by Over_Red
The start of this story is fucking awesome. It is a bit cliched 'coming of age' fantasy genre but it has plenty of separate elements to make it unique, including the fact it's actually contained in a sci fi base lol! The author is aware of the dystopian society we are part of in real life.
I can already see the awesome potential this story has.
Maybe Ready Player One and other similar stories are influencing me, but amazing work
First chapter is nowhere near as good as the rest of the story.
So it's just an RPG in VR? The trailer and his first few minutes of actually playing did very little to make this game sound any different than what I would expect from any full-immersion experience.
I'll give the story another chapter, but as of now it just seems like a Ready Player One knockoff(crappy home life, virtual escape, and a game within that virtual escape). And I'd take the Oasis over the Dream Drive any day of the week.
I agree that everyone looking like a supermodel would get boring after a while, but I disagree with Emil about recommending your avatar to look like your real self. What if your outward appearance doesn't fit how you feel on the inside? There's many different kinds of body dysphoria out there. At least the option to change your appearance was still provided regardless.
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, has brought me back to read it more times than this story. Each time, I find something new within it.
JC
Picked up on a hint by GeoD...while reading some comments on Three Square Meals...glad I did, I think IĀ“ll be enjoying this tale...Thank you for your time, moving on to chapter 2 now but will return to your bio latter.
I really enjoyed this story! I'm getting that book of yours. Trust me.
Up to now, this story is in my top 5. I really hope that the autour will come back to finish this when he will have publish his new book.
Added to my list of favorites.
Keep up the good work
I thought it would be just a retell of kirito in SAO, but is pretty good so far..
Ok, I came here mostly for the sexual motiffs, but I ain't gonna lie, this is looking pretty cool. Gonna keep on reading onto the next chapter.
Considering the fairly e extensive advancements in video and simulation ability, would it be too much of a stretch to have a more realistic ability system than skill points? Skill points are RuneScape era.
Sorry, I like good fiction, even descrptive techno fiction, but this is downright dry.
I couldn't get past the first page.
Nothing is good enough or warrants a read like this story
Second time round, great as always
JC
I can't help but see Jackson as a blend of Kirito (SAO) and 25th baam (Tower of God)... It's captivating nonetheless, moving on to the next chapter.
How is it that I only find about such a good piece just now?
You have a very good thing going on here,so don't let yourself be disturbed by people nagging about similarities with Manga/Anime/Video Games as I do.
Allow me to invite you to read my work, it's called "Cultural Exchange"
I watched sword art online (SAO)it's the one with a girl named asuna and a boy named Kirito where they have to clear all 100 levels in the game or they die cause they are trapped inside
I quit reading many fantasy stories after the first chapter, but I'm intrigued at where this is going. A great cliffhanger to end a great start! Keep up the excellent writing.
The story reminds me heavily of Tower of God, however that can be both good and bad. I'm curious to see where this will go.
Similar but not identical to the novel, READY PLAYER ONE. Looking forward to your interpretation of future VR games.
This story is similar to Sword Art Online, an anime. that isn't a bad thing though. You use imagery well
O_R, congrats on imagineering such an interesting storyline.
I have never been much of a game player, past chess. Unfortunately I am not only a mediocre player but also a bad loser. I named my pet, Petulant.
As for the online games, as you so graphically described, to me they are tedious and unrealistic. Infested with tediously infantile little boys. I guess that's where they breed the analmousie commentators for Loving Wives.
O_R, I look forward to reading how you develop your characters and storyline.
Dude anyone can write a story but man you did an amazing job dream dive is so well thought out and provokes you to think. This is only the first chapter but I bet everyone who reads it is already looking forward to the second
Please keep writing because your talent is professional level and can only get better if u keep at it
I've never read a story so gripping. The imagery is so vivid and the characters so real. It's like you've thought out exactly what would happen if mankind developed virtual reality. You are a brilliant writer and I can't wait to read more! In fact, I'm just taking a break to write this comment before going to chapter 2. I'm so glad it's a plot-driven story with some sex thrown in rather than the other way around. It makes it much more real. I'm tired of having to skim pages of sex scenes to get to the plot. Also, that trailer description had me on the edge of my seat. You definitely know how to make a reader feel what you write and that's the closest to virtual reality we have.
One last thing: Thank you for writing such an amazing story!
wow... this story is absolutely amazing! the grammar, the phrasing, the spelling, the story, the pacing. all of it. incredible! dont ever stop writing!
The first of many more to come - I hope!
The effort you have so obviously gone to create this world is really impressive. I cant wait to read the rest of what you have written. I am already hoping you'll continue writing as I can only think that regardless of the length I will be left wanting more =)
Thanks for sharing your story =D
This immediately has the depth and scope of something epic, I can't wait to see what you do with it!
It's kinda funny how I read your comment on Endangered, which led me to your story, which by the way is pretty awesome. Obviously, you watched/read Log Horizon and/or SAO, which just means you have some great inspiration for this story. Awesome first chapter, hopefully the next two are just as incredible.
I assume you're familiar with SAO?
I loved it, and I think I'm gonna like this too.
-cittran
I created an account just to favorite this story... and I've read a lot of stories. I like the epicness of the world you've created and I can't wait to read more!
Good start, wouldn't mind reading the next chapter of this story.