All Comments on 'El Paso - Jake Rivers'

Jake, Well up to your usual fine standards. It sure looks like you were doing your research. Made a great tale out of Marty's songs. Thank You. Ronnie W.

Great read Jake! But from you I would expect no less. Always look for your stories and know a good read is to follow.

Highest regards.

DG Hear

interpretation of the trilogy. A great story that captures the reader from an excellent author. Very well done!!

I guess when you've set the kind of high standard that Jake has, anything less than perfection can be seen as a disappointment. Still, I've given it some thought, and I have to say this story doesn't quite get there to me. First, let me say that it is a very good story; hell, Jake couldn't write a bad story if he tried. The narrative flows well, even when it's going back between time and place, the copy is clean and error-free and the attention to detail, and the research that went into it, is nothing short of stunning. The period moods are perfectly done, which isn't easy (as I've discovered), hitting each place and time just right. I also thought the characters of John and Maria are especially well-thought out and fully-developed, and that's where the problems start for me. I came away with the sense that this was more a story about John and Maria than it was about Faleena and Texas Red. I just didn't get the sense of depth of character with them that I got with John and Maria. In fact, I thought the character of Dallas, the marshal, was more developed than the two people who were supposed to be the main characters. I also felt the central conflict of the story was not the gunfight that sent Red riding off for his life, as it should have been, but on the incident at Maria's door, when John comes home from the war to discover that Maria is betrothed to another. Finally, I am not a fan of incorporating the song's lyrics directly into the narrative of the story. Those passages sounded forced, like Jake was trying too hard to match the story with the song. I hope I'm not coming off as too harsh, because this is a fine piece of writing; I just felt it could have been a little bit better.

I love dancing to this song with my love, my lady, my wife. It speaks of love in a place where women were few. So many stories to be told and no one to do. Thanks.

Another great read just as I would expect from you Jake! I always look out for your stories. However, just by chance I happened to read the version by DG Hear first and, to me, that set the standard! I have to say that your story didn't quite hit me like that of DG Having said that, I am sure that you will not be offended by me putting DG just a little ahead of you on my enjoyment scale this time. Pete.

I really enjoyed this tale of Faleena, too.. They're the same but different.. All told well and enjoyable.. Course the Faleena story is central but the story is really about John and Maria.. A very good love story.. Somehow I feel that everyone[grandparents, aunts, uncles] will be represented by a little one eventually..

Jake Rivers that is the most sadddest story and well written story that i have ever read.

Pat

The patterning on the song was great -

The "real life" story and its parallels and divergence was great too

Not sure where in the narrative - but - I picked up the expectation that all would not end well for John and Maria so I was waiting for the other shoe to drop - it didn't happen

I am pleased with that -

Nicely done -

Great use of an old song.

Great writer and another of his really good stories.

It's a shame your not writing here anymore.. Hope all is well;and you just * retired* thks for your stories and time,.. ( but if the erge ever comes again-- don't forget your fans.) 🙄🤔👍😉👌😁🍻🥂

Please drop a line to me telling me if you're still with us.

In turn I'll post it in the comments of what I felel are your 3 best stories.