will cancel our company picnic and I mean, um (wheeze), hi (wheeze), I mean, hey there, hey, Donnie Jaye (wheeze)."

[Hands off the actually melting root beer float Twirled Frosty Frozen Swirl]

Oh, I heard enough and that was about that, but listen folks, after putting up with so many dropped comments on my Chang homepage that I should be "so proud" that some lurker loser just finished whacking off over one or more of my selfies, I mean, that was actually real-life refreshing.

End Donnie Jaye 01