All Comments on 'Double or Nothing Pt. 03'

Really bad day to post a story. When BR has an event, sucks to be posted with all those guys.

MY GOD THIS is just awful. Every other page we have the ex-husband confronting and yelling at his wife and daughter about how much pain and suffering he's been through…. for what possible reason? it goes on and on and on and it never stops. It's repetitive Ad nauseam.

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The husband is screaming about how much they don't care about him for what reason? If they were bothered by the husband rage and pain and humiliation they wouldn't have done what they did in the first place.

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And the whole scene with the doctor openly humiliating and threatening to KILL the ex-husband in front of everybody and having it recorded. bUT over the next 2 pages no legal action being taken of any consequence . This is just absurd and laughable. What sort of doctor would react that way openly in front of witnesses and the public?

5 pages of utter nonsense and drivel. The perfect husband, cheated on by a gold digging wife, who convinced his precious daughter to hate her sperm donor and take after her step dad who plots a ridiculous idea which Mr. Perfect foils.

Sweet mother of pearl! I can’t believe I sat through this crap.

Thanks for wasting my time.

Really enjoying the story, the dialog at the door was a little to "polite" for the emotions present. Looking forward to see how it ends, great job, keep going!

thats a horrible place to leave the story. Good move

Too long and repetitive

A good chapter, but after all the provocation at the café, Terry had solid justification to stomp the shit out of the tubby doctor.

"I'm sorry officers, but after he tipped scalding coffee over me, I had to act to protect myself from further harm. I only broke his arms and smashed all his fingers to prevent another attack. Here's a video showing the initial provocation and assault... I acted purely in self-defence."

It's been a great read so far, just spoiled with ending it where you did.

Gosh, this is getting harder to suspend disbelief.

Honestly, the conversation between Terry, Carol and Mackenzie when the two visited Terry's family home was well, ridiculous to say the least. No real people talk that way especially not exes...I mean Terry sound wimpy even though he hiss his anger yet to much blah blah blah. Why don't Terry just say to both of them the get the hell out of my life and to Mackenzie tell her to "shut up or I'll wash your mouth with soap" -- literally! I think that would put the bitches in place.

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Still the Terry-Melody-Harmony thing just really put it so way at the top it is hard to suspend disbelief that high. The quality for does get lower with every chapter I do suggest it is time to put an end to this.

I like the story for the most part, but you make the Dr too over the top and relationship with the twins just doesn't work.

Actually, only the last page has done something to advance the story. The entire setup is quite preposterous.

I must admit the paragraphs with the twins in it I pretty much skimmed through them. It comes across as a teenage fantasy when juxtaposed against the realities of a divorced parent being shanked by the ex and the system.

The story would have been good if it made more sense. There is no explanation of how Mackenzie went from repeatedly calling Terry an asshole in the cafe, and then the next day professing her love for "daddy." Stephen is written so maliciously that he is a caricature and not a real person. I still cannot accept a story that includes both Melody and Harmony. I know that this author, like some others, want us to accept their universe where anything can happen, but one reaches a point where things are so bloody unbelievable that the story loses all interest.

Please post the next chapter as soon as possible.

Bring on Pt. 04!

Will he live, or will he die? Dun dun duuuuuun!

Will Harmony jump his nones to het the baby she wants before he dies? Dun Dun Duuuuun!

Will he rally, and find Dr. Death schtooping Melody while he and Harmony are guarding the family fort where his mother lays dying of cancer? Dun dun duuuuun!

Or will Kim swoop in in a super hero cape, administer life saving aid, freeze Dr. little dick with a Martian slut ray, err I mean freeze ray, and let them all live in peace?

Hah! Stay tuned!

Nice cliffhanger, thanks for writing!

This chapter seemed a bit over the top dramatic for me but I’m enjoying this story.

Simply put, more please, DR Dickhead needs an real ass whipping.

Still loving it. Thanks.

