EMT

The older of the two answered without looking.

"I know you're concerned, but I'm not a doctor, so I can't diagnose or give a prognosis."

He wasn't being mean, he was just being honest, and it was obvious he was doing everything he could. Lisa knew that, but because this was her son, her baby, her only child, she needed something more.

She was thinking of how to ask in some kind of better way when she heard the younger man speak. It wasn't meant for Lisa who was now straining to hear every word.

"This is my fault."

"What? The hell it is," the older man replied. "It was that dumbass kid fireman."

"No. The jack was with me, and I'm responsible for everything that happened."

"Ryan, listen to me. You are responsible but not for everything. Sometimes...shit just happens."

He lowered his voice, but Lisa still heard him. She wasn't exactly sure what they were talking about, but the last words she heard caused panic to well up in her.

"Is my son dying?" she asked, her mouth so dry she could barely speak.

"No. He's not dying. We've got his leg stabilized now, but the injuries are severe. But until we can get him x-rayed and/or a CT scan, I can't really say how bad it is."

Lisa knew they were both doing there best. She also knew the hospital was only two blocks ahead.

"Okay. I'm sorry. Thank you," she told the older man.

She sat and stared at them and wondered how anyone could do this day after day and suddenly had a newfound respect for them.

"Thank you both," she found herself saying.

The younger man was kind of facing her and glanced at her and nodded.

"Whatever happened, it's no one's fault except for my ex-husband's."

Neither man responded, and that only made Lisa feel foolish as she imagined neither of them cared. But before she could feel bad about it the vehicle made a hard left turn, and seconds later the same younger man was outside and offering her his hand as the noise of the siren disappeared into the wind.

"Thank you," she said as she let him help her down.

"Ma'am?" he said as his partner slid the gurney his way. "I won't tell you not to worry, because that's what moms do. So follow us in and someone will let you know where to wait, okay?"

Her son and the gurney went rolling by her causing her to cover her mouth as she again tried to stifle her tears or even a scream. This was all so surreal, and now she was more afraid than she'd ever been.

Even so, her son was alive, so she did what he told her to do, let them pass, then followed behind.

A doctor in his late-40s met the first responders and got a verbal update. He saw Lisa and asked if she was the mother.

"Yes."

"I promise you we'll take good care of him. A nurse will take you to the waiting area, and I'll come find you when we know more."

He began telling ER nurses what to do, and Lisa didn't understand any of it as she watched her son disappear.

"No. Don't do it," she heard a hushed male voice say.

"I have to," the other male replied, causing Lisa to turn and look.

The older man spoke in a hushed tone, but it was obvious he wasn't happy.

"You're admitting culpability. If you...if we...get sued...you don't want that on your record. Listen. You did nothing wrong. The kid's gonna be okay. So let this go. Got it?"

She saw the older of the two jab a finger into the younger man's chest before pivoting and striding right by without looking or saying a word. The other man walked more slowly but also passed her.

But then he stopped and turned around.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes?" she asked, wondering what it was that he'd done that was so wrong.

"I was the first EMT on scene. With my partner, of course. There was a pedestrian who'd been hit with the car, so he looked after that person while I went to see what was going on with No...your son."

"Yes?" she said again, now even more worried.

"He...he was pinned under the vehicle. Like the driver, he was thrown from it."

"Uh-huh," Lisa said just above a whisper, her mouth feeling very dry again.

"I needed to get the car off of him and grabbed our pneumatic jack. I raised the vehicle enough to extricate...pull him out...when someone...I...I wasn't watching the handheld control panel. Someone stepped...no. I...let someone step on it, and when he did, the car fell, and Noah...."

The woman began shaking and crying again as she imagined her baby being crushed.

"The compound fracture. That's my fault," he told her, his eyes locked on hers in a way that told her he was being truthful.

"He wouldn't have been hurt nearly so badly if I hadn't been...negligent. I know that 'sorry' is meaningless, but...."

He broke eye contact then looked at her again.

"I accept full responsibility for whatever happened or happens to him as a result."

Lisa was still extremely distraught and unable to say anything to either comfort him or to lay into him for what happened. So instead of replying she only nodded then let a nurse take her arm and lead her to the waiting area.

