Drummer Boy - Back Into Hell Ch. 02

Without a word, the Wing carried her over to the Naughty Chair. She angled the spear downward, and deposited the Spine into the stone seat.

The Wing gargled out a brief sentence in crazy demon language, and pink cuffs of energy appeared around the Spine's wrists, ankles and neck. Only then did the Wing plant her bare foot into the Spine's belly, and with a grunt, pulled her spear free.

The Wing turned to face the two dumbstruck men, and growled out some more unintelligible nonsense. She paused for an expectant second, then slammed the blunt end of her spear into the floor. The sound was so loud that Jason went deaf for a second, after which the woman repeated what she'd said before.

Jason shook his head. "Sorry," he said.

The Wing spat in disgust. Then she left the way she came in, swooping purposefully out through the window.

Jason and Thumper looked at each other, and then at the Spine bound in the Naughty Chair.

"See?" Jason said. "Good old Tarterus. Always something fun going on."

Thumper put his hands up to his head. "Naw, man. This ain't happening. This ain't my life."

"Believe me, I get where you're coming from," Jason said. "But losing your shit now isn't gonna help, so try and keep it together, okay?"

"Keep it together?" Thumper echoed. "Until what? Until them Martian-talking devils get finished killing everyone down there, and decide they want some black man for dessert? Like I don't know how that turns out."

"They're demons, not devils," Jason said. "Anyway, they'd rather fuck you than eat you."

"That don't make me feel any better," Thumper said.

"Just take it from me," Jason said, "it's best if you just relax and go with it."

Thumper raised an incredulous eyebrow at Jason. "Relax?" he said. "Seriously?"

"Well, maybe 'relax' isn't the right word," Jason clarified. "But trust Granny. She's got this."

"Who in the hell is Granny?" Thumper said.

Wow, Jason thought, I suck at secrets. He decided it was best to come clean, but before he could, a commotion building outside the big window drew their attention.

"What's happening now?" Thumper said.

Jason and Thumper cautiously approached the window. While doing so, the Spine in the Naughty Chair grumbled weakly, and Thumper froze.

"Don't even trip," Jason said. "She's not going anywhere."

"I'll believe it when I don't see it," Thumper said, but he joined Jason back at the window just the same.

The battle was over, and Jason was relieved to see that the Wings had won. It was a near thing, though, as only about fifteen of them were left.

Those that remained were doing some celebratory cheering. Then Granny raised her sword, and launched herself directly upward.

As they watched, the other remaining Wings followed her. Granny ascended to a height that was even with their window and stopped. The Wings formed on her in a hovering hemisphere, with Granny at the center.

Suddenly, Thumper yelled out the window. "Did you win?"

Jason shot him an incredulous look. Thumper just shrugged.

Granny turned to look at them, as did all the other Wings. The pissed-off, battle-crazy look on Granny's face made both men take a fearful step back.

"Remain out of sight, beasts!" Granny said, in English.

The men retreated another step, although still able to watch the congregation.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Jason said.

"I'm way off my game," Thumper said. "Lay off."

Jason shook his head.

They watched as Granny delivered a speech in her guttural native tongue. The assembled Wings listened, rapt, paying grave attention. At the end of one particularly long stanza, she raised her sword again. The Wings surrounding her cheered and followed suit, lifting their own weapons if they had any, or their fists if not.

"Do I need to start running now?" Thumper said. Jason just rolled his eyes in response.

Granny's next round of growling was accompanied by a fair amount of gesturing with her sword. To the Aerie, then to various points on the horizon. At the end of it, the entire group of Wings, as one, let out a great big cheer. Then they all dispersed, flying downward to disappear into a hole at the base of the Aerie. All except Granny, who remained where she was, hovering in place with a slow beats of her wings.

"I don't suppose they're going to get a big bucket of Gatorade to dump over Coach Skye, huh?" Thumper said.

Jason smirked. "I don't think it's Gatorade that she's wanting right about now," he said.

Thumper shot him a confused look, but before Jason could add anything more, they were brought up short by the renewed beating of leathery wings from outside.

One of the Wings had returned from below. Only now she had a brand new spear, and was wearing some sort of dress. She hovered in front of Granny for a second, and Granny gestured with her sword off toward the horizon. The Wing nodded, snapped the spear into some clever little holder on her back, with the pokey end pointed at her butt. Then she flew off in the direction Granny had indicated.

