Enchantress 6 - The Reluctant King

Back and forth the Lancre Town road wove across the hubward face of Breeders Peak. What looked like tiny toys scattered on a brown and green carpet soon became farms, homes, barns and houses as they got closer and closer to the base of the hill. Finally, they found themselves in a cute little village, at the intersection of Breeders Peak Road and Main Street a pub sat on their right, the Highway Watch buildings to their left, a water mill preparing for apple season across the street and next to that a large farmhouse and next to that a hardware store, on the other side of the mill is a small general store named The Emporium.

They paused at the intersection, waiting for a slow mule wagon hauling apples to the mill to clear the intersection, and word was passed back from the king to the members of his court following to wait in the pub while the king visits with the duke. Relieved, the six Lords piled out of Lord Baltimore's carriage and stepped into the Bare Bear Pub. The sign over the door showed an embarrassed looking bear peering from behind a bush and was named for the mountain the pub was facing.

They found a right proper pub that was built by the village blacksmith Trei Metsker {with silent investment by the duke} for The Boys to meet when it was too cold to watch the blacksmith in action. There were two dart boards and a game of Devil Among the Tailors, an indoor version of skittles, but for people, there was one old timer in the corner nursing a beer and reading a week-old copy of the Ankh-Morepork Times. They say that a pub is the heart of the village, today the heart was barely beating. "What do you have to cure a travelers parched throat?" Lord Baltimore asked the barmaid.

"Pilsner, lager, ale, and stout, all are Lancre brews," said the barmaid tapping the pump handles. She was a wee bit stout herself, one of Octavia's best friends Ena McCrory. She tapped a fifth tap handle. "This is Überwald gold, it's a bit pricy but very popular. As for wine we have red and white, nothing fancy, all were pressed here in the Ramtops. Later in the season we'll have cider and scumble." The six lords looked around the pub in amazement, they hadn't been to a proper pub since they were in their youth and were on the prowl before their fathers tied them down in the family business. "What'll ye have, lads?"

"I haven't had an 'arf an' 'arf in a dog's age, I think I'll try one."

"Right you are," said Ena as she drew half a pint of lager and topped it with half a pint of stout. The lords, having found that the pub was well stocked, set to the task of correcting that situation.

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The king and queen of Lancre rode up to the front of Nick and Octavia's cottage and climbed onto the porch sadly missing the usual warm welcome from at least Hollie. The king politely knocked on the door. The door swung open, and the royal couple found themselves looking down at the face of identical looking twins. "Is your mother in?" asked Queen Magrat.

"She's sick," said one twin. She or he could barely be 2 years old.

"Bye bye," said the other twin and he or she pushed the door closed on them. Verence and Magrat heard voices inside and the door opened again, and Nick's mother Catrin opened the door with a deep bow.

"Our apologies yer majesty, the twins didn't realize... the duchess is sleeping..." and Catrin ran out of words. She and Jutta have been in almost constant contact with the King and Queen of Lancre for four years and they are both still star struck when they talk to the royal couple.

"Relax Catrin, please?" chuckled Verence. "Is the Duke available?"

"He is behind the barn, yer majesty."

The king whispered to the queen, then headed behind the cottage while Queen Magrat entered the cottage at Catrin's invitation. Behind the barn he found Nick and two farm hands shoveling a pile of cow and horse manure onto an old wagon with a mechanical device on the back. A small blond girl sat in the driver's seat and turned around to watch the shoveling while Nick's oldest son was busy hitching up his mules Teddi and Kaleb to the wagon.

"What is this project your grace?" asked the king. Verence knew painfully little about farming but becoming a farmer is his fondest dream.

"Just getting ready to spread some shit," said Nick who then looked up and saw it was the king. "Uh, getting ready to fertilize a field."

"I thought you were staying with the duchess," said King Verence.

"My mother tossed me out. She'll call me back pretty soon when it's time for someone to start cooking dinner."

"Can we talk?"

"Always, your highness."

"Walk with me." The king started walking toward the widdershins side of the property. Nick handed his shovel to Alphie who loves to watch his boss shovel, then ran to catch up with the king. They ended up under a bright autumn canopy where a beautiful stream wound through the mountain forest, a stream where trout still reigned. A large wading bird stood in the stream and waited for a young trout to mistake those long legs for tree branches. Bright red and orange leaves spiraled down from the forest top, the gurgle of the stream and the rustle of the leaves was a soothing symphony to the jangled nerves of the King.

