Don't Give Up on Me

"I don't want to make excuses, just want to give you what answers I might have. For whatever reason, I was feeling disconnected with myself in this relationship! If you understand what I am trying to say."

I told her I was glad that she was finding answers if not for me for herself and I confirmed with her that I was a man of my word. I will stick to it as long as you stick to the guidelines. I informed her that we had an appointment Monday, and if she could get an extended lunch, I could pick her up at the mall and we would sign the papers.

I was out cutting the grass and performing a couple of maintenance projects around the house, when Anna came out and brought me a glass of water. I gave her a. big hug and told her I missed her, asked her how she was holding up. She said, "I missed you too daddy," giving me a hug and kiss on the cheek.

The next few days were very much like the one that passed, moments of awkwardness, quiet times shedding of tears. Monday rolled around and I picked Nicole up at lunch time. We drove over to the lawyer's office and signed the divorce papers. She held strong when we were inside, but when we went out to the car. She broke down crying uncontrollably. For whatever reason I held her in my arms, her face pressed into my chest soaking my shirt with her tears. She gently pounded her right fist into my chest in frustration. When she stopped I opened the car door, asked her if she wanted me to take her somewhere to get some lunch before she returned to work, Already knowing the answer she just shook her head no, leaned her head against the passenger window and turned her shoulder away from me.

I stopped at a coffee shop anyways and she never got out. I went inside, bought a cup of coffee and a bottle of water. I took a moment and called into her work on my cell phone. I explained that Nicole had to take the afternoon off that there was an important family issue she needed to deal with. At which point I went back out to the car and offered her a bottle of water. She thanked me and we proceeded to drive. When she realized we were not going back to her work, she questioned, where we were going. I informed her I was taking her home and that I'd already called in to her work.

When we pulled into the driveway before I got out of the car, Nicole jumped out and ran inside. She had already locked herself in her bedroom by the time I got inside. Through the door I told her that I was going to text Anna and take her out to dinner later. Thinking that might give her a chance to pull herself together for Anna's sake.

I called Anna and picked her up at her friend's house that evening. We went to a restaurant of her choice. While waiting for our food, I asked her how her job search went she told me that she had got the job at the community centre with her friend. Anna was quiet for a moment and then she said, ''Dad do you still love Mom?"

That took me by surprise, "Yes I suppose I do. Anna just trust me I'm trying to do what's best, I promise you we will both be here for you forever. I am going to still be there for you, and your mother to some degree too." I just said, "It's sort of hard to explain Anna. It's complicated. Just trust me everything's going to be okay."

After we brought back some take out, suggested by Anna, for her mom.

"That's a good idea." I was not sure if she had made herself dinner at home but I knew she never had any lunch. "Why don't you ask your Mom to watch a movie with you tonight? I think it would make her happy, I have a little bit of work I need to do in my office and then I will come join you too."

When we got back, Anna and I where in the kitchen putting away dishes from the dishwasher, when Nicole walked in smiled at us saying hello. I could see her eyes were red, she'd been crying, Anna went over and gave her a hug and said, "We brought you home something to eat mom have you had dinner?"

"I am not really hungry but I appreciate it, thank you." She asked her mom to watch a movie with her, and the two girls went into the living room. I went to my office and did some work. About an hour later later, I came into the room. They were snuggled up together on the sofa and I sat in my chair. I don't know exactly what the movie was they were watching, but I sat there pretending to be interested. At the end of the movie, Anna went to bed. Nicole got up and stated she was off too, looked at me teary-eyed and said, "I suppose you will be leaving in the morning!"

"Yes, I suppose so, good night Nicole."

So this became our new normal, me going back and forth between two homes. Renovating my cottage then coming home after a few days spending time with my daughter. I was very aware my wife, trying as she might to win me back, with kind gestures, making conversation, even looking more put together and sexier than I had seen her in years.

She told me the Therapist was helping her a lot. Marie, her therapist believes I had fallen into a depression. Nicole knew she was not happy about herself or her job, she had been reaching for something new to put a spark back in her life. But unfortunately damaged the one thing that she was happy and content with. That being her family, Anna and myself, so she said.