He nodded back, told her he'd check back in on Noah after he got off, then headed toward the exit. Outside, Ryan's partner was waiting with his hands on his hips.

"You told her, didn't you?" he spat in a very caustic tone of voice.

Ryan knew he knew and didn't bother answering. He also knew that the other man never accepted responsibility for his actions, something that been drilled into Ryan since his first day of CCT training.

"The leader is responsible for ALL his or her team does OR fails to do!" he remembered a master sergeant saying during their first minute of their very first class.

He followed that up with, "There is NEVER any excuse for failure. None. If you fuck up, OWN IT! Don't ever try and pass the buck or shuffle your responsibility onto someone else. If you're in charge YOU and you alone are responsible."

Those words still rang true in his head all these years later, and there had never been a time that he'd violated that leadership trait, and he wasn't about to start doing it now no matter what it might cost him going forward. He was responsible, and that made it his fault. End of story.

He went straight to their vehicle, got in, and the driver started it up. His partner also started...back in...the moment he climbed up into the cab.

"This is not the goddamned Boy Scouts, Ellis! This is real life! And you may have just ended any hope you have of even remaining an EMT let alone of ever being a paramedic."

The man grabbed his seatbelt then hissed, "And you may have just royally fucked me over, too!"

Since everything the man said was true, Ryan chose again not to reply. He just sat there as the vehicle was put in gear and headed back to the station. Were it not for the occasional chatter on the radio the ride would have been made in utter silence.

A little over two hours passed before the doctor came out to talk with Lisa.

"How is he?" a very anxious mother asked as the orthopedic surgeon approached her.

"Noah's doing quite well. He's still asleep, but we've patched him up, and he'll be just fine."

He went on to explain how Noah's tibia had been shattered and that in order to stabilize it he'd had to attach a metal plate with screws to the outside of the bone as well as a rod inside the bone.

"Normally, a compound fracture takes 4-6 weeks to heal, but because this was quite a bit more severe, we're looking at 2-3 months. I'll have a PT, a physical therapist, talk to you about what to do on a daily and weekly basis, but the good news is that Noah will have no problem walking and should be able to run again a few months after completing PT. In other words, with time, he'll be good as new."

Lisa heard every word, but the only ones that stuck with her were that her son would be 'good as new'.

Too mentally exhausted to cry anymore, Lisa thanked the doctor from the bottom of her heart.

"My pleasure. I'm just glad I could help," he told her even as the male inside of him realized how attractive this young woman was to him as he realized he was staring.

Well, she was young to him anyway, and were he to have met her under different circumstances he'd have done his best to get her number. Patients, and their families, were strictly off limits, but he wasn't blind.

"Can I go see him?" Lisa asked before the doctor turned around.

"Sure. Follow me. As I said, he's out right now, but you're welcome to stay there a few minutes, but until we move him to a regular bed, that's all we can allow. For now, anyway."

Lisa was thrilled to just be able to see her son regardless of how long.

Again, she managed not to cry when she saw her little boy laying there so small and helpless. She walked over, took his limp hand, kissed it, then leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"Mommy's here," she told him, knowing that he preferred 'Mom' to 'Mommy'. But right now she felt very protective and 'Mommy' seemed more appropriate.

She'd been there for about five minutes when a nurse walked in.

"Do I need to leave?" Lisa asked.

"Soon. But you have a visitor. Normally, I wouldn't allow anyone who wasn't a close relative back here, but since he brought your son in, I thought it would be okay. If you don't mind."

Lisa looked around and saw a face she recognized. There was a weak smile on it along with a look of apprehension. He also waved as weakly as he was smiling then said, "May I come in?"

"Yes. Please do," Lisa told him as the nurse said to them both they needed to leave in another five minutes.

"How's he doing?" Ryan asked immediately.

Lisa did her best to recount what she'd been told but didn't remember much. She gently raised the blanket up that was covering her son and braced for the worst.

"I haven't had the nerve to look yet," she said as she closed her eyes.

Ryan took the edge of the blanket when he saw her reaction.

"It looks a lot scarier than it is," he said just before she opened her eyes.

"Oh, my word!" she said when she saw her son's leg.

There was still a lot of beta-dine on most of his lower leg and a scar that went from just above his ankle to just below the knee.

