Enchantress 2 - Warrior Duchess

Meanwhile up front, His Majesty King Verance II was thanking Nick and Octavia for saving nine planets, one of which was their own. "Kneel please," Nick and Octavia knelt holding hands believing that this was the marriage portion of the show, that's all they wanted to do was to appear before the royal couple and have their marriage validated. As they knelt King Verance began muttering in Klatchian, a language good for mottos, but beyond that Nick barely understood Klatchian.

Then the king began asking Nick and Octavia odd questions like, "Dost thou swear to abstain from attacking unescorted noblewomen for no reason?" and "Wouldst thou refrain from assaulting members of the clergy?" As the couple attempted to refrain from laughter, Verance took a long sword and tapped Their shoulders saying, "I knight thee in the name of the Kingdom of Lancre, Arise Sir Pommeraie de la Montesquieu! Arise Dame Octavia!"

Wait - they've both been knighted? For the entire audience the whole "Saving the world" concept went right over their heads, but having a knight in the kingdom that wasn't an octogenarian and challenging wizards for the title of most meals consumed in a week was a new concept. King Verance II had established a new campaign where knighthoods were bestowed for actual acts of heroism and bravery and not on political favoritism. It had been a very long time since the kingdom had a new knight to cheer.

Havelock Vetinari didn't mind his target being knighted, saving the world gets you a knighthood, everyone knows that, and being a knight would raise their value as a propaganda tool back in Ankh-Morpork. However, what happened next threw a wrench in his plans.

"Let it be known throughout the kingdom and all lands that Pommeraie de la Montesquieu, witch of the village of Creel Springs, Buckington Groves Township, Tallywiffle County, shall now reign as Duke of Wægn, along with her grace Octavia Worblehat-Stein as Dutchess of Wægn in perpetuity, for as long as they shall live, if anyone disputes this decision speak now or forever hold your peace."

Those in attendance held their collective breaths, this was something that King Verance included in all of his appointments. The first few times he did that no one spoke because they were afraid of losing their heads, but when they finally realized that no one was going to die, they began to speak up. Normally any opposition was looked into immediately by the king. This time an old crone rose in opposition. "Yes granny," said King Verance fearing the worst.

"What will this so-called witch use his powers for in the office of Duke? Will he bewitch people into overpaying taxes?"

Nick turned and looked at Granny Weatherwax as she stood ramrod straight in a sea of worried faces. "Dukes in the past have used force of arms to force people to overpay their taxes, and you wonder if I will take a different approach to appropriate ill-gotten gains? I will use neither, taxation will be based on publicly available records. Are you afraid I will review your tax records MISS Weatherwax?"

"Witches don't pay taxes," said Granny haughtily.

"I do," said Nick causing a smattering of applause which started to grow. Nick raised his hand for quiet and said, "It's a valid worry, but I pledge to you now that any powers I use will be used to protect and defend the people and resources of the Duchy of Wægn and in the service of my King and Queen, and most importantly... my wife."

There was a smattering of chuckles and more applause and Octavia clung to his arm, how did she get so lucky to find this man?

An old man, easily decades older than Granny rose to his feet, bowed by his years, an ally of Granny Weatherwax, he was Gaffer Scund. "How would ye use these powers of yours?" demanded the old man.

Nick nodded and said, "I found the ability to look like a deer comes in handy when poachers are in our woods."

"You can do that?" demanded Gaffer Scund.

"Aye. Ask MISS Weatherwax, she's seen me. Is that not right Ma'am?" and he flipped up his eye patch to show her for just a moment his golden eye.

Granny sighed; he defeated her without a shot being fired. "I have seen him, yes." She sat down and tried to ignore Nanny Ogg's laughter.

Gaffer Scund turned his back to Nick and banged his cane into the floor and shouted, "If that be true then I say... LONG LIVE DUKE STEIN!"

Octavia has never been so proud of Nick. Not long ago he was stealing bricks in the slums of Ankh-Morpork and was too innocent to realize he was stealing them; he was following the orders of a crooked property manager. Now he's a Duke in the Kingdom of Lancre, business owner and healer. Now the crowd was chanting "Long Live Duke Stein!"

