All Comments on 'Dream Scape'

Nice story. Interesting viewpoint. But get someone to proofread your work (it's shudder, not shutter). And what's with the broken paragraphs--very disrupting to the flow of the story.

I agree entirely with 'Anonymous'. Even a simple Word grammar and spelling check is often enough, except for your broken paragraph problem.

Some words could have been changed to improve the meaning, imagine the action happening to you.

Incidently, why are so many comments written by 'Anonymous'? Some even ask questions that you have no way of answering!

In the words of Harry Nilsson: "Now let me get this straight..."

We have a woman who has studiously avoided oral sex her entire adult life because it reminds her of an act of incestual rape when she was younger... and yet, she's watching a porno with her boyfriend! An act that traumatic is going to leave her with sexual hangups that go far beyond a single sexual act. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that as prominent as felatio is in porn (the idea that the guy always cums in either the girls mouth or on her body, preferably the former, being first and foremost), I'd wager that watching porn is a close second on her list of Sexual Stuff To Be Avoided At All Costs.

If you're going to start out with this kind of story, it has to at least follow a line of reasoning that's likely to happen in real life. The guy initiates the move (cunnilingual, from the standpoint that "this is about you and what it takes to please you, period", and if being on the recieving end makes her realize that this can be a serious act of l-o-v-e and that with this particular person the inner response would be completely different from that first negative experience, it has a far greater chance of sounding like something that really could happen. Presented the way it was, it comes across as little more than the twisted fantasy of a guy (the writer is really a woman?) who thinks in terms of women who automatically respond to any thought in a guy's head as some wonderful thing - no matter how selfish, degrading, or downright painful. This could have, and should have, been done better. If the guy wasn't sensitive enough to take her past into consideration from the start, it wasn't going to end up with her lovingly (and greedily) gulping down his load like nothing had ever happened.

So its unrealistic, big deal. the spelling / grammar / paragraph issues are alot more disruptive than anything in the plot. I liked the story, keep on writing.

I have to agree with the other posters, your grammar and word choice are often disrupting to what could be a very good piece of erotica.

Proofread proofread proofread - then we can all have a good ending ;)

Fuck'em! Write how you like. If they want to edit and send it to you for consideration. They can. Otherwise, tell them to kiss your sweet pussy.

Well done!

The criticisms are mostly valid, but this is nevertheless easily worth five stars.

I loved reading this. Very well written, and brought back some happy memories for me. Keep it up - I'll be watching for more :)