Enchantress 4 - Turtle Eclipse

"Why it's bloody magic, mate," grinned Bruce as he shook hands with the young policeman. "Crikey mate, these youngsters remind me of you two about one year and a few thousand miles ago," he grinned at Nick and Octavia.

"What do you mean by that?" asked Annabelle.

"In the past year, the duke and duchess have had some adventures. It put some miles on their smiles." Bruce had an infectious smile, and he was right; Nick and Octavia have had some adventures and the innocent twenty somethings were dour politicians now.

They stepped outside and piled into the waiting sleigh; then they started through Creel Springs showing Preston and Annabelle the homes of the different residents. Bruce and Sheila Dinkum have never seen snow before and were shocked at how cold it is, but both were taken by the beauty of the snow as it started to gently swirl down from the heavens. "Oh my, just like a Hogswatch card!" gasped Sheila as the rhythmic jingle from the bells around Billy's neck caused her to breakout singing "A Horse and a Sleigh" a cheery winter carol much loved by children. Soon, they were all singing.

Give me a horse and a sleigh on a cold winter day

and bells that jing-jingle as we head on our way...

Jing jingling, jing jingling, jing jingling hey!

Jing jingling, jing jingling, jingle all the way.

"Those bells are darling," said Shelia. "Just like the songs!"

As they turned off the main road onto the Lancre Town road, Nick pointed out an abandoned farmhouse and barn at the corner of the two roads. "I'd like to put the Watch barracks here," said Nick. "Then you could mount patrols on both roads."

"The barn is a little run down," said Annabelle. "I don't think Billy will like it."

Small talk continued as they snuggled under the blankets and kept warm. Nick had a flask of hard cherry cider to warm the insides and the sleigh made its way up the mountain. Thick forest came right up to the edge of the road and the road began to switch back as it climbed the mountain. "We were attacked by highwaymen there twice," said Octavia pointing at a snow covered rock. "There were a bunch of armed soldiers hiding on that curve waiting for us just last month."

"Ook."

"You're right sir, there's plenty of call for us," said Preston.

Soon they reached the peak of Breeders Peak Pass. "This is the border sergeant. To your left is Lancre Town, to the right is the Duchy of Wægn and Tallywiffle County. Lancre Town has their own watch that patrols to the peak here. I want a watch for the farmers and businessmen of the hubward side of the kingdom."

Preston and Annabelle were amazed at the area their patrol would cover. Far away, an opening in the forest appeared with a large frozen pond, cottage, two small houses and an enormous barn. It was the Duke and Duchess's farm and they hugged each other, so happy to call that distant sight their home.

"What do we do with highway men when we catch them?" asked Annabelle.

"What did you do with them at Midpoint Station?"

Annabelle and Preston looked at each other for a moment. "I don't know. We never caught anyone."

"Ooohhh, have I got someone to introduce to you," said Octavia.

They descended from Breeders Peak pass into the biggest party in the kingdom. The entirety of Lancre Town was decorated, and the people were celebrating. Several bands marched throughout the town playing one Hogswatch carol after another. Beer tents, cider tents, and wine tents were erected in several parks and dozens of hogs, deer, and calves were roasting on spits everywhere. Every pond and stream was an ice skating rink and couples skated arm in arm while teams waited for their chance to play ice hockey by lantern light.

"What fun!" exclaimed Shelia. "This makes our beach barbeque look like tea and crumpets with grand ma-ma." Heads turned as the large, gaily decorated police sleigh slid past with a second row of riders.

"Too right! If it wasn't so blasted cold!" agreed Bruce.

"I was told that these parties go on until Saint Holger's day," said Octavia. Saint Holger's day is two weeks away on the last day of the month of Ick.

Finally, Nick directed Preston to head up to the castle on the hill overlooking town. "There's going to be two lines heading up to the castle. Stay to the right and go through the portcullis." Preston followed his direction and soon they found themselves at the entrance marked "Nobility & Guests Only."

"Bloody hell, mate!" laughed Bruce. "You're bleedin' peerage?"

"Kind of, only Marlon is. I'm just holding the title for him."

Young men in festive uniforms greeted the sleighs and carriages, helping riders out of their seats, and hostlers took the teams and sleighs back to the stables. "Good evening Captain Ogg!" said Octavia as Sean Ogg, the head of palace security, stepped forward to help her and Marlon out of the sleigh.

"Good evening your grace, how is the young duke this evening?"

"He's marvelous. Thank you for asking. This is Preston and Annabelle Prescott. They will be manning the new Highway Watch station in Creel Springs."