I think the doctor is a real back stabbed

What a load of drivel. The dialog ws stilted and not believable. The doctor came over as a cartoon badie. The whole part could have been over in two and a half pages. I am not sure I want to read anymore parts. I know it is your story and set in your worls, but make it believable. This story should be posted in Sci-Fi and Fantasy, not Loving Wives.

I agree with others that it’s getting a bit over the top, but I don’t find that I mind it. You take time with your story, which makes it easier to buy in or play along with absurdities. You can get away with a lot when you build your story with care.

All I can say is wow. Can't wait to see how your going to spin the next chapter. Make it soon like yesterday wouldn't be to soon.

Interesting, I hope Part 4 arrives in the next 2 to 3 days.

This could be a quite good action piece, but this installment was riddled with dialogue that no one would utter. The Morrison trio is written in an absurdly melodramatic fashion. It's worse than Snidely Whiplash tying Little Nell to the railroad tracks and cackling while he twists his waxed, handlebar mustache. While I would agree that the story has elements of fantasy, well written fiction can be like that and effective. Unfortunately, the motivations, actions, and dialogue in this installment have subverted the potential quality of the story.

I am waiting anxiously for the next chapter. Hopes it comes out soon.

Well done, enjoying the story. Look forward to the last two parts.

Still love it. A little over the Top here and there but hey that´s Cinema :D

cliffhanger evilness, Dr is an idiot really but then again this world is full of them

This is why I dislike multi-chapter stories in this category. I get why they exist, but this is exactly the problem with them. Some chapters are good and leaves the reader wanting more. And then some chapters, like this one, is really nothing but filler. I mean, I like the story overall and will continue to read until the end, but only the first and last page really added any substance to the overall plot. The rest was just wall o'text.

4-stars.

-JMFC

Wow, this chapter was fantastic! Keep it up!

Good stuff. D

Too over the top, I bailed on page 2

Ummm..... No.

It was kind of stupid over the top but entertaining.

Now it's just stupid.

Murdering a man in broad daylight in your place of employment?

Why are the main characters so ignorant of the danger they're in? Since people actually enjoy Justice League , Sci-fi-and Marvel comics movies and books like Watership Downs, I fail to see why they can't let their imagination accept these writings. They're escapism, fun, yes, outlandish too. Read authors like Clavell, Wouk, Grisham.B. Cornwell if you need more reality or maybe just don't bother with fiction.

Love the Cliffhangers

Enjoying the plot, but I’m struggling with the dialogue. I find the emotional conversations too verbose and thought out. It seems to reiterate past events with details rather than the character’s immediate emotions. Dr. Dickhead doesn’t feel like a person to me. His physical description is incongruous with a super-A type personality. His murderous rage doesn’t fit with a surgeon stereotype. Be that as it may, I’ll keep looking forward to the upcoming parts.

can't wait

We already know that Terry survives, otherwise the prologue in Part 1 is nithing but lies. Cut out all the waffle and explain why Carole and Mackenzie turned up at his home and how they knew where it was. This story could have been condensed to 2 pages for Part 1 and 2 Pages for Parts 2 and 3. Tighten up your writing and make it believable, even though it may never happen in real life.

This storyline is evolving into an epic tale, the drama, the love story of Melody, Harmony and Tim, it just doesn't get any better than this. It is now my all-time favorite. Well done 5+++++stars. Can't wait till the next chapter.

How did you do it? By that, I mean how did you cram 2 Literotica pages of story into 5? (BTW, that's about 20-45 in Word.)

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You have them do the same argument/discussion about Mackenzie over and over. You have him record the threat against him -- which was in a public place and should have been the end right then and there -- but do nothing until the threat is carried out. You just needlessly padded the story.

Love it.

Just badly written crap

Very good story.

But I hate cliffhangers. Nothing but a cheap trick to hold readers.

Thank you everyone for all the comments, I'm loving that your all so engaged and passionate in your responses to this story. There are two more parts to this story that I have drafted. I should have part IV into edit later today.