Anna seem to adapt, realized that the love that her mother and I had for her was unconditional. What transpired between us was still there and she never stopped poking at me periodically, trying to get Nicole and myself back together.

I truly do not know how I felt about Nicole, think what bothered me most was the fact that I always believed that my wife wanted what was best for me. As much as I wanted what was best for her and in that moment of infidelity she was not thinking of me. Just her own greed and needs, which I have always put her above my own. I know our lives had become predictable and routine, without any spontaneity, which was something I craved and missed as well. That was my fault as much as hers and I needed to change that in the future with or without Nicole.

I continue to eat a lot of my meals at the local cafe, I had began to look forward to conversations with that waitress there, I'd befriended. I found out her name was Candy and she yes she was definitely sweet. One morning I came in for coffee and she just stood and stared at me. I asked her what was on her mind and she said, "I don't understand why you have not asked me out on a date?"

I stuttered and replied. "I, I didn't think you would be interested."

"Well you won't no till you ask"

''I would be happy if you would join me in dinner, maybe tomorrow night. We could see a movie first?''

Candy smiled and kissed me on the cheek, stated she would love to. Asking me to pick her up at six and gave me her address. We ended up going to see a movie that she picked, Guardians of the Galaxy and then went out to dinner. Even though she was younger than me, I did enjoyed her company, she made me feel good.

The following day I was going back to see my daughter and I told Candy maybe we could go out again when I get back?

She said, "How about I come to your place and cook you dinner?"

"That would be great it's a date."

The next day when I was back home Nicole was in a good mood. She said that she had a really good day out shopping with Anna and felt as though they were close again. After what appeared to be a rift between them over our break up. I assured Nicole that I had not said anything to pass judgment against her. She stated, ''I believe you I think she just senses that it is my fault.''

Nicole told me she had a job interview with a Ballet instructor, that she wanted to get back into dance and take her career a different direction, something that would make her happier. She informed me that the ballet instructor was the mother of Anna's friend. That Anna had told her about the position. Informing her that I was happy for her, I, then, unfortunately, spoiled her day. True to my word I would keep her in the loop regarding my life. I felt even though I didn't owe her anything I should tell her that I had been on a date.

She asked me who the woman was. I told her it was a female friend that I had met at the cafe where I eat my meals, that her name was Candy. Nicole immediate response was a look of angry and said, "You gotta be fucking kidding me, Candy!!"

She stood stared, then stormed out of the room and slammed her bedroom door. I decided to leave her alone and texted Anna at her girlfriend's house. I offered to come pick her up, we could go to dinner if she'd like. Nicole was cold and avoided me for the few days that I was back home. I do not think she understands the fact that we have filed for divorce and it's a done deal. I know she would like us to get back together, but she has to understand that it is never going to be the same.

When I returned I looked forward to picking Candy up and bringing her to my house. She said that she would come over, asking for my address. Preferring to drive yourself. She arrived around 2:30. We had a really good time, drank some wine and I helped her prepare dinner deciding to barbecue.

Later on in the evening we went for a walk by the river front. It began to rain and we ran back to the cottage, getting soaked in the process. Giving Candy a towel to dry off. Her clothes were damp and asked if she could borrow a robe. Handing her mine, she headed for the bathroom. I decided to change out of my wet clothes into a t shirt and a pair of jeans. She came out of the bathroom holding her damp clothes in her hand asking if I might throw these in the dryer for her. I reached out and took them but could not take my eyes of her. Wearing my robe, she'd neglected to tie it shut and stood before me with it partially open. Candy's beautiful young nude body before me, her left perky breast peaked out. Also seeing she was clean shaven, I stood there dumb smacked. Candy just smiled walked over, through her arms around my shoulders and kissed me.

"Why don't you throw those items in the dryer and come join me in the living room."

