Enchantress

In frustration she left the grounds of the Unseen University to think and found herself in the ruins of the Fire Brigade building that was apparently being rebuilt... or maybe the bricks were being stolen. A young man that she had been watching carry off the charred bricks came up to Octavia and asked, "Would you like a fresh brick to sit on ma'am?"

"You can tell that I'm a woman?" She had cast numerous spells on herself to prevent people from realizing her true gender. From spells that gave her a full beard to spells that gave her robes the appearance of a football team's jersey. She even sat with her knees wide apart and attempted to explain everything to the women in the housekeeping staff.

"You're not?" The young man looked confused.

Octavia studied the young man closely, either he was born with the gift of True Sight {True Sight is the ability to see past the frippery and illusions that is placed all around us and see the world as it truly is. People with True Sight are generally depressed and no fun at parties} or he is "Magically Well Endowed" a condition that sounds more exciting than it truly is. "Tell me," said Octavia, "if we were trapped together on an island paradise, what would you do with me?"

He blushed! He actually blushed! He stuttered and looked down at his feet and said shyly, "anything you ask of me and everything I could to make you happy."

"You're hired!" she said before her brain could stop her mouth. He gave her the wrong answer, it wasn't even close to what her father told her to wait for, but dad wasn't here. Dad wasn't her. This was a dangerous mission and this handsome fellow needed to know the risks.

"I'm sorry... I suppose I should explain." She took a deep breath and tried to explain some very complex scientific facts without using complex scientific jargon. "As you know our world is flat and rides on the back of four elephants that ride through space on the back of a giant turtle, are you with me so far?" He nodded happily so she continued, "years ago the turtle that our planet rides on returned to the eggs she laid. The eggs hatched and now the baby turtles carrying tiny young elephants holding up little flat planets are following us as we swim through space... am I being too scientific for you? I can use layman's terms if need be..."

"No, not at all... I mean it's fine..." he said smiling and when his eyes caught hers something happened, she became tired of pretending to be a man and he became tired of being alone.

"There are planet eaters out there in space," she continued, "they're too small to eat us, but the babies are the right size for them."

"Oh no," gasped the young man and he looked genuinely concerned. Normally a citizen of Ankh-Morpork would say, "it ain't my problem," then steal her wallet.

"We are passing a nebula that's perfect for the babies to hide in and live in there safe from the planet killers, they could grow and emerge large enough that a planet killer is not a threat. I need to go to Krull and stand on Tähelepanek Point and cast a spell that would allow the babies to go free where they can hide and grow."

"That sounds nice," said the finely muscled young man.

Trying not to pant, Octavia continued. "Releasing this spell will anger the planet eater and he will come after me, but if it saves eight entire planets then I will go knowing that I saved millions of future lives. Are you willing to risk your life to help me save some baby turtles?"

The young man again met her gaze and smiled a smiled that made her panties damp. "For the honor of serving with you? I would do anything."

Octavia whimpered and quickly said, "We will leave in two weeks. Don't be late. By the way, what's your name?"

"Pommeraie de la Montesquieu," he said smiling proudly. He beamed with pride that he actually spoke with a woman.

Octavia froze, that's close to the name of her favorite author! Since she was 12 she's been a fan of Porter de la Montesquieu, he wrote such a touching novel about his pet dog who was more than a pet. She spilled thousands of tears reading about that dog, could this be him? "How do you spell that?"

"With an x." The young man suddenly looked embarrassed then said with a humiliated frown, "Me pap couldna' read nor write, so I spell it with an X."

Octavia giggled with relief, this well built, handsome, but short man wasn't her literary hero. But he is hot! She smiled at this young man like she was a young girl who was suddenly allowed in the adult section of the library and said, "When were you born?" She looked at his broad chest, chiseled muscles, his large biceps, thick muscular thighs... his body was shaped like an upside down triangle - broad shoulders tapering down to a flat stomach accentuated by rippling abs to a narrow waist to a large... she suddenly felt very flush. Her hand reached out of its own accord and touched his chest and she felt a jolt of shocking desire course through her. She drew her hand back in embarrassment.

