Enchantress 2 - Warrior Duchess

"WHO WISHES TO HAVE WORDS WITH THE WITCH?

A red faced, red haired walking mountain with a beard and a kilt stepped up to Nick, and even though the redhead was standing on the lawn and Nick was two steps up on the porch and the man mountain still stood taller than Nick and with a deep accent he growled "I DO."

Nick stood firm thinking of all the animals he could convert to, all of which could overpower this huge man, but if he was angry or scared Nick didn't know if he could control himself when the animal takes over. He couldn't run, he had to protect Octavia so he had to stand firm. Let's try diplomacy. "SPEAK YOUR PEACE, WE ARE ALL CREEL SPRINGS MEN HERE!" Loud diplomacy, but it's diplomacy.

"I AM FEENEY MACTAVISH AND DESDEMONA BORSEN IS MY DAUGHTER... AND THIS WITCH SAVED MY GRANDDAUGHTER'S LIFE!" He scooped Nick off the porch and swung him around laughing joyfully. "ANYONE WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH THIS WITCH MUST ANSWER TO ME!" and the crowd cheered and roared with laughter.

"Let him down Feeney," laughed someone from the crowd, "He's turning blue!" It was now clear to Octavia and Nick that Nanny Ogg had made sure that everyone in the Buckington Groves Township knew that he beat death by saving a tiny baby at the same time Sorcha and Tiernan Brighid asked everyone to come and help the newlyweds.

"WE BROUGHT YOUR PAYMENT FOR M'GIRLS," boomed Feeney and he gestured to the pond and on the far side Nick saw five white balls of fur thoughtfully munching on the rich green grass.

"I was only told two," said Nick in a small voice.

"WE GRANDPARENTS THREW IN TWO MORE EWES AND A RAM T' KEEP YOUR FLOCK ALIVE AND GROWING!"

"Let's get to work!" cried Tiernan Brighid and the second craziest day of Nick's life began. The men of Creel Springs led Nick up the mountain and taught him the skills needed to survive a Bear Mountain winter, he learned to harvest wood, harvest ice, harvest deer, and skin rabbits. They started with a lesson on how to select trees for lumber or firewood, how to fell the tree, buck it and split it. In less time than Nick thought was possible the ten men converted a dying but majestic Ash tree to several stacks of firewood, slowly drying and aging in the discworld sunlight. Nick dropped the tree with the two-man bandsaw {his partner made sure that Nick did the majority of the work} then bucking the tree which consisted of slicing the tree into eighteen inch segments, then splitting those segments into pieces that will burn properly in their fireplace or stove. As Nick sliced the tree with the bandsaw, teams of men took those pieces and split them into firewood faster than Nick could buck the trunk of the tree. The sounds of saw slicing wood and sledge striking wedge filled the forest.

"Now see you have sunlight breaking through the forest canopy with that tree gone, a place for deer to graze and these saplings can grow," said Ian McLeish. His wife Aelwen was overdue and they're both hugely reassured at the skills of their new witch after he saved the Borsen twins.

Another man spelled Nick on the bandsaw and as Nick stood bent over, gasping and gulping air, one of the guys saw an opportunity to tease his favorite witch. "TAKING A BREAK ALREADY MY LITTLE FRIEND?" boomed Feeney MacTavish. "WE'VE CHOPPED THIS TREE INTO STACKS OF FIREWOOD AND ALL YOU'VE PRODUCED IS SAWDUST!"

Dripping with sweat, Nick stood straight up and stepped up to Feeney and said, "Don't make me show you why we call this Bear Mountain."

"OH? ARE YE GONNA CONJURE UP A BEAR?" The gauntlet was thrown down...

Attracted by the sounds of men laughing, Octavia walked up to the site where wood used to be chopped and found Feeney MacTavish wrestling a black bear surrounded by a crowd of laughing men. "Feeney!" she shouted and both combatants rolled apart to look up at the sexy Enchantress. "Don't hurt him, I have plans for him later." And with a saucy wink and a sexy smile she turned and headed back to the cottage.

The bear with a golden eye and Feeney looked at each other, then with a cheery "Oh ho ho!" from the crowd of men, the wrestling match was back on. Now the men of Creel Springs knew that their witch was a shape shifter and it didn't mean much to them, because he's one of the guys now.