Lisa instinctively covered her mouth and stood up as though it might be contagious. Ryan placed his free hand in the small of her back and said, "You okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine. As long as my son will be okay, I'm...fine."

She then turned to him, and once she realized that her son was going to be okay because of this man's actions, she felt herself tearing up again just as she found herself putting her arms around him.

"Thank you. Thank so much for saving my son."

Ryan kind of hugged her back but knew this wasn't an embrace and didn't try and make it one.

When she let go, he knew he had to tell her again what happened.

"That's very kind of you, but if I'd been more attentive, Noah's injuries wouldn't have been so severe."

She'd forgotten all about the jack and the firefighter.

"I know you blame yourself for that, but please know that I don't, okay?"

The way she said it as well as the way she was looking at him told him she meant it, but that didn't make Ryan's guilt go away.

"Again, you're being very kind, and I appreciate that very much. But the truth is, I am responsible. For the worst of this. Unfortunately there's nothing I can do to change that, and I know that saying 'I'm sorry' isn't going to change anything, either."

Lisa managed a little smile as she said, "You're being way too hard on yourself. If there weren't people like you--brave people--willing to go to accident scenes and help those in need, there would be a whole lot of people who wouldn't survive. And my son is going to survive and eventually he'll be...just fine."

This time her words went a long way to assuaging his guilt, but that still didn't make him any less responsible.

He thanked her again then said, "Oh. I almost forgot."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a thread bracelet that Noah wore on his left wrist.

"I uh, I removed this in the ambulance. I should have handed it to you then and there, but...."

He held it out for her to take then laid it in her hand.

"Noah and his best friend both wear these. He'll be very glad to know it wasn't lost."

She smiled a real smile then said, "Thank you," before her expression changed.

"I just realized I don't even know your name," she told him. "Mine's Lisa. Otremba."

"Ryan. Ryan Ellis."

Lisa held her hand out, smiled again, then said, "It is a true pleasure and an honor to make your acquaintance, Ryan Ellis."

He finally smiled then told her it was the same for him.

Lisa laughed for the first time in many hours, and when she did, so did Ryan.

At that moment, a different nurse walked in said, "Sorry Mom and Dad, but it's time to leave now."

Both of them turned her way, looked at her, looked back at one another, then laughed again.

"We're not...." Ryan began saying just when Lisa took his hand and took over the conversation.

"Honey, she said it's time to go. Don't you ever listen?"

Ryan saw her trying not to laugh as she squeezed his hand, so he played along.

He looked at the nurse then said, "I uh, I get that a lot."

This nurse was younger than the other one, and Lisa could see that she hadn't taken her eyes off of Ryan since she walked in. When the 22-year old-ish nurse laughed much too loudly, Lisa knew she was right. And for the briefest of moments she had a flash of anger as she saw her ex...her late...husband...flirting with a younger woman.

But this wasn't anything like that, and the flareup died down as quickly as it had erupted.

Lisa's hand still in Ryan's, she pulled her 'husband' with her. As she passed the nurse she said, "Men, right?"

The younger woman finally stopped staring and looked at Lisa.

"Oh. Right," she said rather nervously as she looked back at her 'husband' and smiled that smile that every woman understood.

"I think she likes you, honey," Lisa said as they exited the room.

Still playing along, Ryan said, "Hey. When did you become so jealous?"

The question hit home and caused Lisa to stop smiling. She also let go of his hand then sighed.

"If only you knew. I won't bore you with it, but that's a very sore spot with me."

She then realized how that sounded and apologized.

"I...I'm sorry, Ryan. You saved my son's life, and here I am prattling on about my insecurities."

"You're not prattling," he assured her.

"Even if I'm not, I still owe you an apology."

"Me? What for?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"For pretending to be your wife."

He shook his head, indicating the confusion, then asked what she meant.

"You're young and well, as that young nurse's endless smile and staring proved...rather handsome," Lisa told him as she found herself looking at him for the briefest of moments. "And I'm, you know, not. So I can only imagine how you'd feel even thinking about being mar...stuck with someone...like me."

Now that he understood Ryan laughed.

"Ah, okay. Then why was I just thinking that being married to...someone...like you...wouldn't be so bad?"