For those that didn't like the outlandish talk in Part III, you might want to steer clear of Part IV, there is more of it. Along with some other plot points that would never happen in the real world. I make no apologies for writing that way. For me writing this story is a form of therapy dealing with some stuff in my life that becomes clear late in part IV and through part V.

I look at some of the passionate discussion as a way to bring to life the inner voice that we would very rarely have the opportunity to say in real life. Some people have said very quickly that I could have ended this in two pages. Your right I could have, but that's just not the way I want to tell stories.

To those of you who have sent me emails in encouragement to continue developing this story and writing in general, thank you. Your words put a smile on my face as I try to get the story done for you by the time we all break for Christmas.

Cheers

John Other

story too long.

Cut the dialogue by 3/4. Too repetitive. The whole doctor going to kill him is silly.

Freaking awesome!!!!!!

Great story. If you don't like it, go outside and watch grass grow. Don't wait long before releasing part 4. I forget easily.

God this is so good! This is a series I CONSTANTLY keep on checking on to see if it has updated, I love it and can’t wait for more

I hope we can see some resolution for this story soon. The doctor is vile and though I usually want to see reconciliations, Terry's ex-wife and ex-daughter are far too cruel to keep in his life. I long to see him married to the twins with kids and wealthy. And for his evil ex-family and the evil doctor to be left with literally nothing. They deserve nothing more.

Once acceptance of the threesome took hold, tne story just blossomed into a really good tale.

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Had a small problem with nothing happening to Dr Dickhead even though there is video of him making threats. No legal action. No hospital action. For months? WTF?

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In the event…..can’t wait for next installment.

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4 strong ****

Awesome read. other2other1, I wait with bated breath for the next chapter

Really this story is starting to smell. It is to dragged out. Why would the doctor inject poison into terry in this hospital he must have known this would get him disbarred and sent to prison for 20 or mote years that if the star character lives.

Write faster please. You have an outstanding story going on. I will address mr. anon as deserved. you are the equivalent of dimwit personified. since you do not have the courage to use even a real nom de plume. silentsound stay that way until you write a better story.

So, 3rd Chapter and he's still done NOTHING. I'm guessing it'll be chapter 8 where he finally finds his balls, takes back his scum daughter with open arms and no consequences and his ex gets some money from him because thats what no one would do.

Really hoping the author doesn't feel the need to keep reminding us (for the 100th time) that the good Dr., Carol and Mackenzie are bad people. WE GET IT! Please try and move on with the story.

PLEASE PLEASE get part 4 out soon I am waiting waiting waing Love your work (jaybee186)

eh i enjoyed it but the dr. idk that just too farfetched for me. isnt there an administrative leave pending an investigation? sounds like that hospital is about to get sued up the anus lol.

Thanks for your contribution. However, I must admit that I'm only in it for the interactions with the Ex wife/daughter. Frankly, the twin thing is . . . well, I just skip all that. I groaned when learning 2 more parts are upcoming. Unfortunately, the story line has kind of veered off track into the weeds. I half expected the evil doctor to start cackling and twirling his moustache (if he has one). I'm predicting the daughter character will reclaim her senses, return to the fold, and redeem herself. Maybe she'll find her own polyamorous arrangement?!?

Outstanding. Part two was "predictable" for a story on this site .. part three was fresh in so many ways and a pure joy to read. Can't wait to see the rest!

I like this story. Waiting to see what happens next. So far all of his stories have been very good.

great story line, PLEASE continue SOON.

This story is verbose, could easily have been completed by now. I am only reading it, as I wish to see the conclusion of the Prologue. I find that I loose concentration after a while and end up speed reading (skimming) through.

NOTE: I, like many other anonymous commenters (I believe) DO NOT have a profile on this site for the following reasons.

1). As I have NO interest in writing, I do not see the need to set one up.

2). I have tried in the past to write a story but found that my efforts were rubbish.

So when you criticisise an anonymous poster it could be one of a couple of hundred people who have taken their time to comment.

Rant over.

Part IV has now been submitted to edit. All going well I can hopefully post towards the end of next week.

