Eddy or Eddie 01

Eddy or Eddie 01

"What's wrong, Stu? You seem (phew, phew, phew) off today?"

"Yeah Eddy (phew, phew, phew), I think I slept funny last night (phew, phew, phew) and I have one of those kinks in my neck and shoulder (phew, phew)."

"I've had those (phew, phew, phew) before, Stu. It will work itself out and go (phew, phew) away. We can stop (phew, phew, phew) playing if you want. I mean, we play (phew, phew) enough and it's almost to the point (phew, phew, phew) where this video stuff is cutting into our (phew, phew) phone screen time and all, so."

"I know, right Eddy? But even with a kink in my (phew, phew, phew) neck, I have you running for the far quadrant (phew, phew, phew)."

"Just circling around to (phew, phew, phew) launch a cosmic torpedo up your tail pipe Stu (phew, phew) and by the way (phew, phew, phew), I missed on purpose with my torpedo because you're not feeling at the top of (phew, phew, phew) your game today, Stu. So, controller drop on three (phew, phew) or until I blast your ass?"

"Oh, on three because if we wait (phew, phew, phew) for you blast my ass Eddy (phew, phew, phew), then we might miss someone posting (phew, phew, phew) on Toc Tic that they are putting on their shoes and going to the store (phew, phew, phew, phew)."

I mean, missing an important post such as something like that is like a death sentence these days, right? Especially if they make a Toc Tic video showing how they tie their shoes. I mean, Jeannie likes to loop up and over and Josh always double loops down and around and these are the types of mindless videos are important.

"One, two three, whew, drop (phew, phew, phew, phew, phew), LOL, sorry Eddy."

Butthead! Stewart can be such a butthead sometimes.

"Alright Eddy, I'm heading home to try a hot shower or something, but listen, can we trade something?"

"Um, no Stu. My experience with trading with you has never worked in my favor Stewart, so."

"Well, I'm throwing my side on the table and anyways, Eddy and we'll work out what you want in trade later."

I mean, snap, right? Stu never plays his cards first with just a hope that the other persons hand will be of lesser value, even though he was smart enough to say "we'll work it out later" what I want in trade, which means that this "trade" will still not work out in my favor.

"Alright Eddy, here's my deal and trust me, I don't care a damn about anything, but I suspect that you wear women's panties and I'll trade almost anything for an honest answer back."

"And just why would you suspect that, Stu?"

"I'm glad you ask that, Eddy. Um, about a month ago when I adjusted your landscaping bricks and had to wash my hands and arms in your laundry room sink, well Eddy, there were a pair of jeans on the top of the laundry basket that appeared to have a waistband that was much different than any jeans I have ever worn in my life and then last week when we were in your backyard, well, when you bent over to pick up the garden hose in your thin basketball shorts, things looked a little smooth and round and all, so."

Well, hells bells, right? I mean, I tried to think of a suitable response, but that just left me standing there totally speechless.

"Look Eddy, don't freak out. I really don't care and I'm offering a trade that you can be "free" when I come around, that's all. And by the way, you're not throwing a hissy fit over what I just said and all, so."

I mean, I suppose that would have been a perfect opportunity to throw a hissy fit for what he had just accused me of and I was throwing a hissy fit in my head, but what was happening on the outside was far from a hissy fit. I mean, on the outside I'm sure it looked like I was racking my brains trying to figure out jeans he spied on the top of my laundry basket.

"Anyways Eddy, I'm just saying that if there is any need in your life to, you know, be free and be you, well, mums the word from my side."

Stunned, right? Stunned silent is a good phrase for this point of the one-sided conversation, right?

"Um, I'm off, so I'll see you soon, Eddy. I mean, we can go cruising tonight if you want."

"Stu, they were high waist jeans and I like how they break just under my belly button and I dress "free" a few times a week, but only here at my house and I do wear female undies a lot, like all the time!"

Yeah, I don't know who that was who just blurted all that out.

"See, Eddy? You came clean and you didn't die. And as for another trade."

"Stu, that gave me a heart attack to blurt that out in front of you, so let's close the trading window for the day, alright? And remember, mums the word."

"Eddy, relax, I have your back, but hear me out. Oh, and also hear me when I say that I have no idea how you might look when you're in "free" mode other than given your size, you're probably not all that disgusting, but I'll trade a few hours of "Free Eddy" cruising if you stand outside of my SUV at the gas station and fill it with gas."

Huh, that was almost a reasonable trade from Stu, which meant, LOL, run for the hills!