"So be it," said the King wishing all of his decisions went over so joyfully. "Octavia Worblehat, Doctor of Multi-theistic Amphibology and Senior Master Librarian, would you consent to serve as the Royal Wizard to the court of Lancre and Royal Librarian?"

"Aye my lord."

The king addressed the assembled, "if anyone disputes this decision speak now or forever hold your peace." When no one uttered a word King Verance smiled and said, "So be it, does anyone have a staff for our wizard?"

"I do," then Nick took Virga and whispered, "we haven't been friends, but we had fun."

"No, we didn't have fun, your grace, but we survived some hard events together and it was an amazing journey and we both learned much in the adventure."

"Then Virga, I ask you for one more favor, you must additionally serve our lady" said Nick and he handed the walking stick back to Octavia to act as her staff. Already Virga was covering herself with thoughtful feminine designs. The stick is going to be so mad when she discovers that Virga is the Klatchian word for "Stick."

"Finally," said King Verance as Harold stepped up holding a huge book open, "it is time we enter your marriage in the ledger of the Kingdom of Lancre, please enter with your new legal signatures." Both Nick and Octavia entered their last names exactly the same, then the king announced, "LANCRE! I PRESENT TO YOU, MR. AND MRS. WORBLEHAT-STEIN!"

After the sweetest, most tender public kiss either of them had, the Librarian threw his meter and a half long arms around Nick, and Octavia realized that her dad was almost weeping. "Ook," he said softly.

"Why? Because you have been more of a father to me than any other man," said Nick. "I want your grandchildren and their children to know how much that means to me... aakk!" Nick barely survived his father's bone crushing hug.

As the crowd gathered around the joyful couple to congratulate them, Granny Weatherwax was steaming. Can't they see that their new witch is a man??? He's going to come into the job with all kinds of crazy man ideas like steel farm implements and axe handles that absorb shock. And Octavia is just as bad, perverting her feminine sensibilities with book learning and things like echo-gnomics, joligy, and jommetry! Why would a proper woman need wizarding?

Unfortunately for Esmirelda Weatherwax, Octavia Worblehat-Stein and the other wizards think that an Enchantress is a female wizard, but she's not. She's something entirely different and if they knew what an enchantress was they would rightfully be demanding that she be tied to a stake and burned before it's too late. Only her staff Virga knows for sure what an Enchantress fully is and it passed that knowledge on to Nick but it's buried in his mind among mountains of other information that he's still processing. Not only did Virga pass on the knowledge of what Octavia is, but Virga also passed on some of that power to Nick.

For his part Havelock Vetinari was angry with King Verance II of Lancre. With one breath he bestowed a dukedom on a recently trained brick carrier and named him the witch of all of Tallywiffle County, an area equivalent to his duchy. Then he appointed the wizard to his court! The two people that Havelock wanted, the people he needed for his plans, and a king with fewer than 1,000 subjects poached them out from under his nose.

Esme Weatherwax and Havelock Vetinari watched the couple laugh and play with the children of Lancre in the palace courtyard and they made their plans...

"Sire!" panted an excited dwarf holding up a piece of parchment on a clipboard, "can I get your autograph so I can tell the rest of my clan that I met you?"

"Autograph?" up until this very moment Nick didn't realize that dwarves actually existed so this dwarf appearing out of the crowd was a bit of a shock. He looked at Octavia and she shrugged. "Ok," and Nick took the quill proffered by the excited dwarf and scribbled on the parchment. "There you go."

"Thank you, your grace." And Rifty turned to leave, happy with his bit of subterfuge, until he looked at the parchment. Nick had written, "Great to meet you, good luck in all that you do, X." He turned back to Nick who was shaking hands and said, "Your Grace, is that your signature?"

"No, that's my autograph."

"Your Grace, could I get your actual signature, so my clan knows for sure it is you?"

"Let me look..." Nick took the scroll from Rifty and it unrolled, hit the floor and started unrolling and Nick realized that the page he scribbled on was a part of a MUCH larger document. He glanced at the other pages then rolled up the document and tucked it into his belt. "Meet me at the bookstore in Creel Springs on Wednesday and we'll discuss this."

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Nick and Octavia spent the weekend in the Lancre palace spending time with the King and Queen and their children and the children of the staff. They discussed the king's ideas for the Duchy of Wægn and when Nick wasn't talking with the King about Wægn, Octavia was talking to him about his plans for the court wizard and the court library. Octavia was hoping that with a little planning she could put together a library with enough books to create a portal into L-Space, that would save her a lot of time commuting to the palace.

