by evanlee
...your opening scene says that Mara is on her back but the description (and later action) says that she was on her stomach. Running a finger down the spine is not practical if the person is on her back; raising her ass in the air is also not something that happens when a person is on her back; finally, a person on her back does not get flipped over onto her back. Other than this, a delightful first story - just remember to think logically when writing.