Back at the cottage Octavia found that Gaspode was back out at their tiny flock of sheep, keeping them in a tight group, the sheep weren't scared of him, just annoyed. Gaspode and Octavia spent the morning under the tutelage of Linda MacTavish, Feeney's wife, learning the ways of sheep wrangling. Gaspode initially stated that this was demeaning and beneath him, but when he discovered that the reward for obeying Octavia's "suggestions" was bits of raw venison, Gaspode discovered an inner sheepdog that appeared the moment that Gaspode discovered how much fun it was to bend these stupid walking puffballs to his will.

"We won't have to do this too much," Octavia whispered to Gaspode who was trying to get the sheep to stand in a line. As soon as they were done with their lesson, she drew an octarine fence around the sheep keeping them safe in one area then returned to the cottage where baskets of several fruits and vegetables and a case of glass jars were waiting for her.

"We're going to learn the art of canning!" announced Erin Metsker, wife of the blacksmith Trei Metsker. "Pay attention, you're going to need to teach your husband, this skill is more important than cutting firwood."

"Why is that?" asked Octavia who was terrified of the stories she's heard about Bear Mountain winters.

"Because you can't eat firewood. First, we sterilize the jars but we save that hot water." Octavia nodded in agreement, with a wood burning stove, hot water is a precious commodity. While the children played outside and other women prepared their lessons Octavia and Erin blanched, skinned, cut, and pitted a dozen peaches. As they did this there came a loud squawk from the other side of the room, Aelwen McLeish was sitting in Nana Partridge's chair and her water broke.

"Get the witch!" called someone and one of the oldest girls playing outside raced uphill into the woods and soon came back with Nick and the terrified looking father, Ian.

For her part Octavia stayed at the sink working on the fruit but she could hear Nick talking to Ian and Aelwen, calming and reassuring them, followed by a shriek of agony and surprise from Aelwen. "Sounds like everything is normal," said Erin as she helped Octavia pack the jar with peach halves, but Octavia kept looking over her shoulder at Nick. "There's no difference between any other time you've seen this except the husband is there to help and the midwife is a man."

"I've never seen it. I always wondered how it happened," said Octavia softly.

"What?" gasped Erin, "You've never seen a birth?" The thought was inconceivable to Erin, childbirth is a family event and watching a new brother or sister or cousin come into the world was common for all preteen girls.

"No, I was raised in foster homes, they're always done having children or can't have them."

"Then go! Go watch the miracle!"

Octavia washed the peach juice from her hands and dashed over to where Nick was helping Ian and Aelwen welcome their child into the world. Her jaw dropped as the baby's head began to emerge. "It has daddy's hair!" called Nick happily. It was still a new miracle to him, most of the women in the cottage have been through this in one form or another many more times than he has, so he had to keep foremost in his mind that this is Aelwen and Ian's first child, they're expecting him to have all the answers for them.

"What should I do?" asked Ian, his voice was on the verge of panic.

"You sit at her waist and encourage her, if I need her to do something I'll tell you what it is and you encourage her, you'll pick up on it quickly."

Octavia was stunned, she was both terrified of and enamored with the miracle of birth. "Can I do anything?" she asked Nick.

"Yes, you sit with me and hold that towel up, yes like that."

"What's this for?"

Nick smiled and gave his wife a kiss. "Trying to preserve her modesty. This is her first and she's in a house full of people."

"Thank you," groaned Aelwen who had been considering the same thing between contractions.

"In a few minutes we're going to have a baby," said Nick to Octavia. "When it comes out and it sings for us, we'll give it a name, I'll cut it free, then after mommy says hello, you and daddy take youngster over to the sink and clean it up while I take care of mommy."

Soon poor Aelwen was exhausted, she hadn't slept for days worrying about this exact moment and it's taken a toll on her. "I can't do it," she said as she slumped back on the pillow. "I'm all done in."

"That's a shame, everybody is here for the party," said Nick with a sad look on the face. "Should we go home and start over again tomorrow?"

"Octavia was right," panted Aelwen as another big contraction came rolling in, "you truly are a fucking son of AAAAHHHH!!!"

"This is the one!" Nick encouraged, "Pushpushpushpush..."

And Octavia saw it, the moment a new child came into the world, her eyes were wide and full of tears as Nick put that tiny miracle in her hands and began to tie off the umbilical cord. The baby was shuddering and squalling and Nicks words seemed to come from far away when he happily cried, "What is the name for this beautiful boy Ian?"

Octavia almost cried out "Marlon!" the name she desired for her own boy when he finally arrives, but the new father, overwhelmed with awe sputtered for a moment then said, "Ceiriog! His name is Ceiriog..." and reluctantly Octavia handed Ceiriog to his parents.

A few hours later as the meal was ready and people gathered to eat and celebrate the new baby and the new witch and wizard on Bear Mountain, a still dazzled Octavia looked through the crowd and said, "Where's my husband?"

