All Comments on 'Emmeline's Desires Pt. 01'

Change from first person to third makes this v v hard to follow

Too many named characters that don't get developed make this really confused. It needs simplification, maybe only name the 3 main characters, treat the rest as wallpaper-ie just mention in passing. They may be developed in future, perhaps. This opening has some promise but needs to be more attractive to the reader...

I agree that this chapter feels a little scrambled, however, the premise is intriguing and I'd like to read more. Has definite possibilities

I do not get it.

It was late when I published all of these. I must not have saved my edits properly. Darn. I won't let that happen again!