All Comments on 'Enchanted Ch. 02'

I just submitted chapter 3 here, look for it in a few days. Or, if you're impatient, read my profile!

Another excellent addition, as the story gets more complex my interest piques. Can’t wait for more.

A fun story. Keep it up please.

You've got a lot of errors in these stories. For example: "He looked down and saw Betrixxa." Except no, he didn't, because in the very next line he's asking the imp why she was licking him.

The grammar errors will get smoothed out with practice, but you have a lot of words that are simply just the wrong word - "John the Savant needed to teacher to master" should probably have been "needed *no* teacher to master "

There are a LOT of these, and in most cases, they totally pull the reader out of the story as they try to figure out what you actually meant to say.

I highly recommend doing your editing by physically printing out the story and reading it out loud to yourself. This uses a different part of your brain, and I pretty much guarantee that it will catch errors like this... Because just using spellcheck will never be enough until it learns to read your mind.

As a tangential point, I highly, highly recommend going back and re-editing everything you've posted here. There will be a lot of new readers (like myself), who click on the new chapter of your story, are interested enough to start at the beginning, and then get annoyed at being lurched out of the story every few paragraphs. You could get a lot more, and happier, readers if you reupload edited versions.

Good luck, and keep writing!

on all but one item:

I say you meant to write, "you needed a teacher to master...", not 'no teacher', Beytrixxa is hinting she will help him, "at a price", and the imp said she would, as well.

On the grammar errors, the wrong words, and such, abiostudent3 is spot on. Everytime I came to one of these errors, I had to stop, and figure out WTF you MEANT to say. That is NOT communication, and the primary purpose of the written word IS communication, plain and simple.

If you are self-editing, then integrating reading your work aloud will be the best thing you can do. I was fortunate enough to be taught this technique in the first writing class I took as an undergrad; that it was also my term in college, was truly fortunate. This was pre-computer days, (even an electric typewriter was a luxury most poor college students couldn't afford.), so writing was a slow process unless you were a steno-speed typist.

It would be another 20 years before I was able to draft papers/articles in a word processing program; that's a lot of pencils, paper and Wite-Out! It was grad school before the reading aloud technique really paid off. When combined with the cutting and pasting, and other benefits of digital writing, I went from a B to B- paper writer to A & A+ grades. My dept's head, who taught most of the core grad classes even asked me to write literature review papers on his chosen topics, instead of writing the normal 2-3 papers required PER term, in his classes. All it took was him reading my first A quality paper.

From there, I got invited to join research in my field by him and other faculty members, (truth be told, the grad school 'team' members do the writing.). From there, I quickly became the go-to editor for faculty and fellow students.

I spent another 20 years writing & editing academic based works, until I left my field of sports medicine & exercise physiology. Since then, I written technical & how to articles in the automotive and fabrication/R&D fields.

I owe my success as a writer to learning to read aloud while re-writing/editing/proofing. The major thing I learned was, if you stutter, stumble or hesitate while reading any passage, it needs work.

An important factor I was taught was to read as if it is a performance; project your voice, place emphasis and pauses when dictated by punc., and really 'perform' the reading with volume changes, voice changes and emotion. A well written passage will lead you to this easily, and facilitate the performance; poor writing will not.

I repeat both abiostudent3 and my words about reading aloud as a proofing technique at least once a week on Lit to beginning submitters, or those who are struggling with errors in their work. (Though I don't typically go into my story related to how the technique helped me.)

I encourage anyone wanting to write well to keep our words in mind. It will benefit you, as much as it has myself.

GeoD

The story is progressing very well so you get a solid OK from me on that basis. The pedants are going to kill you though for slips in grammar and missteps in use of words and for those there left out. I’d run for cover if I was the author. Well done just the same.

This is just … annoying. The pace, the characters, the attempt to not give out all the information at once, the errors, are just becoming annoying to wade through. You ask for patreon support and for that, I’d expect a higher standard.

I Liked It! Quite a bit of comments following it, Don't care much for them, so Ignoring Them I Am! Is there a Prelude story of John's initial Summoning? Not Necessary, but would fill in some blanks. But That's what keeps Us Readers coming back, Eh?

I too agree with the previous negative comments getting an editor will greatly improve your stories. You do have the ability to become a good writer just don’t take all the negativity to heart in most case it’s to help you progress. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️