"Queen Magrat has taken him up the mountain to look for herbs and Medicinals," said a palace guard wearing old armor.

"Does he know she's the queen? He hasn't met her properly yet."

"I don't think so mum, Missus MacTavish scolded him into going up there with her majesty when he said that he didn't have time to pick posies.

"Oh no," groaned Octavia. She had taken a break from canning lessons and spinning lessons and stepped outside to watch the activity. The side of elk that had been turning over a fire was deemed to be ready by the head cook Merle Rorie, a neighboring farmer, and people were getting ready to eat but they would not start without the Queen.

Stepping out of the forest behind the cottage came Nick and Queen Magrat. Her Majesty was dressed in a flowing ankle length flower pattern dress that any one of the farmers or merchant wives here in Creel Springs would wear on a spring Sunday, but for Queen Magrat it was something she would wear all year round. Nick was carrying a basket full of plants that had promised medicinal properties and he and the Queen were discussing a notation he made in the notebook he carried.

The entire assembly went silent and knelt as the Queen approached, but Nick missed that, he was reading his notebook when Magrat said, "Good people of Creel Springs, thank you for welcoming me to your feast, as Prince Exavier tells me several times a day, let's eat!" Prince Exavier is her seven year old son. When she said "Let's eat" the people rose and cheered their queen and stepped aside to allow her and her guards first choice at their buffet.

"How are you doing Mister Witch?" said Octavia with a smile as she stepped in front of Nick. He was so engrossed in herbology and his notes that he almost bumped into her.

"Hmm? Oh, this was fascinating, and Mrs. Queen invited us to her house on Friday."

"Missus Queen?" said Octavia chuckling, when Nick is lost in study, he gets seriously lost. "It's not Missus Queen, it's THE Queen and it's not her house, it's the Palace."

"THE Queen?" Nick suddenly felt cold. "Palace?" he said in a tiny voice.

"Let's go apologize..." sighed Octavia and she dragged Nick over to where Queen Magrat was seated with her children Prince Exavier and Crown Princess Esmerelda Margaret Check Spelling.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Harold Lorechestershire {Oddly enough his name was pronounced exactly the way it was spelled and he had no idea why. It should be pronounced Loostersher} was the Steward, Chamberlain, Marshal, and head butler of Lancre Castle. It was his job to ensure that the royal proprieties were not overlooked at any time. Today was a big event, the presentation to the King and Queen, which was simply a royal acknowledgment of a marriage arrangement, and it is as close to a wedding ceremony as many of these poor farm village people get. It was also the royal reception of the new village Witch and the appointment of a new Wizard to the royal court. There was more but poor Harold was so overwhelmed that for the first time since the royal wedding two decades ago, he requested help with the arrangements. Crown Princess Esmerelda Margaret Check Spelling gladly stepped in to help "Uncle Harold," she's met Nick and Octavia and thought they were brilliant, but a bit much for Harold to handle on his own.

Finally, all was ready, the throne room was packed with visitors from all over the disc, representatives from the Agatean Empire, Four Ecks, Quirm, Klatch, Djelibaybie, Howandaland, and even the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, Lord Havelock Vetinari himself was there although it is said that the Agatean empire and Ankh-Morpork were actively trying to get Nick and Octavia to move to their countries and go on a worldwide tour promoting the joys of despotism.

Nick and Octavia were in a side room where Princess Esme and the Librarian were helping Nick and Octavia get ready for the ceremony. Both were dressed up in centuries old robes and the finery of Lancre's gloried past and both were as fussy as school children being forced to wear the ancient, heavy, uncomfortable clothes that reeked of mothballs. Princess Esme seemed infatuated with Nicks golden eye. "You can really see with it?"

"I can see great," said Nick, "as good or better than before. This eye has a lot of options."

"I'm afraid it will freak out mother, changing from the largest bird on the disk to a human was one thing, but this..." Both Queen Magrat and Princess Esme were there when Nick returned as a rok and overflew the pond then changed back to his human form and slid into Octavia's arms

"Here, put this on," said Octavia and she handed Nick his crockelgator hide eyepatch which he put on. It added a touch of swagger to the stuffy old robes he was wearing.

"It's a shame that you have to wear that, it will ruin your vision of the day's events," said Princess Esme as the guests of honor were called to line up.

"Oh, he can see right through that," said Octavia. Games of "Hide and Fuck" played on warm summer nights on Bear Mountain taught her that there's nowhere she can hide to escape Nick and Nick's Dick. Not that there's any reason for her to evade it...