I almost ran, turning on the dryer and returning as quickly as possible. Upon my return I joined her on the sofa. We began passionately kissing, tongues darting into each other's mouths. Candy pulled my T-shirt up over my head, She was frantically working at the buttons on my jeans as I helped to remove my pants.She sat up momentarily and disrobed and threw it to the floor. Crawled on top of me as our bodies mesh together, we continue our kiss. I could feel myself standing hard against her belly. She slowly worked her way down my body, kissing my chest and dragging her fingernails across my body. She gently wrapped her long fingers around my shaft and began to lick and kiss. It had been a while, this was the first woman I have been with since my wife.

Yes, my wife just saying the words I felt a moment of guilt. I could feel myself starting to soften. I quickly changed gears and said "Let me take care of you,"

Candy backed up and changed positions. Dropping between her legs, kissing her thighs and taking in her essence. I could smell the faint scent of body lotion or perfume. Whichever it was heaven as I let my tongue dart around teasing her sex. I could feel her body tense and begin to tremble as her orgasm begin to build. Keeping up my attack, her hands grasps the back of my head and held me in place. Body shaking Candy cried out her orgasm, pulled me up on top of her as our mouth began to kiss. She placed her hand on my lower back and whispered, "Take me right now."

I was once again hard and started rubbing the head of my penis on her outer lips. As I slowly pushed my shaft Into her, the image of my wife creep back into my mind. Starting to lose my concentration, I felt so embarrassed as I could feel myself losing it again. I then decided to save the moment and lessen my humiliation by saying, "This is too soon. We are moving too fast. Let's just backup a bit and hold each other.''

She looked at me confused and then said "Okay if that is what you want."

We rolled over onto our sides, just laid there on the sofa holding each other after a few moments she said, "I have to use the little girl's room." I got up and grabbed my robe. I took that moment to slip my boxer's back on and get us both a glass of wine from the refrigerator I started thinking about how we had got to this moment. This obviously wasn't pre-planned because she did not bring an overnight bag. I also began to wonder if she is buying that line about us moving fast. Hell, I am not even buying it!

When Candy returned from the washroom she had my rope tight tightly. I offered a glass of wine, she thanked me and sat down snuggled up against me. We kissed continued small talk, sipping our wine and watching the fireplace. She thanked me for a nice evening and said, "I am not prepared to stay, it's getting late."

I told her I would check to see if her clothes were dry, If that is what she wishes. "Your more than welcome to stay!"

"Maybe another time when I'm more prepared."

I got her clothes from the dryer and she got dressed, we exchanged a passionate kiss. Then she reached for the car door, then stopped and looked at me. There was an awkward silence for the moment, with only the sound of the cicadas. Candy turned and said. "Listen Gabriel, I don't know what your situation is with your wife. But there is definitely some feelings there between you too and I don't want to interfere."

I went to say something and she said, "No please let me finish, I like you a lot, but I think you need to see where this is going with your wife. You may have filed for divorce but I don't think you're divorced in your heart. Until that time comes, I think we should stay friends."

Before I could put together a response, She jumped in the car shut the door and pulled away with a gentle toot of the horn and a wave of her hand.

A couple of days later I returned home, when I came in. Nicole was not there. Anna told me that she was out shopping with her sister, and she asked me if she could talk to me for a minute. "Certainly, sweetheart you can talk to me anytime." Walking into the kitchen, sitting down, "Dad, I just want you to know as much as Mom puts on a brave face and does everything to make sure that I'm happy... She's not Dad.... She cries every night; I hear her in her room. I don't know what happened between you two!"

"Listen sweetheart this is nothing for you to worry about."

"Oh but it is Dad, it is something for me to worry about Mom told me that it wasn't your fault. I truly thought in my mind that somehow it must have been you... She hasn't told me what it is, saying only she disappointed you greatly. Regrets whatever mistake she made, I don't understand that but I do believe that she is sorry!"

"OK sweetie do not worry, I will talk to her."

A few minutes later I heard the front door open, I got up, hugged my daughter. We greeted Nicole's sister coming in, I did not know how she was going to act towards me. She immediately said, "It's good to see you Gabe'', walked towards me and gave me a hug. As I was hugging Ashley, and looking over her shoulder, Nicole came through the door. She looked like a million bucks. She had her make up perfect lip gloss hair in a pony too, she was wearing a white button-down blouse black pencil skirt black nylons and heels. Not at all what I was expecting, She knew what I liked. I stood there staring, letting go of her sister.

