Donnie Jaye 03

Donnie Jaye 03

[Vroom, vroom, park, clink, clank, clink, clank, rustle, bustle, clink, clank]

"Danny, what are you doing here? You can't be here! I mean, why are you here at my place, Danny because you can't be here!"

"SOB, Donny, you really did transform into Donnie Jaye! I mean, you couldn't look like this on our Senior Trip to the coast, huh? Well, I mean, I mean, I mean, hey Donny, um, Donnie Jaye, um, well, I need to be here because I drill the post holes in the ground for Junior's fence installation, so, I mean, I have to be here, so, um, I mean, you nice, Donnie Jaye, um, I'm going to drill five post holes for four sections of fancy fencing and I'll drill a sixth hole if you think you might change your mind about how many sections of fag OG privacy fencing you want and if I didn't already say it, I mean, hey there, hey, Donnie Jaye, so?"

Oh, Danny wanted to drill my holes alright back in the day during our Senior Trip to the coast and I was only red candy lips and exhaust fan hair blown out Donny! Well, I guess I was transitioning into my Donnie Jaye persona, but still, my wardrobe had ridiculous limits!

"Well, I mean, are you going to be here all day, Danny, drilling holes with a beach shovel because I have (absolutely nothing) things to do and the inspector guy already stopped by and showed me with his tape measure how deep the post holes need to be, so? And I quietly laughed off the other measurement that he pointed to on his tape measure because I see his wife's car down at the Millers' house a few times a week, so?"

"Oh, I mean, Donnie Jaye, they invented gasoline powered hole drillers a while back and I shouldn't be here more than 30 minutes, I mean, technically and all, so, um, whatever happened with your bits of bird feather fake eye lashes idea, huh? Because what you're wearing now seems to a big step up, so?"

Oh, that was a big flop, folks, a big flop of an invention! But the store brand lashes provide a big flippy flap bat!

"And since you brought up our senior Class trip, Donnie Jaye, I mean, I admit it, my man is correct that says you have regrets now and I'll remind you that you turned 18 on the first day of the trip!"

"I mean, OMG, Danny, does your man math say that things just go "poof" at the stroke of midnight, hmm? And what does your man math say about the 30 minutes we spent playing hip bumping at the Game Room Pinball machine that one night, hmm?"

"(Oh, not much) I mean, Donnie Jaye, I have holes to drill now!"

"Well, it's not regrets, but maybe things would be different if I could turn back the hands of time, so."

[Attack! Mwah, mwah, smooch, smooch back, smack, smack back, smooch, smooch back, he attacked!]

"[Wipes mouth like a rookie] well, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean..."

[Counter attack! Mwah, smooch, smooch back, smack, smack back, smooch, smooch back, attack back!]

"[Still wipes lips like a rookie] I mean, drill your five holes then, Danny, but I'm submitting a complaint with your boss, Junior because all you've talked about since you arrived is drilling holes and then that made me say "drilling holes" a couple of times and then it occurred to me that the reason they invented week long trips out of town was to test out man math because all men like to drill holes and now, I'm about to pass out, again!"

Well, I mean, that's why they invented mouth to mouth then, the end.

"[Huh, not wiping mouth anymore] just how did that happen, Danny, hmm?"

"Oh, you passed out and I came to your rescue and then I asked if I could bang your mouth and then you said "oh, so that's the hole you want to drill" and then I said for today because that's all the time I have for and then you said "hah, I knew it, you can't drill two holes in one day" and then I said "hah back because I'm already back" and you said "gulp" and then I said "get naked and roll over" and then you took your time getting naked so I add extra time to bounce back, but with the hopes that I might just whack off over your bare booty, but then I said have a seat right here, Wyoming style and then you..."

Oh, oh, oh, I mean, I mean, tee he, check back with me again later, folks! Like when the concrete is dry around the fence posts.

[A few days later, but sorry, folks, there is no hard concrete.]

Tee he, now I know what a guy looks like when he comes from hard to, oh, um, ahem, hi, it's a few days later.

[Vroom, vroom, park, clink, clank, clink, clank, rustle, bustle, clink, clank]

"Donnie Jaye, what happened here? Speak up before I have to start slapping you around like Kara was doing last weekend, which, tee he, was the best trending video on Chang for two days, tee he, ahem, I mean, speak, speak I say!"

"OMG, fine, Junior, I fell into the sins of the flesh with Danny, but we had lost time to make up for from our Senior Class trip two years ago, Junior, lost time to make up for, I say!"

"Oh, tee he, I meant what happened here with the sixth hole since our original fencing plan only called for five deep holes, so, speak I say and tee he, say it again, but as "desires of the flesh" please, I mean, speak up, I say!"

"Oh, Danny said that the two of you always drill an extra hole by accident to add extra costs to the project as a surprise to the home owner and oh boy, was I ever surprised by how someone should have invented desires of flesh a long, long, long time ago! I, say! Did you know about desires of the flesh all the way, Junior, hmm?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, that sort of slipped out before I realized that I still had my rookie sun protection hat on.

