All Comments on 'Down by the River'

A man ain't got a chance!

5

I like such ‘feel good’ stories. Thank you and do keep writing...

Lovely. Just lovely five*s

He thought he had a chance to escape...

But was already in her trap...

Guess he is going to have take it like a man and love her

You left a number of dangling storylines, then wrapped it up with a pink bow.

Couple of things...

The story line was GREAT! However...

First, you could REALLY use an editor. I edit documents/papers all day...you need one to fix some glaring holes in the story and some of your grammar/ usage in context. I can't help ya, but there are more than enough folks here that would...

Second, you need MORE!! This is a great beginning that needs some additional fleshing out. You have at least three different story lines between Jake and his two sisters. This would make a great series...but please, and I'm not being cruel or callous, but you NEED an editor. Another set of eyes never hurts. Hope you take this in the helpful spirit it us meant...

nice, well written.

But just stopped.

What about his inventions?

Where is her explaination she promised?

I guess there is a part 2 coming?

1. All the other characters were characters in her dream ending. No will power or individuality. Totally unreasonable and totally boring. All sorts of great story possibilities ignored.

2. There are those partents not owned by the firm. All sorts exciting possibilities.

Rating of 3 because abrupt and simplistic ending.z

A nice story line that has great potential. Difficult to enjoy with so many spelling and grammatical errors. Others have commented on missed opportunities to to fill gaps (inventions for one, make them relevant, or at least suggest that somehow his girlfriend and sisters know about their existence and potential). The ending is entirely forgettable and disappointing; almost nonsensical. Please, take it to heart. Find an editor to smooth out your sentence structure and wording. For a group of young people that are so intelligent and do well in school, particularly having graduated from college or in the process of doing so, your writing does not suggest this (this is where poor spelling and grammar really detract, at least for me). Good effort. Keep writing.

To be epic here. Excellent characters and story line. Slow down and expand the characters more. Deserves a rewrite with about 5 chapters. You have an amazing talent and creativity. Need an editor to help get you going at first. 5 great job and thanks for sharing.

Was a ok read just needed to be longer write a part 2 please.

Sorry, this story started out well but just died about half way through. It looks like you just got tired of it and gave up. the end was over the top, rushed, and hollow. could have been a 4 or maybe a 5 but turned into a 3.

There is so much that needs to be developed before this is a full story. There are issues that make the the ending a juvenile fantasy.

For example, the 40% of stock holders that are not family would have sued over the appointment of inexperienced individuals to major roles. These appointments would put the value of their stock at risk. Thus a law suit to protect their investment.

I agree with the comments that it seems you lost interest and just closed the story down.

Your work shows real promise. Please work with experienced consultants to develop your work to the level of your talent.

Will you be writing additional chapters?

What happened to Jake's ideas for changes to equipment and new designs?

Did they get married and have kids?

There are a lot of unanswered questions.

Where’s the rest of the story. Seems like you lost interest. Could by a 4 or 5 story but I had to give it a 2! What

What happened with this story,, it just up and ended with no explanation of what happened. The marriage, kids and life after that 3⭐️

The comments have been fair.

The author has brilliant ideas, but lacks follow through. A good "book type" editor would help

I suspect, though, we will hear no more from the author.

'Tis sad!!!