All Comments on 'Emily and the Statues'

Did ANYONE read this other than yourself? The first sentence... THE FIRST FUCKING SENTENCE within the first few words is broken.

Can inno0cent_bystander or anybody else tell me what's broken about the first sentence? I can't figure it out...

Dr Who...."Weeping Angels"

Well done. I feel the magic.

Emily maintains a sense of innocence despite the nudity. She seems more girl-next-door than most heroines, and I appreciate that. Her reactions to each of the statues in turn and to the library were believable.

The statues are well thought out, both in behavior and personality. Each is distinct. Aria seems kind and sweet, and perhaps more mature than the others. Brom is quite masculine - I appreciate that. I confess I wish Brom were coming along as well, as his presence is a nice counterpoint to the very feminine Emily and Aria. Jivaro is amusing, at once insightful and gently oblivious.

Perhaps Brom might make an appearance later, once his own quest is resolved. Jivaro, too, would be an interesting companion. It seems a shame to create such characters only to leave them behind.

I'm curious about the other statues. Will they remain in the castle by choice, since they seem to be free? What of those who sank in the labyrinth? Can they be rescued? Apparently the sunken statues have consciousness, given the warnings and the 'strumpet' comment. Did those who came from Emily's world come from different times? Were they also potential heroes summoned by the good magic? Presumably they were turned to statuary by the magicians before they could rescue Aria, Brom, Jivaro and company.

The labyrinth challenges are challenges without resorting to horror, and they're all nicely themed. The mirrors are suggestive, perhaps foreshadowing, without being heavy-handed.

I'd like to see more of this tale if you're moved to write it.

FinchAgent, please don't let harsh comments put you off. I do not expect any story posted here to be in fully edited form. That said, the initial sentence is a bit of a run-on, and could use some revision.

I commend you for creating a sense of wonder. Emily is a believable girl-next-door character. Her reactions to her nudity, the statues, the castle and the perils of the labyrinth are believable given her rather innocent and bookish nature. I also appreciate that Emily is not the knowing, experienced, sexually aggressive lead so common on this board. Yes, it's Literotica, so I expect, even hope, for her to have an 'awakening' at some point.

However, this initial chapter gives me hope that this story will be about love and not just sex.

The Aria, Brom and Jivaro are all distinct characters. Aris sems sweet and perhaps more mature than the others.

Brom's masculinity is a nice counterpoint to Emily and Aria's femininity. Jivaro is at once humorous, insightful and oblivious of the impact of his words.

It seems a shame to lose Brom and Jivaro from the main story. If you're pursuing Aria's implied attraction to Emily I understand. After all, it's Literotica. From a storytelling perspective, however, I think the dynamic of having all three statues remain in the tale would be more engaging. Perhaps Brom could return after his own quest is done. Perhaps Jivaro could tag along to gather 'bardic/jester material' or some such?

I particularly appreciate your description of the library and Emily's bibliophile' reaction to it. Her decision to leave it untouched due to it's beauty really established her inner goodness for me.

The perils of the labyrinth were challenges without resorting to horror, which I applaud. The kelp managed to be a threat and yet retained a beauty of it's own. The mirrors fiery nature was a bit jarring compared to the watery nature of the labyrinth. Perhaps it was originally a hall of soul-reflection before flooding? The mirrors seemed to be a touch of foreshadowing, or at least a reflection of Emily's unrecognized potential.

Too many writers want to go straight from magic and wonder to eldritch abomination. You did not immediately turn bookworm Emily into Lara Croft. In fact, by the end of this short chapter Emily remains... Emily. Well done.

I'd like to know more about the other statues, particularly those (apparently) from Emily's world and those who sank in the Labyrinth. Were other good people summoned by the magic to free the statues? Can the sunken statues be saved? They clearly have some consciousness based on their warnings and the 'strumpet' comment. What will the statues do with their new-found freedom?

I hope you decide to write more.

TTVOL, I'm not a Dr Who watcher, but after googling that I see what you mean.

Anonymous, thank you for the detailed comments. I'm glad you enjoyed my story. The next part of Emily's adventure will be published in the coming weeks. In it and subsequent chapters I hope to answer some of your questions and vindicate some of your suppositions. And I felt the same way as you did when I wrote Brom's farewell line. He and Jivaro will be missed, but perhaps we'll see one and/or both of them again later.

At the risk of sounding a little obstinate: there is nothing grammatically wrong with the first sentence of this story. It is not a run-on sentence or otherwise broken. Tastes differ on what constitutes clear and readable style, and I can understand that some may find the embedded prepositional phrase ("after...week") disruptive, but from a technical perspective it's an entirely valid sentence. I'm sure there are other typos and mistakes in the rest of the story though.

During that funhouse merrior bit, the mention of Emily's breasts enlarging and flattening makes me realize you never actually specified how large they are. In fact, aside from her hair color, we don't get much of a description of her. It kinda goes against the themes of an ENF story. If we don't know what she looks like naked, how can she really fulfil the nudity part of the ENF fetish?

An Interesting Adventure

Lights go out. Emily jumps out of her bath, muttering, "Landlord forgot to pay the electric again!" She reaches for a towel. She finds herself naked, transported to a strange world, a castle where people were changed to stone long ago. The only way to redeem them from the curse is to recover a necklace from a pool, protected by a whirlpool.

Without knowing whether breaking the curse would return her to her life, will Emily take up the challenge to retrieve the necklace?

The story has a fast pace from Emily leaving her tub in fright to leaving the pool in triumph!

This story was so innocent and sexy at the same time. Wonderful.