"Well Stu, it would be nice to get out as Eddie, but I think that you think there is some sort of half way in between Eddie and that's only the case at bed time. I mean, there's no such thing as Eddy in a t-shirt above the window of your SUV and Eddie in high waisted jeans below the window, so."

"Eddie?"

"Well."

"Alright Eddie and thanks for painting a picture of half Eddy and half Eddie in my brain, knucklehead! So, if I may revise my trade offer than, I'll take a full non disgusting Eddie, we'll cruise for a few hours in Hillsdale instead of Middleton, but you still stand outside at the gas station."

I mean, first of all, Stu needs to stop bringing the word "disgusting" into the conversation, right? And second of all, hmmm, Stu has a buddy who works at the huge gas station and all gas stations have security cameras these days, so his upgraded trade offer seemed more like a trap than a trade and all, so.

"I'm not agreeing or disagreeing Stu, but let's drop the "disgusting" word and all. I may not be all that, but I've been at it longer than I care to admit to, so let's switch that over to "acceptable" or something."

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, Eddie, but I'm trading blind here and it gives me a heart attack to not have the trading edge and all, so, sorry. So?"

"Well, can I wear my high waisted Denim shorts, Stu?"

"Um, sure, but then you have to strut over to the trash can and throw something away, Eddie."

"Well, if I have to strut over the trash can and pretend to throw something away, then I get to wear my spikey bleached blonde hair piece, then Stu."

"You have hair pieces, Eddie?"

"Ugh Stu, I just said that I have been doing this behind everyone's back for longer than I care to mention and all, so."

"Well, I might like to see that and I'm feeling better about how you might look in drag, so deal, but then you have to go inside of the gas station and get us Smoothies, Eddie."

"Whoa, um, whoa, um, whoa, so, damn Stu, you trade hard. Fine, I need to get out just as hard, so fine, but I'm wearing fishnets to cover my legs and you can't blow the horn or flash your headlights then."

"Trading window closed, Eddie!"

I mean, whew, right? I mean, post that statement on Chang because it's the first time Stewart ever udder those words! I mean, why not post it, right? Stu certainly posts all of his trades for evidence and all, so.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, Stu! When I said that there will be no beeping of your horn or flashing of your headlights to draw attention to me, that includes no "accidently" setting off your SUV's alarm too!"

"Hah, you're learning the trading ropes, Eddie! Now, I'd usually say, "BS, we closed the trade window already", but I might like it if you prop your fishnet covered legs up on dash for a few minutes while we cruising down the strip under the bright lights and all, so."

See? Stu never quits piling on to his trades. So, LOL, that's when you literally push him out of the door and start thinking about what you just agreed to (under Stu trade distress) and what shirt I was going to wear, LOL, seeing how I somehow already agreed to everything else I was tricked into wearing.

And I guess a simple black shirt with a built-in choker with 7 neck wrap straps and a high bust line was going to do.

"Huh, huh."

"Well, is that a good double "huh" or a bad double "huh", Stu?"

"Well, huh, figuring that you had the small body for this was the easy part and the hair is cool and I guess I am a little impressed with your facial make up and all, but your legs look, um, different, so, huh."

"LOL, that's from the slight flare of these shorts and the fishnets that you can't stop looking at, but trust me, they are the same ole chicken legs under all this, so."

"And, um, um, the chest?"

"Oh, well, don't get too excited about the little bumps. It's, um, it's an exercise bra with preformed cups, so LOL, don't go feeling me up because they will collapse, LOL. I just like the "hint" and all, so."

"Well, huh, huh, anyways, Eddie. So?"

"Fine, we can go to gas station first, but for future consideration, LOL, you would have faired so much better tonight if you would had been a gentleman and taken care of that before you picked me."

"Wait, what? I mean, just how would I have "faired so much better" and is "faired so much better" the same as parking and crawling into the back seat or possibly the same as a "cruising night cap" at your house later, Eddie?"

"LOL, to the gas station, Stu. But a night cap isn't off of the table just yet, LOL, you know, for a trade."

Well, it was very obviously that Stu purposely ran all the fuel out of his SUV prior to picking me. I mean, it felt like I was standing out there forever with the gas nozzle latched into the slow fill position. Also, wow, the $$$$'s and the way they flashed the across little screen, right?

"Ah, you need any help over there?"

"Oh, thanks sir, but I have this nozzle in a firm grip."

"Ooh, how firm then?"

"LOL, there's liquid flowing out of it, isn't there, mister?"