"I always love coming here to fish and just watch the stream flow past, you taught Exavier and I to fish right here at this bend in the stream."

"It's where Mustrum Ridcully taught me to fish your highness," Nick pointed to a wooden chair under a maple tree. "That's where he used to nap."

The king's eyes filled with tears, and he wiped them away before Nick noticed. "You know that Princess Esme is no longer an heir to the throne."

"Aye sire, I knew it, but it hurts anew to hear out loud."

"The queen..." King Verence looked down into the stream and a small fish caught his interest, but it darted out of sight, and he continued. "The queen has reached that point of a woman's life where it's assured that there will be no more heirs..." he paused for a breath, Prince Exavier would be seventeen now had he lived, and the king and queen would be looking for a mate for him.

"Go on," said Nick.

The king just realized how long he had been silent. "I am going to pick an heir, one that I think will be wise enough to lead the kingdom, who will love the kingdom enough to dedicate his life to it but hate the job enough to let the people of the kingdom rule themselves."

"That sounds like the perfect ruler for Lancre," said Nick.

"That man is you, Sir Pommeraie. I need you to rule over Lancre with the skill and the wisdom that you have shown in Wægn."

"I... I don't..."

"Duke Worblehat-Stein, I gave you the baronies of Thrash and Überskeld to teach you how to delegate and how to rule widespread locations, which you have done marvelously. The people deserve only the best to rule them, which is what you are."

"I am honored sire, if my king believes in me enough to order it I..."

"So ordered."

The shock that the king actually picked him as an heir startled Nick. "I will serve as best as I can."

"You can do it, you've been doing it for ten years," said Verence.

"I'm not a prince, am I?"

"Yes, you are the crown prince, and your title of Duke remains."

"Do I have to wear those tight leggings and those puffy sleeves?"

"Pommy..." the king sighed. He looked and Nick was giving him a sassy grin. "Please say you will do it... for me?"

"Because you asked, and no one else, I will do it. But I beg you to hold out as long as you can, I have a son I need to train to be the duke, I have a daughter to train to be a witch..."

"I think I can give you twenty years," said the King.

Nick realized that he couldn't push back further, this was truly important to the king. "I will be proud to follow in your footsteps, your majesty," said Nick and they shook hands. "Do I have to wear those poofy collars that stick way out and..."

"Pommy!"

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Back at the cottage Nick asked everyone to step outside so he could talk to Octavia alone, even the king and queen stepped outside and sat in the comfortable chairs on the shady porch, enjoying the last warm days of the year. Queen Magrat held Nick's youngest son, Exavier Abraam, named for the two princes lost to the Dungeon Dimension ten years ago. "He's such a happy child!" gushed the queen as she hugged the happy little lad.

"Grandmothers aren't supposed to have a favorite but he's my favorite to hold," said Octavia's mother Jutta. "He just smiles and enjoys whatever you want to do."

"Except nap, I can't put him down for a nap," said Nick's mom Catrin. "I have to wait for him to fall asleep before I can put him down."

"This is such a healing place," said Magrat. "A walk in the woods does Verence and I so much good, and it looks like your own scars are starting to heal. And the story of how you miraculously arrived here in time for Hogswatch four years ago will be told over and over."

"We hope it will be," said Jutta. "We talked with Duke Samuel Vimes and his publisher is going to publish the story in a book with pictures." {Their story is told here without pictures}

Inside the cabin Nick waited for Octavia to wake up from her nap. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I really, really have to tinkle," she said weakly. Nick reached for a pan, but she insisted, "like a person!" He helped her to her feet; she was a bit wobbly, but she made it to the outhouse and Nick helped her arrange herself on the seat. "Do ya mind?" she asked, inferring that she wanted some privacy.

"It's a two holer," and he pulled down his trousers and sat next to her as she did her business. When she was done, he handed her a cloth to clean with gently, he didn't want her to make anything worse with a page from the CMOT Dibbler & Sons Farm and Garden Catalogue then helped her up. She stepped outside and noticed something. She opened the door to the sauna which was right across the little patio from the outhouse and said, "You lengthened the sauna!"