She forgot about the tragedy of the day for the first time and really smiled.

"Ha! You just made my day. Again."

"You think I'm joking, don't you? As in just being nice."

"Of course. What guy as handsome as you would want to be married to...."

"Asked and answered, your honor," Ryan said, cutting her off with a smile of his own that made her ache somewhere deep inside.

Unable to continue looking at him for fear he might know what she was feeling, she looked to her left then said, "I should probably head back to the waiting room."

"Or you could let me buy you a cup of coffee," Ryan countered.

Taken aback, but in a good way, by his offer, Lisa's eyes opened wide as she said, "You must really feel bad."

Ryan, who was just a shade over six feet tall, looked down at her, smiled again, then quietly told her, "I do. But I'd also enjoy talking with you some more."

Lisa had never once seriously looked a younger man before. In fact, since a few weeks before she got engaged she'd never looked at any other man that way. But as she looked up into Ryan's gorgeous, deep-blue eyes, she had this feeling that perhaps she should at least be open to the possibility. Not with him, of course, but perhaps somewhere in the near future.

"I...I'd like that," she told him, now wondering what, if anything, was going on.

"I've enjoyed talking to you, too," she told him which drew a warm smile.

"Yeah? Even though I, you know, with Noah's leg and...."

She smiled back then said, "Yes. Even though."

Ryan held his arm out then said, "Well, in that case...."

Lisa laughed as she slid hers in, but as they walked she couldn't help but wonder if this was some kind of cosmic message; some kind of positive karma for everything she'd been through with her former husband. That seemed ridiculously unlikely to her, but even if 'this' was nothing more than a cup of coffee and some pleasant conversation, she intended to enjoy every moment of it. That is, if she could stop feeling guilty for feeling good after losing her ex-husband and her son laying in a hospital bed.

In the minute or two it took to reach the cafeteria Ryan sensed a change.

"You're worried, aren't you?" he guessed causing Lisa to wonder what he meant.

She only needed a second to catch on and realized what she was doing.

"No. Well, yes. I am a little worried. But it's not that."

"Then let me buy you a cup of coffee or whatever you'd like, and you can tell me what it is."

A cup of black, hospital coffee in front of her, Ryan smiled and said, "So? What's up?"

As much as she wanted to talk, she had no intention of unloading years of hurt and frustration on him.

"No, it's nothing," she told him, an even weaker smile on her face than the lame words she'd just spoken.

"When I was in the Air Force, I had a call sign."

"Like a pilot?" Lisa asked, grateful for the change in topics.

"No. I was an enlisted guy, but anyone who was part of a Combat Control Team had a call sign. Mine was...Boy Scout."

"I like Boy Scouts, but something tells me that wasn't a positive term in your case."

Ryan gently waded into an area he'd never discussed with anyone, and several minutes later after sort of pouring his heart out, Lisa had a novice understanding of how he looked at life.

"I don't think being responsible is anything to worry about," she told him sincerely.

"I don't know. I think I'm also an idealist. That wouldn't be bad, either, but it often feels like I'm the only one who is. I know I'm not, but there are so many people who seem to lack any kind of a moral compass. Or maybe it's more that they don't let things bother them. They do what they want and don't seem to care about the consequences."

As Lisa listened and watched him, as well, she felt a connection with him unlike anything she'd ever experienced and opened up to him.

Nearly an hour passed before she realized how long they'd talked. She'd done most of the speaking while Ryan did nearly all of the listening, but when he spoke, he seemed to have exactly the words she needed to hear, and that only deepened this bond she felt they had.

"If my former husband had had just a small amount of the integrity you do, I...he and I...."

Ryan saw her tearing up and gently laid his hand on hers.

"I understand," he told her with a look that said he did.

Lisa managed a little smile then said, "You, Ryan Ellis, are a man of honor. And after living with a man who had precious little of that quality, I would choose a Boy Scout over a...rogue...any day."

She laughed when she said 'rogue', and her laughter made Ryan smile.

"I've also been told I'm too intense. You know, a little too tightly wound."

"Let me just say that I felt like my entire world was unraveling earlier today, but after spending some time with you, you've...wound it back up. So I'll take tightly wound over a Gordian Knot any day, too."