"Ooh, well, maybe I'm the one who needs help. I mean, can you demonstrate on my nozzle how to squeeze it so that liquid flows out of it?"

"LOL, are you really going to need my help with that, sir?"

"Well, no, but a live one would be nice and all, so?"

A "live one" and all? Did he seriously just say that to me? And that's OK for my first time out, right?

"Sorry sir, but I'm on a date tonight, but come look for me down at the Cottonwood Street alley some time. I go by Fuel Station Franny down there."

You know, hoping there is no street worker down in the alley named Fuel Station Franny, right?

Beep, beep.

"Hey! No beeping of the horn, Stu!"

"Oops, my armed slipped Eddie, but the chit chat back there seemed like it needed an exit door, so Smoothies please and say hey to Hank for me."

"You're watching me through the mirrors, Stu?"

"Well, I guess I like fishnets and all, so."

Hmmm, dudes, right? They could care less where their mirrors end up when driving around, but give them a pair of legs in shorts and fishnets to gawk at and all of a sudden, all three mirrors are being adjusted and all.

"Hi Hank, is there any special way I'm suppose to stand while I'm squirting out two Smoothies?"

"I can't believe my eyes! I mean, cool and all, Eddy, but damn, when Stewart set all this up, I mean, when Stewart said he might be stopping by the station tonight, I mean, damn Eddy, have your backside point towards the ice cream cooler doors for camera #5 and ah, damn, Eddy."

"Eddie and I'm not all that, Hank."

"Damn, Eddie, I may not be the best judge of all that, but you're not such of a pip squeak with all this, so."

"Well, thanks, I think. Um listen Hank, you know Stu pretty well, so while I'm purposely posing at the Smoothie machine for your "Creep Shot" material for your Chang account, maybe you could put a few of Stu's favorite little snacks on the counter for me, I mean, like those luscious creamed filled cakes or something."

"Ah, will do, um, and I'll added a couple of small bags of chips too because maybe you are mostly that and all, so."

"Cool Hank and oh, and selected me two boxes of condoms too, like gold label or something. I think one box of nonlubricated condoms for the hand job I'm going to give him during our short drive to Hillsdale and a box of lubricated condoms for our night cap later. I mean, I want to whimper and scream for Stu, but not from pain, right Hank?"

"Ga, ga, goo, OK, Eddie."

I mean, it was fun to tease Hank, right?

"Ooh, tasty cream filled cakes! (Ooh and condoms????)."

"Well, this evening is going on my Chang page as a date and all, so. Anyways, drive and when I say drive, I mean, keep your eyes front and then let me remind that I checked and double checked all of the court records and nowhere did I find that we traded for anyway that included any, well, you know, right, Stu?"

"Well Eddie, I never thought about making a stupid move on my oldest friend, especially since my oldest friend is a guy and all, so trade omission noted. But just keep in mind that trades are constantly flipped on the trading floor and all, so."

"Hmmm, I'm not sure I like your choice of the word "flipping", but I trust you Stu and I'm happy to be out of the house and all, so. However, I will propose a late trade myself. Um, I did a little chatting on Chang before you picked me up and there seems to be standard that I take a few "in SUV" selfies, so."

"Oh Eddie, just how "in SUV" and all then?"

"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, um, these T-Girls and their unbashful selfies, right? Um, I'm not pushing my zipper down or anything, but let's see what the street lights in Hillsdale offer and I'll trade a minute or two of privacy in the SUV for??????"

"Oh, um,"

"Uhm! Stu."

"Um, damn, fine Eddie, I'll reserve a future trade consideration of equal or lesser value then, but I get a link to any and all selfies taken in my SUV."

See? The guy just won't or should I say he can't stop with his trades. But the good was that no matter what spell I fell under while sitting in his front seat alone with my camera phone, the selfies would have to be somewhat PG-17 if he was going the get a link, right?

"Anyways Stu (lean over console, cheek kiss), I had fun at the gas station. Oh, and by the way Stu, Hank thinks that I rolled a dry condom on your fat cock and that I whacked you off while we made the short drive to Hillsdale, so our agreed upon story should be of neither confirmation nor denial and all, so."

"Well, if the dry condom was to contain the mess, well, I don't really know if that works and all, so."

"LOL, neither do I from experience, but wearing a condom as protection against leaking is also popular with the T-Girls on Chang, so."

"Damn, I mean, I think there is a highway rest area just ahead and all Eddie, so."

