All Comments on 'Double Helix Ch. 17'

Really like the way the characters play out, but this drama with Nissi / Norm / Tilly is annoying af.

Just way too much annoying drama that make it out to be more than it really is. I get where its coming from, but the story was a lot better when it focused on Norm and his growth of a character as a Leader that brought everyone together and got them through crisises, as well as waking up all the other people in his group to their abilities instead of just being depressed refugee's.

Now its just too sappy and too much ":'(((" drama for my liking. Your the author and can do the story as you wish, but compared to what Norm and his group has survived, what Nissi is going through is so inconsistent and low key that focusing on it just makes it feel... annoying. They've survived so much yet she's still crying that he decided to keep Tilly's relationship with him a secret even though it was mostly to preserve the group dynamic + the fact that he tried his best both before and after the admission and she's still continuing the drama?

Idk how to explain it but I just feel like she's bitching too much and too much time is being devoted to her story when there are bigger problems for Norm to be tackling.

Anonymous,

Wow, that’s rough, but thank you for the honest critique. I can see where you are coming from, and the voting says that this one wasn’t as well-received as previous chapters (though I’m not complaining-the score is still quite respectable, and thanks to everyone who rated it). I hesitated over this chapter because not a lot happens outside of Tilly and Nissi getting together, but I felt like this was a needed beat to understand Nissi’s side of things.

I suppose all that I can offer is that I’m going hard back into plot development next chapter as the current arc really picks up steam. You might consider this to be rock-bottom for the relationship drama. I definitely put it there for a reason, and going forward you should see a lot less angst, which is all I can say without revealing too much.

Basically, to put my thoughts in words and clear up my comment from before:

Nissi fell in love with the IMAGE of Norm as this fantastic leader. He came into her life, sparked activity in it (everyone was lethargic and just going through the motions until Norm came with his construction projects, riling everyone up under a single banner, having a plan and executing it even when it wasn't the best). Whereas Norm fell in love with the comfort, both emotional, physical, and spiritually (singing, etc) that Nissi brought in his life.

Tilly, however, is a much more complex (and better relationship, in my mind) for Norm as she's his "other half". Whereas Nissi is too focused "in the now", and more idealistic, Tilly is realistic and down to earth. She can sense people's emotions, and bolster's Norm's confidence as well as helps in his calculations as a leader; something he's not as good as.

Hence why I feel this turn of events, of Tilly and Nissi getting together, while erotically speaking is alright; story wise, it just doesn't make sense. Norm and Tilly is a better relationship and has more depth and character building behind it (Tilly's depression arc and coming back from it, their build up in romance) while Nissi now just feels like a "fuck buddy" that came together with Norm for convenience and because she idolized him, not because she actually loved him. And Tilly and Nissi getting together means now Norm has to tolerate her being with Tilly, which completely destroys the perfect dynamic Norm and Tilly had going just so we can hamfist her into the erotic spectrum of the story.

TL;DR eroticism wise, Tilly and Nissi being together is great, story wise it destroys all the depth, character building, and nuance that had been building up between Norm and Tilly.

Dunno how else to explain it.

I agree with Anon and I also feel that this might turn out to be one of those '' guy meets girl, guy falls for girl, guy then falls girl No.2, guy loses girl No.1, Girl No.2 falls for girl No.1, guy tries to get back with girl No.1, guy gets rejected and hates that he allowed Girl No.2 to hook up with Girl No.1 and eventually loses Girl No.2 to Girl No.1" drama stories. You made Norm a douche in this one. I now find myself questioning whether Norm let Nissi and Tilly hook up because he thought he had a chance to get Nissi back or because he truly wants Tilly to be happy. I feel like I'm ranting but this was not a good chapter.

Will Nissi's rejecting Norm affect her new relationship with Tilly?

The wait for the next chapter begins. Happy writing.

Thanks, Anon, that helps. As the author, it can be difficult to see when something just doesn’t ring true for readers, since I’m trying to gently guide events where I want them to go while staying within the bounds of the established characters.

It is true what you say about Nissi’s relationship with Norm lacking the depth that exists between him and Tilly. I’ve always seen Nissi as being stubborn, self-centered and at times hypocritical. It makes her less likable when she makes decisions based on those qualities. That in turn, makes dwelling on her self-imposed problems seem tiresome, but she is also in the middle of her own character arc. I’m hoping that she will start to be a more deep and relatable character as events unfold.

And then there is the overarching plot, which is just starting to get to the really big ideas. As one author once wrote, to paraphrase, writers write because we want to read the stories locked up in our own heads. I have big plans for this little group, and I want to read their story in full. I’m excited about what’s coming, and I hope it makes up for any shortcomings in this chapter.

Nissi asking if Norm had given her an orgasm like that before, I nearly threw my phone at the wall.

After binge reading (some of it rereading) this series, it reminds me why I got into editing: because there are some amazing stories out there and sometimes the author is too caught up to notice their own little mistakes. Not trying to say you need more editing, just trying to say that I love this story

Nissi is in denial, and has her ego out front; 'cause she's been wronged.' She still loves Norm, and if the roles had been reversed, she would have folded like a cheap suit when Tilly hit on her.

She would have kept it form Norm, out of fear he would reject her. He's a guy, but not the kind of guy to immediately say, 'my girlfriend has a female lover? great!'. He would have, first, considered if it was good for Tilly, based upon where she was emotionally/mentailly, when her & Nissi got together.

Now that Nissi has made a public spectacle of 'I've been wronged', she doesn't want to back down, and get back together with Norm. So, when she reverts to type, ('I've been with women, but I prefer cock.', was her position, when related to Norm.), and needs some cock, is she going to THEN cheat on Tilly, and do the same thing Norm did to her? No, she will then realize she still loves Norm, and they will become a triad, since that is Tilly's goal, all along, to say nothing of Nessi's fantasy.

OR Fel makes a reeeaaall dick move and kills off Tilly... LOL (Kill off Nessi, and it will have minimal impact. Can't kill Norm, he's the center of the story. So, that only leaves Tilly. Bummer...

Nissi has emotional and physical intimacy with the woman that stole the love of her life, how does that make any sense? This has become a big soap opera now or maybe a game show.

Tilly's first time with a woman and she first starts dominating/beating her then rims her. Uh, maybe she would've worked up a bit to that kinky shit...? Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!