Dream Guy Ch. 02

Maddie came over, Conall following her like a security guard. She was extremely pissed off and she confirmed it by sitting on a chair to the side rather than returning to the window seat. She glared at her boyfriend, daring him to object. Conall looked as though he were about to argue, then sat on the window seat alone. I swirled the remains of my bitter and finished it off.

'Do you want another drink?' said Maddie.

'No,' I said. 'In fact...'

I took out my phone and began swiping and tapping.

'What are you doing?' said Maddie.

'Setting an alarm,' I said.

I turned to Conall.

'This will go off in five minutes,' I said. 'And when it does, I'm leaving the pub and taking Madeline with me. I'll be driving her to your flat so she can pack a bag, and then she's coming to live with me. Do we understand each other?'

'Jason!' said Maddie. 'I'm sitting right here!'

'I know.'

'So what the fuck are you playing at? You can't make a decision like that for me!'

'I'm not making it for you,' I said. 'I'm making it for me.'

I looked at her.

'Listen,' I said. 'Everyone at this table knows that no-one can force you to do anything. I mean, I'm not going carry you out of the pub over my shoulder, am I? When the alarm goes off, you'll either come with me or not. End of story.'

I checked the phone countdown. Conall sat in silence, looking at me then at Maddie. But Maddie only had eyes for me and she was livid.

'You have no right to do this!' she snarled.

'Do what?'

'Force me to choose!'

'I'm not forcing you to choose.'

'Yes, you are! You've set the situation up so that even if I don't choose, it becomes a choice!'

'That's true. You are a clever girl.'

'Don't patronise me, you prick! You fucking wanker! You think you're such a "modern man", but you're the biggest sexist I've ever known!'

'Then that makes your choice considerably easier, doesn't it?'

I checked my phone a second time. Maddie shook with fury. She turned to Conall.

'Are you just going to sit there?'

'Yes,' he said.

That took Maddie over the edge. She grabbed her bag from under the table and shot to her feet. She glared at us, her face blotched with pink.

'You have no right to do this!' she barked. 'No right! Well, fuck both of you!'

She marched out of the pub, the swing door banging against the wall as she hurled it aside. I watched it swinging back, to and fro, until it came to a stop. I turned to Conall.

'Well...' I said. 'That was fun.'

***************************

My alarm went off a minute later, but I stayed to chat with Conall. I even bought drinks--a lager for him, a cola for myself. It was interesting to hear his version of past events in Scotland. His parents were indeed religious, but not the authoritarian Bible-thumpers Maddie made them out to be. As a teenager, Conall had indeed hidden a tape recorder in a barn, but not because he was in danger of being cast out of the family as a devil worshipper.

'I didn't want to disappoint them,' he said. 'Mam used to call me "Her Brown-Eyed Angel" and as a kid I was proud of that. My brothers were more rough-and-tumble, so she looked at me like I was her little miracle. And I learned early on that if I could quote the Bible and not fidget in church, my parents would be all over me.'

'Didn't your brothers resent you?' I asked.

'Nah, they thought I was a poof. Plus, they used to teach me swear words which I'd pretend not to understand. If they got moody, I could say "What are piss-flaps?" and it'd crack them up. Of course, I never said anything in front of Mam and Dad. Mam was paranoid about my "innocence being corrupted".'

'Did she meet Maddie while she was in Scotland?'

'Oh, yes.'

Conall took a slow pull of his lager, then shook his head.

'I took her home for dinner with the family,' he said. 'Mam, Dad and Lennox. Mam hated Maddie at first sight. Her hair, her glasses and, most of all, her English accent. That dinner was the most uncomfortable two hours I've ever had in my life. Dad and Lennox thought Maddie was weird and a bit too "smarty-pants", but Mam was so nasty that by the end they were feeling sorry for her. And it was Lennox who convinced me I should go with Maddie to London.'

My jaw dropped open. Conall immediately regretted letting this slip.

'Maddie doesn't know that,' he said.

I'll bet she doesn't, I thought. What woman wants to hear that a man ran off with her because his brother talked him into it?

'You won't tell her?'

'No, Conall, I won't. You have my word.'