"Oops, I'm a closet CD, Stu and this is the first time that I've even held a condom in my hand and all, so. But I do get a kick out of the T-Girl memes and rest areas, not that I would ever wear such short shorts."

"Um, do I need to expand my horizons on Chang or what, Eddie?"

"Oh, I'm not going to recommend that for now, LOL, but you would be pimping me out, LOL. I mean, the way the lean into the car windows and all, right? I mean, I have the bucket for all that, but these shorts are for style, not stacking that paper for my pimp."

"Eddie, you're killing me here!"

"LOL, I know and I'm having a blast. I mean, I should have gotten out of the closet a year ago."

"A year ago?"

"Well, much longer for the undies wearing thing, but yeah, I have been secretly dressing for my mirror for that long now, Stu."

Apparently, I didn't need to hide things as much as I had during the past year.

"Wow, so this is the bright lights of Hillsdale then and just why are we pulling over so soon, Stu?"

"Trade, trade. Trade, Eddie."

"If reasonable, I'm listening."

"Get out and walk the sidewalk for three street lamp posts, turn around and I get whatever anyone propositions you, Eddie!"

"Stu, you keep forgetting that this is my first time out and I don't what these people do or say. I'll walk two lamp posts and you stay on the ready to rescue me from a kidnapping and I'll tell you true what anyone says to me."

Well, I guess Stu accepted my counter trade because he just reached across his SUV and opened my door!

"LOL, see Stu? I told you the bra cups would collapse if you "accidently" felt them up or you know, brush them hard with your arm like that as you reached across the seat to fling open my door."

The good news was that I was pretty properly dressed and all with my fancy high waisted Denim shorts and my fishnets, which seemed to be popular anyways.

"Hey, if he kicked you out of his SUV, you know, you can ride with me, sweetie."

"Well, he didn't kick me out of the SUV, but he needed a few moments of privacy to you know, readjust himself and all, so."

"You got him all out of adjustment then?"

"Well, yes, but the problem is that he likes his manhood angled a certain way afterwards and every time I shove my dainty hands into his open pants to help out, well, the guy just keeps squirting off and stuff, so."

"I need to know you then."

"Heidi, Hillsdale Heidi, I'm new in town, but I'll be on the streets as early as next weekend."

I mean, I was already Fuel Station Franny and it felt best to not let out my real name and all, right?

"I know you."

"You do not know me, stranger."

"Oh, I know you."

"Oh, you do not know me, stranger (oh, snap, oh, snap, oh snap, Lenny)."

"Hmmm, you know me alright, but we'll let it slide for tonight."

"Thanks, Lenny, I mean, stranger."

Forget stupid Lenny. He ah, he's just stupid Lenny and all, so.

"Wow!"

"Tell it true, Eddie!"

"Everyone wants a blow job, time to recover and then a piece of ass, Stu. But our combined story is that you wrecked my mouth as soon as you parked here under the lamp post, which we will neither deny nor confirm. And by the way, I'm locking the damn doors."

"Well, I guess I've just never had so much imaginary sex then, Eddie."

"Alright, alright, alright, I'll stop so I don't put you in a position to try something with your oldest friend and all, but this stuff is kind of cool. I don't know, let's cruise the strip, right Stu?"

"Well, we have to give up on this "oldest friend" stuff too, but let's cruise."

"Cool and it sounds like a trade to me. I won't talk about how my oldest friend wants me to put his dick in my mouth and you stop thinking about putting your dick in my butt and we'll call it even, right?"

I wasn't trying to deflate Stu, but it felt like it was time to defuse the situation and LOL, a last chance to see his face get all screwed up, but seriously, I gave it up and we cruised. Which was still pretty cool as I had plenty of opportunities to flash little smiles and give a few quick hand waves, LOL, while Stu drove with his face all screwed from his pants problem.

"You know you started all this, Stu. Anyways, I've had enough for tonight and I can clearly see that you are very frustrated, so you can drop me at home now. And by the way, do you see what it does to fishnets when you mindlessly stick your finger into the weaves and twirl while cruising the strip?"

"Yeah, well, you didn't slap and hand away and all Eddie, so."

"Yeah, well, I didn't say I didn't like it. I never knew that your finger skin was so soft for working in a warehouse and all Stu, so."

"Yeah, well, I was mindlessly twirling my finger in the weave of your fishnets because I never knew that the skin on your leg was so smooth and all Eddie, so."

"Yeah, well, I work at that a lot and I've worn shorts plenty of times as we gamed and all Stu, so."