As previously mentioned, Part V has been drafted and today I am going to start rounding out the story to its conclusion.

And THANK YOU to everyone for the feedback, I am reading all of it. I appreciate both the positive comments and the criticism. As I have previously stated, sometimes it influences what I write, other times I ignore it. But thank you everyone for your passion and engaging regardless of your views.

You initially generated some strong (if cheap) emotional responses in your readers as the MC reacted to his family's betrayal by repudiating them. So far so good. Classic LW.

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But then comes this dumb wish-fulfillment twin nonsense. And then the wife's lover, a doctor, turns into a homicidal maniac? All attempts at plausibility get shunted aside as we enter the world of masturbatory adolescent day dreams.

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What happens in the next chapter? The MC wins the lottery? A supermodel falls in love with him and joins his harem?

Almost passed this whole story but on a whim decided to give it a chance. Sure am glad I did. Hope to read the rest soon. Now following this author because I want to read more!!!

Her sister is right, he's a PUSSY

Good stuff - need to move the story arc along if there’s only two more chapters.

Well done - I didn’t see the attack coming and love how it starts the dominoes that will topple Carol’s world. 5*

I cant read this shit anymore. Terry and his family are idiots. Terry got the threats but thinks too much of himself. Sigh. **

I can not wait fir part IV and V. I really need to see his ex wife and ex daughter get what they deserve. The addition of the twins into the story has been very interesting also. Thanks for your work.

I stopped reading this story after Part 1, due to the inodinate length between the posting of each part. When I see a new part, I immediately go to the last paragraph to see if it has the magic words 'The End'. When it is obvious the story is complete I will put time aside to read each part in turn. Part 1 ws good and believable,, no idea about parts 2 & 3 as I have not read them. Just for the record I write Non-Fiction articles which have been published and for which I get paid for.

Way, way, way too long 2**

Kudos to the author for putting a lot of work into it, but it's a completely ridiculous storyline and the characters are caricatures of good vs evil.

Great story. Keep up the good work.

Looking forward to more!!!

Your first two parts were pretty decent this last one was about as dumb as our former President. I have to wonder if you got your characterization inspiraion from watching those old Batman show reruns. 1 star just for writing it

Great story... I'm looking for more chapters... 5 Stars...

Fuck the naysayers - remember, those who can't do something are the harshest critics of those who can.

Personally, I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for more.

Not a lot good to say so I won't say anything....this was a big step down. So much that just didn't make sense and so much internal activity that just felt stupid....trying to reflect his hurt feelings through his eyes?? Ugh....felt like some kind of cheap romance.

DSM-another lemming.

This has now reached total fantasy. There are some good fantasies written here but this isn't one of them. While reading the confrontation dialogs I keep shaking my head and thinking "Yeah, that happened." I'll pass on the rest of the story.

I've been holding off commenting until the end but feel I should compliment you on your story's development. Not only is it progressing well, your writing is also improving.

I've been giving you four stars up to this point -- which is my normal score for a good story -- but I've awarded five stars for this chapter. Well done.

I'm looking forward to reading the next instalments.

I think the folks who see this as unrealistic are missing something pretty sublime about your writing. Yes, it's over-the-top soap opera melodrama and could easily go into complete parody. But your tension keeps it tethered enough to where we actually care about these people living in this Loving Wives fever dream. A family that accepts the main character shacking up with twins, a previous loving family that completely abandons him, an evil bad guy who is willing to poison our hero and it still skirts the line so that people aren't really sure what the author's intent is.

While I can understand it's not to everyone's taste, I'm actually really impressed by how you are able to walk this very fine line so deftly.

Looking forward to the rest.

Re:PolarBearMan Why the nasty comment? What, did you really think everybody shares your opinion? Actually I think, it's you who should get fucked, maybe your disposition will improve.

A great deal of hard work and midnight oil invested in reading this reality-stretching saga in it's entirety, only to have the rug abruptly pulled from out from under our feet in the most cavalier fashion as its author suddenly draws a red-line under it as he or she bales out and abandons the story mid-chapter!