"Good luck!" said Sean with a smile. Sean is a kind soul unless you appear to be a threat to the royal family.

"How's your mom, Sean?" asked Nick.

"She's actually considerin' to act her age, if you can believe it, yer grace." Sean's mom, Gytha, known to everyone as Nanny, is probably the most senior witch on the disk. She's a spry soul stuck in a 90-year-old body, but she doesn't let that slow her down.

Nick led the group into the castle, and they checked their coats and hats. The two policemen looked resplendent in their dress uniforms, but Nick and Octavia looked incredible. The Lancre Medal of Honor, held by a golden ribbon at their throats, required a salute from soldiers and nobility. The soldiers were quite dutiful with the salutes, but a salute from a noble was rare. Nick carried a curious Marlon cradled in his left arm so that Octavia could have a free hand to shake hands and return salutes. Her left hand was filled with her wizard's staff, a six foot tall length of sapient pearwood named Virga, atop of which rested the Eye of Knute, a softball sized gem that looked like a piercing eyeball. The white of the eye was ivory, the pupil was lapis lazuli, and the iris was a jet black diamond. Like the two young policemen, her staff searched the crowd for threats.

There was no doubt that this was the event of the year. The palace was filled with royalty from all over the Ramtop mountains. Several mountain kingdoms sent envoys and representatives and the Duke of Wægn was looking for the expected representative from Ankh-Morpork.

The palace was festooned with decorations to celebrate the season. After tonight, the palace will be swamped with tourists who come to see the beautiful decorations. The beautiful decor made it difficult for Annabelle and Preston to keep their eyes on the crowd looking for potential hazards. A string octet played beautiful seasonal adagios at the center of the great hall and couples danced close together to the music. Nick, Octavia, and the Librarian, along with their police escort, moved among the revelers.

A popular romantic waltz started up, and Nick, Octavia, and Marlon started dancing. Bruce and Shelia stepped out on the floor and joined the dance. "Sir, we can't..." Sergeant Prescott protested, but Nick said, "Sergeant, we're going to dance all night until you and your wife dance with us... it's your wedding night!" With a chuckle, Annabelle and Preston began to dance too. It was magic for all three couples, twirling around the floor with the orchestra playing holiday themed waltzes. The decorations made the morbid old castle look positively joyful.

"Ah, the young duke!" cried a slightly drunken voice after the dance was over. "You make quite the nattily dressed nanny. And the police! Are you under arrest?"

"Preston, Annabelle, this Lord Slipspring. He's the Viscount of Stormchester and head of national security. No, he's not your boss. If anyone in this building other than the king is your boss, it is me. Lord Slipspring, may I introduce Lieutenant Preston Prescott and Sergeant Annabelle Prescott, they are the nucleus of the Lancre Highway Watch. My people are tired of being robbed, and these two and their friends are going to help us with that."

The drunken Count laughed and patted Nick on the shoulder. "I thought they stopped being robbed when you took over the duchy, lad."

"Lord Slipspring, less than two months ago, we delivered two prisoners who attacked us on the Lancre Town road. I'd like to know..."

"Bullies, ruffians. They will do their time."

"They were armed soldiers that attacked in force!"

In a drunken whisper, Lord Slipspring said, "It's very dangerous to be an honest man these days. Keep your eyes open and a hand on your coin purse." With that, Lord Slipspring staggered off into the crowd.

"I don't trust him," muttered Annabelle as she sniffed the air with her tiny but accurate nose. "He looked drunk, he sounded drunk, but he smells of tea."

"Take no notice of him, m'boy," said an amiable Lord Harcourt, the Earl of Mallburg and exchequer of the kingdom. "He sees thieves and enemy forces behind every rock. We're living in the most peaceful period this kingdom has ever had!"

"I hope to keep it that way," said Nick, trying not to mention that he and Octavia have been attacked over six times in the past year. "I see a guest I've been wanting to speak to," said Nick as an excuse to move away from his fellow lord.

"Duke Worblehat-Stein! And Duchess! And Professor Horace Worblehat! So good to see you!" cried Lady Sybil Deirdre Olgivanna Vimes.

"Ook."

"You are looking marvelous yourself," said the Duchess of Ankh. "But I must see your grandson! Oh, how precious!" She immediately washed over Nick and Marlon like an overjoyed tsunami. She was a hurricane of taffeta, a tornado of genteel manners, and a powerhouse of optimism. Huge, solid, and cheerful, Sybil Vimes was born the richest woman in Ankh-Morpork and in her wisdom she married the most dower, pessimistic little man on the disc, Samuel Vimes, commander of the city Night Watch. Like Nick, he was born a gutter rat, living on the street in the most wicked part of the city. He learned to think and live like a criminal, which made him such an effective cop. One would think that he would get lost in the wake of his overpowering wife, but the Duke of Ankh was a power unto himself. They were the perfect couple.