What he and Octavia were talking about was traveling through L-Space. L-Space is a intradimentional portal caused by the most powerful thing in the universe: Books.

The theory behind L-Space is simple, yet it is often overlooked by mundane users of libraries. The theory states that in enormous quantities books warp space and time around them. The principle of L-Space revolves around the universal law that 'Knowledge is Power'. Books contain knowledge, therefore:

BOOKS = KNOWLEDGE and KNOWLEDGE = POWER therefore BOOKS = POWER

Power is best described in the following equation:

POWER = (FORCE X DISTANCE ÷ TIME)

The power generated by copious quantities of magical and mundane books create portals into L-Space that can be accessed using innate powers of Librarianship that are taught by the Librarians of Time and Space to those deemed worthy across the multiverse. This means that all bookstores are infinite in extent; libraries are gateways into literary hyperspace. In other words, "a good bookshop is just a genteel blackhole that knows how to read."

When Sunday afternoon rolled around Octavia said her goodbyes. The royal family watched as Octavia led her pony from the stables, placed the bags on the horses back then whispered in her pony's ear and it knelt giving her easy access to his back. She climbed on and the horse carefully rose to his feet and with only a bridal and reins Octavia was ready to go. She was barefoot, riding bareback and her staff Virga was slung to her back diagonally. "Where is your husband?" asked Queen Magrat.

"He's here, don't worry," said Octavia from the back of her horse. The Ramtop Mountain pony is often a draft horse or a pack horse but it's also considered an excellent riding horse for women. It stands a bit shorter than the average horse, but it looks beautiful, glossy black color with a flowing bright blond mane and tail.

"Wouldn't you rather have a saddle?" asked King Verence.

"No, I learned to ride bareback and I never got used to a saddle. I just can't feel the horse properly," and with a nudge of her bare ankles the horse nickered and stepped out. As they exited the castle the horse looked at Princess Esme and she noticed that the horse's left eye was made of gold.

"Goodbye your grace," sighed the princess, and the beautiful horse nickered in response and he carried Octavia home. As she watched with her parents, brothers, and guards, Crown Princess Esme sighed, "when I get older, I don't want a husband, I want a horse just like that one."

It was a beautiful day for the 15 mile journey from Lancre Town to Creel Springs. The sun was warm and the air was refreshing. As they traveled Nick discovered that the horse he was wearing was half asleep as they walked, it was looking for rocks and holes to avoid as it walked, but little else, he was effectively sleepwalking. Nick never really liked horses and now he knows why he mistrusts them so much, unless they're running they're not truly paying attention. Content with letting Nick drive, Octavia was spending her time inspecting Virga and admiring her new carvings.

"I love this one," said Octavia, "what is it?"

"'at's a fertility symbol from Zambingo," said a voice from behind a large rock on the side of the road.

"Damn it Carl, could you be quiet?" whispered another voice harshly.

"It's quite beautiful," said the first voice, Carl, defensively. "Obviously Zambingan."

"Oi never should have brought you along," complained the second voice as two robbers stepped out from behind the rock. "All right, give us your gold and jewelry."

Octavia didn't look concerned. "I don't have anything like that. I'm just trying to get home."

"What are we going to do now Alfie?" asked Carl, the first voice Octavia heard.

"Most robbers take anything of value," said Gaspode.

"We're robbers, we take everything of value," said Alfie.

"Like what?" said Carl.

The two robbers looked at each other confused until the horse said, "That horse is valuable."

"That 'orse is valuable," said Alfie.

The horse gloomily looked at Gaspode who said, "Get used to it, It happens every time."

"OK lady, off the 'orse," demanded Alfie.

As Octavia slid down off the horse she said, "The Duke of Wægn does not look on horse thieves kindly."

"Har, har, har!" laughed Alfie. "It's a shame he's not here, ain't it Carl.

"Duh, dat's right Alfie."

The bandits tied up Octavia and left her sitting beside the road leaning against the rock then, still laughing about the Duke, they led the horse behind the rock where for some reason they found themselves leading a naked man. Octavia heard Alfie shout "Oi! Where the 'ell is our 'orse?" then she heard the distinct sound of two coconuts hitting together, followed by the sounds of bodies being dragged out from behind the rock.