"It's a new sauna, we moved the other one to the bunkhouse for the guys. We'll get the whole family in here including Annette." They had gotten Annette's parents addicted to a hot sauna on a bitter cold winter day so quite often the chief of the Highway Watch and the Chief Detective can be found naked in the steamy heat with the Duke and Duchess of Wægn.

When they got into the house Octavia finally asked Nick, "What is so important? You look like you're ready to burst... or explode."

"The king chose me to be his heir."

"It's about time," said Octavia as she eased back down on the cushions.

"You knew?"

Octavia smiled and kissed his forehead then said, "Silly duke, who else has he been grooming for a decade since they lost the boys? The queen and I talk, he's been so terrified that you would say no that he could barely sleep."

"He knows me. He knows that whatever the king asks, I do."

"He wanted you to want to say yes."

So, you're ok with the possibility of becoming a queen?"

"You have been treating me like a queen for over eleven years, it will be nice to have a crown and a throne."

"You knew this would happen?"

Octavia smiled and pulled him close for a long, loving kiss. "Haven't I been telling you that you're going to be a wonderful king?"

"I thought you were talking about sex."

Nick stepped out onto the porch and was about to say something when King Verence called, "Come join us Prince Pommeraie, we are holding the open court meeting in the Bare Bear pub."

Nick turned back to Octavia and shrugged, holding his hands up helplessly. "Go!" called Octavia from her couch. "Duty calls."

"I'll be back for dinner," he told his family and he climbed into the royal coach, and they rode off.

"Mommeeeeee!" cried Hollie and she dashed into the cottage, "The king is going deaf!"

"What?" laughed Octavia as her children and their grandmothers gathered around her.

"I heard him!" the young witch gasped. "He said that he was so happy that daddy would be his ear."

Octavia thought for a moment then said, "Marlon, will you go out to the bunkhouse and ask Alphie, Bert, and Dexter to join us? They're family, they need to hear this too."

Soon the cottage was packed, and Octavia had the two youngest in her arms, Gwendoline and Exavier. When everyone was comfortable and the adults all had a cuppa, she said, "the king has asked daddy to be his heir."

"That's what I said!" cried Hollie, but Octavia held her hand up to shush her oldest daughter. She pulled her daughter close and gave her a kiss then tickled her.

"He said heir, not ear. In royalty an heir is who you leave your job to when you die. Princess Esme was his heir, but she can't do the job anymore. Prince Exavier died, and we loved him so much we named giggles after him." She tickled Exavier and the tyke giggled and tried to get away but not very hard.

Marlon knew exactly what she meant but he dared to say it out loud. "So, if the king dies, dad will become king?"

"Exactly, when the king dies."

The reactions ranged from squeals of excitement {mostly from Nick's and Octavia's mothers} to actual tears from Hollie. Marlon and Annette clung to each other and shared a quick kiss, the twins were hopping up and down in excitement, but they weren't fully sure what they were happy about. Finally, Alphie stepped forward and said, "your majesty, it's been an honor serving your family."

"You're not going anywhere," said Octavia. "You have proven to be reliable and trustworthy, those are rare commodities, there will be a place for you. The castle has a huge indoor garden, and someone must manage it. There are also outdoor gardens, someone needs to make them beautiful. And when we move out, this cottage will go to Hollie, the farm will go to the duke, the workload will not change."

"And Marlon becomes the duke?" asked Jutta.

"When his father is crowned king," said Octavia with a nod.

"Who will be king after dad?" asked Marlon.

"You, silly!" said Annette with a giggle but Marlon looked terrified.

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"Ena," called Nick, "Do you mind if we hold the royal court meeting in here today?"

Ena chuckled. Nick was a funny guy, aways trying to get her to laugh. She and her dad opened this pub a couple of years ago to give the people of Creel Springs a place to gather and relax, especially in the winter. It was just barely making money, but her dad said "just stay with it. People will catch on and start to hold events and meetings here." Nick was waiting for an answer. "Sure, bring on the kings court," said Ena, "Shall I ask the ruffians to leave?" she indicated several men who had pushed a few tables together and were well into their cups.