"Spune thirty second, in the year of the Incontinent Badger"

After a few quick calculations that counted for time travel she said, "I'm just a few months younger than you," she was happy to be distracted from the thought of his bulging... glistening... She closed her eyes and quickly continued, "I was born on the third of Ick, year of the Willing Locust." Somehow the word "willing" came out with a gust of breath that changed the word willing from an adjective to a verb. Octavia looked Pommeraie de la Montesquieu up and down again. While her eyes had an exciting journey, up and down was a fairly quick trip because as they say in the most uncouth city in the multiverse, Ankh-Morpork, his ass is built quite close to the sidewalk.

For having such a regal name, {he was named after a Klatchian cheese} Pommeraie de la Montesquieu was short. The top of his head barely came up to Octavia's nose, and she's barely taller than her dad, the ape. Pommeraie de la Montesquieu stood a head taller than a dwarf, a beard would complete the illusion if needed. "What do they call you for short ... I mean what is your nickname?"

"Nick." He said with an innocent smile.

Octavia almost missed that, she was marveling over how the gods lined up that beautiful mouth of his at almost the same height as her hard, aching... wait, what? "Nick? Why do they call you Nick?"

"Because that's my job, I nick bricks. I come to this site and nick the bricks off to where they are building the new fire brigade." He hoisted a couple of bricks and his biceps glistened in the sunlight. Several thoughts came to mind of what he could do with those muscles, and she started to drool... wait, what? She needs to learn to concentrate with him around. "Uh, why are they rebuilding the fire brigade somewhere else?" she asked.

"The Patrician, Lord Vetinari, passed a unanimous resolution {unanimous meaning that no one voted against him {and lived}} that no fire brigade shall be built within ten city blocks of the known residence of an alchemist. Said fire brigades shall be constructed solely of stone and brick and outfitted with..." and he proceeded to recite the entire demandment which covered a scroll that unfurled was four feet long.

As Nick recited the latest city ruling on construction and outfitting of fire brigade buildings the sound of a loud "Poom!" caused them to turn their heads toward the Hall of Alchemic Arts to see the flaming remains of an alchemy undergraduate student sail through the air to splat on the remains of a wall of the old fire brigade near them then tumble to the ground starting a grass fire.

"That's probably quite wise, it doubtlessly gets expensive rebuilding fire brigades." said Octavia as the student sprang to his feet and dashed back to the Hall of Alchemic Arts spreading the lawn fire as he traveled.

"Never trust an Alchemist with eyebrows," they both recited as the freshman beat his fists on the entry door to the Hall of Alchemic Arts. A figure appeared in a window above him and poured a bucket of water on the flaming student dousing the freshman before an upperclassman opened the door allowing him back in. It is said that the Unseen University only allows Alchemy to be practiced on school grounds to give the Medical students bodies to practice on.

After that dramatic little scene was complete, Octavia turned to Nick and said, "so Pommeraie is your first name?"

Nick looked confused and said, "Pommeraie de la Montesquieu is my first name, my last name is Stein."

"That means stone," said Octavia as Nick started doing curls with several bricks stacked up in his large, strong hands. She began drooling again, her eyes fixed on his bulging biceps as he lifted those bricks up and down... up and down... sweat glistening off of his...

"Uh, ma'am? My eyes are up here."

"Yes, right!" Octavia snapped out of her reverie and closing her eyes so she wouldn't become trapped in his puppy sweet gaze said, "Last chance to get out of this, I have a perilous mission that I must accomplish, it's very dangerous and..."

"Would you like my help?" Nick asked nervously.

"No, what I was saying was... wait... do you mean..."

"Because if you really don't need my help, this job is almost done and I'll need to find work somewhere else in a couple of weeks."

Octavia felt her heart race and her throat tighten but it seemed like he didn't understand the danger. "It will be dangerous; it will take us to the very end of the world with an angry planet eating beast..."

Instead of calling her insane or running off in fear, Nick simply smiled a thigh warming smile and said, "I could get to see the elephants!"

"I may not be able to pay anything and we'll have to live off the land."

"I can make a smashing stew from squirrel and road apples."

"Brilliant! Can you be ready to go in two weeks?"