"How can he..."

Nick whispered in her ear, "Fortune favors the bold."

Esme almost shrieked in outrage because just below her left breast was tattooed a Klatchian phrase, "Audaces Fortuna Juvat," which translates to "Fortune Favors the Bold." The crown princess sputtered and fumed as Harold Lorechestershire banged his staff three times calling the courtroom to order.

"If it please yer highness!" cried Harold the Herald, "the honorable Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Stein, witch, and his familiar, Gaspode the Wonderdog, and Virga.

Nick strode up the aisle wearing the old robes of a long dead marquis or earl, or viscount, some other notable nobleman, but he also wore a slouch hat with the dingaroo fangs in the crockelgator hide hatband and the right side of the brim pinned up with the Bear Mountain badge of Queen Magrat's elite guard. Princess Esme also added a bright red Ostridge plume from a Howandaland Red Ostridge. With his trimmed beard that has a bare spot due to his scar, he looked every bit a XXXXian bush ranger dressed up for a night on the town. To his left walked Gaspode and to his right walked the sapient pearwood walking stick Virga.

At one point as they marched up the aisle, a cat sprung out of the crowd and Gaspode almost chased it. Virga was prepared for that and was ready to chase after Gaspode, but luckily the crowd was saved the spectacle of a stick chasing a dog. Gaspode flinched but realized that there was something wrong with that cat, someone had put it up to this and he remained in step with Nick and Virga. "Thank you," whispered Nick.

"No problem."

"Esme!" whispered a witch in attendance, "leave the lad alone."

"He's not a witch Gytha," insisted Granny Weatherwax, "and I'm not going to stand for it."

"Let him be, we can go chat with the lad tomorrow," hissed Nanny Ogg. "You don't see the wizards mumbling over 'is woman stealing their thunder." {Actually, they were but The Librarian was keeping them at bay with threats of peeling them like a ripe banana if they ruin his daughter's wedding}

Again, there were three more bangs on the floor that echoed through the hall. "If it please yer highness!" cried Harold the Herald, "the enchantress Doctor Octavia Worblehat-Stein and her father Doctor Horace Worblehat, Senior Master Librarian of the Unseen University."

Octavia was dressed in her long, flowing enchantress robes, almost completely invisible to her husband, so to keep him from taking her on the floor in front of their king she bound her breasts and wore panties which caused Nick to want to take her more. Under her long robes she wore her high heeled musketeer boots and she wore her wide brimmed hat that looked a bit like Nick's slouch hat, and like Nick she wore the brim folded up on the right side, pinned in place by a Bear Mountain badge of Queen Magrat's elite guard.

"Doctor!" sneered Granny Weatherwax under her breath, "there's only one thing she can cure dressed like that." Then Granny realized that she was being given The Stare by her former student, now her queen, Magrat Verance.

"Nice one Esme," giggled Nanny Ogg, "yer gonna git us thrown outta 'ere. Oi've never been thrown out of a palace before."

"Not with your clothes on," growled Granny. She was getting angry.

Behind them the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, Lord Havelock Vetinari sensed a kindred spirit. He whispered almost soundlessly to his personal assistant, "Stuart, set up a meeting with the tall woman ahead of us." Stuart nodded and silently wrote the order in his notebook using a hand that the greatest code breakers in the Spies Guild have yet to crack. The patrician smells an opportunity thought Stuart with a grin.

Next to the witches, the Dean, now Archchancellor of Brazeneck College in Pseudopolis glared at the honored couple. Those two! How dare they! A female wizard? It's unnatural! A male witch? It's perverted! Sparks crackled at his fingertips as he prepared a fireball to throw. Behind him scowled Mustrum Ridcully, Archchancellor of the Unseen University in Ankh-Morpork. The Dean had been a thorn in Mustrum's side for decades and now that spherical man dare call himself an Archchancellor? Mustrum put up with his antics for far too long, one wrong move will spell the end of the dean.

Behind him flanked by an honor guard of Bush Wizards stood Bill Rincewind, Archchancellor of Bugarup University, Bugarup XXXX. Bill and his Dean of Library Sciences Bruce Dinkum were keeping an eye on the Dean and Ridcully and they realized that this could get ugly very fast. Meanwhile off to the side stood Rifty Peregrine, dwarf. Rifty had a contract he needed signed, and as soon as the king is done with Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Stein, Rifty will dash in like an out of breath fanboy and ask for an autograph and that's it, Peregrine and Aegir Mining will own Bear Mountain and mining rights throughout all of Tallywiffle County.