"Nicole," I said. "I, you, I mean, you're looking good....I need to take care of some work in my office."

I tried to skirt around the two ladies and banged my shoulder against the door frame. Staggering back looking at my feet. I hurried to my office I heard Nicole's. sister Ashley, laughing. I felt like a bit of a fool, I was taken off guard I was not expecting, to be, I don't know what I was expecting! I sure as hell wasn't expecting my wife to look that Great after the talk with Anna.

Anyways, once in the safety of my office, I got down to work. I could hear them laughing and talking in the kitchen. A few hours later I heard a light rap at the door, I said come in and Nicole's sister leaned her head in the door and just said "I am leaving now. I just wanted to say goodbye."

I said, "It was nice to see you," I stood up came around the desk, gave her a quick hug.

She leaned in and said, "She loves you, you know."

I just smiled and looked at her, then look down at the floor, she walked away. I went back to my desk and sort of lost track of time. I was probably about an hour later. Anna open my door and stated, "Dinner is ready Dad."

I came out seeing we were having lasagna. One of my favorites, Nicole, always was a good cook. After dinner, I volunteered to clean up, Nicole insisted it was okay, she'd take care of it. I countered, ''No you made dinner, it is the least I could do. Why don't you two Girls find something good on television.''

I was cleaning up the kitchen when I felt the presence of somebody standing behind me. I turned around and Nicole was standing there.

She said, "I was going to make some tea. Would you like to watch a movie with us?

"That would be nice, I will put the kettle on. I'll be there in a bit. Putting together a pot with some cups on a tray, bringing it downstairs to the living room. I sat down and watched some Halmark movie. The two girls snuggled up on the sofa and I sat in a big chair. After the movie Anna kissed us both good night. After she left I picked up the tray started to carry it to the kitchen. Nicole followed me. I told her I was going to call it a night myself. She said, "Can I talk to you for a second?"

I was hoping that she wouldn't talk to me tonight. She proceeded to ask me. "Gabe we promise that we would be open with each other. The reason I am asking you to be truthful with me, I do not want to hear any details. But are you serious about that woman you're seeing? Are you in a relationship?"

''Nicole, we have decided to cool it for a while. Just keep things friendly."

Her eyes looked teary. she cracked a smile, ''Gabe, you haven't commented on my outfit!"

"Ah, actually I did, I told you you look nice. More than nice."

''Thank you, Gabe, I needed to hear that. I just want you to know I am having a lot of breakthroughs with my therapist and she says that I was developing a complex about my age, I felt ugly. That and the fact that I was so dissatisfied with my life choices regarding my professional career. My only true happiness was my family and I have messed that up."

"I am happy that things are working out and that you are finding the answers for yourself! Nicole, I had a talk with Anna tonight, he informed me that you took responsibility for our divorce. You did not have to do that but I appreciate the fact that she understands that divorce was not what I intended to happen between us. You really hurt me Nicole, but I am sure I will get over it."

"Will you, where does that leave us, Gabe?"

"At this time, I don't know, can we call it an night Nicole, I'd like to end this evening on a high note. It has been a good day!"

Walking away I went to my office and shut the door. I folded down the pull out couch to my bed and tried to get some sleep.

The following day I was coming back from the office and had picked up my dinner while I was out. When I walked into the house Nicole greeted me in the hall, she looked uneasy. She asked me if I would like a cup of tea, that she had just put the kettle on. I said, "Certainly, thank you, that would be nice."

She exclaimed from the kitchen, "Anna is at her friends house tonight and won't be home till later."

I just replied ''That's nice,'' and sat down on the sofa in the living room, When all of the sudden. I heard a horrendous crash and blood-curdling screaming, at the top of her lung, "NOOOOOO!"

I ran into the kitchen to see what had happened, Nicole was sitting on the floor and there was broken china all around her. She was crying profusely, having accidentally dropped a plate on the foor. Nicole looked up with tears in her eyes, "It's broken, it's broken and I don't know how to fix Us!"