by MSTarot
I understand the mood you're trying for, but your wording -- and especially the dialogue -- is very awkward.
Perhaps it was a little awkwardly worded, but I could see him thinking of to the meteors and meteorites and considering what was going to happen in five years while he was writing. I think most of us would be distracted.
I liked it a lot, thank you.
Mike
As sourpuss anonymous said: keep trying, I see what you are aiming for but you haven't quite hit the spot.
They apparently didn't like it so much, but from me you get a solid five stars