"Well, ignoring that because this is where I scream out "OMG, you're just lucky that I brought along on extra fence post because there's one extra post hole" or something, tee he, um, Donnie Jaye, in general terms, are you going to be appropriate, mildly appropriate or shocking at Kara's pool party this Sunday, hmm?"

I mean, that's keeping the conversation on track with a wooden privacy fence project, right folks?

"Oh, Junior, mostly appropriate out of respect for Kara, but I'm on challenge to paint as many male toe nails as possible, so? Anyways, back to the drilled holes and posts then, hmm?"

"Oh, all you get today are six fence posts set and leveled in concrete and tee he, since I use a method called toe nailing to hold the posts in place while the concrete is curing, I mean, check the box on my name for toe nails, tee he, without painting my toe nails, I mean, yeah, I'm just going to get started, so, yeah, check the box, Donnie Jaye."

"Okay, I mean, if you don't want me kneeling at your feet in between your..."

"Ahem, I'll never get my sex from you, Donnie Jaye, like Theo and his wild imagination used to get his imaginary sex from you on hair blow out days! I'd prefer it the old fashion way, when we're pool party buzzed and have a weak moment in the changing shed. Anyways, whatever happened to Theo anyways, huh?"

Nope, that Theo business is in the history books now.

But beyond that, huh, some people actually whistle when they work. And whoever dry cement concrete must have had super lungs because, cough, cough, cough, I'm out until the dust settles!

[Whistles, carry post, thump, whistles, carry post, thump, whistles, carry post, thump]

"Junior, did you want me to text Lil Bit and let him know that you're here at my place and working shirtless, hmm?"

"Donnie Jaye, I mean, I mean, Lil Bit is a little bit like you, so, let me level these fence posts in peace."

Oh, I'll win that one sooner or later because Lil Bit is my best bet of getting a little bit of a discount back for how I was overcharged by one fence post and once extra section of shadow box fencing.

[Whistles, level post, toe nail tapping, whistles, level post, toe nail tapping, whistles, level post, toe nail tapping]

"Tee he, I could build a Teepee with the way the post holding sticks are making a shape around the fence posts, Junior, tee he."

"Oh, but you will not because these posts need to set hard and firm for a couple of days, so, keep all fort building inside of your bedroom tonight, Donnie Jaye."

Hmm, I thought most forts were built in the living room, but whatever.

"I mean, Lil Bit broke out a long time ago, Junior and I'm pretty sure he likes his posts set hard and firm a little bit too, Junior, tee he."

"Donnie Jaye! (Give me a few minutes.) I need your garden hose, please."

Maybe I should have said it like "and he likes a little bit of a post set hard and firm", um, nah.

[Whistles, dumps bags of nasty ass dry cement-concrete mix in the hole, cough, whistles, dumps bags of nasty ass dry cement-concrete mix in the hole, cough, whistles, dumps bags of nasty ass dry cement-concrete mix in the hole, cough]

And whoever invented dry cement concrete mix stuff must have had super lungs because, cough, cough.

"Junior, why don't you have one of those spinning machines that go all "whirl, whirl, thump, whirl, whirl, thump, whirl, whirl, thump" for your dry mix to wet mix stuff, hmm?"

"[Whistles] because I'm not pouring driveways or sidewalks, Donnie Jaye [whistles]."

"You're pretty patient with me, Junior, so?"

[Whistles, sprays water hose, whistles, sprays water hose, whistles, sprays water hose]

"Are you waiting to hear me confirm to you that I've let Lil Bit know you're about finished with the job now, Junior?"

"Donnie Jaye, I mean, I'm trying really hard to not turn left here, so."

Well, after all that whistling and cement dust hand waving and all, I mean, Junior needed a spraying off himself, so.

[Whistles, sprays water hose, whistles, sprays water hose, whistles, sprays water hose]

"Oh, turn left at the corner and go the next street behind me, um, the third house down with the, um, the um, awnings, green awnings [text sent], um, okay."

[CLINK, CLANK, TOSS, the organization of work tools is overrated, VROOM, VROOM]

Huh, I might be the only transitional person that I know of who turned a blind eye because a guy wanted to turn left!

"Hey, you young whippersnapper prissy missy, do you think a privacy fence is going to stop me from gawking and dreaming and whacking off over you, huh?"

"OMG, OG [Oliver Greene], is it really whacking off when it's only a wet pasta noodle, hmm?"

"Why you little smart butt whippersnapper, I'll show you by drilling a peep hole and a glory hole in your fancy privacy fence, so, hah [cough, hack, cough, hack]!"

"Well, OG, that would constitute trespassing since the privacy fence will be completely on my property, but measure up the glory hole from your wife on her knees so that she is comfortable because I'm having a boy-girl plus extra guys party in two weeks, so, hah back at you OG!"

"Hah [cough, hack, hack, hack, cough] because my wife [the OG wheels in the OG's head start to spin], well [hack, cough, hack, cough] I'll get back to you about that later, so hah [hack, hack, hack, cough] and that's that [hack, cough, hack]!"

Well, I think Mrs. Greene would appreciate the upgrade since she has used my side yard before during a few of the OG gang [LOL, hack, cough, hack] card playing nights.

End Donnie Jaye 03