Nick was grinning in anticipation and could only nod dumbly to her question. "Ta!" she called and Nick watched the excited girl as she danced off to the Unseen University. The fact that as she skipped along her toes didn't touch the ground didn't bother Nick too much, but her walking stick chasing after her did cause him to raise an eyebrow.

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It was one of those warm spring days that makes you glad to be alive, even if that means being stuck in Ankh-Morpork. Warm temperatures, sunny skies, birds singing {to most people Ankh-Morpork songbirds sound like three pack a day smokers} and the gentle breeze was carrying the odiferous stench of the river Ankh away from the Unseen University. The humidity fueled haze blocked the view of "the City of a Thousand Broken Legs" {Ankh-Morpork has a very active personal loan industry} and it looked like any other city. It was peaceful if you ignored the screams of the occasional victim.

Octavia had a busy day so she didn't have time to walk over to the remains of the fire brigade, which was nearly gone now. She still wanted to watch Nick nicking bricks, so she climbed to the roof of Somnambulist Hall where she could watch him from a distance and hopefully not drive herself to distraction. She settled down in the warm sun, loosened her chest binders and looked at the cover of her notebook which was now covered with inscriptions that read "Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Stein" and "Mrs. Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Stein," and "Mrs. Octavia Stein."

As she sat and daydreamed of a life with Nick and added to the graffiti on her notebook, small pile of dead pigeons grew next to her as the gargoyles brought her gifts to munch on while she sat studying her notes and gazed at the distant remains of the fire brigade. She tried to watch them bring her the pigeons but when you look at a gargoyle, the stone effigy stops whatever it was doing and will remain motionless until the watcher averts his gaze. {You need to be close friends with a gargoyle before they let you see them move} Octavia squinted at the distant brigade hall and noticed that Nick wasn't there chipping the mortar from the bricks and stacking them up, so he must have taken his current armload of bricks to the new location.

With a sigh Octavia opened her notebook to a certain page that magically only she can find. Much of the same doodles featured on the cover could be seen on the hidden page with an additional twist that she included which caused the hearts that were drawn there to leap off the page and take to wing. They began to flutter around her and one by one they eventually would pop out of existence in a cloud of strawberry scented pink smoke.

"That's so cute!" said Nick as he sat down next to her.

"What!?!" shrieked Octavia. She slammed her notebook closed which made the dozen valentines fluttering around her pop creating a pink strawberry scented fog.

"It's a beautiful view from up here," said Nick as he began to stroke a smiling gargoyle's head. The gargoyle responded by purring, which sounded like somebody pouring gravel into a cement lined bucket.

Coughing in a cloud of strawberry scented fumes Octavia waved the pink clouds away with her notebook and finally asked, "How... why... what are you doing up here?"

Scratching a gargoyle behind the ear, Nick said, "How - I climbed the outside wall, why - because I saw you up here and I wanted to see you, and what - I'm seeing you..."

Octavia almost burst into song she was so happy! He wanted to be with her! The girlish scribble on her notebook now danced through her mind - MISSUS Octavia Stein!

Nick had turned his attention to the gargoyle who dropped a dead pigeon in his lap and he started scratching the gargoyle's neck rapidly. "Who's a good gargoyle? Who's a good gargoyle? You're such a cute gargoyle." The gargoyle started to pant happily in time with Nick's scratching, it's stone wings whirred with joy and its hind foot started tapping the slate shingle in time with Nick's scratching. The minute Nick lifted his hand, the gargoyle immediately stopped stone still except for its panting.

"You could see me up here?" asked Octavia. When she looked at Nick far below she just saw a small moving object. She only knew it was Nick because he's the only one who would carry an armload of bricks across the town.

"I saw that necklace you always wear, the one with the golden banana."

Octavia fingered her necklace... it did have a small golden banana barely bigger than a fingernail clipping, her foster father's icon, and Nick saw it from that far away? "Graduation is next week, are you ready to go?"

"Are you graduating?"

"No, but my classes will be over, so we'll be able to slip away."

"I didn't think they allowed women in the university except for household staff."

Octavia shrugged her shoulders which caused her breasts to wobble a little and smiled. "They think I'm a guy."