"C'm here, kid," Vimes growled at Preston and Annabelle. "Are you Nick and Octavia's guard?"

"Yes, sir," they said in unison.

"That's not just a pretty uniform? You're real cops?"

"Yes, sir."

"You're looking all wrong. Don't worry about these stuffed wigs. They don't have the guts to dirty their hands with wet work. It's the hired hands to watch for, the waiters, the guards, the faceless individuals, the ones that can be bought. You need to have a nose for danger..."

"I do," interrupted Annabelle. That stopped Vimes cold. A petite cutie like Annabelle should be selling cookies in a high end bakery, not playing police girl.

"I see you found our newlyweds," said Octavia as she entered the conversation. Although she adores showing off her Marlon, this little bit of freedom from him, the very first since his birth, was refreshing. Let dad and grandpa show off the baby; Octavia wants a martini!

"Lady Worblehat-Stein, it is good to see you. How was your last trip to Agatea?"

"Lord Vimes!" said Octavia cheerfully. "It was delightful! We got to see the city of Hunghung, we met with some locals in a darling village called Nit Noi, and I got to give birth in the middle of a bamboo forest."

"You kids have all the fun. I was just talking to your security team."

"Don't put my little sister down," said Octavia, putting her hands on tiny Annabelle's shoulders. "She's werewolfish and truly has a nose for trouble. Her husband appears to be a true cop. Nick wants to build a force around them to patrol the highways in our little duchy. What do you think?"

Sam gave the two watchmen a piercing stare, "What happened with Nick on the widdershins end of the Main Road?" Sam has only heard rumors, but these two didn't need to know that. Acting like he memorized every word of their report, he glared at them.

Preston started by saying, "Sir, the investigation is ongoing so I cannot..."

"Good answer, for the king," interrupted Sam. "I'm not the king, I'm a cop. What did you see?"

"Three assailants," started Annabelle. "They were nervous. I smelled their fear on everything they touched, even through their gloves. They dropped the tree on the road at the last moment to ensure that all persons in the sleigh were confused and they didn't get the wrong sleigh. They shot the duke in the right shoulder, the shoulder away from the duchess. I believe they were purposely trying to kill Nick but were avoiding Octavia."

"Why do you think that?"

"The arrow was poisoned, but not enough poison to kill with a grazing hit. Then we found a length of octiron chain," said Preston. "We believe they were going to throw the chain on Octavia and run off with the baby while she was incapacitated."

"With the baby in their possession, they could have forced Octavia to do anything," said Anabelle.

"What was their biggest mistake?" asked Sam.

"In my opinion, they didn't put enough poison on the arrow," said Annabelle. "If they put just a little more on it, he would have been sicker, distracting the duchess and the librarian. But, if they put too much on it and killed him right away, they would have ignited the wrath of the duchess."

Sam looked Annabelle and Preston up and down with a frown, then turned to Octavia. "I'll send you two patrolmen, a detective, and someone who can start recruiting and training cops. Maybe more, I'll see what Carrot can afford. You might have to wait for after the weather to break, but we will get you up and running before spring."

"Thank you, your grace," said Octavia and she graced Sam with her thousand-watt smile. She knew Annabelle and Preston were good cops the minute she met them, and Nick's dream of a safer Wægn was becoming a reality.

Soon, the guests were called to their tables. Nick and Marlon led his family, guests and bodyguards to the table which was next to the king's table and the decorations were a festive dream. Both Octavia and Sheila gasped at the beauty of the setting, the crystal! The silver! The holiday inspired China! Even the napkins were a holiday dream, embroidered with holly and evergreen. It was a Hogswatch dream come true. "The king!" gasped Shelia. "We're sitting next to the king!"

With a smile, King Verance led Queen Magrat to Nick's table, and all started to rise but the King said, "Sit, please, we come to welcome our guests." He turned to Shelia and bowed and said, "What a delightful accent! Where do you join us from?" and he gently took her hand.

Shelia looked the king in the eye, opened her mouth, and nothing came out. As he shook hands with the queen, Bruce laughed and cried, "Bloody gob smacked! Twenty years of wedded bliss and this is the first time I've seen me mate shut down. We come from Four Ecks, or as we call it Ecksas. Pleased ta meecha Miss Queen. 'm name is Bruce."

