by susanstoryteller
but you need to work on proof reading, I noticed several missing words that I had to make up to keep the flow going. You are on a good track so keep it up
I really liked the story. Hot.
But the other commenter is right. You have to proofread. Missing words, misspelled words, "breast's" instead of "breasts." It pulled me out of the story.
This is a very good story let down by carelessness. As has been noted a lack of proof reading ... but I found the use of some words really grated. For example 'curiouser'. I find this so difficult to read and hence it lets go of the tension that is just beginning. Why not say 'I became more and more curious' or even better ... 'becoming more curious I explored deeper'. Regardless I gave it 5 stars and look forward to reading more of your stories
I really enjoyed this story, and I do wish you had written more about it, but thank you for sharing it with us!
and yes I wish it was just a little bit longer, but still good
Superb story. You have a true gift as a story teller. Don't change a thing. It is a good thing to have your readers wanting more,
My name is Marko Prodanović from Srbija Belgrade You're story is wonderful please continue The story