Conall nodded thanks and looked gloomily into his pint glass. He seemed to be steeling himself. I sipped my glass of cola and waited.

'The thing is...' he said reluctantly. 'I used her. I used Maddie to get away. I was stuck in that village and didn't have the money to leave. Dad started paying me for work at the farm, but then Mam said I should also pay room and board, so I could never earn enough to save. Then Dougie, the pub owner, asked if I wanted to work behind the bar. I said yes, but then a couple of days later he withdrew the offer, saying that the brewery wouldn't let him hire local people. I thought that was weird because one of the cooks was from the village. Then, months later, Maddie wanted me to go with her to London and I was talking it over with Lennox. He said that if I ever wanted to leave the village, I should do it now. It was weird the way he said it, so I asked him what he meant, and that's when he told me the real reason I didn't get the job at the pub: Mam had gone to Dougie and told him not to employ me.'

I stared at Conall. He nodded.

'That's right,' he said. 'My own mother.'

'But...' I stammered. 'Surely she can't do that with everyone?'

'It's a small community,' said Conall. 'People depend on each other for favours. And if Mrs McKinnon spreads the word that she wants her son to stay at the farm, you can bet that no-one wants to cross her.'

I stared at the pub window, which was mostly reflecting the pub itself. I frowned and looked at Conall.

'And Maddie knows none of this?' I said.

'Nothing,' he said. He coughed and stared into his glass. 'Did, um... did she mention that we didn't have sex for, like, months?'

'She did.'

'Well...' Conall cleared his throat again. 'Well, that was because of guilt. I mean, Maddie had got me out of Scotland and then she was paying for everything in London. I just couldn't give her anything back, so I thought the next best thing was to not have sex with her.'

'I beg your pardon?'

'Look, I was already taking, taking, taking,' he said. 'So to take sex from Maddie as well felt like more of the same.'

'But she wanted it.'

'Yes, I know! You could have knocked me over with a feather when I realised that! In the village, I was taught that sex is something a man only gets from a woman when he marries and provides for her. And here, all the women say that men only want them for sex and how disrespectful that is. So if having sex is disrespectful to women, then the best way to show respect is not to have sex. And I do respect her, Jason! I really do! Maddie is the smartest, most giving person I've ever met! I think she's amazing, truly amazing!'

'Do you love her?'

'Yes!' He hesitated and frowned. 'I mean, if you totally admire someone and respect them and look up to them... that's love, right?'

I said nothing.

'Why?' he said. 'What do you think?'

'I think you've answered my question.'

I finished the last of my cola and put the glass on the table. Conall looked at it, sensing our conversation was coming to an end.

'So, what happens now?' he said.

'I go home,' I said. 'And so do you.'

'And Maddie?'

'Maddie is going to do what Maddie is going to do.'

Conall laughed ruefully and nodded. He finished his pint and put the glass on the table. I could tell there was something he wanted to say.

'Seriously, Jason,' he said. 'What do you think will happen?'

'I don't know,' I said. 'But my guess is that in the end she'll choose neither of us.'

'Why?'

'Because she's a feminist.'

'What's that got to do with it?'

'Look, I think Maddie wants us both,' I said. 'She wants a man who makes her girlfriends jealous like you do, but she also wants a man who can provide the stability that I represent. Which means, choosing either of us is a compromise and feminists don't believe women should have to compromise.'

'But isn't feminism about equality?'

'If Maddie truly believed in equality, you'd now be allowed to shag Serena Smith. Are you allowed to shag Serena Smith?'

'No,' said Conall darkly.

I shrugged in sympathy.

'Feminism is not about equality,' I said. 'It's about women's rights and that is not the same thing at all. Look how Maddie reacted when I wanted her to choose. The first words out of her mouth were, "You have no right!" There was nothing about Love or whether she wants you or whether she wants me... it was all about her "rights". I wouldn't be surprised if she says that us wanting her to choose is a form of male oppression.'

Conall nodded, his gaze on the swinging door of the bar. He sighed and shook his head.

'That sucks,' he said.

'Yep,' I agreed.

I got to my feet. Conall stood up and I offered my hand.

'Conall,' I said. 'It's been surprisingly good to meet you.'