"How can they with..." Nick was at a loss for words, Octavia's breasts were full and round and quite a bit of them is displayed by the neckline of her blouse. Every shrug of her shoulders started those delicious mounds quivering causing a massive internal battle in Nick's mind to keep from reaching out and giving one a squeeze. His fumbling hand gestures gave her an idea of what he was thinking.

"I bind my breasts and I wear a robe which covers me, I cast spells that project an aura of masculinity, I wear a fake beard and it fools everyone... except you." Octavia looked into Nick's bright green eyes, a mistake which caused her more pleasure than she dared admit. But she needs to know how he can see through her disguise. "Are you... magical? Only a powerful mage could see through my disguise spells."

"I don't think so, let me try some," he waved his hands around and said the ancient words of power "Nihil Est Brachium Meum!" {Nothing Up My Sleeve} then opened his hands and fingers wide... and nothing happened. "Guess not."

"What were you trying to do?"

Nick looked stunned that she would ask that. "Do?"

"Yes, you have to focus on what you want to have happen for magic to work."

Nick looked deflated. "I thought it just happened."

Neither of them noticed the dozen brightly colored butterflies that had appeared behind Octavia and sadly the gentle wind blew them toward the industrial section of Ankh-Morpork where they all slowly died of COPD.

Octavia leaned against Nick and rested her cheek on his powerful shoulder. "You're incorrigible," she sighed happily. Nick was positive that he was not magical but he's more observant than a university full of Wizards. He tenderly put an arm around Octavia and the couple sat on the roof enjoying the bright gray skies, the sooty ravens cawing and coughing, and the warmth of the rarely seen sun.

They sat silently for a long time enjoying the closeness of each other when they were interrupted by the appearance of an hourglass. It flashed into existence over Octavia's small stack of books and when it appeared a musical chime could be heard. "Ding!" Octavia reluctantly sat up and sighed. "That's my timer," she groaned, "I have to get to my next class." With a wave of her hand the hourglass disappeared, and she gathered up her books. She pulled her false beard up into place, pulled her arms inside her robes and tightened her chest bindings, then she leaned over and gave Nick a kiss on the cheek. "Gotta go, same time tomorrow?"

"Of course!" he grinned, then he grew serious. "Are you really a wizard?"

"No," she scoffed with a smile and the wave of her free hand. "I'm a librarian." She tapped the roof of Somnambulist Hall with her walking stick and a hatch appeared where once there were only slate shingles. She carefully made her way into the hatch and the walking stick climbed down after her, then the hatch slowly closed and disappeared.

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Graduation Day

Graduation Day for the Unseen University is a somber affair {families that scrimped and saved to put their sons through the underclassmen program at UU now realize that their child is going to get a job that pays noticeably nothing and they will never be repaid a dime of the tuition, books, and lab fees that they shelled out over the past 4 years} The graduation ceremony is held in a corner of Patrician's Park, a beautiful five acre estate in the center of Ankh-Morpork surrounded by high walls which were manned at all times by armed guards.

Inside the park is an area where the graduates, families, and faculty of the Unseen University are "guarded" {guarded meaning being kept safe in one place and not allowed to pollute the rest of Patrician's Park with their presence} The area where the ceremony is held is a flat, dusty corner where an "accidental" spill of highly toxic herbicide killed all plant and animal life and exposure to that corner for any longer than 35 minutes is considered suicide. The Graduation ceremony is scheduled for 34 minutes. Heavily armed and armoured mercenaries ring the ceremony, their primary purpose is to remind the attendees that the name Patrician's Park denotes ownership, not largess. They also remind the attendees that they are guests and are restricted to one corner and that is only due to a centuries old contract between an ancient Patrician and the Unseen University.

As the guests entered, they first walked across the draw bridge before going through the massive portcullis. The draw bridge crossed a fetid moat where things moved under the rainbow hue oil slicked surface of a bizarre and foul liquid that once was water. Occasionally a bubble would escape through the thick, gelatinous solution and burst releasing a foul smelling dark green vapor, and on the banks of the moat were the partial carcasses of creatures that tried to claw their way out of the moat: rabbits, squirrels, sewer rats, recalcitrant taxpayers...