A few seconds later, another Wing came from below to hover before Granny. Same deal as before, only this time Granny pointed a different direction.

This went on until all of the Wings, including the one who had deposited the hornless Spine, as well as the one who had rescued Jason, had been given their marching, or rather flying, orders.

By the time the last had been sent on her way, the first ones were mere specks retreating into the pink-hued horizon. Granny watched them for a minute more, and only then, satisfied that they were safely on their way, did she at last allow herself to glide back through the window and into the barracks.

Now that she was up close, Jason could see that Granny was looking pretty rough. She was scorched and bruised all over her body, and her mesh shirt was torn to shit. Her hair was singed, and big chunks were burned clean down to her scalp. Her right arm hung loosely at her side, and when she landed, her face betrayed a pained wince. She walked toward them with a noticeable limp. Nevertheless, she had lost none of her haughty demeanor, and her black eyes crackled with sparks of yellow flame.

"Damn, Skye," Thumper said. "You seen better days."

"Silence, beast," Granny said. She sniffed the air, displaying her profile for Thumper and giving her charred hair a toss, as she replaced her sword in the scabbard on her back. "Ours was a victory of inches, yet a victory nonetheless!"

She limped over to Thumper and pulled him in to her.

"Inches, huh?" Thumper said. "How many inches?"

"Allow me to show you," Granny said, and leaned in for a big, hungry kiss. Thumper eagerly returned the kiss, and they both went at it for a while.

Jason rolled his eyes. "Hey!" he said. "Yoo-hoo!"

Granny reluctantly broke off, and turned toward Jason.

"Ah," Granny said. "I see you have deigned to join us."

"Yeah, sorry I'm late," Jason said. "I got kinda held up."

"I did caution you not to linger," Granny said.

"Whatever, 'Skye'," Jason said. When this failed to get a rise out of Granny, Jason went on. "Those other Wings...?"

Granny released Thumper. "What remains of my Aerie," Granny said sadly. "The last of my sisters. By the time I arrived, most of the warriors had been slain. Those left were mostly beast herders and flame tenders. A few magisters, which was fortunate. Nevertheless, all fought with ferocity and courage. They served their Aerie well this day."

"Then why'd you send 'em away?" Jason said.

"My Aerie is..." Granny began, but then she choked up, and had to start again.

"My Aerie is lost," Granny said grimly, "and I have dispatched them. They are to carry the news of what has transpired here, and provide what aid they can in our struggle."

"Are they coming back?" Jason asked.

"Nay," Granny said wanly. "They are the last emissaries of the Aerie Fist-of-Dark. It is my hope that, in time, they will be accepted by their new Aeries."

Thumper pulled Granny in for a sympathetic hug. Granny let him, and her wings betrayed the tiniest grateful flutter. Then she straightened, and pushed Thumper away, muttering a half-hearted, "Cease, beast."

"Alrighty," Jason said. "Now that's outta the way, we'd better get moving too. Pearl and Kristin can't be too far ahead of us."

Granny shook her head. "Incorrect," she said. "Although they did indeed arrive here, they departed some fourteen hours ago."

Jason slumped. "You're killin' me, Granny!" he said. "Did you fuck up the time signature again?"

"Have a care for your tone, human," Granny said, glaring at Jason. "Your knowledge of interdimensional travel is rudimentary at best. For your edification, however, I will have you know that time on Tarterus moves in a ratio of roughly seven to one, compared to that of Earth."

"That's neat," Jason said. "So what?"

Granny sighed. "That means that, even under ideal conditions, one hour's delay on Earth would give my errant child a seven-hour head start. Additionally, the 'time signature', of which you speak is the ratio of temporal synchrony that allows those delays to be minimized, and as such, must be meticulously calculated. In my necessary haste, a minor miscalculation resulted in an offset of several hours."

"Okay, geez, I get it," Jason said. "You coulda just said 'oopsie'."

Granny glared at him. "I daresay your bestial brain would do far worse," she said.

"Whatever," Jason said. "I'm just saying', Pearl doesn't seem to have that much trouble."

"Well," Granny admitted, "she is exceptional."

"And hopped up on soul essence to boot," Jason agreed.

"Time out," Thumper said. "I'm so fucking lost. What the hell are you two talking about?"

Granny turned to face Thumper, and made a big show of stroking his cheek. "Sweet, ignorant beast," she purred, "I look forward to educating you. On so many things."