Literotica should perhaps add another button under "follow author" marked "bar-author"!

***Thanks for the long read.

6 days ago the author posted, I quote "Part IV has now been submitted to edit. All going well I can hopefully post towards the end of next week. As previously mentioned, Part V has been drafted and today I am going to start rounding out the story to its conclusion." I take this to mean we will see it this weekend. However I am not going to hold my breath.

As for the story Part 1 was very good Parts 2 and 3 fell in to fantasy land and were too long and rambling. I hope the author has tightened up his dialogue and discriptions. So Part 1 gets five stars. but at present the overall score is two stars.

The doctor is comically evil. It's ridiculous. Of course he's fucking two gorgeous twins who want to have his babies and their parents love him and are going to give him a multi million dollar business because he's such a swell guy and a genius at everything he does. Did I get it about right? Because it's every 3rd story in this genre. Try some character development. Maybe make the protagonist a little less perfect. You know, identifiable to the rest of us average schmucks. And for fucks sake stop with the perfect ten, big titty, red headed, rebound chick. Although this 'copy paste' had TWO! So, I don't know whether to cringe twice as long or actually award you a point for some originality. Seriously though, your writing is good, but you need to work on the story telling.

This is long...bad, but it's long, as if long is your goal. I skimmed a few pages in the last chapter and this one too in hopes there might be something other than Dr. Snidely Whiplash and the ex-wife and daughter that are just laughingly awful. Unfortunately, I don't think you intended this as a comedy. I wish you well in whatever your next hobby might be.

The story started out nicely but, boy, has that turned bad. The MC is the standard super-herioc, faultless blue-collar worker who becomes successful, the ex-wife (and daughter) are the typical incel-fantasy type without a brain, the doctor is so stupid it's ridiculous.

I'm just waiting for the MC to turn out to be a former super soldier or something like that.

Or maybe not. I'm not waiting as I don't think this story can be salvaged. 4* for the first chapter, 3* for the romancy bit in chapter 2. One star (I'd vote negative stars if I could) for part three.

Enjoyed the read. Thought the bit about the doctor at the end was odd but waiting to see the background to that being dealt with in part 4. Will there ever be a part 4?

Please post part 4 & 5 we are desperate to complete the story, you are away from your usual schedule. Love all of your stories

About a week ago the author posted:-

I quote "Part IV has now been submitted to edit. All going well I can hopefully post towards the end of next week. As previously mentioned, Part V has been drafted and today I am going to start rounding out the story to its conclusion."

The end of the week has now arrived, STILL no part 4!!! I am begining to believe that the author has no idea of where he wants the story to go and is struggling to end it.

As a non-fiction writer I have word counts and deadlines to meet. It is a pity the author is unable to set and meet deadlines as well as a word limit, so he can post the parts 2 to 3 days apart.

5***** for part 1, only 1* overall.

I truly love this series.

The most ridiculous piece of crap I have seen in a long time. Please just stop.

You appear to have no idea how the hospital system works.

This is his story not your reality. If you don’t like it then don’t read it. I just want to read part 4 to see what happens.

To my fellow anonymous, the one who left the following "The most ridiculous piece of crap I have seen in a long time. Please just stop.

You appear to have no idea how the hospital system works."

How about you go jump in front of a speeding locomotive? If you didn't like it, you ignorant fuck, then when didn't you stop at Chapter 1?

Next time your girlfriend is giving you a blowjob, I hope she sneezes and bites your fucking dick off.

You know what, all you defenders of the so-called artistry of the prose, this story is quite simply an asinine exercise in frustration and disbelief. The author is obviously very young and I'm pretty the basis of this story was stolen from another author? The situations and reactions on display are simply ridiculous and the overall arch is simply bloated and ill-conceived at best and if I were to rate it out of 10 it would get no more than a 4?

I have enjoyed this story very much. And since it is your world you created, don't let anyone tell you what should or shouldn't happen in it.