"Are you OK?" asked Nick as he untied his wife. He checked her over making sure her flawless skin was free of blemish or cut from her handling by the two highwaymen.

"Aww, they're not bad, they're just stupid," said Octavia as she hugged Nick. "What are you going to do with them?" as she watched Nick tie them up.

"I think I'm going to hire them."

"What?"

"We have a couple of positions opening in the Duchy of Wægn that would require their unique skillset, I just hope they're smarter than a rock." Nick took a piece of parchment and penned a note to the patrol team that was following them by about an hour.

"What skillset is that?" asked Octavia as she wiped the bridal free of dirt.

"It takes a thief to catch a thief," and there was a flash of octarine light and once again Octavia had a horse to ride.

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They were only gone for four days but it felt like months to Octavia as they returned to their cottage. Dutchess Octavia Worblehat-Stein! She had always dreamed of becoming a baroness or a viscountess but now she's royalty! A duchess! She wanted to dance; she wanted to sing! She wanted to know what to make for dinner... She was so engrossed with being home that she completely lost track of the time, and she also lost track of the time it would take to prepare dinner. She opened one of Nana Partridges cookbooks and saw something called Pot Roast and decided to give that a try.

She went down to the cold cellar and grabbed the ingredients she needed, then returning to the kitchen she placed a piece of beef in a large iron pot then took several vegetables and placed them on the cutting board. She turned the beef over in the iron pot {it was browned perfectly on one side so far} then turning back to the cutting board she found that the vegetables were peeled and sliced perfectly, cut into equal size pieces, potatoes, carrots, parsnips, and onions. She poured them in the iron pot, added salt and a few other spices, a bit of water and covered the pot.

"Ok, I hauled a couple more sledges full of wood down to the cottage," said Nick. Cutting firewood is a lot of work, but the hard part of cutting firewood is getting it down to the cottage from where it was stacked up in the woods. He found a sledge in the tool shed and was able to drag several armloads of wood down the hill at a time on the sledge. The dry pine needles made the sliding easier but it was still quite a task loading the sledge, dragging it down the hill, stacking the wood behind the cottage, then pulling the sledge back up the hill for more. He was drenched with sweat and smelled like a very hardworking man... one who is going to get a workout tonight too. "What's for dinner?"

"Pot roast," she said as she swept the peelings into her raised apron. "Let me feed the rabbits. You go wash up and we can eat."

Nick cracked the lid of the iron pot and sniffed and it smelled delicious! Hot and bubbly, the beef was falling off the bone tender, the gravy thick and delicious. How did she get it so perfect? They've only been home a couple of hours. He headed to the shower when he noticed, the stove was cold, and the fireplace hearth was cold too. How did she cook it?

They ate dinner at the small table on the front porch and watched the sun set, somewhere beyond the woods, probably down at the watermill, a jongleur, an itinerant minstrel played a lute to add music to their meal. Their dinner was illuminated by the slightly green glow of a tiny fairy that rested in a canning jar. The fairy hooked her elbows on the rim of the jar taking short break as Nick and Octavia finished their dinner.

"Honey? How did you prepare dinner so fast?"

"I..." Octavia paused... how did she do it so fast? She held a finger up to Nick, hopefully indicating that she was thinking and finally said, "I'm not quite sure."

"You don't know?" Her answer was not what Nick expected.

"I know that I did do it, I just don't know how I did it."

"I don't understand," said Nick.

"I knew what I wanted to make, I knew how to make it, but it kind of made itself from there." Her brow furrowed and she said, "I used magic but I didn't use any magic I'm familiar with."

"Wishcraft?" Nick asked.

"No, that's triggering magic unconsciously, I was fully conscious of what I was doing."

"Kitchen magic?"

"There's no such thing," said Octavia. "Believe me, otherwise a dorm full of hungry underclassmen at ////// wouldn't be sneaking fruit out of the dining hall for later snacking." No matter how hard she tried, she still couldn't say the name of the school she attended, the source of her primary education was protected by a very strong spell that prevented graduates of the school from revealing the name of the school to anyone who wasn't a student or graduate.