Granny pressed her body into Thumper's. Her enormous, nearly bare breasts squashed against Thumper's completely naked chest, and they started going at each other like teenagers again. Granny wrapped her crimson hand around the meaty black shaft of Thumper's hardening cock, and started slowly jerking him off.

Jason felt himself blushing, feeling super awkward. Was this what is was like for other people around him and Pearl?

Suddenly a low, mocking chuckle came from the corner of the room. The Spine was awake.

"Filthy..." the Spine said weakly. "Degenerate Wings... consorting with... your beasts..."

Upon hearing this, Granny, with no small amount of reluctance, separated herself from Thumper.

"I am afraid your education shall have to wait," Granny said to him. Then she turned to face the Spine sitting in the Naughty Chair, saying "I have more immediate concerns."

"Uh, yeah," Jason reminded her. "Pearl and Kristin and all that mess."

"In due time," Granny said. Her eyes began to spark fiercely. "But first, I shall require more information."

The Spine in the Chair saw what was coming, and even bound as she was, she steeled herself.

"Curse your mental sorcery," the Spine said, "it is nothing! You shall gain naught from me!"

"Swear to god," Thumper said, "the way they talk sounds like Tom Waits choking on concrete. And then they ate Tom Waits."

Jason shot a confused look at Thumper.

"Oh, come on!" Thumper said. "Tom Waits ... musician, gravelly voice, weird music ... do I gotta explain everything to you?"

It wasn't the reference that confused Jason, it was Thumper's comment itself, since Jason heard the Spine's words clear as day.

Granny loomed over the Spine, radiating almost palpable hatred. She took the Spine's head in her hands, forcing the defeated warrior to look into her eyes.

"Murderous swine," Granny said. "I shall take everything from you!"

And then Granny lit the Spine up. Not mere sparks this time, but rather jets of flame, shooting out of her eyes and into the eyes of the Spine, connecting the pair with fiery lightning.

"You... cannot... break me..." the Spine said.

"You are already broken, fiend," Granny said. "Body broken and bleeding, as soon your mind as well..."

"Never!" the Spine screamed, her face contorted with rage.

"Aye, resist!" Granny said. "Tonight I dine upon your bitter anger, your rancid anguish, and upon the ashen taste of your failure!"

There weren't a lot of words after that. Not that the two were silent. The Spine screamed. A lot. At first, the screaming was angry and defiant, but after a time it degenerated into piteous pleading.

Granny, on the other hand, laughed. Wild, lunatic cackling, broken only by occasional repetition of the demand for "MORE!"

As Thumper and Jason looked on, hands in front of their eyes to mitigate the brilliance, the flames that wreathed Granny's eyes grew into a bonfire, their intensity matched by a similar conflagration around the eyes of the Spine. The intensity of the flames increased even further, until the heads of both women were engulfed by the electric flames, almost one entity, save for the hyper-intense filament of light connecting their eyes.

The Spine's pleading screams lessened, becoming almost perfunctory, as her formerly haughty voice grew weaker and weaker, until finally she seemed to accept her fate, and screamed no more.

There was an especially brilliant flash, and Jason, his eyes blinded and smarting, had to look away. When his vision returned, he cautiously looked back at the demons.

The flames had subsided. Granny took an unsteady step backward, but, aside from a look of extreme strain on her face and what appeared to be raccoon-like black patches of soot around her eyes, looked unharmed.

The Spine, on the other hand, was way harmed. From the neck up, she was little more than a charred, blackened skull. Every bit of flesh, cartilage, and other soft tissue had been burned away. Except for the great stumps of horns on top, it could have been the flame-broiled skull of any human.

Granny leaned back and stretched her arms. The Spine's head made little popping sounds as it cooled off.

Thumper started to giggle.

"Sounds kinda like a car engine, don't it?" Thumper said. "You know, when you turn it off after a long drive...?"

"Keep it together, man," Jason said.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Thumper said, a little too readily. "It's just, you know... I used to think Roman candles were neat... Hey, isn't there some joke about the perfect woman...?"

Then Thumper sat down on the floor and commenced to laughing, much too much for a sane person.

"Um, Granny, can we go now?" Jason said. "I think Thumper's losing his shit."

Granny turned her black eyes to look at Thumper, examining him uncomprehendingly at first, and Thumper stopped laughing. At that moment, Granny looked more inhuman than Jason had ever seen her, and that fucking scared him.

"Skye," Thumper said, "you're one o' good guys, right?"