"Ah they call it 'The Land Way Over' do they not?" asked Magrat.

"Sure they do. If I may ask, yer highnessness, how did ye get the name Magrat?" asked Bruce.

"Oh, when I was born and my mother filled out the birth certificate and misspelled Margaret."

Bruce laughed loud and long, eventually shaking hands with the king. However, Shelia remained silent until the royal couple returned to their seats. "The king! I shook hands with the king! HE kissed me cheek!" The whole table broke up laughing, then she said to her husband, "Give me your napkin." He handed it to her, and she stuffed it in her purse.

"Why did you take my napkin?"

"I don't want them to think that I took it," said Shelia. Nick signaled the waiter and got Bruce another napkin. All were still chuckling over Shelia's reaction.

The King rose and gave his standard Hogswatch day address and, after a chant from the local druid temple monks, the lucky diners tucked in for a pork feast. They started with marinated leeks in a bacon and mustard vinaigrette, fava bean soup with spinach and ham, pork chops in a tangy yellow sauce, lard fried potato fritters, Quirmian pork sausage with mushroom gravy, pork rissoles with ham and peach chutney, Lancre oysters {only for the brave} and for dessert, lard pie. {Round worlders: think of a pie made of Oreo centers} As usual there was breast of quail and whole pheasant stuffed with apple for those keeping kosher.

Being served first, Nick and Octavia's table finished first and they could sip coffee as the King stood to start his annual Hogswatch speech. Being the first day of the year, Hogswatch is highly important. It sets the tone for the rest of the year. Nick and Octavia weren't paying attention, they were chatting with Bruce and Sheila and making jokes about the more senior court members. They almost missed it when the king said, "Now I would like to introduce you to our newest court members, our new Lord of Health and Safety, Sir Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Worblehat-Stein and the new Court Wizard, the Damme Octavia Worblehat-Stein, the Duke and Duchess of Wægn."

Nick and Octavia stood up and waved to the crowd, but the king gestured for them to join him on the dais, so Nick took Marlon out of Shelia's arms and up they went. Preston gestured to Annabelle, who nodded and joined Nick and Octavia at the dais. There was a bit of discussion, not much, when the king says "Give us five minutes" you give him five minutes. Nick stood up to the lectern and said, "Hi, I'm Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Worblehat Stein, and this is my wife Octavia, our son Marlon, and our daughter Annabelle. I am a witch, she is a wizard, Marlon is a baby and when she grows up, Annabelle wants to be a detective. For those of you that don't know us," Nick put his arm around Octavia, more for support than affection, he was shaking so badly he thought his medals would fall off, "we are the Duke and Duchess of Wægn, governors of Tallywiffle county, protectors of Bear Mountain, and emperor and empress of the Agatean Empire."

That got such a laugh that he relaxed some. "You're doing marvelous," said Octavia and she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"When Octavia and I first met she was a magical student, and I was hired to steal bricks from a burned down fire brigade, which is how I got my name Nick." The crowd began laughing, which only encouraged Nick, so he continued, "That is the truth. I'm not raised from royalty, neither of us are. Our police guard has more royal blood than we do. A year ago, we fell in love with each other, then we fell in love with Lancre. We were looking for a witch named Nanny Partridge and somehow we ended up with her cottage and her practice. I am the only male witch in existence and my darling wife is the only female wizard in existence, which makes us rare, and it makes you wonderful for knowing us."

Nick noticed that Preston was moving away from the table and Annabelle was pointing at something. Before Nick could say another word, Octavia stepped away from him and threw up her arms and a protective ward appeared around them. Nick saw a few sparkles in front of him, like he was looking at a window. "When the king convinced me..." he started, Annabelle tried to shove in front of him and he heard a "TINK!" and a foot in front of him, a small, pointed metal shaft was motionless in midair, pointing straight at his heart.

Nick leaned over and considered the tiny shaft. He reached out to touch it, but before he could recognize it as a poison dart Octavia yelled "Mien ära!" (go away) and he, Marlon, and Annabelle disappeared. The ward she threw up crackled with energy and she glared at the dart. Was it poison? There's one sure way to tell... "Tagasta Saatjale!" every wizard in the room knew that little spell which means "Return to Sender." The little dart rocketed back to where it came from and, shocked, Octavia saw someone she knew slump to the floor. She turned to the King and Queen and raised her hands shouting "Mien voodisse!" (Go to bed) and the king and queen disappeared only to reappear in their chambers.