"They are the kings court," said Nick.

"THEM?" gasped Ena looking at the half dozen men who have been drinking beer and throwing darts poorly for the past two hours.

Verence and Magrat stepped into the pub and looked around and everyone rose to attention. "Please, as you were," called the king. Verence used to go to pubs quite often when he was learning to be a fool, but Magrat has never stepped into one. Ena whispered to her teenage son, "Go tell your grandpa that the king is here."

"A pint of lager and a glass of red wine for the queen please," said Verence as he leaned on the bar. "And a pint for Nick, he looks like he needs it."

The king called him Nick? She expected the king to call people by their titles. Ena looked at Nick and he looked pale and nervous. "Who are all these people Nick?" Ena whispered harshly.

Pointing around the room, Nick said, "That's Lord Baltimore, he's the Duke of Pellingham, that's Lord Harcourt, he's the exchequer of the kingdom, there's Earl Buckminster Hargrave, he's in charge of national security, the guy with the thin mustache, he's Marquis Nathanaël Cyriaque head of International relations, those guys throwing darts, the one throwing is Lord Vernon Wynne, he's the Prime Minister, and the other guy is Earl Horace Giffard leader of the house of Lords."

"What do you do?" she asked.

Nick pushed his sleeves up his arms, turned his hands over a few times to show that he didn't have anything in his hands, then found a five-dollar coin behind her ear. "I pay for the kings drinks." He put the coin in her hand and went and sat down. She owed him change, but she knew Nick wouldn't take it.

The pub started to fill with locals, they saw the king and queen enter the pub and went over there to see what was going on. It wasn't Friday, the pub served fish and chips on Friday, so what was going on? Preston Prescott heard that the king was in the Bare Bear and grabbed an honor guard of officers and dashed over to the pub to guard the king if needed.

The king rapped his knuckles on the table. "Gentlemen, we are here in the open on the last Thursday of the month so the gods and our people can see us in action. Does everyone have a drink?" all of the lords at the table did, but the king rose and said, "Does everyone have a drink?" Some onlookers said they didn't so the king turned around and slapped a fifty-dollar gold coin on the bar, "Get one!"

The king bought a round! Even Annabelle Prescott, the tiny chief of detectives of the Highway Watch and unknowing future Queen Mum, got a glass of wine. The king insisted that the Watch officers join in, which they did heartily. "Trei? Ena? I insist you join," said the king who didn't know or didn't care about Trei's 'no drinking on the job' rule. 'Well, he is the king,' thought Trei as he pulled himself a pint of Überwald Gold.

Finally, the king rose and lifted his glass and called out, "To the flag of Lancre! Long may she wave over our fair kingdom!"

"Hear hear!"

Lord Baltimore, the senior member of the court stood and held his mug high, "To the king and queen, long may they rule!"

"Hear hear!"

Again, King Verence stood. "To my heir, may he rule bravely and wisely in my stead, hopefully in the far distant future... To Lord Worblehat-Stein, Prince Nick!"

The crowd paused, not sure of what they heard, but Nick's act at trying to look innocent showed those that knew him, it was true. "HEAR! HEAR!" They roared and locals came and patted Nick on the back, shocking the gathered Lords, but this was Nick's village, his friends. He delivered their babies, he taught them to read and write, he nursed their ailing livestock back to health, and he has helped clear their roads of bandits and highway men. He fought off a hoard of dwarves that were trying to gut Bear Mountain and now a profitable mine works the hubward side and is hiring humans.

He was their duke, he was their witch, he was their neighbor, teacher, friend, fellow farmer and tradesman. To the people of Creel Springs, it was a story of 'Local Boy Makes Good,' there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Behind the bar Trei Metsker helped his daughter Ena pour beer and ale, he could only wish that Nick's old friend Sieffre Merrick were still alive to see this, the lad that he made so much fun of was now the crown prince. The old man would never believe it.

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In the fabled twin cities of Ankh-Morpork lies the Unseen University. For 2000 years, the Unseen University has stood as the preeminent facility for the learning and containing of the art of magic. Primarily wizardry is taught, because all other forms of magical use are either handed down, no longer exist, or are for girls. {ew!} The faculty and student body of the university is predominantly {universally} male, because wizardry is a boy's only club.