Granny narrowed her eyes at him. "What I am," she said, "is the Grand Wing Mother of Fist-of-Dark. As such, I do what must be done."

Then Granny flexed her shoulders, slipping out of the leather harness she was wearing. As it turned out, the harness carried her scabbard in the back, and the scabbard carried her big-ass sword. She now pulled the sword out of the scabbard.

"And it is well that I did," she said, "for there are foes that yet remain."

"What?" Jason said. "Shit! How many?"

"Nine," Granny said. "They come from below, hoping to catch us unawares. Each one shall pay the ultimate price!"

Thumper brushed tears, leftovers from his insane laughter, away from his eyes. "How they gonna pay? Cash, credit, or crazy head flames?" He laughed at his own lame joke. "I'm just playin', Skye, I know you're gonna kill 'em. Just... don't make me watch."

"Yeah, I hope you're not counting on us to fight 'em," Jason said. "Any one of those gals could kick our asses into next Tuesday."

"Nay," Granny said. "Even were you warriors of the Aerie, and not mere human beasts, I would reject your assistance."

Having said this, Granny held her sword out in front of her. She spread her wings wide, and the fire around her blackened eyes blazed back into furious life.

"You see, these Spines have erred gravely," Granny said. "They are invaders. They are slaughterers. They have defiled my Aerie, and for these transgressions..."

With a rush of wind, the huge wooden door of the barracks abruptly swung open.

"... they shall taste the living steel of the Grand Wing Mother!"

Granny released her sword. It hovered in the air in front of her for a second, and then took off. It flew through the doorway, and disappeared down the long torchlit hallway beyond.

Then, Granny started dancing.

It wasn't the kind of dancing like you'd see at a club. It was the kind of dancing that Jason had seen old folks doing in the morning, at the park down by Ladybird Lake. Slow and deliberate, changing stances with great care. Every once in a while Granny would perform a quick motion. A darting side step, or a sudden, forceful lowering of her arm, and then back to her controlled motions. Through it all, her eyes, though still blazing like mad, remained focused on something a thousand miles away.

"Is she doin' Tai Chi?" Thumper whispered to Jason.

"Something quite similar, beast," Granny said. "This technique allows me to control the motions of my blade."

Granny waved her arm before her in three quick strokes. This was immediately followed by a howl that echoed down the hallway from far away.

"You see, Wings of prestige," Granny said, still dancing, "are granted the privilege of imbuing a weapon of their choice with a portion of their own life force."

Granny pulled her arm back, swung it around in a great underhanded circle, and then brought it sharply up. Another scream followed.

"Upon assumption of my duties as Grand Wing Mother," Granny said, "I naturally took advantage of this opportunity to create a living weapon of my own." Karate chop. Howl.

"Kick ass," Jason said. "So it's really alive?"

"'She', not 'it'," Granny said, "And she is a semi-independent extension of my will, enabled and empowered to smite foes of the Aerie, in my name."

"Aww, it's like a pet!" said Thumper, still a little crazy. "Sic 'em, Lil' Stabby!"

"I doubt it's called Lil' Stabby," Jason said. Then to Granny, "Oh my god please tell me it's called Lil' Stabby."

"She," Granny reminded. "And she does have a name, of course, as is tradition."

"Okay, I gotta hear this," Jason said.

"Ka'rata'ra La Goro Da Nya Tam'ruk R'a'sum'ruk," Granny intoned, in a voice filled with both pride and dread.

"That's a mouthful," said Jason.

"Those are the words of ancient Arcanic inscribed upon the blade, and forged into the very magic of her creation," Granny said. "This names her as 'The Ruiner of Foes', 'She Who Penetrates Without Mercy', 'The Onslaught of Constant Pricks', 'The Lady of Forceful Taking', 'The Endless Regret', and 'The Hated Release'. Those who have felt her sting and had the misfortune to survive know her as 'Alas! Grant Me the Blessing of Eternal Forgetfulness'. However, in your primitive language, the most succinct approximation would be ... Fuck-Bringer!"

Granny's sword shot back into the room then, horizontally and point first, aimed right at her face. It jerked to a halt right in front of Granny, mere inches from turning her head into a shish kebab. Thick, dark blood dripped from the blade.

Stunned, Jason muttered, "Yikes."

Granny smiled at him, then reached out with her left arm and calmly plucked the sword from the air, grasping it by the hilt.

"But privately," Granny said, with a smirk that managed to be both cruel and coy, "I call her 'Phyllis'."